Page 2 | If you are really posh...

quickque · 2020-10-04T09:55:04+00:00

How do you view people that aren't? A genuine question. I can't help but feel as if some of my husbands friends / colleagues think that he's married 'down'.... Maybe a generalisation but I mostly get this impression from his female friends.

JudgeRindersMinder · 04/10/2020 11:22

There’s a huge difference between “posh”, who I don’t think would give a shiny shit about your background and just take you as you are, and “snob” who judge everyone and everything with every breath

Newjez · 04/10/2020 11:22

I'm Australian. We view most non Australians with contempt.

Original poster

quickque · 04/10/2020 11:26

Thank you everyone.

@AnnaMagnani what type of things do you mean when you say doing things that aren't right? As that is exactly how I feel! I'm not bad mannered or rude but sometimes I feel like I have done something wrong or embarrassing and I never know what!

OP posts:

ChrisPrattsFace · 04/10/2020 11:26

I spend about two thirds of my year with what I assume you would class as ‘posh’
Those with money they’ve earned tend to be kinder and more approachable (no example would be that they always make time for me and my son) whereas those who inherited money are arseholes. (frequently ask me and my son to leave the area because I ruin their day etc)

Newmumatlast · 04/10/2020 11:31

@BubblyBarbara

Genuinely upper class people can be actually quite humble and generous. It's the upper middle class you have to watch out for as they seem to think they've got it made, people like headteachers, accountants and people who have degrees and big pensions.

I really wouldn't have considered headteachers or accountants upper middle class. Not criticising your opinion just struck me that people all clearly have very different ideas as to what boxes people fit into

Newmumatlast · 04/10/2020 11:36

@JudgeRindersMinder

There’s a huge difference between “posh”, who I don’t think would give a shiny shit about your background and just take you as you are, and “snob” who judge everyone and everything with every breath

Yes I've met snobs who are less educated, not particularly financially well off, and haven't been to public school too. A snob can be someone who isn't necessarily posh. I think as pp have said, you get judgemental snobby people in all walks of life.

Annecdotal point, I've had dinner before with someone who made a big thing about how they are very particular about the wine they drink and made disparaging comments about the house wine I was happy with. They were a minimum wage worker from normal state background and little education or financial stability. I dont say that negatively only to point out that people can be snobby and not at all posh

HopeClearwater · 04/10/2020 11:36

people like headteachers, accountants and people who have degrees and big pensions

HAHAHAHAHA this is hilarious, especially ‘headteachers’.

Get that chip off your shoulder!

maggiecate · 04/10/2020 11:37

There are arseholes in every strata of society - upper class arseholes generally don’t have to worry about the consequences of their rudeness so are more blatant about it, but they’re not what I like to think of as proper posh, who are genuinely interested and accepting of people from a different background. It’s like the old saying - those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

Realitea · 04/10/2020 11:38

I know proper posh people. I mean titles, aristocracy, hanging out with royalty. They could not give a shit. They're kind, laid back, fun loving normal people who don't have any airs and graces. And I'm sure they won't mind me saying, if you saw them you wouldn't think they were posh.
Then I know a lot of people who "wish" they were like this but have it all wrong. They look down on people, judge people on how much money they have, they're competitive and their first question would be 'which school does your child go to' They're usually the ones who have come from no money to lots of money.
I'm a normal person with no fortune behind me but due to my job I come in to contact with all walks of life. I've never felt inferior because I see everyone as equal. If others see me as inferior, that's their business, not mine.

User36258 · 04/10/2020 11:38

I partially fit your definition because I went to public school, but definitely need to work for a living. I promise you I’ve never looked down on anyone in my life for their education / wealth / background, and I think that there’s no such thing as marrying down - especially for a happy marriage!

AnotherNamedChanged · 04/10/2020 11:40

@ChrisPrattsFace

I spend about two thirds of my year with what I assume you would class as ‘posh’ Those with money they’ve earned tend to be kinder and more approachable (no example would be that they always make time for me and my son) whereas those who inherited money are arseholes. (frequently ask me and my son to leave the area because I ruin their day etc)

frequently ask me and my son to leave the area because I ruin their day etc

Where on earth do you and your son spend your time and what are you doing there that you are frequently asked to leave the area as you are ruining their day??

W00t · 04/10/2020 11:41

@BubblyBarbara. people like headteachers

In 25 years of working in schools I am yet to meet a umc head teacher.
Teaching really isn't a profession that umc go into for life. Some will do as a stop gap after university before marrying, or TESOL for a bit of travel experience, but that's it.

AnnaMagnani · 04/10/2020 11:44

Mumsnet has this idea that the really posh don't give a shit about these things. My mum spent a lot her career with these people - worst she ever worked with was a Duchess. My DM walked out and apparently she wasn't the first. The woman was unbearable.

AstiniMartini · 04/10/2020 11:44

DH is proper posh. His friends too. (Although all work for a living..... )

With the single excception of one friend who pretty near everyone thinks is a twunt they seriously do not give a crap about what anyone else is or isn't. Certainly I do not feel looked down on. I am godmother to their children for example!

The friend who does look down on others is a wanker. But most of the others roll their eyes about him tbh.

It is MUCH more frequent that my friends from my social class and famioly take the piss out of DH and his mates - and have stereotypes about them. Much much more common IME

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/10/2020 11:45

I had a proper posh friend for a while, just a casual thing and we lost touch. The sort, whose father had residences around the world. She never told me her real name as she’d decided to change it and I never asked that or her surname. She didn’t really get what it was like to be normal. She lived in Paris, we went out and ended up at someone’s small apartment and she did a bit of Coke, felt bad, then I looked after her, she felt better and we went to a very large apartment for a party. She had a lot of issues, had been in the priory for drugs despite being early 20’s. You never would have known she was from a wealthy family. She seemed very ordinary.

Rhine · 04/10/2020 11:48

I sometimes work with a girl from an old ‘landed gentry’ type family, lives in a big hall that’s been in her family for generations, good private school etc. However I genuinely had no idea until fairly recently. She’s quite well spoken, but that’s it.

Therefore I think it’s probably true that the biggest snobs are the middle classes and new money types.

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 04/10/2020 11:49

OP I would say you're describing more of a 'nouveau' view. Truly posh people actually don't really care about class (they don't need to!).

ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords · 04/10/2020 11:51

@BubblyBarbara

Genuinely upper class people can be actually quite humble and generous. It's the upper middle class you have to watch out for as they seem to think they've got it made, people like headteachers, accountants and people who have degrees and big pensions.

I think your idea of class is rather at odds with most people. Headteachers and accountants are just bog standard middle class not UMC, but I am intrigued as to why you think you need to watch out for them.

speakout · 04/10/2020 11:54

My OH married "down".

Think Eton and related to one of the wealthiest Dukes in the country.

I am a schemie- grew up in a rough massive council estate- think burnt out sofas in the front garden, dead dogs lying in the street.
I often joke with him about his liking for a bit of rough.

My OHs family are amazing people- they have welcomed me with open arms- they see me for who I am rather than where I come from.a They phone me for a chat or advice and regularly ask me out for lunch or a visit without OH.

EarthSight · 04/10/2020 11:55

@SunbathingDragon I think some of them are asset rich but cash poor. They simply can't emotionally part with their massive crumbling houses & mansions, and I can understand why. It's parting with family history for a lot of them.

wewillmeetagain · 04/10/2020 11:56

I tend to find that the really "posh" types eg aristocrats and old money are absolutely fine and not so judgemental. It's the middle class or new money types that can be judgy and think they are better than others.

CruzControl · 04/10/2020 11:57

I think I'm probably a foot into both worlds. I went to a state comprehensive school, from a single-parent low-income family. But I'm from an affluent area and a number of my friends were privately educated. I have a career in the city where most people were privately educated and went to Oxbridge, but used to be a teacher in comprehensive schools. DH's family were very wealthy, he had a trust fund etc.
In my experience, "posh" people are more welcoming that people who are poorer/less-educated etc.

Gwenhwyfar · 04/10/2020 11:57

"I mean the only way you describe them seems to be by putting the boot in and implying they dont work etc."

That's not putting the boot in though, is it?

JaffaCake70 · 04/10/2020 11:58

To a degree I know how you feel.

I'm a 50 year old single Mother. I grew up in a deprived area. I'm a band 2 hospital worker (not very well paid at all). I'm self sufficient and proud!

I recently ended a two and a half year relationship. I ended it for a number of reasons but one of the reasons was that I definitely got the impression that my ex and his friends viewed me as 'less than' them. I'll not include his family in this because they were truly lovely and made me feel very accepted and welcome.

I do have to say though, that I think getting into a relationship with a man who lived in a 'posh' village, amongst solely affluent people, was a mistake on my part. My insecurities about my social status kicked in big time and probably made me quite judgy of them too.

I couldn't stand the fact that the main topic of conversation when 'down the pub' was how much someone was worth or which multi million pound property had just gone on the market. My ex would constantly tell me how rich certain people were, it was all about money. He would never talk about things that his acquaintances had achieved, it was always about how much a person was worth. I don't get that, I really don't.

Ultimately I didn't fit in with his crowd and being around them started to make me feel like I'd failed at life in some way. Now that I'm out of that situation I'm working on bettering myself (not to make money, but to build on my self esteem).

I think we project how we feel about ourselves on to others. I'm intelligent enough to know that if I was secure in my view of myself, it wouldn't have affected me in the way that it did to be around these people.

Eyewhisker · 04/10/2020 11:58

There is a weird English thing that the truly posh people are the world’s nicest people and never look down on others, whereas it’s the ones who made their own money you have to look out for.

I have never found this to be true. At university, I was surrounded by the posh set, and they never mixed outside their set. A few good-looking mc girls were allowed in, but it was known that they were not quite born to it. Very much a ‘doors-to-manual’ culture.

This fawning over the posh is really unedifying.