Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend gave me covid - AIBU about how I feel right now

403 replies

aibuQuestion · 10/10/2020 12:52

Just want to know if I'm overreacting here.

I agreed to babysit a friend's baby for an hour last week so she could run an errand. They came to my house and I kept baby in the sling throughout (baby's happy place apparently).

Three days later I got a call from this friend who had tested positive for covid. The following day I started feeling unwell, a couple of days after that my DC developed a temperature and my DH also started feeling unwell. We got tests and are currently all covid positive.

The friend had said her symptoms started the night after I babysat. So two days before she told me about the test result. I'd seen her DH one of the residential streets here wearing a mask the day after I babysat (so the day of the night her symptoms started) which I remember thinking was odd as literally nobody else was on the road except for me. But maybe a coincidence or he always wears it - as she said symptoms started that night.

If she'd told me when her symptoms had started I would have been way more careful around my DC and DH but as I had no symptoms myself and was unaware of hers, nothing changed. Still cuddling and kissing my two year old, sharing cutlery at dinner, not wiping down handles indoors etc. My DH continued to go to work and saw friends (they all have to self isolate now and one feels unwell). Luckily I knew about the result before going into work that weekend and before seeing my high risk family members. By sheer luck I'd had to cancel a play date the day after I babysat.

AIBU to be very angry that I could have prevented infecting my family?

OP posts:
Original poster
aibuQuestion · 11/10/2020 19:48

@winniestone37 read the OP.

OP posts:
catx1606 · 11/10/2020 19:59

You weren't careful, your DH continued to see friends, you agreed to babysit and have a child from another household at your house. If you were being careful, you wouldn't have been doing any of those things. For all you know your husband could have brought it home and given it to you and you could have given it to you. Just do the isolation and if you want to be careful, don't do any babysit or meeting friends. You need to stop trying to find someone to blame and just accept that your family has it and get better

Joodleoodle · 11/10/2020 20:14

She felt ill after you babysat, got a test and unfortunately, she has C19. If she had come back negative and she actually had a cold that she passed on to you, would you still feel this way?

lucybluebella26 · 11/10/2020 20:19

@aibuQuestion

Think we are sort of agreeing *@lucybluebella26* as I've not been out since I got her call - I am saying she should have told me when she was getting the test in the first place given she's a good friend and had literally been in my home the day before.

I like the rules where you are!

They do seem stricter where I am. Obviously it's your friendship so you know her and her behaviours better than any of us could. It also depends on the time she had. When my daughters test was booked we had half hour to make a 25 minute drive, so we couldn't have told anyone in our situation, but we did inform people before we got the results. If you're really good friends I think you need to assess realistically whether or not it's worth losing that relationship. Might be better to wait until you're all recovered though. Could be hard to be rational right now.
MorganKitten · 11/10/2020 20:25

She told you as soon as she knew... you can’t be mad at that.

mylifestory · 11/10/2020 21:27

I agree with OP. A bit suspicious!

LeahWarburton · 11/10/2020 21:58

The Covid incubation period is usually 5-6 days, but in some cases can be up to 14 days (according to www.covid19.govt.nz). So you both most likely already had it when you baby sat.
Hope you all feel better soon.

AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings · 11/10/2020 22:23

@aibuQuestion

The point of my AIBU was I'd have like to have been told when her symptoms developed - not over 48 hours later when the test result came through. I accept I got the infection but if we had been told on the day the temperature and cough developed, we would have isolated from then while waiting for her result.

And I've heard lots of stories where families in the same house have managed to prevent passing on to others.

YANBU - she should have told you from the moment she suspected she had it. However, it probably wouldn't have helped as your family likely caught it from your environment and not you.

I don't think she was being too awful though as I'm assuming her symptoms were probably very mild so took a test on the off chance rather than because she was at Death's door.

If I'm wrong there, she was very unreasonable

CambsAlways · 11/10/2020 22:47

She didn’t know did she, and you took a risk by babysitting her child hope everyone feels better soon

Flamingo30 · 11/10/2020 23:27

Yanbu. She should have told you as soon as she got symptoms.

Inkpaperstars · 11/10/2020 23:40

The friend had symptoms that made her suspect she had covid to the point that she decided to get tested, it's not as if she had no idea and the test results magically arrived.

I would always let anyone I had seen know if I had any symptoms like that. For all I know they could,have been about to visit a very vulnerable relative and waiting for the results could be too late. Obviously it wouldn't be wise to visit a very vulnerable relative after babysitting but it happens. If someone has done you a favour the least you can do is keep them informed. Imo of course.

clearedfortakeoff · 11/10/2020 23:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WaxOnFeckOff · 12/10/2020 00:09

@clearedfortakeoff

Just goes to show all this wiping down of groceries nonsense is not going to protect you if you agree to babysit.
Especially since the actual staff in supermarkets all over the world, working right through the peak of the epidemic, no masks, no screens, touching all the groceries that everyone else was touching etc etc just didn't catch it. All supermarkets had a very low incidence of infection.
MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 12/10/2020 00:16

Wiping down groceries is not nonsense!

It's an extra level of precaution to reduce risk. Those shielding have been advised to do it. Shielding people have caught covid when the only contact has been through food deliveries.

WaxOnFeckOff · 12/10/2020 00:32

Of course it's nonsense, even this most paranoid of government doesn't deem washing groceries necessary.

Stilsmiling · 12/10/2020 00:40

Yes of course she should have let you know. It’s just common sense. Now that you have also tested positive as well as your family it only reinforces your point.

Guylan · 12/10/2020 01:31

In respect to your family: there's nothing you could have done regarding passing it on because you live in the same house and it's that simple. No amount of not hugging or kissing would have stopped them picking it up as it's that virulent.

I am not sure it’s true living together means it’s inevitable everyone will get infected. For example this study says:

“ The estimated overall household SAR (secondary attack rate) was 18.8% (95% confidence interval [CI]: 15.4%-22.2%), which is higher than previously observed SARs for SARS-CoV and MERS-CoV. We observed that household SARs were significantly higher from symptomatic index cases than asymptomatic index cases, to adult contacts than children contacts, to spouses than other family contacts, and in households with one contact than households with three or more contacts.”

Another paper I read said looking at a number of studies household attack rate varied from 4.5% to 49% at the most.

OP, I think your friend should have contacted you when she started to have symptoms knowing you had close contact with her baby.

Quaagars · 12/10/2020 01:34

@Flamingo30

Yanbu. She should have told you as soon as she got symptoms.
She did.
Pancakeorcrepe · 12/10/2020 02:16

I really dislike it when people try to blame other people for catching a cold, a flu or any other virus.

  1. You can’t be sure you caught it from her
  2. You accepted the risk when you baby sat
  3. You seem to be living as normal which is fine, yet you say you are being extra careful
  4. If it was her passing on the virus, she didn’t do it on purpose
  5. Unless the child sneezed or coughed in your mouth, you must have not washed your hands enough and touched your face too much, to still have caught it
Inkpaperstars · 12/10/2020 05:44

@Pancakeorcrepe

I really dislike it when people try to blame other people for catching a cold, a flu or any other virus.
  1. You can’t be sure you caught it from her
  2. You accepted the risk when you baby sat
  3. You seem to be living as normal which is fine, yet you say you are being extra careful
  4. If it was her passing on the virus, she didn’t do it on purpose
  5. Unless the child sneezed or coughed in your mouth, you must have not washed your hands enough and touched your face too much, to still have caught it
OP wasn't complaining about any of those things, just sying she. Ould have been told earlier that friend had covid symptoma and was being tested. That applies however she caught it. I am not sure point 5 is correct either, breathing is likely enough.
notanoctopus · 12/10/2020 05:47

YANBU of course she should have told you.

Original poster
aibuQuestion · 12/10/2020 07:50

@Quaagars read the OP. If you can't be bothered to read it, don't comment.

OP posts:
claireymrsd · 12/10/2020 07:53

The problem here is that you broke the social distancing guidelines by looking after her baby

If you'd followed them and kept 2m away from anyone who isn't in your household you'd be far less likely to have contracted Covid19

Quaagars · 12/10/2020 07:57

[quote aibuQuestion]@Quaagars read the OP. If you can't be bothered to read it, don't comment. [/quote]
You said she started symptoms the day AFTER you babysat and told you accordingly.
So what exactly else did you expect her to f do if she wasn't even showing symptoms when you were there?!

ispepsiokay · 12/10/2020 08:02

I agree that she hasn't given it to you knowingly, but she should have let you know at the point she felt she needed to go for a test

Swipe left for the next trending thread