to know I ABU but don't care

[TangoQueen]

My sister-in-law is using Covid to avoid inviting shed loads of family to her wedding- she had admitted this to my husband.

I created this account to vent as in real life people would think I was unhinged. I am ranting and chundering to myself.

I wasn't invited to her wedding and my husband did speak to her but she said there were restrictions, he accepted this until I pointed out his wife wasn't even in the top 30. Now the numbers are even less so I am even less invited but he still wants to go.

I am pissed off , what is the point of getting married if nobody treats you like family?

I know I sound unhinged but I don't care. She should cancel her wedding until she can invite her brother's wife, the mother of her nephews. This marriage is elevating her partner to family status. I should have this status.

People moan on here about in-laws but mine never bother with me although polite when I meet them but the parents and siblings used to go out on their own for lunch every week before Covid and I was never invited even if I wasn't working.
I have told my husband I won't forgive him if he goes.

Every one of us on the thread surely must be thinking that the bride must have been jumping for joy when she realised the new restrictions would mean that her drama lama SIL would no longer be able to attend - oh to be a fly on the wall when that particular silver lining became possible

You sound fucking awful, tbh, so I'm not surprised they never invited you to join them for lunch, and I wouldn't want you at my wedding either!

Yep you do sound unhinged and a bit of a martyr

Just because you cut back on stuff you actually want at your wedding to invite random women your MIL works with doesn’t mean everyone else should do the same. It means you should stop being a pushover. Or if you genuinely want to be a pushover that’s your choice but don’t expect everyone else to be the same and moan about it when they put their own preferences first

She should cancel her wedding until she can invite her brother's wife! Christ. It's not your wedding. It's their choice and by your attitude I can see why you didn't make the top 30

Someone had to be cut from the list.

We had our wedding this year (outdoor not in the UK), we were able to have up to 100 people. (Nope, not illegal, nope, no one is ill thankfully!! - i'm sure there will be such questions)

My point is: 100 people was our number anyway, and we were able to invite everyone we love and like and their partners, but if we only had 15 people, I'm afraid my SIL wouldn't have made the cut & I wouldn't even feel sorry for it!!!

It's her wedding. ONCE in her life. You're the one being selfish.

How old are you OP? you sound about 6.

tbh I’m with you - sick of certain people using COVID as a way to justify their unreasonable and anti-social personalities!

Sorry op but you sound like a bit of a nightmare....

He wedding..that's right HERS not yours, you did things differently, YOUR choice....
she is not you and has every right to choose how she wants to get married.
The lunches, well you said no partners were invited, so why are you so het up about that??
You are bullying your husband and driving a wedge between him and his family but threatening him ....not to mention not doing your relationship any favours.

Take a good hard objective look at your behaviour before you do irreversible damage to the family you so much want to be a part of.

I don't think it would take too many sessions with a good therapist to unpick and change your mindset on this. It would be very freeing, it's your thoughts that are causing you distress rather than the actual situation. This would be good to do now as when SIL has DC (especially girls) then hopefully not, but MIL 'may' sideline your boys in favour of hers (this is a fairly common theme on MN). That will be much harder to deal with.

• 15 people. Bride Groom Vicar/registrar Bride's parents Groom's parents Bride sibling Groom sibling That's 9 people. Throw in a step parent or grand parent etc... That leaves maybe one or two guests each for bride and groom. So best friend each.

Siblings spouse probably wouldn't make top 15 for a lot of people.

30... You are not so unreasonable, but it's still not worth throwing toys out of pram over.*

Exactly! And in our case we have 2 sets, thankfully! I understand in the UK the photographer/videographer is counted in the 15! Which is even worse

Grow up

There's family. Then there's faaaaaaaahmily.

Unless you're bride, groom or registrar you have no fucking 'right' to be at anyone's wedding without invitation.

Grow up.

Fuck me you sound like hard work, even before the wedding scenario.

Jesus, you sound like hard work. I wouldn't invite you to the opening of a lift, never mind a wedding.

She should cancel her wedding until she can invite her brother's wife, the mother of her nephews.

Well she invited the father of her nephews, they seem well represented

@Belleende 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 your comment

Whk is it you think should be excluded from the wedding to include you.

I think the wedding one is acceptable as restrictions the going out for lunch all the time with no partners a bit strange
Every now and again yes thats nice but generally when we go out with my family or dh family we both go as surely we are all family now
Yes the odd time
Re : wedding though its hard with only 30 and even harder with 15 , but as only dh is going let him sort card , present etc
I think more than just the wedding though seems more like you feel you haven't been welcomed into their family

I'm not mad about my SIL but I wouldn't dream of not inviting her to a wedding that I'd invited my brother to.

Who cares.

TBH I wouldn't want such a ranty juvenile at my wedding either.

My sibling gets married soon, and having already postponed it once they plan to go ahead as long as they can have our parents, me and my kids there. Including my sibling that's 6 people. Registrar makes 7. His wife will have 3 for certain but if she invites her grandparents that's another 2. That only leaves them maybe 2 spaces, or 4 without grandparents. My husband while they like him isn't a good friend of theirs, we don't socalise with them outside of family events, he will be neither surprised nor insulted if he doesn't make the 15, I would fully expect them to use those last 2 spaces on a maid of honor type role and a best man, not my husband. At 30 I probably would expect him to make the cut though.

yep you are right you do sound unhinged. Dp brother is getting married at some point and I wouldn't be remotely surprised if I wasn't invited, nor would I care because guess what ? It's not about me.

Honestly , what's the point in getting married if you aren't treated like family? Errrm because you love the person and want to make a vow to spend the rest of your life with them or you know clearly I've got that wrong , it's actually to garner some short lived external parody of respect by being invited to events as the official spouse of someone they actually want there.
my mistake