People who alway want to 'host' things

[Frenchblue]

There are always threads about this on here, usually in regard to Xmas and often involving MILs. To me it comes across as a bit controlling and also quite 'look at me, I'm such a marvellous cook and home maker' etc. It reminds me of Monica in Friends when they swap flats and she gets arsey because people prefer to go to the boys' place. What is the big deal about 'hosting'?

I hate hosting, I am a terrible cook and vegetarian - so have no idea how to do meat or anything. I find it stressful and love going to friends houses! I am that weirdo with a spotless house, timetabled cooking and high standards - this is not because I think I am better than anyone else, but simply to stop my anxiety getting the better of me during the evening. Would love to never ever host again!!!

I prefer to host because of anxiety issues but I think some people are doing it because they like to be the centre of attention so I guess it depends on the person, without the anxiety I'd love to be a guest and chill for a bit!

I love people who host. Unfortunately in my circle of friends no one particularly enjoys hosting... including me!

I like hosting and being hosted. We tend to host Christmas though as we have the biggest house and it’s in the middle of relatives.

I host because I’m a very lazy person to travel home 😂

I prefer to host Christmas because my DM has dementia and, if we are at her place, she insists on trying to cook when she is no longer capable, and because my SIL is a control freak who told my DH off for not having showered early enough on Boxing Day, the last time we spent it with her

I don't enjoy cooking, but I enjoy eating raw turkey or serving time at Stalag SIL even less.

vinyldetective Oooh, that's fightin' talk 😂

I used to love hosting, mainly family,in years ago time, I always had plenty of room in a bigger house. I did it, as love to see people enjoying themselves. Now years later, and because of circumstances, I live in a tiny old cottage, just me, and three cats, so no room to entertain anymore, and I really miss the lack of space, and not being able to have a knees up so to speak.

I host a lot. I’m just a lot more relaxed in my own house.
My SIL always wants to host because she hates going to anyone else's. She doesn't get that other people think that way as well, and would quite like to share it around!

Some people just love to consider only themselves.

I like hosting because I enjoy cooking , all the planning and prepping is my dream job
I love making lists , ticking things off and getting things ready

Giving can be a form of controlling; the mistake is to think of some behaviours as positive and some negative.
In this instance, controlling is not a negative behaviour, and the payoff for the host is the amount of pleasure they get in return for the work.

I like hosting because I know I have adequate space and seating for everyone, and I’ll always make sure there’s plenty of food and drink and everyone is comfortable, and so don’t have loads of drama about where people have a glass of red wine and what glass they’re using and whether they’re sitting on the sofa in a certain way, or all that uptight bullshit.

I don’t really like it when you go to someone’s house and you feel on edge all the time, or you’re all crammed onto one tiny sofa or the floor, and there’s not quite enough food, etc.

I think it’s mixed. It can be lovely if people are good hosts - they create social spaces for everyone to gather around.

However sometimes I feel sad as because I’ve been a single parent, it is like I’m excluded from being ‘the host’. I can host parties sometimes, but I find my pulling power is usually for other single people.

For family events I am definitely excluded from being the ‘host’. I have offered so many times, and have had a nice big house some of the time. However still... no it’s just brushed aside. I notice that about every other person I know who is a single parent, or a widower - it is like you fall off the social central hub and are now seen as periphery.

I love people who like to host because I hate it. I hate people coming to my house for coffee even. And I'm a very non-fussy, very complimentary eater so am a fab guest! Basically, if I meet new people, (which to be fair isn't often as DH and I are miserable, unsociable hermits) and they talk about inviting us round to dinner, I say right up front, thanks, we would love to come but please be aware that I won't be reciprocating as I don't do hosting! I'll bring the wine though... I now have a close nit, small bunch of friends and this works well for us!

To me it comes across as a bit controlling and also quite 'look at me, I'm such a marvellous cook and home maker' etc.

I think that is a very strange way of looking at it.

I prefer being hosted myself, less effort!

I don’t mind now and again hosting if it’s my choice, I don’t like the assumption.
Do not like going to others unless I knwo they are clean. Never eat homemade stuff from work either.
A woman once confessed she had planned on bringing two cakes but had to rescue a cake from her dog so just had the one left.

I'm always grateful for those who host.
I'm a crap host but great guest I'll bring dessert alcohol and tidy up.

I like hosting because I like making my friends happy.

I prefer to be a guest than to host generally. It means I can leave when I like! Also, I'm not the most chilled host - I hate all that multi-tasking whilst people are in my home waiting to be fed and entertained. Nibbles are OK but the full 3 course palaver not so much.

However, if there's a particular friend who has me over to their place all the time and won't accept a return invite I don't like that. Not that I'm going anywhere these days!

I love people who love to host because I hate it. It just doesn't come naturally, making sure everyone has a drink topped up at all times, offering food every 10 minutes, all the prep and cleaning before and then all the cleaning after. Not for me if I can avoid it. I'd rather just turn up with a generous enough gift to make up for my laziness

Some people on the other hand absolutely love it. One friend of mine thrives on a house full of people she can feed and water, and even when she does go to someone else it's a struggle to get her to sit down and relax instead of clearing glasses or 'just rinsing these plates off'.

My mum used to say that there are party throwers and party goers.

I like to host. Nothing to do with control or showing off, I just enjoy the whole thing. Apart from anything else, I am a bag of nerves at other peoples houses and a bit shy. When it's at mine, it's very relaxed. We have a big garden. Everyone knows their way around the kitchen.

My mum used to say that there are party throwers and party goers
Great wisdom. I like that saying.

I’d rather host than have to eat things other people have prepared and cooked and they might not be very clean.

Oh god I'm the same, but really if covid was good for anything, it's proven that we are right to think this way. The hygienic habits of people are disgusting, who has to be told to wash your hands after taking the bin out?

People offering to host being controlling and me, me, me?

No way, it's a giant effort hosting Christmas for example. Be grateful someone offers and return the favor.

Jesus, there are a lot of fun sponge OPs today on Mumsnet. Who hurt you @Frenchblue? Did one of your friends insist on hosting dinner or a BBQ this weekend instead of going to your place?