AIBU to not understand getting marrying years after having kids and living together

[Lcats]

What I really mean here is please help me understand. I just have never been exposed to this in real life. However I keep coming across such threads on mumsnet.

What I don't understand is - surely raising your child(ren) together is the ultimate commitment. So for people who marry say five years after having two children - does it nevertheless signify a new step in the relationship? Or is it merely a delayed celebration of the fact that you are already de facto married?

Among my friends those to whom being married mattered for whatever reason married before having kids, or after falling pregnant or having their first child. I have a few friends to whom being married never seemed to matter so they live together for years without. So I have no one to ask in everyday life.

I actually think the claim that having a child is the ultimate commitment for a couple is quite damaging. It's similar to the concept of a "Band-Aid baby" (hate that expression!). It's the sort of thinking that results in women getting pregnant because they think it'll move the relationship on to the next level, or make their partner stay with them.

I also can't understand why so many women are shocked when they have a baby with a man and he doesn't propose. It's 2020! The stigma against having a child out of wedlock is largely gone. A man isn't going to propose because there's pressure on him to do the "honourable" thing, or because he doesn't want his child to be picked on for being a "bastard". Those days are over.

@Nicknamegoeshere, your grandfather sounds like a wonderful man.

Yes, it really is. It has become the MN version of marriage is just a piece of paper.

Just wondering if any of the people who have gotten married after a long time with kids already have gone on to have any more after being married?

I can’t decide if we should.

We did it because it was piss easy to sign the paper to give legal access to bank accounts etc without having to make a will and think about "what if both of us die." Or having to get proof of executor status to access funds. It felt imperative given a death in the family leaving someone up shit creek. We didn't tell anyone because we don't consider ourselves "married". We didn't 'have a wedding celebration'. It was a legal requirement worthy of nothing more that announcing a car insurance renewal.