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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell my mum this white lie

135 replies

Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 09/10/2020 07:07

DS started reception this year and my mum picks him up twice a week and looks after him while I work.

This is all wonderful and I totally appreciate it except for one thing she’s got into the habit of taking him a chocolate bar everyday day and literally shoves it in his hands while the teacher is handing over. So he now asks everyday for chocolate in the playground.

Aibu to tell her that there has been a schools reminder that “healthy snacks only in the playground” to discourage her - or could this back fire.

I’d talk to her but I don’t want to upset her, she’s a fab granny but habits like the one she’s building are the reason I was a fat child and a fat adult Sad

OP posts:
JollyAndBright · 09/10/2020 07:10

I think you’d be better just talking to her and explaining why you don’t like it and asking her not to.
Because otherwise she will just wait until the are at the school gate to give it to him and that won’t solve your problem.

misskatamari · 09/10/2020 07:18

Ideally I think it's best to just tell her not to do it, although you know her and if this is going to cause upset and bad feeling then maybe the white lie would help. Like the previous poster says though, nothing will stop her then giving it at a later point, so if it's the unhealthy snack habit you want to stop, i think ultimately you will have to explain that.

Optimist1 · 09/10/2020 07:19

I agree you should tell her why you're not comfortable with this, but suggest that it's a once-a-week treat instead?

MasksGlovesSoapScrubs · 09/10/2020 07:20

Just talk to her.
Not quite sure you can blame your mum for being a 'fat adult' though. Unless she was force feeding you chocolate.

slipperywhensparticus · 09/10/2020 07:21

Habits learned in childhood are hard to break in adult life

Somethingkindaoooo · 09/10/2020 07:22

" we are cutting back on sugary snacks , so no more after school chocolate. Thank you so much though"

Thisisnotnormal69 · 09/10/2020 07:24

@MasksGlovesSoapScrubs

Just talk to her. Not quite sure you can blame your mum for being a 'fat adult' though. Unless she was force feeding you chocolate.
@MasksGlovesSoapScrubs of course upbringing and parents approach has a big impact on how you think about food..? If you’re taught something is normal for a young age or to get comfort from it then that’s often how you carry on
Tomatoesneedtoripen · 09/10/2020 07:26

was she like that when you were a child op?

Tomatoesneedtoripen · 09/10/2020 07:27

oh sorry, missed your point about fatness.

yes be strict about healthy eating op.

BuffaloCauliflower · 09/10/2020 07:29

Just tell her no. I think there’s a danger in making chocolate a ‘super special treat food’ because that just makes us all (adults and kids) want it more and puts it on a pedestal, but it doesn’t need to be every day and it doesn’t need to be shoved into his hand before he’s even left school.

possumgoddess · 09/10/2020 07:34

I agree that habits picked up when young carry on into adult life. In my case it was habit picked up in my young adult life that persisted... I married and had my children very young and we were very badly off, so hardly had money for food let alone treats of any other kind. So when we did have a few extra pennies any treat we had was food as we had to eat anyway. My subconscious now associates treats with food and it is one reason why I find it really difficult to lose weight. In my mind it's not just food I am depriving myself of - it is any enjoyable treats. I agree that it is not good for a child to be able to associate particular situations with sugary snacks. The odd piece of chocolate is ok, but not on a regular basis or it is much harder to stop it when needed.

emilyfrost · 09/10/2020 07:38

YABU to lie to her. Just tell her the truth.

She isn’t the reason you were overweight as an adult though; we all have personal responsibility and you can’t blame your parents once you’re an adult. Yes of course, events in your past and your upbringing can affect you, but it’s all about how you deal with it.

Original poster
Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 09/10/2020 07:39

@Tomatoesneedtoripen

She was exactly like it when I was a kid. Food equals love to her.

I don’t blame her for being a fat adult btw what I put in my mouth is my issue but I just want him to grow up healthy without all the food hang ups.

It’s just so public and gross eating in the playground, I hate that he might be judged and we might be judged as irresponsible.

OP posts:
Original poster
Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 09/10/2020 07:40

And ironically one of mine and mums “dates” is a trip to Slimming World every week

OP posts:
RationalOne · 09/10/2020 07:41

Why don't you just say straight why you don't want him to have chocolate every day - is it so difficult?

peachypetite · 09/10/2020 07:41

I would be honest and say he’s asking for chocolate on days she isn’t there and you don’t want to encourage it.

MzHz · 09/10/2020 07:42

Please just tell her the truth, that he’s seeing her as a chocolate bringer and not his grandmother

And he’s expecting it now.

Ask her to look at getting healthy snacks and wait till he’s on the way home, not in the playground

It does help.

Thisisnotnormal69 · 09/10/2020 07:45

Do you worry that if you just say to her “please can you not do that” she won’t agree and will keep doing it?

Clymene · 09/10/2020 07:47

You need to tell her. Say that school don't allow it and that you'd rather he have a healthy snack because you want him to have a healthier relationship with food than you do.

Beamur · 09/10/2020 07:47

As it's only twice a week, I wouldn't try and stop her, but I would say to your son that the chocolate is a treat from Granny and is not a daily occurrence. You can do much more by influencing his behaviours and expectations. Your Mum is probably a lost cause!

SpeckledyHen · 09/10/2020 07:47

Tell her the truth and say that you don’t want him to have go to slimming clubs or diabetic clinics.

icelollies · 09/10/2020 07:51

Just tell her the truth otherwise she may give it to him anyway - perhaps sneaking it to him , or giving it as they leave the playground?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/10/2020 07:52

of course upbringing and parents approach has a big impact on how you think about food..? If you’re taught something is normal for a young age or to get comfort from it then that’s often how you carry on

No - that's how you carry on until you learn otherwise and change your eating habits.

Of course it isn't easy - if it was the diet industry wouldn't exist - but it just takes 3 months to develop a habit, and that includes a good eating habit. I've been there myself and yes - I still crave chocolate etc like an alkie craves the bottle, but you lose your taste for it and when you do have a little it really isn't the same at all.

The longer you ignore it, the better things go, As an adult you'll never lose weight if you don't take responsibility for your own diet - your mother doesn't stuff a bar of chocolate into your hand now.

I'm with MasksGlovesSoapScrubs on this one.

Difficult - yes
Impossible - no

Florencex · 09/10/2020 07:52

I think you should just tell her, your white lie would just lead to her handing over chocolate at another time.

dontdisturbmenow · 09/10/2020 07:53

This was me as a child. My grandmother picked me twice a week and would always have an apple and bar of chocolate for me when picking me up. I never did when my mom or someone else did. I quickly learned that this was treat that came with my grandma only and it quickly filled me with lovely memories.

I've never been fat as an adult. I don't have massive memories of my grandma because she sadly died when I was young and I only saw her on these days, so these memories are special.

Don't tell her to stop,just ask that she wait until they've passed the playground.