Asking people to use my preferred name?

[Biancadelrioisback]

My first name is quite long and old fashioned so for the last 17 years I've been using a shortened version.
At work, everyone knows me and uses my shortened name (even clients) except for one colleague who refuses. She likes to use 'proper' names for people and refers to me by long name plus middle name as it 'sounds better'.
I've addressed this with her multiple times and with my manager as it royalty fucked up a negotiation with a client as they felt like they were being passed around.
All they say to me is "well it is your name so..."
I mean, yes, it is my name, a name I didn't choose. I ask to be called X instead. No one else has a problem!
My manager even suggested that I legally change my name. I certainly don't want to do that as it is a family name, it means so much to my parents and I quite like having a name and then a 'formal' name.
So AIBU to keep insisting they use the short version? I rarely answer to the long version as no one ever uses that.

Do the same to her.
Respond using her full forename and surname every time. Because in your opinion it sounds better.
Continue for as long as it takes her to stop

I had a really twatty manager in my first job who insisted on calling me by my long formal name (which no one else uses ever) “out of respect for your parents”. His name was Eric. Maybe I should have retaliated by calling him Bananaman.

She sounds like a snob. If you want to risk things a bit, why not shorten her name or change hers in some way to make a point.

If she asks you not to, just say, that you prefer to shorten names and since she has chosen to ignore your request to use your name the way you like it, that must mean it’s ok to ignore her request.

Completely agree with 39yellowmaoampinball

Though I'd use a Toned down version of twxtface....then if she complains say that it wouldn't be a problem if she just changed her name to twxtface via deed poll.

Hate this passive aggressive shit that people do and think it’s ok . Like judgerindersminder says just don’t answer when she says it blank her until she uses your correct name or and I’m not normally a petty person but choose another name for her and insist on calling her it 😳

Just get her told. Grow a set and just say listen sweetheart my name is bob not robert. Stop calling me Robert or we will have a problem. End of.

I would raise it again with HR. From my POV it’s a form of bullying!
Maybe just only call her by her last name and see if she likes it. Technically you wouldn’t be doing anything wrong as it is her name!

Our internal system is full names for everyone or full initials (annoyingly with middle name initials in there too)

This is partly the problem (as well as your passive aggressive/patronising/bullying co-worker)

Why would your internal system not have your chosen name and why does it need your middle name initial? I would ask for that to be changed citing this as a reason. At my work, a Dave not David is called Dave on email if he wants, and on the address book.

Your colleague is a twat. You should start calling her that.

YANBU.
I think I’d lose patience with this person now. It’s totally disrespectful to ignore your request.

I think I’d snap at her next time; “I’m telling you this in NO uncertain terms, my name - to you - is X. If you don’t start addressing me that way, I will deliberately and completely ignore you every time you use XXX. I’ve asked you politely many times before and you are being utterly disrespectful to ignore my request. We are adults. Stop undermining me like I’m a child!”

Or, you could tell this person that you have legally changed your name by deed poll, so please stop address you by the wrong name....or you will do the same to her.

You've had some great advice here. I think the fact that your email address is your chosen name it means there is no reason for her to call you anything else. She doesn't get to choose what sounds better.

I agree that you should speak to hr about bullying.

We used to have one of those. I could believe it was the same person, but this one was a man. I go by my middle name and that's the name on my badge, but he insisted on calling me by my official forename and got cross when I didn't answer to it. He also lengthened people's names whether they liked it or not, and even when his chosen long version wasn't even correct (calling a Ben, Benjamin when his full name was actually Benedict).

He liked lording it over people generally and it was definitely a power thing. Management was useless as he'd been there for ages and they couldn't be bothered to sort him out. Everyone hated him.

yellowmaoampinball
T-dogg

Can you just start calling her something else? Just give her another name and use it relentlessly...

I'm assuming she prefers the long version of names so start calling her by a short version of her own. If there isn't an obvious one then call her by her initials. Just tell her you think it sounds better, like she does to you.
I had to do this with a boss who shortened everyone's name but insisted on the full version of his own. I just kept calling him by the short version and when he protested I agreed with him how awful it was because I didn't like it either, it took a long time for the penny to drop.

Your colleague is being very disrespectful - it's one thing to refer to someone by their longer/formal name when you first meet them because you dont realise they dont use it outside of official correspondence, but once you have been informed that they dont use it then to continue to do so is a willful act of disrespect and bullying.

I would have one final conversation with her (ideally with at least one witness if not a formal meeting) and if things dont change, file a grievance with HR.

" this is the final time I will address this with you. My full name might be XYZ but the name I use is Y. I am asking you to respect my wishes and only use Y in any communication- written or verbal - from now on, as your insistence on using XYZ has now gone from disrespecting my choice to affecting my work. If you cannot or will not respect this request then I will not ask you again, instead I will simply file a grievance with HR regarding your behaviour as I will not tolerate it any longer."

My DD was born in Spain and some children are given very long "formal" names but use much shorter ones in daily life. DDs best friend in kindergarten was a little girl called "Inma" Garcia*. It was only when I was talking to her mother in the playground and we were calling our daughters over so we could leave and they weren't listening as only small children can do so the other mother resorted to the time honoured tradition of using her daughters full name to get her to realise she was serious that I found out that her full name was María de la Inmaculada Concepción Garcia de la Vega Ramos. That is a very big name for a very small child so no wonder it was shortened, and if someone started using her full name every day it would get old very fast.

*actual surnames changed to generic ones to protect the innocent but they followed that general pattern

Just adopt a shortened version of your colleagues name and call her that.
Or twatface,

This is dreadful - my grandmother used to do this to everyone, the irony being she had changed her own given name herself when younger and only answered to the new one.

You should email your whole team and ask everyone to call you by your preferred name, without singling her out. And enlist some allies to correct her when she does it and refer her to your email.

I had that with my boss (the CEO, it was a tiny company) in a previous contract role. I have a totally unique, hard to pronounce first name and have always used the short version. I wasn’t the only one who never used full versions of names but she thought that was unprofessional. I wouldn’t have minded so much if she’d ever pronounced it right 🙄

“Good grief! She thinks it sounds more romantic?! Next time she tries that excuse, just tell her that her romantic feelings towards you are not reciprocated and you find it highly inappropriate that she reveals her romantic feelings for you in the work environment!”
@NewlyGranny ha ha, I LOVE this

But agree with everyone else, this woman IBUUU (utterly utterly unreasonable)

Don’t respond by calling her names, Tell her you’ll take it HR if she can’t be mature enough to respect your wishes, and then go formal, A la @FizzyGreenWater
Bullying

Provocative behaviour

Disrupting your relationship with clients

Deliberate continuation of behaviour you've politely asked her not to do = harrassing

Nothing new or useful to add, but virtual hugs.

My grandmother managed to give first names that all 3 of her children seriously hated. Each of them chose to be called by their middle names and two by shortened versions of that name, because they didn’t like the full version either. My mother hated her full names. They did this professionally and this is going back some years. Your company should support you on this; especially as it’s had serious client relationship ramifications.

What a massive dick she is. 'Romantic' indeed!

Shame you can't call her Cunty McCuntface. Not very work appropriate but oh so tempting

@Nonotthisagain

Shame you can't call her Cunty McCuntface. Not very work appropriate but oh so tempting

Would CC (Ceecee) work LOL

I go by a short version of a "romantic" name. This would drive me bananas and several people have tried to "long" name me over the years and been put back in their box.

You just have to stand firm.

EVERY. TIME.

"Were you speaking to me?"

Yes

"Thats not my name"

"I wont be answering you until you ask again using X"

AGAIN. AND AGAIN AND AGAIN

Repeatedly and in front of everyone until she is embarrassed/bored or both