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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell my mum this white lie

135 replies

Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 09/10/2020 07:07

DS started reception this year and my mum picks him up twice a week and looks after him while I work.

This is all wonderful and I totally appreciate it except for one thing she’s got into the habit of taking him a chocolate bar everyday day and literally shoves it in his hands while the teacher is handing over. So he now asks everyday for chocolate in the playground.

Aibu to tell her that there has been a schools reminder that “healthy snacks only in the playground” to discourage her - or could this back fire.

I’d talk to her but I don’t want to upset her, she’s a fab granny but habits like the one she’s building are the reason I was a fat child and a fat adult Sad

OP posts:
Chewbecca · 09/10/2020 08:44

The white lie won’t work, it’ll just postpone the fudge 10 mins.

You need to be honest & say ‘we’re only having chocolate twice a week and after a meal’ or whatever. No need to be critical of her parenting if you.

nongnangning · 09/10/2020 08:49

Could you persuade your mum to downgrade the whole bar of chocolate to say 1 Minstrel or 3 Smarties? That way she still gets to give her granny treat but its smaller. I know this doesn't solve the problem of your DS asking for chocolate on other days ...

billybagpuss · 09/10/2020 08:50

Honestly this is a small price to pay and your ds will remember it when he’s older with affection. Have you asked her not to give him chocolate? If she’s still insisting let it go, but try and gradually retrain her into waiting until he gets home.

silverbubbles · 09/10/2020 08:56

Why don't you suggest something different for her to give him. One of those fruit bars.

AgentJohnson · 09/10/2020 09:02

Start as you mean to go on, tell her the truth that it’s not a healthy habit.

mumtotc · 09/10/2020 09:03

My Nan collected me from school and every day she would bring sweets and I'd have a glass of coke with dinner back at hers. I was not overweight as a child and I'm not as an adult, however, I did have to have two rotten teeth removed aged 7!

Tell her politely, but firmly, that whilst you appreciate the gesture, treats will need to be saved for Fridays only.

Suzi888 · 09/10/2020 09:03

Blame it on the teacherWink

ravenmum · 09/10/2020 09:20

Like you say, times have changed, she knows that. We're a lot more aware of our diets than we were ten, twenty, thirty years ago. When I was in school we'd stuff ourselves with crisps and sweets and it was considered totally normal. It isn't today. I don't see how this is much different to the other things you mentioned - talc and whatnot.

millymae · 09/10/2020 09:21

In many ways - it’s what granny’s do. If it is only twice a week then it won’t do him much harm so long as it’s just a small bar.
I’d be interested to know what she gives him when they get home though. I wouldnt be quite so laid back about the chocolate if she’s filling him up with biscuits and cakes.
If I were you I’d tell her nicely that you don’t really like him having chocolate straight after school as he’s come to expect it every day and this is not something you want him to have all the time. You could suggest she varies what she takes - a nice apple perhaps or a fruit bar (although I don’t imagine they are much better for him in calorie terms)
If you haven’t already I’d have a chat with your son too and tell him that when granny brings chocolate it’s just a special treat from her and if you gave him similar then granny’s treat wouldn’t be special anymore - you never know it might just stop him pestering you.

BigFatLiar · 09/10/2020 09:26

If she wants to give him a little treat after scholl could you ask her to give him a piece of fruit? A small banana perhaps.

similarminimer · 09/10/2020 09:28

Sounds like it is the 'shame' rather than the food that is bothering you.

Hylyma1234 · 09/10/2020 09:37

I don’t see a problem with this, it’s 2 days a week of his school week but if your child is overweight and you’re concerned and aiming to lead a healthier life for him, then just ask her politely that you would prefer she didn’t give him a chocolate bar but any other healthy snack will suffice, or supply her with healthier snacks to give to him but I assume she does this because she likes the enjoyment he gets from receiving a chocolate bar after school.
I bring my two children a packet of Iced Gems every time I pick them up from school.

HunkyPunk · 09/10/2020 09:41

I think pp are right that a fudge twice a week is not going to do any harm if your dc is a normal weight and has an otherwise healthy diet. Isn't it easy enough to say "chocolate is a treat from Granny" when he asks for it on other days?

What's coming through from your posts, though, is that you're almost more concerned about people judging what your Mum's doing, than you are about what she's actually doing. If your entire family were thin as rakes, would you be as worried about a small bar of chocolate twice a week? I think maybe if you struggle with your weight, (as I do) it has made you very self-conscious about being seen to be doing the 'wrong' thing (eating snacks, puddings etc. or giving them to your children).

If you would feel better about it, ask your Mum to give him his snack when they are walking home, rather than immedately he comes out. I don't see any harm in saying that the school don't encourage sweets and chocolate on school premises, because I'm sure that's true. I don't suppose your Mum is the only one who brings an 'unhealthy' snack btw. and you can shut down any potential judginess by making a big thing of handing over a pot of celery and carrot sticks to ds on the days you pick up!

S111n20 · 09/10/2020 09:42

I don’t see a problem with a chocolate bar after school. Specially as it’s only twice a week. When your son asks you just tell him that’s nanas little treat for him not everyday. My mum used to always bring us a treat after school as the excitement was something else 😂

JinglingHellsBells · 09/10/2020 09:44

You need to be honest with her. If she ever babysits she might feed him all kinds of crap and you can't use school as an excuse.
Any decent grannie should know daily chocolate is a bad idea and most schools do forbid sweets etc as snacks.

JinglingHellsBells · 09/10/2020 09:46

I think a lot of posters have misread the OP.

This is not about fudge or sweets twice a week, it's about chocolate very day when he goes into school, so she says in her first post unless I've misunderstood.

JinglingHellsBells · 09/10/2020 09:47

she’s got into the habit of taking him a chocolate bar everyday day and literally shoves it in his hands while the teacher is handing over. So he now asks everyday for chocolate in the playground.

It's EVERY DAY not when she collects him!

PandaCub7 · 09/10/2020 09:47

Be straight with her and say that chocolate is only a once a week treat. You don’t want your DC to eat chocolate everyday. However, you can’t blame her for you being a “fat adult.” As an adult, you make your own choices.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 09/10/2020 09:49

I think it might be easier to frame it as being about teeth. If you say you are worried about cavities (especially if dental services are limited at the moment in your area) then it might be easier to get the message across.

ClaireP20 · 09/10/2020 09:52

Personally I wouldn't bother saying anything. A 4 year old in reception will soon burn off those calories, trust me. It's only a chocolate bar twice a week. It's different if she gave him a can of coke or a chocolate bar everyday of course! But a little bar of chocolate won't lead to him being a fat kid. Let them have this little treat between them. When you pick him up, just say 'no darling, that's your treat you have when nanny picks you up'. They are always ravenous when they come out of school anyway, so make sure you take him something. What he's really saying is 'I'm starving..feed me..'.
I take mine a 'Goodie' bar (you know the kids little granola bars?).

Mrsjayy · 09/10/2020 09:52

Just say mum we are cutting down on sweets can you just give him his chocolate on a Friday or whenever.she might be miffed tut about "in my day" but just stay strong.

Hylyma1234 · 09/10/2020 09:54

I think a lot of posters have misread the OP.

This is not about fudge or sweets twice a week, it's about chocolate very day when he goes into school, so she says in her first post unless I've misunderstood.

The Grandma picks him up twice a week and looks after him those two days his mother works.

The poster has said he asks for chocolate everyday but she didn’t say she gave him chocolate.
I’m assuming if the poster is giving him chocolate on those three days she collects him, then that makes her even worse and contradicting.
I’m also confused about how she knows the grandma shoves it in his hands as soon as the teacher hands him over, unless she’s there every time the grandma picks him up but she said she works those two days?

S111n20 · 09/10/2020 09:56

Op is it just the 2 days she picks him up she gives him chocolate or does she go along everyday ?

Mrsjayy · 09/10/2020 09:59

It is 2 days of chocolate and 3 days of mummy where is my chocolate .

Itsabeautifuldayheyhey · 09/10/2020 10:02

I'd just talk to her and insist that she doesn't do it because you don't want your child to be a fat child like you were. If she won't agree not to, then you will have to stop her picking him up.
I also suggest you talk to your son about keeping safe and not having secrets from you in case she does it and asks him to keep it a secret.