AIBU to tell my mum this white lie

[Allmyarseandpeggymartin]

DS started reception this year and my mum picks him up twice a week and looks after him while I work.

This is all wonderful and I totally appreciate it except for one thing she’s got into the habit of taking him a chocolate bar everyday day and literally shoves it in his hands while the teacher is handing over. So he now asks everyday for chocolate in the playground.

Aibu to tell her that there has been a schools reminder that “healthy snacks only in the playground” to discourage her - or could this back fire.

I’d talk to her but I don’t want to upset her, she’s a fab granny but habits like the one she’s building are the reason I was a fat child and a fat adult

@Sparklybanana

All these posters who say "just tell her" must have very understanding parents and in laws. My mil is generally great but I have not yet persuaded her not to buy my kids soooo much crap as she thinks it's her perogative to buy them anything she wants. We've asked her and sometimes she sticks to it and most times she'll sneak in something without our knowledge. I would 100% tell a white lie as that is the only way!

Not really, and both grandmothers in particular would buy endless plastic tat (MIL) and endless sweets (DM), but I have been repeatedly very direct with them about it. We recently moved to the same country as them, and I think they're still behaving as though DS only visits them a few times a year rather than several times a week (well, Covid depending). We're living in a temporary rental with no space for random toys he plays with once, and he has the appetite of a baby bird, so while I absolutely don't ban treats at all, DH and I very conscious that he needs to be hungry enough at meals to eat more than a couple of bites, so sweets etc are for afterwards. And I'd rather he had sugar in the form of cake or something where he's getting in eggs and butter etc as well as just sugar.

And no, I won't resort to white lies. Why would I pretend that some external authority has arbitrarily forbidden sweets/toys, when it's 100% DH and me?

Why is everyone incapable of speaking to people especially their own family?
Next time your DS asks you just say ‘no that’s gran that brings chocolate’
Two little fudges won’t make him fat, it’s clear you’re protecting your problems with food onto your wee boy.

Depending on how far he's got to go back to her/your house, a small snack after school may well be welcome. It will have been a long time since lunch for a small child. If it's not far, that can wait till he gets home, but a snack at the school gates is fine and definitely won't be remarked/commented on as gross by other parents or teachers, it's perfectly normal. However, it's obviously right to insist that this be a healthy snack. Maybe you could pack him something, or make specific suggestions (in case your mum associates snacking = chocolate) to make it easier - if your mum has got into a habit of a particular chocolate bar, she might need a few pointers as to what else is a good substitute. If she's showing love through feeding, she might enjoy making 'fun' snacks (smiley face shapes etc.).

As a pp said, if you lie about the school banning it, she'll just keep it for outside the gates, that won't solve the underlying issue.

Try not to project your own feelings of it being gross to eat in public onto him.

I have to say, this all sounds like a replay of my own childhood though! Granny would always bring kit kats or an iced bun once or twice a week. There were me, my siblings, and a set of cousins all in the same school, but everyone wanted to be part of our family the days Granny came! My Mum also doesn't approve of eating in public and didn't like it, but Granny never stopped.

@CheetasOnFajitas Frodo mentioned the after school gouter in their post though, and said that French children always have an after school snack- the key being at home and not on the street or in the playground. Also "everything in moderation".

[quote WoodlandGirl]**@CheetasOnFajitas* Frodo* mentioned the after school gouter in their post though, and said that French children always have an after school snack- the key being at home and not on the street or in the playground. Also "everything in moderation". [/quote]
Yeah but she suggested it was a healthy snack. It’s frequently stale white bread smothered in Nutella. What science says that good is more unhealthy/calorific if eaten while walking?

And bloody hell, if two Fingers of Fudge a week is not “in moderation”, what is?!

Right. Had a chat with mum and said I was concerned about his teeth, especially with the Covid situation and not knowing when we will get a dental check up (thanks to the poster that suggested that) I also said it’s probably not brilliant eating anything in the playground when DS has not been able to wash his hands beforehand with all Covid cases.
I finished it off with “and not sure if you knew but sweets and chocolate are banned on school premises” (Checked the policy earlier and they aren’t allowed in lunch boxes)

She was fine about it, rolled her eyes a few times and made a couple of comments about “poor kids not getting dental care/treats” and then a chorus of “isn’t this coronavirus situation awful” and then was fine so hopefully I’ve nipped it in the bud

Well done OP!

@DuckbilledSplatterPuff Thank you

Oh great op