To wonder why its become ok to be so overtly cruel and unprofessional to overweight patients, and why do we (overweight patients) tolerate it?

[PasstheBucket89]

Its something ive experienced first hand, i know others have experienced over and over again, i used to work in a community role dealing often with alchoholics and ex drug users and other forms of 'bodily abuse' and they didnt recieve the same level of contempt either. from us or higher up medical staff.

Im currently expecting, due to a raised BMI i took the glucose test, i don't mind i understand why (to test for GD) ive never ever had it in past pregnancies and dont have it this time. I don't mind taking growth scans as i do understand why, the baby is actually small, likely due to my hypermesis.

Well, ive had many microaggressions that i braved out but this was totally over the line. At the growth scan i was asked why my Glucose test wasn't on the system, i said id definitely been but not sure why, i wasn't angry just assumed a system error., but i was concerned that i could have a bad result and not know. She seemed annoyed (midwife A), Midwife B appeared who actually did my test and had written it down and seemed miffed. She said must have been a system error and she launched the notepad on the desk and said "i dont know how but its normal" gesturing at me and left. Im ashamed to say i said nothing, my face i think said it all, i quickly got up and left, i was also angry at midwife A for not saying anything, that could be U. Ive made a formal complaint, but truth is I imagine there will be little said and buisness as usual. when i go back im likely to see her again. , but i wonder why on earth its got this bad and what should i say if it arises again??.

Midwives can be total bitches!

My midwife came to my home to do checks on me and baby after we got out the hospital.

I had to have an emergency c-section with complications. Baby got stuck and it took them 3 hours to pull her out. So my insides were destroyed.

The midwife asked me to lie down on my sofa so she could check my wound. When she finished she said 'Oh I'm not helping you up, it's not worth putting my back out!!' (I'm 5ft 2, size 14/16 so not massive)

She just left me there and went away, I couldn't get up myself. Luckily my DP was upstairs and helped me up when he came down. I hope she fell down my front door steps on her way out!

You lost me at "microaggressions". Do people really talk like this ?

Gosh - surprised you haven’t heard of this. It’s a well used phrase or term in discussing racism (and now feminism).

And you lost me with the dismissive “you lost me” comment

I think that the medical profession understands that drugs are very addictive and especially so for people who have some type of trauma.
We don’t seem to have arrived at a conclusion to explain why people overeat to the point of obesity. I suspect food addiction and emotional eating are to blame for a lot of it but there is definitely a view that you just choose to overindulge. If you subscribe to the latter view it is quite hard to be too empathetic.

It’s not a question of being empathetic , just professional !

It’s not a question of being empathetic , just professional !

Yep!

@Bunnybaubles

Midwives can be total bitches!

My midwife came to my home to do checks on me and baby after we got out the hospital.

I had to have an emergency c-section with complications. Baby got stuck and it took them 3 hours to pull her out. So my insides were destroyed.

The midwife asked me to lie down on my sofa so she could check my wound. When she finished she said 'Oh I'm not helping you up, it's not worth putting my back out!!' (I'm 5ft 2, size 14/16 so not massive)

She just left me there and went away, I couldn't get up myself. Luckily my DP was upstairs and helped me up when he came down. I hope she fell down my front door steps on her way out!

she’s a ‘total bitch’ because she didn’t want to injure her back?

those complaining about ultrasound techs noting/ mentioning that fat makes it harder to get a decent scan: Of course it’s harder to scan through extra fat! I know a sonographer who’s had to have injections in her wrist to help the damage caused by having to press so much harder into the fat of obese patients

Op I get exactly where you are coming from. I had an unplanned pregnancy with a very high BMI. I. Was about BMI 38 at the time and not in a great place mentally due to two close together bereavements. I immediately started eating sensibly and it was going great until my first midwife appt.
She would not stop going on about my weight and all the extra precautions they would have to take. The biggest thing was telling me that I must not gain any weight during pregnancy. I felt so shit afterwards that I reached straight for crap food.
The consultant was lovely however and even the anaesthetist couldn't work out why they needed to see me before birth.
Had bad experiences with Gps and hospital Consultants too.
I had a hernia. I had every single risk factor,
Coughing, previous surgery, (3 csec sections physical job and obesity. No prices for guesing what was blamed exclusively.

No @strappedup she's a total bitch because she left someone in a vulnerable post birth state in a prone position they couldn't get out of easily.

OP, shame you're not near me. Most of the midwives I had were wayyyy into plus size themselves so weight didn't really come into it.

@strappedup

those complaining about ultrasound techs noting/ mentioning that fat makes it harder to get a decent scan: Of course it’s harder to scan through extra fat! I know a sonographer who’s had to have injections in her wrist to help the damage caused by having to press so much harder into the fat of obese patients

There's a way to do it.

I was told by two ultrasound techs that it was more difficult to scan when someone carries a lot of weight on their stomach.

One was professional and polite. The other was so rude her colleague (I was there for a miscarriage) complained about her on my behalf.

The same with water births, HCP's assisting people and anything else. There is a professional way to say things and a lot of the HCPs mentioned on this thread have not been remotely professional, and some have been downright fucking nasty.

Well, this is the wonderful NHS.
For many years nurses etc were poorly paid and hence the 'angels' tag. It's not the case now. But I think that many people want to see themselves as compassionate people who 'want to help people' and nursing the career for them, which is fine but dedicating all of your working life to 'helping people' rather than to a well paid profession which you carry out to the best of your abilities has the wrong emphasis.
I have had care in the US and the difference was marked (I also worked in the NHS though now retired) - no standing in groups gossiping, no disrespect, treat the patients like intelligent people with autonomy ie like equals.
I'm not saying we should copy the US health system but having a system like other EU countries where you pay insurance or whatever would help I think.

I read this 6 times and could not work out how you were possibly linking this to your size. Midwives are really busy, I've had almost identical scenarios over missing test results with one employing a sneery tone & the other looking mortified & I am a size 12. Only 15-30% of obese mothers to be develop GD. Given that your test was more likely to be negative than positive despite your size, I think you are reading way too much into this.

She would not stop going on about my weight and all the extra precautions they would have to take. The biggest thing was telling me that I must not gain any weight during pregnancy. I felt so shit afterwards that I reached straight for crap food.

No. She did her job, she is required to talk about the risks of obesity in pregnancy and inform you. It is important medical advice to inform you that it is best if you do not gain further weight in pregnancy.

She could be sacked or sue or otherwise held accountable if she did not draw your attention to this.

If you chose to eat a load of shite having just been warned about the risks, that is not the midwives fault. Have some responsibility for yourself.

I like to remind any judgey HCP that I have given up smoking which caused the weight gain.

And you are 100 BU to include the over weight with drug and alcohol addicts

Why?!

Whilst I would broadly agree obesity can be an addiction issue, the fundamental difference is that you don’t need to use drugs and alcohol to be able to live a normal life. Unfortunately, food is integral to absolutely everything we do as human beings, it centres at much of our socialising. Unlearning bad habits in relation to food is tough - a drug addict can avoid old friends, stay away from dealers, find distractions.. A food addict must have some food to live but must also integrate food into social situations, and life generally. It is an essential, not a nice to have.

The thing is even if like pps have said it isn’t safe for obese women to have waterbirths there are ways and means of delivering that message. If you have decent communication skills you should be able to do that without making the woman feel like shit!

I’m so sorry that this happened to you. I have had similar issues.

I am overweight, not obese, and I’ve had 4 children and had similar in my pregnancies.

One midwife called me ‘a big girl’ (I weighed 12 stone at 37 weeks pregnant btw) and had me in tears. I felt like a disgusting monster the way she spoke to me.

To make matters worse, I am type 1 diabetes. One time, a sonographer who did one of my growth scans, assumed I had GD and was so rude to me, saying the scans would be a lot easier if I wasn’t overweight and really I should have waited until I had lost weight until I got pregnant so I didn’t get diabetes. I calmly explained I was type 1 and it is nothing to do with my weight. She kept saying she couldn’t get a clear view of the babies heart because of my weight. I was called for a repeat scan and the next sonographer was lovely and told me she could see everything perfectly.

Last year I had a tummy tuck. I got my BMI down to 28. I am happy and my surgeon was happy. I had to have it done privately, but in an NHS hospital because of the risk of issues. A nurse came in a few hours after my surgery full of questions about my tummy tuck and then said incredulously to me ‘Why didn’t you wait until you had lost all your weight?’ And ‘I’m amazed the surgeon was happy to do it’. I was so upset and it still upsets me to think about it. With a BMI of 28, I was made to feel like the Incredible Hulk. I lay in that bed feeling like I must look like I weigh 50 stone...

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland thanks for that. I am not stupid. I already knew that being obese and pregnant wasn't great so I was doing something about it. I was also still grieving the loss of my mum and brother within a month of each other. The Midwife knew this as they take family history etc. Telling me not to gain any weight at all during pregnancy is not recommended especially not without medical support so actually she was in dereliction of her duty.
I actually had a textbook pregnancy, planned csection, and an easy recovery weighing two stone less than before but that was down to me not the midwife.
She actually made a vulnerable pregnant woman cry as it was far more than informing me of the risks etc. Hell she didn't even mention my advanced maternal age.
I also know what it takes for me personally to lose weight. Hell I lost 5 stone recently. I also know how easy it is to slip back as I have to be in a good place to lose weight. Fat shaming doesn't work for me and neither does stress.

So have googled. Most reports suggest a smaller weight gain gor pregnant women who are obese. One suggest no may be ok but only under medical supervision.

Sorry you went through this OP. You're right, some people seem to view being overweight as justification to let rip. It's vile behaviour and I'm glad you complained,.

Sadly the body language and gesturing at me made it very clear the intention behind it, The other midwife had quite a mortified look in her face aswell so it became quite obvious quickly
It's very easy to misread body language especially when you are self conscious about something and unconsciously looking for people's reaction.

I also don't think it's right to link this instance to fat shaming. If you'd gone to the midwife, saying that you'd missed a period, was being sick and had sore boobs, she did a test and then said 'I don't know but it's negative', would you have had the same reaction?

@SospanFrangipan

A sonographer wrote in my notes at the 20 week scan 'difficult scan due to patient BMI' I was seething. Little did she know I had lost 6 stone in order to fall pregnant. She didn't make it known that she was struggling so scan me, and also appeared to see what she needed to in the 15 minutes I was in there!

@SospanFrangipan Do you mean you had lost 6stone so was within a healthy BMI range? If not, what was wong with what was written down? Would you have preferred she made a rude comment like some pp have experienced?

why does it take "ages" to get a hoist etc? Poor plannning? Lack of space You don't just have to get a hoist. You have to get the sling on the wet patient and correct moving and handling procedures have to be followed which take longer than unsafely lugging someone around. There is also a risk of staff injury and I'm sure people wouldn't be happy to have appointments changed due to staff being off.

I ended up with gestational diabetes, just unlucky. I didn’t tip into an overweight bmi until the last few weeks of pregnancy! I’m obviously fit and heathy, would turn up holding a cycling helmet and I’m toned.
However because I was pregnant I was treated like a moron and no one even looked at me. I was booked an appointment with what turned out to be diet advice, I eat better than the advice and I bet you do too. Stuff like not eating whole grab bags of sweets. Patronising and couldn’t answer anything I wanted to know, eg if some carbs were better than others for blood sugars. I was booked into a consultation about my weight more than once (thought it was a consultant appt),to try and point out I still had a bmi of 23 at over 35 weeks. I also was told one of the reasons about a water Birth was getting out (????). I managed the GD through diet, reacting to metformin horribly the time I tried it, and tracked my sugars very well. But I was actually shouted out for not taking my medication and told I would face more restrictions (like I was a child!) for the birth. On another note I’m dubious about it all, I discovered my sugar spiked after a sugar hit like lucozade, but in all the tracking of sensible eating it was it a concern. My body just couldn’t process an overload of sugar like in the test.
Half the time it was like I wasn’t present, they were treating an overweight woman in their heads and cross with her. It didn’t even mean I had different treatment, so I certainly believe you about how you were spoken to over numbers.

I'm sorry that you felt that the midwife was being rude, many HCP say things that are unacceptable and can cause offence sadly.
As an aside I'm absolutely astounded by how many people are commenting about how obese ladies should be allowed waterbirds. Maternity wards are generally not stocked up with hoists and would have to source one from a medical or surgical one. I'm sure in a straightforward birth the mum would be able to manoeuvre herself around without needing help but the minute there is a problem this would change. Having to pull a possibly unconscious obese lady out of a paddling pool to get them to theatre within 10 mins for a crash section would be putting multiple staff at risk (it would obviously take more than 2 midwives to manage that therefore taking care away from other ladies). It would be putting the baby and mum at risk also. And as for the 'my husbands a built rugby player' comment, unconscious people are an absolute dead weight, especially in a slippery wet environment, its absolutely ridiculous to try and justify it simply to stop a few feeling being hurt. I know its not always as straightforward but at the end of the day essentially you control what you eat, dont get offended if you cannot have the birth you want simply because is is not SAFE for you, baby or the HCP looking after you.