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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be really angry that seeing my parents is illegal?

675 replies

Snailsetssail · 08/10/2020 21:26

My area is very likely to be locked down next week. I am so furious that it’s going to be against the law for me to see my parents, and my children to see their grandparents. We did lockdown properly last time, it was absolutely awful. My mental health plummeted and I don’t think I can do it again. I rely on support from family and friends.

Just feeling so incredibly angry about it all tonight. Poor people in Leicester have lived like this for 100 days so far with no end in site.

I’m so fed up and I know I’m going to be told to just get on it it. But I just need a space to vent.

OP posts:
JenniferSantoro · 09/10/2020 11:39

@DerbyshireMama

Just go and see them. I have generally followed the rules but no government is going to keep me away from my family. I am saddened that so many people are willingly letting that happen. Not on my Nelly.
That’s all well and good until one of them gets Covid. I speak from experience of currently being very unwell with it. I’ve been extremely careful, wear a mask when out, social distance etc. I’ve absolutely no idea where I’ve picked it up. Clearly I’ve not got a bad case of it as I’m at home, but I feel very unwell. Part of the problem is that people could be asymptomatic and spreading it around unknowingly. It’s not about doing what the government say, it’s about being a responsible human being. Don’t you worry about all that though, as long as you get to see your family eh?
LindaEllen · 09/10/2020 11:41

I'm in the same situation in Liverpool, it's been this way for a couple of weeks now, and now our restrictions have been tightened again which means that not only can I not see my parents, but I also can't attend my hobby, which had just been permitted to start up again safely.

What's worse is that my parents are split but still get on, and my dad has bubbled with my mum and brother - so there's only me missing, they see each other most days as they always did.

This feels so much worse than the March lockdown as well because of the weather. At least at the start I was sitting outside, reading, going for nice, sunny walks - it's not quite the same in the pouring rain that we've had all week, and yesterday I just sat and cried all day.

I'm lucky that I live with my partner, but he works full time, whereas my job still isn't happening since March, so I'm literally sitting on my own. The house has never been so clean, I'm completely out of things to do.

stretchedmarks · 09/10/2020 11:50

I gave birth during lockdown. I abided by the rules until lockdown was lifted. Not a hope in hell I'd be complying again. I don't see many people anyway but am I fuck not seeing my parents. My 20 month old doesn't attend nursery- she needs to see someone other than her baby sister, myself and her dad. I also could do with a few hours to myself once a week (partner works in retail management and has been non stop since March). He sees hundreds of people every day so me seeing two people is nothing, imo.

HollaHolla · 09/10/2020 11:50

I live alone, was shielding from March - July. I’m in Scotland, where we’ve not been allowed to go into others houses.
I work in education, so I have to go to work - but I haven’t had any human touch since March. It’s fucking grim.
But, y’know, I’m sticking to the rules as much as I can, to protect myself, and those more vulnerable. You carry on and break the rules if you like, OP. Maybe there’s an option where you opt out of the rules, then you also opt out of accessing NHS care? Just w thought....

bibbitybobbitycats · 09/10/2020 12:01

@ancientgran

Bibbitybobbity Also, at the moment where I am (S. Wales) we are not to have contact with anyone outside our household, but we can still visit to provide care to vulnerable people. There is no reason for Englan not to do the same. Thanks for the sane post, I don't think people realise how terrifying it can be for someone who literally can't do anything for themselves, toileting/eating/washing. To tell them they will get no help is unforgivable particularly to claim it is govt policy when there is no evidence of that and let's face it there would be an uprising if it was the case.
ancientgran I agree. Things are bad enough without people spreading fear.
BillywigSting · 09/10/2020 12:05

I will also continue to be seeing at least one of my parents. My dm lives alone so could form a bubble with us. But she is also looking after my very poorly 87 year old gm.

My df doesn't live alone (lives with a friend) but we rely on him for childcare because I and dp both work full time. He is the only person we know who can pick ds up from school on the one weekday I'm in work (I'm also on permanent weekends now to minimise risk by not putting ds into breakfast and after school clubs).

It's utterly ludicrous.

MoistMolly · 09/10/2020 12:08

I've decided not to follow any more lockdown rules. It makes me too anxious

OperationallySound · 09/10/2020 12:12

@MoistMolly

I've decided not to follow any more lockdown rules. It makes me too anxious
As a parent of someone who is recovering from covid, believe me, you'd be a sight more anxious if you or a family member caught it
zigaziga · 09/10/2020 12:12

I would just be seeing them. We’re not in a local lockdown area so rules are easier to abide by and I probably only break the law once every few weeks (not sure if social distancing is a law or not though? Because I can’t say I’ve ever done that or even seen anyone else do it when visiting friends and family).

At some point life has to go on. We can’t get rid of a virus.

MoistMolly · 09/10/2020 12:14

As a parent of someone who is recovering from covid, believe me, you'd be a sight more anxious if you or a family member caught it

Do you trot that line out to everyone that doesn't wear a mask because it makes them feel anxious too?

Topseyt · 09/10/2020 12:22

@countrygirl99

They can make it as illegal as they like for me to see my dad, who will likely die soon anyway. It won't stop me. And I don't think my 82 yo mum will find fucking zoom as any substitute for a hug when she thinks about her husband dying. Thank God I went up to explain about end of life protocols in person with tea and tissues and didn't do it over zoom.
That is almost exactly the situation I am in and is the very reason I will NOT comply with any law or guidelines prohibiting me from going to my parents as and when needed even though I live a three hour drive from them.

So far the caring for/visiting vulnerable people has been my loophole and I hope it continues. Even if it doesn't, I will continue to go anyway because I will have no choice.

dontdisturbmenow · 09/10/2020 12:33

What is so traumatic about not seeing a parent for weeks when doing so is protecting them? I don't get it.

My parents moved abroad and so haven't see them for over 14 months now. They have both been diagnosed with medical conditions that are life threatening in that period of time, I couldn't imagine risking their lives because I miss them especially when we are so fortunate to nowadays be able to communicate and each other virtually.

I can't help but wonder whether those who are taking it so badly are that upset because they don't get babysitting and help for their kids any longer, ie a selfish reason.

zigaziga · 09/10/2020 12:36

What made a difference to me was after abiding by the rules for the first few months listening to my elderly relatives and relatives of DH who had decided for themselves not to live like that anymore and who were telling us very clearly that they’d rather die than suffer through what could be their last year anyway without seeing the people they love. That changed everything really. I’m making sure to see all the old people in our family who want to see and they can see have a hug from my DC if they wish.

countrygirl99 · 09/10/2020 12:37

@Topseyt hug

Thepilotlightsgoneout · 09/10/2020 12:40

Who are you angry at though?

Government? What are they supposed to do in the face of rising cases? Genuine question.

ToffeePennie · 09/10/2020 12:43

YANBU. It’s horrifying to watch our economy collapse, the collective mental health of our society plummet and I dread to think of the lasting damage to our children.
I’m with you OP, it looks like there is no end in sight and the government policy is laughable to say the least.
Look at Sweden, where there has been no lockdowns, much fewer cases and a much higher recovery rate.
And then compare that to say Spain and you will see repeated, rolling lockdowns and local lockdowns don’t seem to work.

MrsMcMuffins · 09/10/2020 12:43

When you are making choices for yourself not to follow the rules, you are also making that choice for the rest of society. Unless of course those choosing not to follow the rules opt out of medical care should they get ill. The rules are there for the NHS not to get overwhelmed and able to cope through winter. Following the rules is not just a decision we can make as individuals. My country has similar rules and I don’t see this type of opposition to the rules there. The only other country I see this is the US and it’s always the hard of thinking Trump supporters.

countrygirl99 · 09/10/2020 12:43

@dontdisturbmenow well my kids are adult so no, babysitting is not a consideration. It's just that I'm not an inhumane barstard who would leave an old lady crying because she has been told her husband isn't responding to treatment and may die very soon. And how do you suppose we have zoom calls with 82yo MIL who can't read, write or talk since a stroke and is cared for by FIL who has major health issues himself. The only pleasure she has in life is visits from family and a zoom call doesn't cut it. Are we to leave her miserable and lonely.

ToffeePennie · 09/10/2020 12:45

@Thepilotlightsgoneout are there really more/rising cases or is it a case of more people are getting tested so there are more KNOWN cases so there are more to report.
Or are cases genuinely rising higher than in March/April when only a very limited number of people could access the testing service?

OperationallySound · 09/10/2020 12:45

@MoistMolly

As a parent of someone who is recovering from covid, believe me, you'd be a sight more anxious if you or a family member caught it

Do you trot that line out to everyone that doesn't wear a mask because it makes them feel anxious too?

I'm not trotting out any line, I'm pointing out the reality of this awful disease.
borntohula · 09/10/2020 12:45

If my area goes into local lockdown, I'm not doing it. My mum is ill I don't know how much longer she even has. I need my partner who doesn't live with me for support. I'm just not doing it. 🤷

JeanClaudeVanDammit · 09/10/2020 12:46

What is so traumatic about not seeing a parent for weeks when doing so is protecting them? I don't get it

It’s not weeks though, is it? It’s already been months for some parts of the country which never really came out of lockdown. And it will be months more for the rest of us who’ve been put under these rules more recently.

And protecting them from one thing is, in a lot of cases, putting them at risk of other things.

MrsMcMuffins · 09/10/2020 12:47

Sweden is a totally different case. You cannot compare Sweden to Spain and the UK. If you compare Sweden to its neighbouring country they have done quite badly and it is also not true they have had no lockdown or social distancing measures. They massively failed to protect people in care homes.
I would also argue that Sweden has a healthier population than the UK and a much better healthcare system.

Flaxmeadow · 09/10/2020 12:47

OperationallySound To those who say that lockdown didn't work, how would they explain the immense drop in cases as soon as lockdown was implemented? That's happened in every country that has locked down.... Lockdown was never about making the virus go away, it was about spreading the load (or flattening the curve if you prefer) on health services so they didn't become completely overwhelmed. Look what happened now lockdown has been eased

Exactly this!

To those saying they will not abide by the lockdown rules. Will you give up your right to access the NHS, the social services, the police?

Services that will soon be at risk of being overwhelmed if people do not follow the rules

A large hospital (BRI) in West Yorkshire is now becoming so busy with high numbers of covid patients, that it is already telling people to stay away, unless urgent

Everywherethatmarywent · 09/10/2020 12:47

@dontdisturbmenow

What is so traumatic about not seeing a parent for weeks when doing so is protecting them? I don't get it.

My parents moved abroad and so haven't see them for over 14 months now. They have both been diagnosed with medical conditions that are life threatening in that period of time, I couldn't imagine risking their lives because I miss them especially when we are so fortunate to nowadays be able to communicate and each other virtually.

I can't help but wonder whether those who are taking it so badly are that upset because they don't get babysitting and help for their kids any longer, ie a selfish reason.

I don’t believe you genuinely ‘don’t get it’ considering the many posts on here explaining why it’s such an issue.

Either that or your very hard and cynical ( maybe you didn’t have a very close relationship with your parents) which is the case I think considering you think it’s all about baby sitting Confused

Or very dense.

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