Friend gave me covid - AIBU about how I feel right now

[aibuQuestion]

Just want to know if I'm overreacting here.

I agreed to babysit a friend's baby for an hour last week so she could run an errand. They came to my house and I kept baby in the sling throughout (baby's happy place apparently).

Three days later I got a call from this friend who had tested positive for covid. The following day I started feeling unwell, a couple of days after that my DC developed a temperature and my DH also started feeling unwell. We got tests and are currently all covid positive.

The friend had said her symptoms started the night after I babysat. So two days before she told me about the test result. I'd seen her DH one of the residential streets here wearing a mask the day after I babysat (so the day of the night her symptoms started) which I remember thinking was odd as literally nobody else was on the road except for me. But maybe a coincidence or he always wears it - as she said symptoms started that night.

If she'd told me when her symptoms had started I would have been way more careful around my DC and DH but as I had no symptoms myself and was unaware of hers, nothing changed. Still cuddling and kissing my two year old, sharing cutlery at dinner, not wiping down handles indoors etc. My DH continued to go to work and saw friends (they all have to self isolate now and one feels unwell). Luckily I knew about the result before going into work that weekend and before seeing my high risk family members. By sheer luck I'd had to cancel a play date the day after I babysat.

AIBU to be very angry that I could have prevented infecting my family?

I don't think she should've told you about the symptoms. We've had symptoms and tests twice now. Negative each time (kids passing other bugs at school). If we told everyone each time this happens - and it's bound to keep happening - that could be a lot of false warnings over a period which could last months to years. It's not fair to worry others with unconfirmed reports, especially when they're already anxious.

[quote SchrodingersImmigrant]@Howlooseisyourgoose is right about the 6 months. It was in the news over last few months[/quote]
If that turns out to be correct then we are in for a terrible winter, everyone who had it in the first wave becoming susceptible again. In London many had it early and any immunity built up from that will all be gone. If so, thank goodness we did not pursue herd immunity through any means other than vaccination.

YABU and wasting your time.

You weren't being that careful if you agreed to look after a baby that wasn't from your own household. YABU.

I think it was unfair of your friend to ask you to babysit, and I would have declined when she asked. I also think she should have contacted you at the first signs of any illness.

I mean I do think you’re overreacting a bit but on the other hand I got sent home from uni with a temperature and had to collect my kids immediately and isolate and order a test. I did so and I also text the three people I had seen in the past week as well as obviously notifying the kids schools that we were isolating. The three friends I text I made clear that I was pretty sure it wasn’t it because I didn’t feel ill but I had a temp and just thought I’d keep them in the loop just in case and luckily I told them 3 days later that my results came back negative. So you aren’t exactly being unreasonable for wanting a heads up from someone who is supposed to be a friend.

So - YANBU. You perhaps felt obliged to help your friend out, think we all have to be stronger at saying ‘no’ - and for good reason. We also should not put other people in an awkward position. We should respect that our personal views on the virus may not be the same our neighbours’/friends’ views. I hope you and your family recover quickly xx

I'm very uncomfortable with the judgement mentality that has developed around coronavirus. All of us have been responsible for passing on viruses, probably hundreds of times in our lives. Every single one of us. Some people in that chain could very have become seriously ill and maybe even died because of the virus that we inadvertently spread. Were we labeled irresponsible murderers for that? No. Its a virus ffs. Its not some sort of moral failing to become infected or to pass it on (unless done deliberately of course). People need to get a grip.

I’ve heard it all now 🙄

I can understand your point that maybe she could have let you know she’d gotten symptoms so you could have been more careful, however it really isn’t her fault! I hope you are all ok OP ❤️

It would have been nice to have been told when she got her symptoms, however she probably felt too poorly. I think your family were bound to get it from you living so closely. Would be silly to get your knickers in a twist about it

OP- You may have given it to her? There’s no way you can tell how you caught it.

She developed symptoms after visiting you. You may just have taken longer to become symptomatic.

When I got tested ( thankfully negative) I got the results in less than 24 hours. Others I know got their result the same afternoon.

Also, from reports I’ve read, very young children are not just less susceptible to COVID-19, but they also are less likely to spread it.

I get it’s annoying, but sometimes we can be pissed off about something while acknowledging it’s no-one’s fault.

There are probably about 3 people in the UK ( all lighthouse keepers) who can hand on heart say there’s no way they’ve passed it to anyone.

Hope you feel better soon

I can understand you’d prefer she told you as soon as she had symptoms. But according to guidance it’s not until she’s had a positive test that she needs to inform you.

Maybe she thought that if the guidance doesn’t tell you to tell people when you first have symptoms then she was reassured by that and didn’t want to worry you unnecessarily.

I don’t know. I can completely understand your upset though. But even if she had told you when she got symptoms and you did your best to avoid contact with the rest of your family it’s entirely possible that you all would’ve caught it anyway.

And as others have mentioned there really is no way of knowing how you caught it.

You’re a good friend to babysit. And I hope you and your family feel better soon.

If you found out your friend had covid after you had looked after her baby, did you self isolate until your symptoms started? Did your children and husband? Because that's what your supposed to do.
IMO YABU.
Lots of people are asymptomatic, there are a lot of cold and flus happening this time of year anyway, perhaps she thought she was just a bit run down. If she hadn't of told you she had a positive result, then you've got a right to be mad.

YABU

YANBU and here's why: the timeline doesn't add up.

1st she would have to have had symptoms for at least 24hrs to think "I think I need a test".

That test would have to be booked, then attended and then you are looking at approx 48hrs to get your result.

This would make the timeline around 5 days not 3. It's been known for results to come back in 24hrs but it's not common.

I think she had symptoms, was tested and THEN asked you to babysit so she could run errands just in case she had it.

This is what I think happened. Can you prove it? No. Can you be pissed off anyway? I would be bloody furious.

In respect to your family: there's nothing you could have done regarding passing it on because you live in the same house and it's that simple. No amount of not hugging or kissing would have stopped them picking it up as it's that virulent.

I would give her a wide berth for a bit.

My cv symptoms developed over a couple of hours. She didn't know, what can you do?

@lucybluebella26 I explained the timeline previously (someone even made a song of it).

She told me Friday (2nd Oct) late afternoon she was positive, and that her symptoms started on the Weds. I went straight home (had been to the pharmacy to collect a prescription just before the call) and that's where I've been for the last 10 days.

You said I'm supposed to self isolate until my symptoms started but that's wrong. You have to self isolate once you've been in close contact with a confirmed case. She only gave my details to track and trace a few days after her result

@FelicisNox thank you. I don't know what to think to be honest! I'm feeling really upset today as my DC isn't eating much anymore so can only imagine this is due to a lack of taste and smell as me and DH have completely lost those senses. It's extremely depressing x

There’s a pandemic, you looked after someone else’s child, your choice and your responsibility. Get a grip!

Our friend told us the moment one of them had a temp. Even though we'd only seen them outside at a distance in a group of six

I really appreciated it and self isolated because it's the responsible thing to do regardless of symptoms.

Once the negative results were in all 6 of us heaved a sigh of relief and got on with life.

[quote aibuQuestion]@lucybluebella26 I explained the timeline previously (someone even made a song of it).

She told me Friday (2nd Oct) late afternoon she was positive, and that her symptoms started on the Weds. I went straight home (had been to the pharmacy to collect a prescription just before the call) and that's where I've been for the last 10 days.

You said I'm supposed to self isolate until my symptoms started but that's wrong. You have to self isolate once you've been in close contact with a confirmed case. She only gave my details to track and trace a few days after her result
[/quote]
Maybe the rules are different in your part of the uk. My DD had a temperature and had to be tested, when booking the test, we were told to contact whoever she had been in contact with and that they should isolate until results came in. As others have also said though, you looked after someone else's child, it was a risk you took and it has resulted in something not so great. Again as mentioned by others, you can't be certain it was her that gave it to you, if you've been out in public it could of come from anywhere, regardless of how careful you've been.
I do hope you all make a speedy recovery but my opinion is still the same.

I don't think YABU - you're not pissed that you caught it from your friend, it's about her but communicating when she had a suspicion. And presumably her DH shouldn't have been out and about if I've understood the timeline correctly.

Think we are sort of agreeing @lucybluebella26 as I've not been out since I got her call - I am saying she should have told me when she was getting the test in the first place given she's a good friend and had literally been in my home the day before.

I like the rules where you are!

Good to hear that @CarelessSquid07A. A few months ago I had the exact situation where one of the girls felt unwell a few days after we had seen each other outside. Luckily all okay that time!