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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really angry that seeing my parents is illegal?

675 replies

Snailsetssail · 08/10/2020 21:26

My area is very likely to be locked down next week. I am so furious that it’s going to be against the law for me to see my parents, and my children to see their grandparents. We did lockdown properly last time, it was absolutely awful. My mental health plummeted and I don’t think I can do it again. I rely on support from family and friends.

Just feeling so incredibly angry about it all tonight. Poor people in Leicester have lived like this for 100 days so far with no end in site.

I’m so fed up and I know I’m going to be told to just get on it it. But I just need a space to vent.

OP posts:
LST · 09/10/2020 08:47

We're not in lockdown again here yet. But we will continue to see my parents. I rely on them for childcare anyway

PhilCornwall1 · 09/10/2020 08:50

There's no law about having to enjoy wearing them, is there??

What you are meant to do is bleat on about how you are proud to wear one, as you are doing it selflessly for the good of everyone else.

You must also say this at every opportunity and tell the people who dare to say they don't like wearing one that they are selfish.

WokesFromHome · 09/10/2020 08:51

I get it OP, it's shit. I am not going to say YABU or anything. I can't stand these people who are the Covid-Police and making a very difficult thing even worse.

The thing is though that we have to get on with it. You have a choice. You can either let it bring you down or you can come out of it stronger. You can see that it is getting to you, so you need to act now to save your mental health and get through the next few months. A bit of a cliche but look at what you can control and throw your efforts into that. You say you need support, so make sure your relatives can access Zoom or whatever so you can call them up in person and get their help. This is better than nothing. Also, start looking after yourself. As the mother and general rock of the family, your mental health and well being are very important. Get your ducks in order to make the next few months easier.

I have spent a lot of time on my own over the years and so this pandemic has not had a massive effect on me as I have had the training for it. I get a bit down but then have things in place to pull me out of it e.g. exercise, yoga and doing nice things for me.

purpleflowers7 · 09/10/2020 08:55

I'm in a local lockdown area and like a lot of people I haven't not been abiding by this and I have been seeing my close family.

toconclude · 09/10/2020 08:57

@Lostinacloud

Not going to be told to just get on with it by me. In fact I am willing the whole of the UK population to stop just getting on with it and to push back against this control by fear. How dare any government tell any free individual that they are not allowed to see their own family. I actually cannot believe that people are willingly accepting this no matter what is going on.
Hmm
Mimishimi · 09/10/2020 09:01

Fur ihre sichersheit

tactum · 09/10/2020 09:02

So you are all prepared to accept herd immunity then? Because that is the consequence.
I hate the government and hate being told what to do but I don't just go about my normal life regardless

JeanClaudeVanDammit · 09/10/2020 09:06

I don't just go about my normal life regardless

I don’t know about you but my normal life consisted of a lot more than this. If I continue working from home, getting online deliveries, walking instead of taking public transport, not seeing friends or extended family, not taking holidays or day trips, not going to cafes, pubs or restaurants or leisure facilities BUT we decide the lesser of two evils is to see my mum in a ventilated space at a distance - on what planet is that “going about my normal life regardless”?

bellinisurge · 09/10/2020 09:08

I'm in greater Manchester. The being treated with contempt like an inconvenient piece of shit by this Government is what is getting to me.

movingonup20 · 09/10/2020 09:11

@Longwhiskers14

There's no way I'm not going to see my kids because idiots insist on having "family gatherings" (the culturally sensitive term for 100+ parties) on the other side of town. If my dd was 9 months younger she would be covered by the kids can see both parents rule but because they technically live with their dad I'm meant to have not seen them since late March except at a distance??? Well they came to stay with me in university holidays to my new house. I know I'm in an unusual situation in that my divorce etc was happening at the same time but it annoys me when people from far away from Leicester think they can dictate what you can do when the rate where my old house was 4 per 100,000 in July and was only 7 per 100k last time I looked. Grouping whole cities together when it's certain neighbourhoods in trouble is so unfair. We all knew it was the huge eid gatherings that caused it because we saw them happening out and about (neighbours had a marquee and dozens of guests in May)

Marmitecrackers · 09/10/2020 09:12

YANBU and I understand your anger. I'm not sure I'd comply to be honest because there's only so much you can take

Only so much you can take? FFS, people love a drama. you are being asked to stay in your warm cosy home, you can go for walks, bike riding, visit a sodding national trust garden. You can get food delivered or you are allowed to go to the shops. You can video call family and friends.

It's not the way a lot of people any to live but Christ, just get on with it. There are few things you can't do really in the scheme of life.

Meet with friends for a nice walk if you can't see them inside (if that's allowed in your area).

Cruachan31 · 09/10/2020 09:13

@whattodo2019

Suck it up!! How can we ever move forward it everyone refuses to abide by the rules.

Lots of people are struggling. But we have technology at least, to connect us with our loved ones. We have online shopping...

Come on, we need to pull together

^^ This. Yet again the number of people on Mumsnet that say they don’t care about the rules appalls me! It is because of people like this that the rules have to be tightened again! @whattodo2019 has got it spot on. The technology we now have allows us to speak and see our loved ones, rather than put them at risk by insisting personal contact!

Yes, I get it that you want to see your parents/grandparents, and it really is hard, but do you really want to elevate the risk of them contracting Covid and dying?

By the way, if you break the rules and your loved ones catch Covid and die, don’t blame the Government. It will be YOUR fault! Perhaps if more of you had stuck to the rules in the first place, we wouldn’t have this Virus escalating again, and tougher sanctions necessary!

The ones I really feel sorry for are the doctors and nurses, who have to risk their own lives treating patients like those on this thread, who just don’t care enough about others to comply with the guidelines!

JeanClaudeVanDammit · 09/10/2020 09:16

Perhaps if more of you had stuck to the rules in the first place, we wouldn’t have this Virus escalating again, and tougher sanctions necessary!

Hi Mr Hancock!

PennyDreadfuI · 09/10/2020 09:18

Yet again the number of people on Mumsnet that say they don’t care about the rules appalls me! It is because of people like this that the rules have to be tightened again! @whattodo2019 has got it spot on. The technology we now have allows us to speak and see our loved ones, rather than put them at risk by insisting personal contact

People desperate to spend time with terminally ill grandparents or those struggling with MH issues aren't the reason we are where we are. EOTHO, people returning from holidays, and schools and universities returning at the insistence of a government who declared all this safe despite repeated warnings are the reason we are where we are.

No amount of Facetime or emails will provide care for elderly relatives or those who live alone and haven't had human contact in months. Banning support bubbles is unthinkably inhumane and will leave millions of people vulnerable through the coldest, loneliest months of the year. Surely you can see that?

JeanClaudeVanDammit · 09/10/2020 09:19

The ones I really feel sorry for are the doctors and nurses, who have to risk their own lives treating patients like those on this thread, who just don’t care enough about others to comply with the guidelines!

DB is an anaesthetist, he’s literally one of the people putting patients on ventilators. He’d fully support breaking one rule to see my mum, in the safest way we can (eg outdoors, masks). Because he also sees people die every day from all the other things that can kill us and almost all of them wish they’d been able to see their loved ones more.

Codexdivinchi · 09/10/2020 09:22

Yes, I get it that you want to see your parents/grandparents, and it really is hard, but do you really want to elevate the risk of them contracting Covid and dying

How the fuck can sitting at the bottom of some ones path elevate the risk of some one dying but playing rugby doest?

People can see these rules don’t make sense and that’s why they don’t believe in them.

The only thing that works is SD, not masks or hand sanitizers. So sitting at the bottom of someone’s path so they can human contact for half an hour should not be illegal. There will be people on this thread saying ‘follow the rules! Whilst they happily wear masks that are not 100% effective and probably spreading it themselves Confused

PennyDreadfuI · 09/10/2020 09:24

@Marmitecrackers

YANBU and I understand your anger. I'm not sure I'd comply to be honest because there's only so much you can take

Only so much you can take? FFS, people love a drama. you are being asked to stay in your warm cosy home, you can go for walks, bike riding, visit a sodding national trust garden. You can get food delivered or you are allowed to go to the shops. You can video call family and friends.

It's not the way a lot of people any to live but Christ, just get on with it. There are few things you can't do really in the scheme of life.

Meet with friends for a nice walk if you can't see them inside (if that's allowed in your area).

Lots of people don't have 'warm cosy homes'. Or access to a bike. Or are able to use public transport to get to a sodding national trust garden. Lots of people can't afford the technology required to video call loved ones, or are confident/able to use it. Some people can't leave the house and rely on others for support.

If you're in a tier 3 area, from Tuesday there'll be no support bubbles. No contact with anyone, for any reason.

Lockdown is fine and dandy if you've got a lovely cosy home, a garden, a car to get to sodding national trust gardens, the technology to stay in touch with loved ones and nobody vulnerable in your life you need to take care of. If you live in a tiny sixth floor flat with DC and no outdoor space a s you're on UC because you lost your job due to covid and you're terrified that your elderly mum won't survive winter without your support, not so much.

SnackRussell · 09/10/2020 09:25

I think those who are saying “suck it up” aren’t seeing the dark side of this with the mass unemployment, livelihoods being destroyed, businesses closing, kids not being allowed to sit exams, people living in fear and time ticking away for many who aren’t able to see loved ones.

But each to their own I guess.

Stay cosy people! Hmm

FizzyGreenWater · 09/10/2020 09:30

This government have only got themselves to blame for the way people feel about the notion of 'supporting what the government thinks is best'

There is no trust in their ability to manage. There is no trust that any of them genuinely have citizens' best interests at heart, and there is bitter cynicism as a result of the utterly stupidly obvious 'one rule for us, another for them' attitude they've displayed at EVERY opportunity - from Donimic Cummings to grouse shooting.

It doesn't even GET to the question of whether or not Johnson and chums are taking the right approach, because for far far FAR too many people the instant answer is 'Go fuck yourselves' before that's even considered. And it's entirely their own fault.

We're obeying rules in general simply because we're doing our best for our own sakes to isolate, and don't have difficult decisions to make there - no elderly parents we care for or relatives who need support. But if I did? I'd weight up for myself what I considered best and most safest to do and what Boris Fucking Twatjob thought of it and what new law he'd decided to write on the back of a fag packet that day would be the absolute last consideration in mind. And no, I would be delighted to refuse to pay any fine - fine Cummings first, oh and your dad, thanks.

Codexdivinchi · 09/10/2020 09:31

Doesn’t *

edgeware · 09/10/2020 09:33

If I’d followed the rules and advice I wouldn’t have seen my grandmother before she died. Not of covid! So honestly they can fucking stuff it. I’m not going to have a a year of my 2 year old not seeing any grandparents, life is too short. I am also due to go into labour soon and we will need them to look after him whilst I’m in hospital. So it would be nice if DC actually knew who they are.

Funkypolar · 09/10/2020 09:33

Just wait until unemployment hits 20%...people will stop obeying the roolz very quickly when they are hungry and homeless...

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 09/10/2020 09:35

The technology we now have allows us to speak and see our loved ones, rather than put them at risk by insisting personal contact!

Not everyone has or can use the technology to see their loved ones and a phone conversation is no substitute for seeing someone in person.

PandaCub7 · 09/10/2020 09:35

[quote Snailsetssail]@Elsewyre I would gladly pay the fine but am worried about the criminal record as my job relies on a clear DBS.[/quote]
You’re not going to get a criminal record for allowing your parents to play with their GC in their garden/the park. Almost everyone’s mental health and physical health (as doctors only seem to be concerned about covid19...) has worsened, for some people their condition has worsened dramatically. Lockdown is killing more people that it is “protecting” us.

PowPurry · 09/10/2020 09:36

@Natsel84 I’m so sorry.
I’m so fucking angry for you. I hope he’s home soon. Flowers