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Original poster

People who alway want to 'host' things

174 replies

Frenchblue · 07/10/2020 14:19

There are always threads about this on here, usually in regard to Xmas and often involving MILs. To me it comes across as a bit controlling and also quite 'look at me, I'm such a marvellous cook and home maker' etc. It reminds me of Monica in Friends when they swap flats and she gets arsey because people prefer to go to the boys' place. What is the big deal about 'hosting'?

OP posts:
Minimumstandard · 07/10/2020 15:32

I like hosting because my house is childproof and doesn't have light-coloured sofas and expensive ornaments. We visited one of my mother's friends last year with DS (then 18 months) to cheer her up after an operation (she wanted to meet him). She had immaculate light grey sofas, cream carpets and offered all of us (including DS) huge slices of blackberry pie with cream on china plates. No toys, but she did have some crayons so DC could draw himself a nice picture while we chatted Shock! Since she wasn't very mobile, she asked if I could make tea while she chatted to my mum and DS. Luckily, my mum kept DS in an iron grip the whole time I was away, despite his whining. It required the constant vigilance of two people to keep her sofas grey, her carpets cream, her walls scribble-free and to prevent DS running into the coffee table or spilling hot tea over himself. There's not a lot I wouldn't do to get out of suffering that stress again.

spookmeout · 07/10/2020 15:35

I like hosting because we have the youngest child so we can put him to bed and don't need a babysitter.
I don't often cook a big meal for friends, sometimes it's pot luck, others it's a takeaway or a bbq.
With people I don't know well I have anxiety about food and worry DS will break something

Bananasinpyjamas20 · 07/10/2020 15:36

@giantangryrooster

People offering to host being controlling and me, me, me?

No way, it's a giant effort hosting Christmas for example. Be grateful someone offers and return the favor.

I do think that can often be true.

But it is also true that some people who host just like the world to revolve around them and wouldn’t think of anyone else hosting.

Both points of view can be true!

ginnybag · 07/10/2020 15:36

It tends to be me that hosts for a mix of reasons: I have the space, the money, the lack of impositions in the house (no pets, no tiny kids, no vulnerable relatives etc) and furniture that it isn't the end of the world if someone spills wine/fizzy pop/chocolate etc on that also seats enough people.

I'll happily go to other people's as well - I'm not actually bothered about being the host, but a lot of the friends I have either would never actually get round to organising something or would find it stressful for one reason or another, and I just don't... so me it is.

That said, there aren't multi-course, fine dining events. It's mostly after-show parties for my amdram lot, so make of that what you will :-)

steppemum · 07/10/2020 15:39

I like hosting because

  • I get to sleep in my own bed (if we are talking about Christmas)
  • I don't have to make any arrangements for kids/dog etc
  • I like creating a warm and welcoming atmosphere, and I like having people in my home.

The irony is, I am not really a great cook. Don't get me wrong, I CAN cook, and make nice food, but it certainly isn't my go to thing. My ideal would be to host and order food in (doesn't happen though)

steppemum · 07/10/2020 15:40

My brother hosts, because he doesn't like going to other people's houses.
It means my SIL has to do all the cooking though. Hmm

thecatsthecats · 07/10/2020 15:42

I'm one of four hosts in a social group of up to 20 if all partners can make it. Always have been, even when we had a one bed flat (record was 18 for a Eurovision party).

I'm perfectly happy with the arrangement to be honest. Means I can flop into bed as soon as the party is over or tidy up, not worry when I leave or getting home.

We're a bit better off than many of our friends and we have no kids. So we happily fork out a couple of hundred quid on takeaway pizzas, buffet food and booze so we can see our friends.

We don't offer to host - we just throw parties randomly and people attend. Other people are allowed, and they've never chosen to. They suggest we meet out somewhere. Also fine.

ShebaShimmyShake · 07/10/2020 15:43

I think some people are more comfortable in their own house than someone else's.

Keratinsmooth · 07/10/2020 15:43

I’m happy to be hosted but don’t get me started on people who want to cook in my home, they can feck off.

FlaviaAlbiaWantsLangClegBack · 07/10/2020 15:44

You're not the same poster who recently claimed family's that had birthday parties and get togethers were attention seeking and worthy of an EastEnders plot are you?

Flupibass · 07/10/2020 15:45

I generally prefer to host because I don’t like the travelling home late at night bit, although I do enjoy it when other people cook for me.
It’s much easier to host Christmas than to go away.

WolffromTheWest · 07/10/2020 15:49

I hate to host and won't. However I always make a lovely elaborate cake - I'm quite a good baker - and take decent wine to say thank you to my hosts.

TabbyM · 07/10/2020 15:52

I never get to host as our flat is too small ;(

Notreallyhappy · 07/10/2020 15:53

unmarkedbythis I love your thinking.. I'd be quite happy to shut the door on all of them too. I have an intolerable mother too who gets worse the more you do for her.
I'm out for Christmas lunch at a local hotel ☺️

Coronawireless · 07/10/2020 15:55

Most people prefer hosting because they prefer their own house and like to flop into bed afterwards and not have to travel afterwards.
Statistically therefore the majority of their guests feels exactly the same.
One Christmas Eve I overheard two ladies in a queue behind me meet, start to chat, heartily invite each other over for Christmas drinks and then almost come to blows because neither would agree to be the one to travel to the other.
MILs/DMs who insist on hosting and refuse to go anywhere else are inconsiderate.

rorosemary · 07/10/2020 15:55

I host xmas because MIL is a shit cook. Although the times we had it in her house I still cook the food. Most years she'll provide the ice cream. It works for us and everybody is happy.

Hollywhiskey · 07/10/2020 15:57

I love hosting because
I have small children and my house is the most baby proofed with all their toys. Taking them elsewhere is like a military operation and really stressful unless there are more small children at whoever is hosting's house.
I'm vegan but I can cook with meat and cheese because I have family members in my house who eat it. Dietary requirements don't bother me as I cook three different meals every day anyway so I can easily tailor stuff. Sometimes at other people's houses they've put loads of work into a roast dinner with duck fat potatoes and meat in the gravy and cream or butter in the dessert and I only get boiled veg.
My in laws don't agree with alcohol and the one time we went there for Christmas I got the aforementioned plate of boiled veg with a glass of tap water. No dessert because it hadn't occurred to them to make any.
If you're a guest you have to go along with your host's plans and in my family that means sitting inside all day. In my house I can hand them the remote after dinner, announce anyone who wants to is going for a walk and head out for fresh air.

Pukkatea · 07/10/2020 15:57

I do have a friend for whom hosting IS a definite attention-seeking thing. She will martyr herself spending all day making complicated nibbles for an evening (where people eat beforehand and so aren't hungry) and then gets silently very upset if people aren't constantly eating and praising them. The worst was when someone brought along some party food as a gift and people preferred that...

PineappleUpsideDownCake · 07/10/2020 15:59

Wow. I see it more of a chore. I wouldnt just let everyone around me host as it doesnt seem fair not to share the burden!

steppemum · 07/10/2020 16:01

@WolffromTheWest

I hate to host and won't. However I always make a lovely elaborate cake - I'm quite a good baker - and take decent wine to say thank you to my hosts.
you sound like the perfect guest Are you free on saturday Grin
mrsm43s · 07/10/2020 16:01

I love hosting because I enjoy menu planning, cooking and socialising.

I also like to be hosted because I love eating, drinking and socialising.

I probably host more than I'm hosted because I'm quite proactive at planning and organising events.

I'm not the biggest fan of hosting Christmas day, as that's very expensive and very hard work, but I've reached the point that parents are too old to host and so someone had to step up and out of our extended family I'm the one best placed to do so (age/space/finances etc). I accept any help offered though, and if someone else wanted a turn I'd willingly let them!

Original poster
Frenchblue · 07/10/2020 16:02

@JingsMahBucket haha no, I'm a rubbish cook and find it all a bit stressful, I'm happy to go to other people's if they're nice enough to ask me. I was just reading something on here earlier (so I guess a TAAT - oops!) that made me wonder why it's such a big deal but judging by this thread it obviously is to a lot of people.

@FlaviaAlbiaWantsLangClegBack no not me but that sounds like a fun thread!

OP posts:
Minimumstandard · 07/10/2020 16:03

Taking them elsewhere is like a military operation and really stressful unless there are more small children at whoever is hosting's house.

And it's still stressful unless the host's children are worse behaved than yours. DS is quite well-behaved for his age now, but when he was younger, we would only visit people with feral children. If their children were drawing on the walls or tipping cereal on the floor, I felt less bad when DS was crumbling cake into the sofa.

diamondpony80 · 07/10/2020 16:06

I love people who love to host because I hate it. They're doing what they love, and I don't have to do it. Win win situation.

Theatrically · 07/10/2020 16:07

I have a friend who loves 'hosting'. In reality they just don't want to get out of their routine or travel - they ask people to bring a dish anyway so it's not as though they are putting themselves out much! This is the kind of hosting which benefits the host more so than the guests. But some people are generous hosts and like to host because they are generous people.