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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend gave me covid - AIBU about how I feel right now

403 replies

aibuQuestion · 10/10/2020 12:52

Just want to know if I'm overreacting here.

I agreed to babysit a friend's baby for an hour last week so she could run an errand. They came to my house and I kept baby in the sling throughout (baby's happy place apparently).

Three days later I got a call from this friend who had tested positive for covid. The following day I started feeling unwell, a couple of days after that my DC developed a temperature and my DH also started feeling unwell. We got tests and are currently all covid positive.

The friend had said her symptoms started the night after I babysat. So two days before she told me about the test result. I'd seen her DH one of the residential streets here wearing a mask the day after I babysat (so the day of the night her symptoms started) which I remember thinking was odd as literally nobody else was on the road except for me. But maybe a coincidence or he always wears it - as she said symptoms started that night.

If she'd told me when her symptoms had started I would have been way more careful around my DC and DH but as I had no symptoms myself and was unaware of hers, nothing changed. Still cuddling and kissing my two year old, sharing cutlery at dinner, not wiping down handles indoors etc. My DH continued to go to work and saw friends (they all have to self isolate now and one feels unwell). Luckily I knew about the result before going into work that weekend and before seeing my high risk family members. By sheer luck I'd had to cancel a play date the day after I babysat.

AIBU to be very angry that I could have prevented infecting my family?

OP posts:
StellaGib · 10/10/2020 18:59

OP, I kind of agree with you that when your friend developed symptoms, she could/should have let everyone she'd been in close contact with in the last couple of days know. But it's not a huge deal.
Your kid's school or nursery won't tell you every time someone they have contact with develops symptoms unless they get a positive test.

But also you need to take responsibility for yourself - if you are going to put yourself in situations where you could catch covid, then behave as if you might do. Don't have friends to your house and cuddle children for hours, and then visit high risk relatives for example.

I really don't believe that kids on a playdate will be social distancing either.

goldrabbit22 · 10/10/2020 19:13

You can't possibly know that your friend gave you covid!

SomewhereEast · 10/10/2020 19:22

Surely we all have to take responsibility for ourselves. Ultimately any kind of social contact with another person carries a degree of risk...generally a very very small one statistically, even with cases rising. The only thing reactions like yours achieves is to make it harder for people who've tested positive to be open about it - the only T & T approach relies on people voluntarily disclosing all their contacts & some people won' do that if they think the reaction will be "Unclean! Unclean!"

StepAwayFromGoogle · 10/10/2020 19:32

YABU, OP. Your friend had zero way of knowing if it was covid until it was confirmed, and it would jave made no difference. By the time she got symptoms, you'd have already passed it on to your family. Give her a break.

IsurvivedbutdidI · 10/10/2020 19:37

I am not sure you are being fair here. She didn't know she had it when you babysat but soon after she got symptoms and tested and told you as soon as she got a positive test. I don't think there should be an expectation for her to have called you at first symptoms - that's just not a reasonable thing to expect. I myself am very very careful but would not feel annoyed at the friend in this situation as she has not done anything wrong.

Dreamschool87 · 10/10/2020 19:41

YABU for sure.

And - short of moving out - there’s no way you could have avoiding your DC and DH catching even if she had reported her symptoms to you earlier.

Stop being blamey. It won’t help anyone.

Get well soon, though Flowers

JustCurious2 · 10/10/2020 20:49

YABU OP

Ireolu · 10/10/2020 22:14

No idea why you are having a hard time in here. Your friend was in the wrong. She had symptoms and shd have isolated with her family until she got her test results even if she hadn't been tested when you met to get her child to babysit. She broke the rules and now you and your family are unwell. I would be pissed.

Notanotherwooname · 10/10/2020 22:18

It’s unlikely she gave it you - the timescales are very short

Ireolu · 10/10/2020 22:18

I have clearly read this wrong. She could have told you are developing symptoms. But that's what track and trace are for though right?

laidbacklife · 10/10/2020 22:23

YABU. If you’re so high maintenance about it all then you should be shielding. You’re all ok after all.

Mimishimi · 10/10/2020 22:54

YABU

Cassilis · 10/10/2020 23:24

@Notanotherwooname

It’s unlikely she gave it you - the timescales are very short
Yes OP why are you assuming you got it from her. Maybe you have it to her? You could have been incubating for far longer.
Cassilis · 10/10/2020 23:24

yes I'd have isolated from my child, she was premature and I've not quite got over that (as you may be able to tell).

Why would you invite people into your home then?!

ZombieFan · 10/10/2020 23:48

Lets look on the bright side, you will get the virus over with, can go back to living a 'normal' life and stop living in fear. It will be a big relief.

Howlooseisyourgoose · 11/10/2020 00:13

@ZombieFan except apparently immunity only lasts 6 months apparently! I had CV19, thought I was done with it, but I can get it again so can’t be complacent.

ZombieFan · 11/10/2020 00:32

@Howlooseisyourgoose
I will take six months immunity, maybe enough time to get a vaccine!

Inkpaperstars · 11/10/2020 00:49

[quote Howlooseisyourgoose]@ZombieFan except apparently immunity only lasts 6 months apparently! I had CV19, thought I was done with it, but I can get it again so can’t be complacent.[/quote]
Oh dear, I think I had it about 6 months ago. Couldn't get tested back then. I haven't assumed any immunity but was hoping it might give me some protection if I'd had it. Where is the 6 month figure from?

ZombieFan · 11/10/2020 02:06

Howlooseisyourgoose just made it up?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 11/10/2020 08:23

@Howlooseisyourgoose is right about the 6 months. It was in the news over last few months

PrivateD00r · 11/10/2020 08:48

OP I expect she didn't want to worry you unnecessarily as she probably realises that the vast majority of tests are negative. You sound incredibly anxious (I don't know of anyone who washes down shopping and won't bring post in??) so I guess she thought it best to only tell you if you really needed to know and avoid that torturous wait for her result.

I am however interested in the timeline, you say friends she visited the previous weekend were positive, when did she become aware of their results - before or after you babysat? If she had been aware of that yet went out and asked you to babysit, I would be incredibly angry - otherwise, she did nothing wrong, sorry!

Howlooseisyourgoose · 11/10/2020 08:51

@SchrodingersImmigrant thank you Smile

PrivateD00r · 11/10/2020 09:05

Sorry op I meant to also write in my post that I genuinely don't believe for a minute that you would have refused your dc cuddles just because your friend had mild symptoms, you sound far too nice to do that.

cansu · 11/10/2020 09:13

YABU
Your friend did not know she had the virus but now you are trying to make out that she might have had symptoms. It is no one's fault. This kind of blame game is ridiculous and pointless.

JacobReesMogadishu · 11/10/2020 09:16

Yes she should have told you when she got symptoms not waited for the result. Which is what a friend of mine did for me.

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