Wow! @elmouno you don't think much of mothers do you?!
No not all grandparents are generous, supportive and helpful WITHOUT overstepping boundaries!
Also every family and its dynamics are different.
The FACT that ops other in-laws have ALREADY on 2 occasions felt the need to prevent contact between THESE grandparents and the dgc strongly suggests there ARE issues with THESE grandparents NOT listening to the parents of the children or acting according to their wishes - which all grandparents should (barring abuse/neglect of course)
They've ALREADY spoken very cruelly and disparagingly about ops own family of origin as if the fact ops mother has sadly passed means she should put up with crappy behaviour from them!
Op is absolutely NOT "making themselves a nuisance" nowhere close! What a ridiculous and offensive comment!
Those with narcissistic tendencies often use money/material goods to try and make their target feel beholden, OBLIGATED to them
In this case they are very likely hoping/might even say "you have to let us have baby overnight we bought a cot and everything"
It's manipulative!
There is a happy medium which I suspect is what most grandparents manage.
My lovely now ex in laws got a new mattress for the cot they already had at theirs which had been used for the older grandchildren, they had other things at theirs that were "handed down" and some things they got new - after discussing with us.
For health reasons they were unable at this stage to babysit alone but were happy to provide other help and support.
They'd babysat older dgc as they were younger and healthier then, but they never imposed or insisted, simply offered in a "just give us a call" type way.
Once when exh was deployed I was extremely ill with a chest infection and couldn't cope alone either. They came over and looked after dd and I in the ways they could, meaning I could reserve the little energy I had for doing the things with dd they were unable to, we sort of "tag teamed" - brought us much closer.
If I'd had my parents "helping" in the same situation, neither would have paid any attention to what I said about dds routine, allergies, meds etc they'd have steamed in doing things their way, likely made dd ill and fractious, stressed me out, then after the first day declared it was "too much" and expected me to see to them as well as dd!
My dd is now an adult, my parents, especially mum, complain she doesn't stay in contact much and she hasn't visited for ages.
That would be because:
When my sister had her 1st when dd was a toddler dd basically got "bumped" for the new baby!
Sisters kids get spoiled rotten especially by gran as sis is gc and that's been extended to dd
Dd ALWAYS got the blame if the kids fell out or something got broken or whatever, sis' kids very quickly learnt to blame dd too
Sis kids birthday and Christmas presents were carefully chosen according to their interests at the time, DDs were thoughtlessly bought the day before or day of.
Parents during her childhood didn't make the effort to see or speak to her but saw sis' kids daily, often having them stay over from thu night till Monday morning or Tuesday if a bank holiday.
That's just the "highlights" as it were.
So I've no patience for mums complaints as she is merely reaping what was sown.
Dd despite all this does call/see them if she can on birthdays etc, and gets them thoughtful cards and gifts - it's not appreciated and they can be quite hurtful gushing over sis' kids offerings and ignoring dds.
If they've had contact blocked before I would have thought they'd have learnt by now.
Nah! People like this don't "learn" they live on the premise that they're always right and everyone else is wrong/weird/stupid!
As I say I was raised by a pair of them, dad has no friends at all and hasn't for decades, his own family barely acknowledge him, mum is close to her family but has few friends and is ridiculously easily offended and frequently falls out with them for bizarre reasons.
I feel a lot of the respondents not agreeing with or minimising the ops in laws behaviour either have no experience with people like this and/or are coming from the perspective of having to deal with grandparents/in laws at the other extreme who are completely disinterested.
Neither is acceptable, a balance is better.
Bollocks is she sensitive! A sensitive person would learn from one criticism and never put themselves in that position again! She turns in the waterworks when she might get thwarted getting her own way
Yep! It's manipulation
The mother blocked her and the family off the eldest child’s phone. MIL then bought a new phone and number to contact the granddaughter good grief that’s appalling!
See those of you giving it “I’m sure they’re not that bad”? THIS is what you’re defending!
Your mil is a dangerous woman going being the dps back like that op... I would agree with that