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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be really angry that seeing my parents is illegal?

675 replies

Snailsetssail · 08/10/2020 21:26

My area is very likely to be locked down next week. I am so furious that it’s going to be against the law for me to see my parents, and my children to see their grandparents. We did lockdown properly last time, it was absolutely awful. My mental health plummeted and I don’t think I can do it again. I rely on support from family and friends.

Just feeling so incredibly angry about it all tonight. Poor people in Leicester have lived like this for 100 days so far with no end in site.

I’m so fed up and I know I’m going to be told to just get on it it. But I just need a space to vent.

OP posts:
Flaxmeadow · 09/10/2020 13:20

Devlesko We were told in March it was for 2 weeks,

No we were not told that at all. We were warned repeatedly since March that this could last over "18 months" and that we would have rolling lockdowns

no respite for us in the NW.

The north west is no more important than anywhere else under restrictions

The science isn't even making sense.

Science is saying the only option at the moment is lockdowns

Go to work, go shopping, go to the pub, go to school.

You could still go shopping. Primary schools I think yes should stay open. Pubs are not a priority

Don't see any member of your family, or mix households, even with people you have been with all day.

You can see anyone outside

It's control bollocks and some people can see this

It's about saving services. Why would any govt tank it's own economy for no good reason?

zigaziga · 09/10/2020 13:23

As a parent of someone who is recovering from covid, believe me, you'd be a sight more anxious if you or a family member caught it
I assume you don’t just mean caught it though, you mean caught it and was unfortunately one of a fairly small proportion of people that is actually seriously ill with it? Because I know a lot of people who have had confirmed cases and had classic symptoms myself in March (when next to no one was tested) and it doesn’t make me terrified to step outside my house.

The bit that confuses me really with the idea of stopping seeing all elderly or vulnerable people (whether they want to or not!) is that a lot of old people in the end die of things brought into their house by others (or caught in hospital) - the flu, Norovirus, Pneumonia etc - so I don’t understand why we would then go back to seeing them after the initial first / second / third wave of Covid had died down and perhaps we even have a vaccine that reduces the chance of catching it by another 40% or so..? Or are some risks ok and some aren’t?

I’m not saying life should be “as normal” and I will accept certain restrictions to protect the NHS but cutting out all unnecessary human contact seems madness.

Devlesko · 09/10/2020 13:27

Flax

I can't see anyone outside other than my dh who I live with. Can't even meet my gc in the park.
I don't believe any of this bollocks, hospitals are empty, HCP twiddling their thumbs trying to find things to do to occupy their time.
You believe any old shit Grin

onedayinthefuture · 09/10/2020 13:28

It's really not right that seeing your family is illegal just because you 'might' have a virus, if you had said virus you wouldn't be contagious for over 6 months either like they'd have us believe!!

MrsMcMuffins · 09/10/2020 13:31

What is it with all the fake news and conspiracy theorists on this thread? What exactly do you think is the governments plan? Lockdown for fun?

ToffeePennie · 09/10/2020 13:34

@MrsMcMuffins In my case I firmly believe the government have no idea what it’s like for those of us physically living through lockdown after lockdown with no money coming in and no chance to get through it. I honestly think they have an “I’m all right jack” attitude to lockdown, the same as many people in this thread seem to

MissEliza · 09/10/2020 13:36

Do you understand I want a functional NHS. We don't have one right now. We have a national COVID service. We've had to go private twice already this year in order to get our dcs treated. You try call our GP and it just rings out. Dh can't get the flu or pneumonia jabs he's entitled, so will have to look for a private one. We pay a shit load of tax

Daisychainsandglitter · 09/10/2020 13:37

I'm in a lockdown area and whilst we aren't having friends round, my children are still seeing their grandparents on a Saturday afternoon for a few hours.
I have complied with all rules up until this point but I am not going to stop seeing my family.

Flaxmeadow · 09/10/2020 13:37

Devlesko
I can't see anyone outside other than my dh who I live with. Can't even meet my gc in the park.
I don't believe any of this bollocks,
hospitals are empty, HCP twiddling their thumbs trying to find things to do to occupy their time.
You believe any old shit grin

The restrictions cannot be made for every individuals personal circumstances.

There is nothing in the rules to stop anyone seeing 5 other people in a park, as long as you social distance if from another household

BRI, a large hospital in West Yorkshire is telling people, on social media and in the press, to stay away because they have a high number of new covid patients

I believe this is an extremely serious situation and that the lockdown measures are to stop services, especially health services, being overwhelmed.

borntohula · 09/10/2020 13:41

@Flaxmeadow

Devlesko We were told in March it was for 2 weeks,

No we were not told that at all. We were warned repeatedly since March that this could last over "18 months" and that we would have rolling lockdowns

no respite for us in the NW.

The north west is no more important than anywhere else under restrictions

The science isn't even making sense.

Science is saying the only option at the moment is lockdowns

Go to work, go shopping, go to the pub, go to school.

You could still go shopping. Primary schools I think yes should stay open. Pubs are not a priority

Don't see any member of your family, or mix households, even with people you have been with all day.

You can see anyone outside

It's control bollocks and some people can see this

It's about saving services. Why would any govt tank it's own economy for no good reason?

That just goes to show how ignorant and self absorbed you are. I can't see my mum outside, she can hardly fucking move because cancer has destroyed her. She might die before I can ever hug her again.
Flaxmeadow · 09/10/2020 13:42

We don't have one right now. We have a national COVID service. We've had to go private twice already this year in order to get our dcs treated. You try call our GP and it just rings out. Dh can't get the flu or pneumonia jabs he's entitled, so will have to look for a private one. We pay a shit load of tax

I have called my GP, twice since March. Once in April and once a couple of weeks ago. I got thought to the receptionist straight away and on both occasions my gp rang me back within 2 hours

You suggest the NHS isnt functioning. So why make it worse. If the virus is not controlled, we won't have a health service at all. It would collapse under the amount of dying and ill

Frazzled2207 · 09/10/2020 13:43

Feel exactly the same. I’m not actually so fussed about seeing my parents (difficult relationship) but they have a very good relationship with my dcs and I think it is WRONG in every level for that to be denied. My df is clinically vulnerable but is is perfectly capable of making his own risk assessment. He’s not seen anyone else the whole time other than my dm. He knows there’s a risk in seeing the children but he should be trusted to make his own decision IMO.

There’s a lot of other restrictions that could be put in place. To say we can’t see our parents all winter is going to make a lot of people very cross indeed.

MustStopSnacking28 · 09/10/2020 13:44

I am in a local lockdown area and have followed the rules until now. However my dad has pancreatic cancer now, caught very late, and likely only has a few weeks left. So I don’t really give a flying fuck what they say on Monday for the big announcement - I will be visiting him and spending what time I can with him even though I know it will be against the rules.

countrygirl99 · 09/10/2020 13:44

@borntohula that's so tough. Ignore the smunts on here.

borntohula · 09/10/2020 13:52

@countrygirl99 thank you

@MustStopSnacking28 virtual handhold because i know how shit this is Flowers

Shopkinsdoll · 09/10/2020 13:52

I’m from central Scotland, pubs shutting at 6pm and no alcohol in restaurants, I think not sure, I don’t go out much anyway. I went to my mum and dads yesterday. Put my mask on and went inside. We have followed the rules up to now, but standing in the garden in the cold and rain is a no no

Frazzled2207 · 09/10/2020 13:53

@MustStopSnacking28
I’m sorry and I would absolutely be doing the same

wanderings · 09/10/2020 13:54

I am glad to see the tide is turning somewhat from the mania of "you are a granny killer if you buy milk" mindset that it was earlier this year, when the populace succumbed to Saint Boris's brainwashing; but there are still plenty of lockdown zealots around. The legacy of lockdown is going to be MUCH greater than the legacy of the virus.

Lockdown for fun?
Yes. He keeps saying "I don't want a lockdown": double bluff. Saint Boris has too much pride to admit "lockdown was an extremely expensive mistake which isn't solving anything", so he's pretending it is having the right effect, so he can say he was right all along, and his merry men are inventing whatever figures they can to back it up. And yes, it's obvious that numbers are being invented. A basic example is the way positive results (which may be false) are consistently referred to as "cases".

We were told in March it was for 2 weeks.
Then it was "we can turn this around in twelve weeks".
Then it was "normalish by Christmas".
Then it was "six months of restrictions yet" (September).
What will it be next March?
"Pleeeeeeeeeease, I'm begging your patience for just another twelve months, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease."

This is why many of us are simply not buying the "it won't be forever" message, whether it's from Saint Boris, or the lockdown zealots of Mumsnet. This is why many of us do not see an end in sight, so we want to think "fuck the roolz", which look as if they were chosen by picking things out of a hat. The government have proved, time and time again, that they don't have a clue. They are putting all their energy into appearing to do the right thing, and pitting groups of the public against each other, to deflect attention from themselves. Some of the public are seeing through this.

It's time that the clowns in Whitehall threw their hands up, admit they got it wrong about lockdown being the answer, admit that it has caused massive irreversible damage, work out how to live alongside the virus (protect the vulnerable and allow the rest to carry on as normal). Of course, they're not going to do that: they're going to keep muddling through, praying that numbers eventually go down, so they can say "we cured Covid... but we're still imposing massive restrictions on you, just in case".

We have a much bigger problem than the virus; and that is that large sections of the public are blindly believing all the shit the government and the media throws at them. The sooner people realise this, the better.

Devlesko · 09/10/2020 13:56

There is nothing in the rules to stop anyone seeing 5 other people in a park, as long as you social distance if from another household

Can you tell the Police then because they are fining us round here, as it's against the law.

MustStopSnacking28 · 09/10/2020 13:56

Thank you @Frazzled2207 and @borntohula I feel I have followed to the letter so far and I am not going in any bars/pubs/restaurants or even work. Once the inevitable happens I will go back to following the rules but for now I have to see my dad.

MissEliza · 09/10/2020 13:58

Good for you @Flaxmeadow. Why make it worse?! What kind of question is that? We don't have a functioning health service because there is a single minded obsession with COVID. Thank god we have private insurance but we shouldn't have to resort to it.

Flaxmeadow · 09/10/2020 13:58

Can you tell the Police then because they are fining us round here, as it's against the law.

Which law?

Devlesko · 09/10/2020 14:01

You must not meet people you do not live with in a home or garden. Households within a bubble can still visit each other, stay overnight, and visit public places together. You are advised not to socialise with people you do not live with at any public venue - inside or outside - including cafes, pubs, shops and parks. You should not visit friends or family in care homes, other than in exceptional circumstances.

There is a difference between "Must not" and "Advised not to"

Flaxmeadow · 09/10/2020 14:02

Why make it worse?! What kind of question is that?

I was replying to a post

We don't have a functioning health service because there is a single minded obsession with COVID.

Because covid is the biggest threat to our health services, and not just health services either. If covid is not controlled then out health services will collapse. Not just for covid but for every other medical treatment as well

Thank god we have private insurance but we shouldn't have to resort to it

Congratulations, but not everyone is in a position to afford that

Devlesko · 09/10/2020 14:04

So as I do not live with two of my grown up dc, I can't see them. I suppose we could meet in a pub, unless they close those on monday.
I'm missing my gc so much. We are thinking of going over tomorrow, even if we just see from the garden.
Trust us to get fined though, ds1 neighbour isn't nice.