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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really angry that seeing my parents is illegal?

675 replies

Snailsetssail · 08/10/2020 21:26

My area is very likely to be locked down next week. I am so furious that it’s going to be against the law for me to see my parents, and my children to see their grandparents. We did lockdown properly last time, it was absolutely awful. My mental health plummeted and I don’t think I can do it again. I rely on support from family and friends.

Just feeling so incredibly angry about it all tonight. Poor people in Leicester have lived like this for 100 days so far with no end in site.

I’m so fed up and I know I’m going to be told to just get on it it. But I just need a space to vent.

OP posts:
PennyDreadfuI · 09/10/2020 07:38

@Flaxmeadow

One of the most ridiculous comments I've seen recently was

"I'm bored of this now"

Bored. Like a pair of primark shoes or a jacket potato

People are allowed to be bored.

They're also allowed to be upset, angry, confused, scared and lonely.

Don't tell people how they're supposed to feel, that there's a right way and a wrong way to feel about the situation.

PennyDreadfuI · 09/10/2020 07:42

This thread scares me

Me too. It shows that the 'buying Easter eggs or hairdye makes you a granny murderer' crew from March/April are still very much with us and are as vocal as ever.

Can't wait to be hauled over the coals for chucking Christmas crackers and Bailey's in my trolley.

MassDebate · 09/10/2020 07:49

My grandad died in July, alone in hospital having not seen most of his family since March. He had told us he felt there was nothing left to live for. I massively regret not breaking the rules to see him during that time.

I now have no elderly relatives left but I wouldn’t abide by the rules again if I did.

JeanClaudeVanDammit · 09/10/2020 07:52

Me too. It shows that the 'buying Easter eggs or hairdye makes you a granny murderer' crew from March/April are still very much with us and are as vocal as ever.

I know, people “flocking” to the beaches kept them busy with outrage over the summer but now they’ve come back for those who find not seeing their family a bit depressing. Don’t we know there’s a virus?!

I do wonder how many of the vociferous lockdown supporters are actually living under these restrictions and how many are still under the rule of 6 anyway.

gluteustothemaximus · 09/10/2020 07:53

I don't know. It might be helpful to people with narcissistic arseholes for parents, looking for excuses not to see them Grin

lighthearted

Brockwell · 09/10/2020 07:59

Not RTFT.

I'm in London. Despite there being no lockdown comparable with the North, I am frustrated because I can't see my Dad or my brother because both are immuno-suppressed. My Dad had major surgery recently but I've had to make do with phone calls to find out how he and Mum are coping. However, they live in the Midlands. I also cannot see one of my friends because they are shielding a family member. I miss all of them, very much.

countrygirl99 · 09/10/2020 08:09

My father is 93 and extremely frail. Even without Covid he may well not see Christmas, just last week I had to talk to mum about preferences for end of life care. My mum is 82 and is struggling to cope with knowing that soon she is likely to lose her husband of 62 years. Like fuck am I staying away and not hugging them. To do so would be totally inhumane.

bookworm14 · 09/10/2020 08:12

I’m sick of this. People are allowed to be bored, or lonely, or angry, or frustrated, or whatever they fucking well like, without being harangued by the cat’s-bum mouthed Covid police. This is a public forum and it’s not up to you to tell people how they should feel.

I cannot currently visit my 97-year-old grandmother in her care home, and there’s a good chance I won’t see her alive again. The home runs Skype calls but they’re useless as the connection is poor and she’s deaf. I haven’t seen my sister and niece since January and as they live in Ireland I have no idea when visiting might be possible again. My niece is growing up without me. Singing has been a huge part of my life since childhood (I currently sing with a large London choir) and that has been taken away indefinitely. No singing at Christmas for me seems unbearably bleak.

Yes, I know these are minor problems in the scheme of things, and I’m lucky to be healthy and still have my job and not to have lost anyone to Covid, etc etc. I am following the rules. But I AM ALLOWED TO BE SAD AND FED UP, and so is everyone else on MN who has expressed similar views.

tactum · 09/10/2020 08:15

Well all of you saying you're not going to stop seeing your family just be prepared for the consequences. Can you live with the thought of being a healthy asymptomatic person passing it on to an older/vulnerable relative?? I couldn't, and I say this as someone with a terminally ill brother and mother.

tactum · 09/10/2020 08:16

And I hate the fucking government and being told what to do

Mittens030869 · 09/10/2020 08:17

I’ve been suffering with long Covid; I’m improving but some days I can barely get out of bed. It really isn’t just about the risk of dying. So I can understand the need for some restrictions.

However, I also see the effect of the restrictions on my DDs (11 and 8), who already have attachment issues because of being adopted. We’re in Leeds where we’re now under extra restrictions. It was heartbreaking yesterday to hear DD1 say that she wanted us to move to where her Grandma lives, in a village in Worcestershire, so that we can visit her, as there are no restrictions there.

It’s so hard on them not being able to visit friends and family. Sad

tactum · 09/10/2020 08:19

And bookworm14 I am really fucking fed up too - I miss my family and my social interactions have stopped pretty much. I drift about feeling helpless a lot of the time and am more depressed than ever. It's really really crap

countrygirl99 · 09/10/2020 08:20

@tactum the worst that can happen for my dad is that he dies a few weeks earlier instead of being stuck in his chair, in constant pain and heartbroken he can't see the people he loves. And I think my mum would rather die of Covid than face the inevitable bereavement alone. So yeah, I'll take that risk.

Sunshiney1981 · 09/10/2020 08:24

@tactum
Thing is I am seeing my parents because they want to see me and their grandchildren.

It’s their decision. My in-laws feel the same. They want to take the ‘risk’. They feel that their lives are empty without indefinitely seeing their family.

tactum · 09/10/2020 08:25

Of course individual extreme circumstances mean people will make decisions themselves, I don't doubt that and would probably do the same myself, but if the general attitude on here is prevalent then we really have to accept herd immunity and not complain about paying the price for it

Longwhiskers14 · 09/10/2020 08:28

@Frappuccinofan

One of my best friends lives in Leicester and has been seeing her friends and family as normal 🤷🏼‍♀️ She visits her vulnerable nan at a distance, but she’s definitely had dinner out with the rest of her family (she doesn’t live with them) and has visited her friends in different cities etc. I’m under the impression that no one is policing this
The fact it's not being policed doesn't make it okay though. It's "I'm alright, Jack" behaviour like this that means the rest of the poor sods in Leicester and other high-risk areas who ARE following the rules have to stay in lockdown for longer, because the infections are still rising. I appreciate there are other issues at play here, including cultural ones, but until people actually start following the rules and take this pandemic seriously, we (and I mean us all as a nation) are going to be stuck in this shitty depressing cycle until next summer or until a vaccine is approved, whichever comes first.
JeanClaudeVanDammit · 09/10/2020 08:33

until people actually start following the rules and take this pandemic seriously, we (and I mean us all as a nation) are going to be stuck in this shitty depressing cycle until next summer or until a vaccine is approved, whichever comes first.

How can people say that with any confidence though? Compliance with the first lockdown was really high, for a really long time. Despite media reporting, the vast majority did follow the rules. And yet as soon as these were relaxed a bit, the viruses is spreading again. Not just in Britain but across Europe. So say everybody stays indoors alone and the virus dwindles. The second things are eased it will spread again. And then what, we all spend another 6 months of life locking down again? And then again? Blaming and scapegoating other people for a virus doing what a virus will do is letting the government off the hook and is straight from the right-wing playbook.

RufustheSniggeringReindeer · 09/10/2020 08:34

I’m sick of this. People are allowed to be bored, or lonely, or angry, or frustrated, or whatever they fucking well like, without being harangued by the cat’s-bum mouthed Covid police. This is a public forum and it’s not up to you to tell people how they should feel

I agree

Its like with the masks.....say you didn’t like them and all hell broke loose, the fact that you were diligently wearing them was completely immaterial

JeanClaudeVanDammit · 09/10/2020 08:36

People are allowed to be bored, or lonely, or angry, or frustrated, or whatever they fucking well like, without being harangued by the cat’s-bum mouthed Covid police.

Absolutely. I am following the fucking rules, probably better than most of them but I don’t have to be happy about it. My mental health has plummeted but I’m supposed to just suck it up or I’ll kill their granny? Fuck that.

00100001 · 09/10/2020 08:37

@Youngatheart00

This thread is exactly why the police are going to have to start enforcing much more strongly than they have to date. Half the people sensible. The other half “oh it won’t matter if I see me nan” 🙄
Bit how will they police this??
HogwartsForever11 · 09/10/2020 08:39

You're not unreasonable, everyone can feel however they want to and it's shit for everyone, but in some ways you're lucky to only be getting locked down now and have had an extra few months of being able to see your parents.

I live in an area that's been on lockdown since July and cases are continuing to rise and rise.
That said, where I am it's illegal to meet in houses/private gardens and advised not to meet in restaurants, bars etc, but that does leave outdoor public places if you are able to go for a walk together? But I know the rules are different everywhere!

Mittens030869 · 09/10/2020 08:40

Its like with the masks.....say you didn’t like them and all hell broke loose, the fact that you were diligently wearing them was completely immaterial

^This with bells on. I wear the damned things wherever I'm supposed to, but I'm apparently not allowed to moan about the fact that my glasses get steamed up?? There's no law about having to enjoy wearing them, is there?? Hmm

Agneslizzy · 09/10/2020 08:41

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Sunshiney1981 · 09/10/2020 08:44

@JeanClaudeVanDammit

Very good post. I agree,

And there is no ‘I’m alright Jack behaviour’ on here. Everyone on here has repeatedly stated they are following rules, have been extremely ‘compliant’ but will break one rule to see beloved parents. That’s what this thread is about. The anger at not being able to see our own parents 😠

They aren’t refusing to wear masks, refusing to SD, they aren’t having parties, play dates or dinner parties. Indeed most of us are wfh and getting shopping delivered and have NO life.

midgebabe · 09/10/2020 08:46

The virus didn't get properly suppressed in the summer hence the rebound

It didn't get fully suppressed Because we went into lockdown so late , because people didn't believe it was really a problem till nurses were sobbing and dying , so people and the economy got fed up/destroyed before levels were low enough for our pathetic test and trace system to work ..,and we forgot about the supported and enforced isolation side

Catalogue of disasters caused in essence by the high levels of individuality in rich western societies where people value themselves and their families and their freedoms much higher than society