If you are really posh...

[quickque]

How do you view people that aren't?

A genuine question. I can't help but feel as if some of my husbands friends / colleagues think that he's married 'down'....

Maybe a generalisation but I mostly get this impression from his female friends.

It could be your insecurity, it could be female jealousy on their part or a combo of both.

Posh is such a broad term, I assume you mean rich?

I'm often called posh but I don't come from money nor have much so posh is in the eye of the beholder.

Spot on lazylinguist

proper posh, who are genuinely interested and accepting of people from a different background

It really is ridiculous that people actually think this, and the alternation of forelock-tugging towards the so-called 'proper posh' and disdain towards the rude, grabby, materialistic nouveaux is incredibly reactionary.

I can only conclude that class deference towards the aristocracy is so thoroughly engrained within the UK population, that people need to justify it to themselves by convincing themselves that all 'proper' aristocrats are doghair-covered, bump about in elderly rattletraps, and are faultlessly charming to the lower orders.

Thinking that the upper classes 'don't see class' is about as self-deluding as thinking you 'don't see race'.

I think this must be a new money thing because the poshest people I know are actually very nice well rounded people who don’t flaunt their riches at all and don’t look down on others. My neighbors for example live part time next door to us but have another 6 properties around the world and a live in housekeeper who follows them wherever they go. They don’t ever bring flashy cars with them when they arrive and don’t wear clothes with any visible designer labels etc. We’ve get invited to some of their parties and most of their friends are pretty normal and nice. We know for a fact they are worth millions and aside from being invited to the tennis club all the time which costs loads in membership they are pretty cool people. I agree with whomever said it may be imposter syndrome. I would look past it and get on with your life.

I don't know any posh people. All I know is that the landed gentry are all descended from the most ruthless, violent theives around in feudal times, so not what I would call good breeding!
I'm sure if titled people seem to be gracious and unassuming it is because they have been trained to appear so. They probably still think we're all peasants! 😂

My best friend is properly posh. She attended a famous public school and grew up in a manor house with its own croquet lawn! She is totally chilled and very unjudgemental. She has nothing to prove. I am the child of nouveau riche parents who sent me to private school. I am highly judgemental

Well just to balance out all the people claiming old money folk are lovely and open minded, my family are largely pretty old money (titles and big country houses etc) and although they’d be very civil to anyone, and it’s true they wouldn’t flaunt cash, there’s no way they’d want their kids to marry someone who lived in a cul de sac or said serviette. And almost all my generation have ended up married to remarkably similar, public school posh types.

Having worked amongst some seriously ‘posh’ people (whilst we were all teens/early 20’s) who were doing the jobs because they were bored, forced into doing something for the summer (we did different jobs but the same company and shared housing) - yes, they looked down on me with my council house, working class background. And they actively refused to socialise with us ‘lower class’ people unless a lot of alcohol involved. However, they were very much peer led and I don’t believe they all thought the same but followed one or two.

I know "really posh" people who are also "really rude" people! Coming from generations of rude, posh people from what I can see.
Plenty of "friends" who will mitigate it with, "oh but he doesnt know he's doing it" or "that's just her way". But no, they are dismissive and rude to anyone they don't believe to be above them in the ranks.
Plenty of people to fawn over them though. And mysteriously they seem never to foot a restaurant bill!
There's no such thing as "all of x are really" anything.

Real posh people don't give a shit about other people's poshness or not.

Snobs do.

That’s naïve.

[quote quickque]@Lockheart public school - Eton, Rugby etc

And don't have to work for a living [/quote]
You are confusing being wealthy with being posh.

Your husband chose you not because of your class but because of you - stuff everybody else 😀

I think people tend to gravitate towards others with same level of cleverness or politics/ values, more than class. Or am i stupidly naive?

You just have to read threads about people who can't comprehend the concept of basic manners, warning neighbours, not turning up unannounced, sending back RSVPs.. and the absolute rage on threads about shoes on/shoes off homes

Of course people mostly gravitate towards similar-minded others, but that includes background and whatever class you are from. It's exhausting and very difficult to build a life with someone completely different, if you intend to start a family and have kids to raise, let alone living together. It's possible of course, but it's not that easy.

@Sundries

proper posh, who are genuinely interested and accepting of people from a different background

It really is ridiculous that people actually think this, and the alternation of forelock-tugging towards the so-called 'proper posh' and disdain towards the rude, grabby, materialistic nouveaux is incredibly reactionary.

I can only conclude that class deference towards the aristocracy is so thoroughly engrained within the UK population, that people need to justify it to themselves by convincing themselves that all 'proper' aristocrats are doghair-covered, bump about in elderly rattletraps, and are faultlessly charming to the lower orders.

Thinking that the upper classes 'don't see class' is about as self-deluding as thinking you 'don't see race'.

I think there are a lot of other possible explanations.

I noticed in the military that the very highest ranks - generals - were often more personable and friendly and didn't notice rank compared to the few ranks just below them. There are a lot of reasons for that, in some ways that's the role. But also those (relatively) younger men were generally ambitious and capable if they'd got to that level, but only a few would go higher - it was very competitive and often a high stress job.

Similarly many successful people in high paying jobs and professions that want to mix in society are in some sense ambitious and work to maintain their position. It gives a different perspective, maybe you are more likely to be a bit ruthless to have been that successful. You would have to see something good about that kind of success and care about it, and that suggests you might think less of the unsuccessful. Maybe also
you are more likely to see your success as something you did yourself which places you over others, as opposed to something you were lucky to inherit.

Different upbringing and values in those different cultural groups is also a possibility - if you've ever looked into studies about the values of different class groups, it's really quite interesting. The overlaps aren't always obvious, in some things the working classes have more in common with groups like the aristocracy that either do with the middle or upper middle classes.

Hi hollywood. Not sure basic manners is the preserve of the aristos, is it? There is the stereotype of the entitled public school twat who bulldozes his way, offending everyone in sight, oblivious to how he comes across. But I guess am not remotely impressed by class. And maybe not very tuned in to the subtleties.

@Malvernmover

Well just to balance out all the people claiming old money folk are lovely and open minded, my family are largely pretty old money (titles and big country houses etc) and although they’d be very civil to anyone, and it’s true they wouldn’t flaunt cash, there’s no way they’d want their kids to marry someone who lived in a cul de sac or said serviette. And almost all my generation have ended up married to remarkably similar, public school posh types.

I think the marriage thing is interesting - it's really common for groups, even if they are friendly and accepting of outsiders generally, to prefer their kids marry within the group. Be it class groups, ethnicity, religion, etc. To some extent their seems to be some sense to that - marriages seem to fare better when people have broadly similar backgrounds and it makes the extended family relations simpler too, which isn't insignificant.

There are female equivalent stereotypes too of course. The ones who shriek at the top of their voices wherever they go, as though the lower orders are deaf. (joking of course).

Not sure basic manners is the preserve of the aristos, is it?

it's not that exactly, it seems that not everybody agrees over what IS basic manners.

I remember a thread where a poster was convinced that you only needed to send a RSVP if you didn't attend the event for example.

Other details are seen as ridiculous and stuffy fuss, whilst it's considered basics for someone else. It's a lot more obvious when you come from 2 culture, but the social background matters too.

Even papers wrote articles damning or praising Meghan for not wearing tights at all time, and I am sure I read threads here where some posters thought it would be uncouth to be bared legged at a wedding (even in the middle of August wearing a perfectly appropriate midi-dress...)
😂

Oh, I see. Yes, that makes sense. If the 'tights at a wedding' thing is v engrained from birth and you're a bit uptight/ lacking in any life experience, i can see how it might make you get a bit wound up!

@alexandernevermind that sounds like the sport I follow now, involving lots of horses and canines? Yes, an absolute mix of people, some titled & therefore really posh to farmers, nurses, shop & office workers etc., all rubbing along together for the love of a common cause.🐴🐴🐴🐕🐕🐕🐕

Ok. So this is what I've learned. And am sure i've got this v wrong. There is acceptable uncouth (i.e. not washing, talking too loudly and over people, swearing, shagging, lots if drug taking, and letting the family pile fall to rack and ruin) and unaccetable uncouth. I.e. forgetting your tights at a wedding. Is that about the size if it?

Serviette? Absolutely dreadful except in the US where using the word “napkin” might cause some consternation at the table. Lol