To wonder why its become ok to be so overtly cruel and unprofessional to overweight patients, and why do we (overweight patients) tolerate it?

[PasstheBucket89]

Its something ive experienced first hand, i know others have experienced over and over again, i used to work in a community role dealing often with alchoholics and ex drug users and other forms of 'bodily abuse' and they didnt recieve the same level of contempt either. from us or higher up medical staff.

Im currently expecting, due to a raised BMI i took the glucose test, i don't mind i understand why (to test for GD) ive never ever had it in past pregnancies and dont have it this time. I don't mind taking growth scans as i do understand why, the baby is actually small, likely due to my hypermesis.

Well, ive had many microaggressions that i braved out but this was totally over the line. At the growth scan i was asked why my Glucose test wasn't on the system, i said id definitely been but not sure why, i wasn't angry just assumed a system error., but i was concerned that i could have a bad result and not know. She seemed annoyed (midwife A), Midwife B appeared who actually did my test and had written it down and seemed miffed. She said must have been a system error and she launched the notepad on the desk and said "i dont know how but its normal" gesturing at me and left. Im ashamed to say i said nothing, my face i think said it all, i quickly got up and left, i was also angry at midwife A for not saying anything, that could be U. Ive made a formal complaint, but truth is I imagine there will be little said and buisness as usual. when i go back im likely to see her again. , but i wonder why on earth its got this bad and what should i say if it arises again??.

I'm a nurse and if I saw a colleague behave like that I'd be fuming. I'm so sorry. Glad you made a complaint. Yours alone might not do anything but if others complain too a picture will emerge.

If you've made a formal complaint I should think you've covered it.

If it comes up again in a future appointment you'll be prepared and can say how deeply unprofessional you thought Midwife B was to make that comment and how you were so concerned you went to the trouble of making a formal complaint.

That is not on, totally unprofessional. When I saw the title I thought this might be a thread about a straight talking doctor (I really believe healthcare professionals do have to be honest and even a bit blunt about obesity) but this is another level. Good that you’ve made a complaint.

I agree with you OP. I feel like if you are overweight in pregnancy that is ALL the medical professionals focus on.

I get that it's a risk factor, but if everything else is fine they shouldn't treat you like you are automatically going to have problems.

With my first I wasn't allowed a water birth as they said I wouldn't be agile enough to get out of the water, despite being the one at my antenatal class who was choosing to sit cross legged on the floor at 35+weeks.
In my notes it said they were concerned I would "refuse" to get out and that angered me so much - as if I'd choose to put my son at risk.

There were other things that happened too but that rankles the most.

If we have another I plan on being far firmer and will standing my ground.

“I don’t know how but it’s normal” is completely unacceptable under any circumstances.

Just trying to play devils advocate but given your community role, do you think the alcoholics and drug users didn’t receive that sort of contempt because you or your colleagues were there and witness to it? Not that that excuses what they said to you, of course, but people are a lot more guarded on what they say and how they act when there’s a witness of sorts there, compared to a patient who is on their own.

I agree @PasstheBucket89 I found Midwives the worse for this

I totally understand how you feel! I'm obese (size 20 was a 16/18 when I fell pregnant) but it pretty good health! While pregnant I was made to feel completely incapable! Was told no water birth as wouldn't be able to get out?! But I am a capable scuba diver who can easily wear an additional 14kg of weight and climb into a boat but can't get out of the bath?! Plus we proved my partner could lift me but noooooo. I was told it was 'suprising' I have normal blood pressure, that I'm 'lucky' I didn't have diabetes the list goes on and the repeated ignoring me regarding my own knowledge of my body. In the end I refused everything to be fair, luckily got the nicest midwife during birth but other than that hated it all. Had one medical 'professional' tell me she wanted me in aspirin as part of a trial then couldn't tell me anything about it! Had no knowledge of the research etc and tried to bully me into it. I can honestly say it's some if the worst medical care I have ever had! They couldn't care less about overweight people's actual health as they seem sure everything is due to weight! I had a fractured neck from a motorbike accident took 3 weeks for them to decide my symptoms (pins and needles etc) weren't due to my weight!!

That turned into a rant! Haha but yes to the NHS I feel like a second rate citizen so now pay for treatment 😊

@FairfaxAikman

I agree with you OP. I feel like if you are overweight in pregnancy that is ALL the medical professionals focus on. I get that it's a risk factor, but if everything else is fine they shouldn't treat you like you are automatically going to have problems.

With my first I wasn't allowed a water birth as they said I wouldn't be agile enough to get out of the water, despite being the one at my antenatal class who was choosing to sit cross legged on the floor at 35+weeks.
In my notes it said they were concerned I would "refuse" to get out and that angered me so much - as if I'd choose to put my son at risk.

There were other things that happened too but that rankles the most.

If we have another I plan on being far firmer and will standing my ground.

Unfortunately denying water birth to very obese women is commonplace, and sadly justified based on experience - women in transition can be very unreasonable, or can haemorrhage or experience severe complications, and can need to be hoiked out of the pool by midwives. It was wrong of them to blame it on 'agility' but correct of them to deny it, as if something went wrong and the midwives weren't able to haul you out of the pool due to your weight the baby or you could be harmed and the Trust could be sued.

@CitizenFame, perhaps to a small degree but a lot of much higher up medical professionals often viewed us a lowly anyway and dismissed our opinion at the best of times, and that midwife certainly didn't care about a colleague witness. im not sure

@FairfaxAikman, yes thats always bugged me, i think id quite like a water birth, your denied so much! apart from csections if course 🙄, being forced into csections due to weight stigma is a bit problem in America. im on a few due date groups, the stuff i read in plus size groups is horrendous I think tbh she was a bit embarrassed that the system hadnt been filled in properly and took it out on me an easy target.

Ive had some gems! just this pregnancy, "how could i know i was pregnant so soon obese women don't have regular periods?"
Dont they? tell that to my fanny then, could save myself some money every month, ive never been irregular.
I have Hypermesis, lost 11lbs blood vessels burst in my face, a dr told me i may struggle to get anti semitic from. other drs as women do who have weight to loose im afraid on that occasion i said well those drs aren't fit to practice medicine. so i didn't feel as angry at myself with that time. But yeah, sorry to other posters i haven't directly replied to, your comments are appreciated.

@PasstheBucket89 when I first read "i dont know how but its normal" it took me a while to see what you were trying to say. I had to read that part of your post several times until it clicked.

I at first read it as she meant "she didn't now how there was a system error/glitch but your results are normal".

Could this also be an option? But I'm guessing her tone is really your answer and if she really directed it at you then I'm sorry for that.

Are you sure you haven't misread this? Her reading went missing then she found it. Could she POSSIBLY have said

 "I don't know how  (this mistake happened)  but it  (her reading )is normal"

She may have meant, I don't know how it slipped through the admin net, but it's normal.
But yeah. Am also high BMI and people can be so thoughtless. Sympathies to you OP! Hope your pregnancy and birth goes swimmingly

Sorry I should have read the previous post !! Duh me

I think that midwives are under huge amounts of stress, and sometimes can be very rude. There are also grumpy, crotchety people in all walks of life.

FWIW I am white, well-to-do, not a "young mum", and not overweight, so not likely to suffer people's prejudice too much. I have had midwives scoff at answers I've given to their questions! And shake their head in disbelief at test results they expected to be positive and override my decision on various things I'd said I shouldn't do, and been proved wrong

Some people are just convinced they're right and no-one else can be!

One mw referred me to a maternity psychiatrist for pre-natal depression (when I was 35!!) because I'd had depression as a teenager
The psychiatrist was just as confused as I was.

Some people will be rude whatever they're faced with. Please don't dwell on it- enjoy your pregnancy, and congratulations!

Sadly the body language and gesturing at me made it very clear the intention behind it, The other midwife had quite a mortified look in her face aswell so it became quite obvious quickly.

"I don't know how but it's normal" could mean "I don't know how [the result is not on the system] but it's normal" and the annoyance was therefore about the careless record keeping by staff and nothing whatsoever to do with you .... hopefully that was the case.

Cross posted with others sorry!

Just realised you've had hyperemesis- I do hope that's finished now?

I’m a bit confused, how do you know she was irritable because of your BMI?

Could she have been having a bad day? Or made an error and got defensive?

i used to work in a community role dealing often with alchoholics and ex drug users and other forms of 'bodily abuse' and they didnt recieve the same level of contempt either. from us or higher up medical staff.

Do you mean during their pregnancies or just in general?

I think medical staff do get more judgey about people smoking/drinking/taking drugs once they're carrying a baby, whether they're addicted or not.

Are you sure you haven't misread this? Her reading went missing then she found it. Could she POSSIBLY have said

"I don't know how (this mistake happened) but it (her reading )is normal"
This. It didn't occur to me that the midwife was referring to your weight. Are you sure you haven't been over-sensitive?

[quote JingsMahBucket]**@PasstheBucket89* when I first read "i dont know how but its normal"* it took me a while to see what you were trying to say. I had to read that part of your post several times until it clicked.

I at first read it as she meant "she didn't now how there was a system error/glitch but your results are normal".

Could this also be an option? But I'm guessing her tone is really your answer and if she really directed it at you then I'm sorry for that.[/quote]
Thats exactly how I read it.
Absolutely nothing to do with your size

I’m sorry you’ve experienced that OP. I felt like just another pregnant woman on a conveyor belt throughout both pregnancies despite midwives professing to be patient and woman centred (I’m sure I was unlucky- I am an nhs worker and have lots of midwife friends who I’m sure would be amazing). They’re under huge pressure with short appointments but it doesn’t excuse blatantly rude behaviour and you complain was justified and hopefully will he followed up.

I agree with PP sadly about obese women and water births- my midwife friend was verbally abused and punched by a labouring woman who had insisted in getting in the pool and wouldn’t get out after. She was very obese and went against medical advice and then they struggled to get her out even when she eventually agreed to get out due to her size. Could have been a horrible outcome.

@bsc, thanks but no sadly 31 weeks and still going strong

No sadly, she launched the notepad in my direction and pointed at me, if that wasn't her intention, that is the strangest body language and inclination ive ever seen, and the other midwifes reaction wouldn't have made much sense either.