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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend gave me covid - AIBU about how I feel right now

403 replies

aibuQuestion · 10/10/2020 12:52

Just want to know if I'm overreacting here.

I agreed to babysit a friend's baby for an hour last week so she could run an errand. They came to my house and I kept baby in the sling throughout (baby's happy place apparently).

Three days later I got a call from this friend who had tested positive for covid. The following day I started feeling unwell, a couple of days after that my DC developed a temperature and my DH also started feeling unwell. We got tests and are currently all covid positive.

The friend had said her symptoms started the night after I babysat. So two days before she told me about the test result. I'd seen her DH one of the residential streets here wearing a mask the day after I babysat (so the day of the night her symptoms started) which I remember thinking was odd as literally nobody else was on the road except for me. But maybe a coincidence or he always wears it - as she said symptoms started that night.

If she'd told me when her symptoms had started I would have been way more careful around my DC and DH but as I had no symptoms myself and was unaware of hers, nothing changed. Still cuddling and kissing my two year old, sharing cutlery at dinner, not wiping down handles indoors etc. My DH continued to go to work and saw friends (they all have to self isolate now and one feels unwell). Luckily I knew about the result before going into work that weekend and before seeing my high risk family members. By sheer luck I'd had to cancel a play date the day after I babysat.

AIBU to be very angry that I could have prevented infecting my family?

OP posts:
Weebitawks · 12/10/2020 08:03

Maybe it would have been good for her to tell you when she got symptoms but tbh she might not have been sure and didn't want to worry you. yes it would have been helpful but it does come across that you are annoyed and wanting someone to blame.

Original poster
aibuQuestion · 12/10/2020 08:09

@Weebitawks I'm just getting annoyed at having to point out the actual aibu question now tbh Confused

OP posts:
LovelyIssues · 12/10/2020 08:09

Yabu. You could have even given her the virus and she probably feels awful enough about it.

Original poster
aibuQuestion · 12/10/2020 08:12

@Quaagars

She started coughing and had a temperature of 38 the day after I babysat (which I realise is one of the stupidest things I've ever done).

She didn't tell me until two days later.

OP posts:
RuggerHug · 12/10/2020 08:26

Yanbu but why the hell did you not wear a mask and change/shower/wash your hands as soon as you were home if you had to watch her child while she did something urgent? And where are you that that's considered okConfused. I'm not saying it's just you or blaming you OP but there seems to be way too many people who think it's less contagious than it was in March. She should have said as soon as she had symptoms yes but equally you took the risk. You both have had information about this for months now.

Quaagars · 12/10/2020 08:28

She told you two days after coming down with symptoms then.
Presumably that's after testing positive?
A two day turnaround after getting tested if so.
What would you rather she have done? Told you without testing on the off chance it was just a cold and worrying you unnecessarily?
Doesn't sound like she could have won either way tbh.

WiggleSquiggle · 12/10/2020 08:40

YANBU and she should have informed ASAP, however, if your DC isn’t in childcare, surely they too would have been in close contact during the time that you were babysitting?
And if had already been in close contact with your friend/your friend’s baby, the damage would have been done by the time you would have been told?
I know there is a generally agreed 48hr window of contagion, so if your DC had been around the baby or your friend they would still be highly likely to have caught it. You DH could have been saved the chance, though he’d still have had to SI wouldn’t he?

TheExecutionOfAllThings · 12/10/2020 08:44

There’s some strange contradictions here.

DH has been social distancing everywhere he goes and being very careful but still managed to infect one of his friends easily.

You are so worried about getting it so wipe down your shopping, but still willing to meet (and actually hold a baby from another household for several hours) and then visit your high risk family.

And as above, are anxious about you DC getting it but are still going out on play dates.

There is absolutely nothing you could have done differently to prevent your family getting it if you’d known Weds rather than Friday, so I think her letting you know once she had the positive test is fine - I’m sure she is also aware how very careful you all are so could wait until after the test.

Heidi1976 · 12/10/2020 08:49

If she knew she had it and then asked you to babysit I would think you weren't BU. However, there is a risk for everyone at the moment, so it's on you that you accepted her request to babysit.

My personal opinion is that if your family are in good health generally you will all be absolutely fine anyway.

mummmy2017 · 12/10/2020 09:16

Your allowed to be annoyed, she could have told you she felt unwell, but legally she only told you when she knew, lots of people are scared if anyone "thinks " they might have it and would rather only be told about a positive, do that maybe why.
I bet your husband did not ring everyone he saw to inform them of his test, pre-results.
But now you have had it and I hope your all better, maybe there is a silver lining.

catface1 · 12/10/2020 09:44

How long ago was this ? are you well now ? I had covid for 4 weeks before I could even think to be able to use my laptop so if you are feeling ok just let it go , ps look out for feeling better then getting worse on week 2 .

Original poster
aibuQuestion · 12/10/2020 13:23

@mummmy2017 In fact he did tell everyone he'd seen even before our test kits arrived!

Oh god @catface1 that's something to look forward to! Symptoms have been sort of mild all around (I've been teaching classes online) although the total lack of smell has thrown me into a dark pit (and that only went two days ago).

It's about 8 days since I started feeling unwell and I'm 'allowed out' tomorrow with an okay to try a run - according to my doctor. Really hope we don't start feeling unwell again! How are you now? Can you smell anything again?

OP posts:
MummyofT · 12/10/2020 15:27

Actually @TravellingWanabee I've just tested positive and a runny nose is a symptom.

Letsgetgoing123 · 12/10/2020 15:58

@aibuQuestion

I’m intrigued to know what was the “urgent” errand that your friend needed to do that meant you were asked to babysit?

It’s too late now, but surely it would have been easier for her to just take the baby!

Oneandzero · 12/10/2020 17:37

So odd

I don’t know if unreasonable or not. I suppose so.

But it’s just the way the OP was a dog with a bone trying to get everyone to agree. To what end?

Original poster
aibuQuestion · 12/10/2020 18:24

Nope, I was just trying to get some posters to understand the question...

OP posts:
Shell4429 · 12/10/2020 21:11

I am too afraid of catching COVID I won’t even see my grandchildren. Not since they went back to school, which is IMO the biggest source of infection. I definitely wouldn’t be looking after a baby for anyone. I am aware that all children are superspreaders and wouldn’t take the risk.

Dreamschool87 · 12/10/2020 21:47

@LeahWarburton

The Covid incubation period is usually 5-6 days, but in some cases can be up to 14 days (according to www.covid19.govt.nz). So you both most likely already had it when you baby sat. Hope you all feel better soon.
I was wondering this when I re-read your OP, too.
Gilly12345 · 12/10/2020 22:04

Unfortunately any of us can catch Covid and there is nothing we can do about it apart from following ALL of the advice given, you agreed to help someone out which was kind of you but too bad.

I would move on and look after yourself and your family and stay in as recommended.

Feminist10101 · 12/10/2020 22:09

You are at least partly responsible as you must have been within 2m of your friend, something which should have been absolutely avoidable.

Original poster
aibuQuestion · 12/10/2020 22:19

Day 5 is when I started feeling unwell @Dreamschool87 - good enough for you? That feeling peaked about a day or two later.

OP posts:
Original poster
aibuQuestion · 12/10/2020 22:22

Yes @Feminist10101 as previously stated about 1,000 times that's not the AIBU....

OP posts:
Original poster
aibuQuestion · 12/10/2020 22:23

Meant to tag @Gilly12345 in that too.

Catching it is shit and I made a stupid mistake, that's not the AIBU here.

But I guess pretty much all AIBUs get derailed at some point Hmm

OP posts:
hereyehearye · 12/10/2020 23:30

This reply has been deleted

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Neilyweily · 13/10/2020 00:13

Well it only took 15 pages before someone actually nailed it.

Well said hereyehearye