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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell my mum this white lie

135 replies

Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 09/10/2020 07:07

DS started reception this year and my mum picks him up twice a week and looks after him while I work.

This is all wonderful and I totally appreciate it except for one thing she’s got into the habit of taking him a chocolate bar everyday day and literally shoves it in his hands while the teacher is handing over. So he now asks everyday for chocolate in the playground.

Aibu to tell her that there has been a schools reminder that “healthy snacks only in the playground” to discourage her - or could this back fire.

I’d talk to her but I don’t want to upset her, she’s a fab granny but habits like the one she’s building are the reason I was a fat child and a fat adult Sad

OP posts:
Holiday21plea · 09/10/2020 13:08

@peachypetite

I would be honest and say he’s asking for chocolate on days she isn’t there and you don’t want to encourage it.
Yes I think this. Just be honest OP.
Mrsjayy · 09/10/2020 13:37

I didn't see the public and gross comments op that is your issue not your 4 year old enjoying a freddo twice a week.

deste · 09/10/2020 13:49

Why don’t you leave something healthy for him with your mum and say this is what he has to be given.

Original poster
Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 09/10/2020 13:51

Just to clarify she collects him twice a week and brings the fudge on every occasion. So now on the other 3 days a week the first thing DS asks is “have you brought me some chocolate?”

I do have an issue with food still but I don’t have an issue eating in front of others and I’ve been really careful to comment on food in a neutral way with no good or bad foods.

It’s the habit building when it’s not necessary that really bothers me.

OP posts:
PineappleUpsideDownCake · 09/10/2020 14:00

Just say its a granny thing then?

ZebraSpotts · 09/10/2020 14:28

Tell her it's led to daily requests.
And adk if she can take him nothing or an apple/satsuma/carrot sticks instead

ginsparkles · 09/10/2020 14:46

I honestly wouldn't worry about a finger of fudge twice a week. DD's nanny gives her a little pack of haribo every Friday. It's not something I get worked up over. It's something nanny does but not something I do, she's learnt the difference between pick up by me, Gran and Nanny. Nanny is the only one who brings sweets. I would simply explain that's something Nanny does, but he will have his tea when he gets home. As for what anyone else things, meh, I wouldn't bat an eyelid at a kid being given some chocolate by a grandparent at pick up time.

FrodoFeet · 09/10/2020 15:36

I wouldn't be happy about this either - the sugar, the regularity of it leading to him having an expectation of chocolate, and the immediacy of it after school, rather than a structured healthy snack when he gets home. I'm an advocate of how French families eat, which is everything in moderation, healthy structured meal and snack times at the table and rarely out and about - and in French culture it would be unthinkable to shove chocolate in a child's hand on school pick up. They generally end up with a very good relationship with food and as a nation their obesity levels are incredibly low and life expectancy high.

I would just be honest and tell her. Your his parent.

Mrsjayy · 09/10/2020 15:44

French children also dip pastry into hot chocolate at breakfast so you know swings and roundabouts Wink

CheetasOnFajitas · 09/10/2020 15:53

@Allmyarseandpeggymartin

Just to clarify she collects him twice a week and brings the fudge on every occasion. So now on the other 3 days a week the first thing DS asks is “have you brought me some chocolate?”

I do have an issue with food still but I don’t have an issue eating in front of others and I’ve been really careful to comment on food in a neutral way with no good or bad foods.

It’s the habit building when it’s not necessary that really bothers me.

You said earlier that you find public eating “gross” and it’s a big issue here. So how does that square with you now saying you don’t have an issue with eating in front of others?
CheetasOnFajitas · 09/10/2020 15:55

@FrodoFeet

I wouldn't be happy about this either - the sugar, the regularity of it leading to him having an expectation of chocolate, and the immediacy of it after school, rather than a structured healthy snack when he gets home. I'm an advocate of how French families eat, which is everything in moderation, healthy structured meal and snack times at the table and rarely out and about - and in French culture it would be unthinkable to shove chocolate in a child's hand on school pick up. They generally end up with a very good relationship with food and as a nation their obesity levels are incredibly low and life expectancy high.

I would just be honest and tell her. Your his parent.

I’m sorry, that is nonsense. I was an au pair in France and the after-school “goûter” is a cultural institution. It’s usually bread with Nutella on it. It may be eaten at home rather than on pickup but I guarantee you that your average French kid eats a sweet snack after school every day.
Mrsjayy · 09/10/2020 15:59

Nutella in the afternoon nesquick in the morning those French kids are mainlining Chocolate Grin

CheetasOnFajitas · 09/10/2020 16:00

@Holiday21plea
A chocolate bar twice a week by your gran is a lot.

It’s a Finger of Fudge. Have you seen how small they are? There is no way that it is a problem for a child to eating two of them a week. I agree that chocolate every day is too much and the expectation of that should be curbed but, come on, you’re not seriously against 2 mini chocolate fingers a week?
(Easter and Christmas must be a hoot in your house).

AmIACowBag · 09/10/2020 16:06

She only picks him up twice a week OPlet her crack on. My uncle used to bring me choc and sweets (always one of each) every week plus my mum would get us bags of penny sweets every week plus other junk and I was a size 8 until my son was about 11 years old and I got old, so i don't think 2 choc bars a week will make him obese.

AmIACowBag · 09/10/2020 16:08

I would never collected my darling nephew from school empty handed 😂

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 09/10/2020 16:15

So. I had exactly this issue with my mum and she absolutely refused to listen to me and I even caught her giving my DC a mars bar in bed!!!! when she thought I'd already left. In the end I couldn't trust her to supervise them alone.
I bet if you emailed the head and said "Would it be OK if carers/parents give their children chocolate at pick up time?" It would be a resounding no.
So I would do both.
I would say that the school encourages healthy eating (true) and chocolate at pick up does not come into that category (also true) and you don't want them complaining about it as it causes issues with the other children etc
then I would go on to have a talk to her asking her to bring other things like a satsuma or a small toy because of the daily expectations. Because if she won't listen to you on this, then there are other things she wont listen to you on and you need to be firm from the start. This is your child and things have changed since you were a toddler. Its not the once or twice a week , its the fact that he now has a daily expectation and it makes it difficult when you pick him up and want him to have a healthier relationship with food.

WoobyWoo · 09/10/2020 16:21

I quite often take mine a snack for the walk home as that tends to be the time we all have an energy dip before dinner time so it perks them up a bit and staves off the crankies. If you don’t want him to have it then just say only Grandma brings chocolate and it’s down to a once or twice a week treat rather than every day.

LindaEllen · 09/10/2020 16:23

If you said that, she'd just wait until they were out of the school gates and then give it to him anyway.

Be honest.

Say you're trying to cut back, and maybe suggest snacks she could take for him instead.

This thread has reminded me that my gran did exactly the same every time she picked us up, bless her :).

Moonshinemisses · 09/10/2020 16:33

Time with Grandma Isn't about following the rules it's about fun & treats.

Bbq1 · 09/10/2020 16:37

It's twice a week. That's all. If it was daily maybe you'd have an issue but why can't your dm give her gs a little treat twice weekly?

Sparklybanana · 09/10/2020 16:43

All these posters who say "just tell her" must have very understanding parents and in laws. My mil is generally great but I have not yet persuaded her not to buy my kids soooo much crap as she thinks it's her perogative to buy them anything she wants. We've asked her and sometimes she sticks to it and most times she'll sneak in something without our knowledge. I would 100% tell a white lie as that is the only way!

RaaRaaeee · 09/10/2020 16:46

Its only a couple of times a week, I wouldn't bother possibly upsetting my mum over over it. Just limit chocolate elsewhere if your worried- your son will cherish those memories one-day!

FinallyHere · 09/10/2020 16:48

What would it take to bribe your child to say no thank you ?

Would be totally worth it.

Mrsjayy · 09/10/2020 16:52

*What would it take to bribe your child to say no thank you ?

Would be totally worth it.*

Probably a twix!

emilyfrost · 09/10/2020 16:55

@FinallyHere

What would it take to bribe your child to say no thank you ?

Would be totally worth it.

If you have to bribe your own child then you’ve failed somewhere in parenting.