'Boys' work night out

[thistimenextmonth]

I am part of a 3 person senior management team where I work. I am in the middle of the other 2 in terms of seniority.

We have a team of 60 employees with 4 junior managers beneath us.

2 colleagues (male) have left the workplace recently and one of the junior managers has organised a few drinks to say farewell, my boss (male) and the other manager (also male) have been invited along with the junior managers and a couple of others on site.

I have not been invited and no other women have either. The reason given was it is a boys night.

This has only just happened so I am still reeling a bit. There are no other female managers which is why I am asking here if I should be feeling this uncomfortable about it? My boss hasn't said anything but when I mentioned to the other manager he seemed to 'get it' which is why I know the answer of it was a 'boys night' I feel disrespected and dissapointed. AIBU?

Self identify as male for the day and go along. But do address the sexism, seeing as you are a senior manager. If you were left out because you were a different race or religion, no one would disagree that it's discrimination.

Playing devils advocate, maybe they just done want to spend time with you socially, not because of your gender, maybe they just don't like you.

Also if it was an excuse for a piss up, they've got the perfect opportunity to have two. One for work and one for the lads.

Totally unequivocally unacceptable. I’m in a male dominated industry. I would discuss it with a more senior manager as a culture issue, and I know that the most senior of the 3 of you would get a bollocking from his boss. Except it wouldn’t happen as no one here would be that stupid.

I have seen this and I would be angry if it happened to me (or in normal times, include myself in somehow). If there are more than six, why not email and suggest splitting into two groups, maybe two lunches or evenings, to include everyone?

Nothing wrong with a boys night out catching corona.
They sound like a bunch of kids, why would you want to go?

@movingonup20 your post sort of illustrates my point. In your example I'm not saying that the women didnt socialise much because they weren't allowed to. But it does show that when people aren't able (or don't want) to attend some things they are less likely to then be invited to other things. Lots of lads only nights out then creates the dynamic where someone thinks "oh yes I socialise with Mike, Chris, Steve much more than Jane and lucy so I'l invite just the first three along". And it becomes compounded.
It doesn't just have to be whether people are "allowed" to attend either. If activities are constantly aimed at one particular type of person it can exclude others. So if all work dos were heavy drinking events it could exclude people who don't drink for religous reasons (or just because they don't want to). And then you would have someone musing on why there are so few muslims/religous minorities at senior level. They just don't seem to integrate as well with the team...

And women with kids are more likely to be subtly disadvantaged by having to find babysitters for events etc (yes I know there children's fathers should be in the same position but frequently they aren't). This just makes an existing problem worse.

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Is it blatantly sexist? Yes.
Would I want to go? No.
If it's being paid for by the company (including time off), then I would make a formal complaint to your HR.
Would it diminish my opinion of the male managers? Absolutely.

Christ almighty my work is 95 men and 5 women.

Luckily the men I work with aren't a bunch of sexist wankers, and don't see women as a different species :/

Some of the comments here are mind boggling.

@fromdownwest

Playing devils advocate, maybe they just done want to spend time with you socially, not because of your gender, maybe they just don't like you.

Could be true

Out of interest do you get enraged about hen party’s or stag dos?

@timeisnotaline

' would discuss it with a more senior manager as a culture issue'

Really?

Because she wasn't invited out with other colelgues?

They have no obligation outside of work to do so, are we at the stage where who you decide to socialise with outside of work would result in a bollocking?

Maybe the OP is just not liked by her collegues, so before we start informing senior managment and hoping the staff get a bollocking, lets take a step back shall we.

'
Today 11:25Ponoka7

Also if it was an excuse for a piss up, they've got the perfect opportunity to have two. One for work and one for the lads.'

Well quite.

Recently someone left and there were 3 :D

I went to all of them as I'm part of the drinking gang despite having tits.

Unbelievable to see this thread in 2020!

I've never been in a workplace where this would have been ok and I've been working since the late 80s.

@Wakemeupwhenthisisover I'm sure if someone held a stag/hen party to comemorate leaving a job she'd be puzzled at the least.

"Playing devils advocate, maybe they just done want to spend time with you socially, not because of your gender, maybe they just don't like you."

It's still unacceptable behaviour from senior managers. It doesn't build an effective team and most workplaces would frown upon it.

And to reiterate that some of you work in really horrible workplaces if you think it's aok to leave anyone out of a leaving do. Let alone invite everyone except 5 who are all women.

The fact that so many women are not only ok with this but actively pushing that other women who would not be ok with this are out of order to feel that way is bizarre.

One of those threads where I think, do I live in a different world?

@Wakemeupwhenthisisover

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I'd love to know what the people calling me a snowflake etc. Do in their real lives and how they react to issues they face

It sounds a bit off they didnt invite you, youcould have said no, but do you really want to sit in a pub while a load of blokes get drunk and talk bollocks for hours?

Yes of course I do. I do it all the time. I like men, they're people too you know!

Sexism all over this thread.

What a shitshow this thread has turned out to be. People at work are supposed to be adults and professional. There is no place in that for "not liking" your colleague and excluding them from a social event because she is female. That is how men used to get ahead of women and how they continue to do so - by having all male clubs and events where promotions and deals are made but - oh dear, you have inconvenient genitals so you can't come.

OP, your junior colleague has behaved badly to you and now you have seen that you are not accepted by him as even his equal never mind his superior. He will expect to leapfrog you in seniority because you are lesser than him. He can't even envisage a scenario where you might damage his career progression over this snub.

Incidentally I've worked in teams where every single person was from the same (culturally very different) country except me, and they never made me feel excluded or avoided inviting me to things. This was because they were decent people.

It seems that quite a lot of people on this thread don't think much of men.

Or maybe it's a defensive thing because of not being invited. 'i didn't want to come anyway so nur'.

@Wakemeupwhenthisisover

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This is a difficult one because it's blatant, ridiculous sexism.

But what's the desired outcome? That you get invited when you know you're not wanted? I can see how it would be awkward.

If it had been arranged as a boys' night - fine. But it was arranged specifically as a farewell to a colleague and you shouldn't need a penis to get in.