Interfering in laws

[EmmieC]

Hi all,

I’m 28 weeks pregnant (first baby) and just wanted to see if I’m in the wrong to be upset about my in laws. Apologies as it’s quite long.

So, 2 days after telling PIL I was pregnant, they decided to buy a new car to “fit a pram in” I personally found this very strange but I don’t like to upset people or arguments so didn’t say anything to them. I brought it up to my partner about how worried I was about them interfering. (They have been stopped from seeing their other grandchildren twice due to interfering). He said that they had the others at a young age so probably assumed, so I left it.

Last night I went round and they said “we’ve ordered a cot”. They haven’t once asked us if they’d like us to get things for their house. I was very upset and told them not to assume I’d want them to have my baby at a young age. To which they replied “oh yes you will” and I walked out their house crying. My partner stayed and told them they had gone too far and they were becoming too overbearing. FIL then said “she’s just overprotective because her own mums dead and is jealous of us having a relationship with the new baby”.

AIBU to think that’s an extremely rude and hurtful thing to say and that they should have asked us about the cot first or am I being hormonal?

Well done if you manages to read it all 😂

@Thundercats77 oh my, my mil hasn’t said she will be round every day but I wouldn’t be surprised if she put a tent up in my garden around my due date

DH and I had a very long chat about it last night. Luckily, he agrees that his parents (mil mostly) are very interfering and selfish. He has said that if it got to the point where it got too much we would move to be closer to my family as the stress and upset wouldn’t be good for me nor our son.

I hope it doesn’t come to that though as I would feel very harsh. I’m quite a shy person and don’t like confrontation but I imagine that if they did upset or anger me enough when baby is here, I would have the balls to tell them to piss off

Hahahha. That all sounds very positive and you have a supporting DH who has your back. I hope the remainder of your pregnancy is stress free. Good luck with the baby. Exciting time ahead xx

I’m very lucky that he’s very supportive. He often says “I may have come from that family, but the family I make with you is the most important”. Thank you very much. Hopefully she doesn’t come and kidnap him whilst I’m asleep haha! Xx

@Graphista

RTFT means READ THE FULL THREAD

Though to be honest you don't appear to have even read the first post!

I did read the first post, I'm just clearly a more understanding and positive person than you

Its your "understanding" that's seriously lacking!

It's not being positive towards the op to dismiss and deny her very valid and reasonable concerns.

It's positively giving potentially controlling in laws an excuse!

You sound like Diane Keaton's character in first wives club "I'm the 'nice one'"

@emmiec no need to apologise, I felt exactly the same and had a similar situation with my gps

@Graphista

Its your "understanding" that's seriously lacking!

It's not being positive towards the op to dismiss and deny her very valid and reasonable concerns.

It's positively giving potentially controlling in laws an excuse!

The mum to be in question is asking for honest opinions hence the posting on here. I am giving my honest opinion as requested. Do I think she has blown it out of proportion ...absolutely. If that's me not showing enough understanding , that's fine with me . Its about perspective. Also , on a side note, I find it incredibly disappointing that you felt the need to say a sarcastic comment on my post in the first place just because my view was different to yours. Speaks volumes .

Well, if having contact from dgc stopped twice and the intrusive things she has done in the past didn’t make it obvious why I was so ungrateful and worried about her buying things doesn’t make you understand . This woman also has a daughter who hasn’t spoken to her in 2 years and has said she “wish she had dropped her on her head as a baby to knock some sense into her”. Other than that, yes I am an awful person not being grateful for my mil buying a new car before my 12 week scan, telling me that oh yes I will be giving her my baby, and actually being more worried about my son being born and her making me feel completely incompetent as a mother rather than excited.

I am sorry if you don’t agree and for being a little annoyed but opinions are opinions and some of the ones I have read have been very insensitive and quite frankly, very insulting.

Thank you to everyone’s lovely comments. They really do mean a lot and have helped me relax and realise what I need to do xxxx

Yes it's about perspective and yours is clearly skewed in favour of boundary trampling in laws @Wales34

But at least you own it is something I guess

Ops update shows she has bloody good reasons to be concerned and wary - though most of us were capable of seeing that from the first post

are you the MIL (from hell, or not, as the case may be), Wales34 ?

Your FIL's comment was extremely rude, but otherwise I think you are being a bit precious. If they want to kit their house out for your baby, let them go wild. It doesn't mean you have to hand over your baby!

And actually, you may find it useful in the long run. My in-laws have a cot at theirs and although my baby has never spent a night there without me, it makes life much easier in terms of naps etc when we visit. Saves carting around a travel cot.

@ArtichokeAardvark I think you missed the part where I said we’ve been invited for dinner twice in 4 years. I won’t be going over anymore than I do now just because I will have my son then

@EmmieC fair enough - I freely admit I haven't read the whole 7 page thread! I still say let them do what they like though. If they want to waste their money, fine.

@ArtichokeAardvark No worries, I didn’t expect anywhere near as many comments as there has been.