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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Two bed house in ideal place, or a bedroom for each child?

465 replies

Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 21:14

I'm a single mum of two DSs, aged 12 & 14. I've recently had my divorce settlement so I'm finally able to move out of our rented house and buy our own home.

I've seen a 2 bedroom house in a very desirable village, Ive always wanted to live there. Think chocolate box houses and a pretty high street. The house is well within my means, and I think I could do it up and make a good profit on it within a few years. It's a bit further away from my work, and the school, but I think house prices are going to rocket there so it's a bit of a bargain.

My ex thinks I should buy a 3 bedroom house so the DSs can each have their own room, but I can't afford one in that village. It would have to be in the nearby town, where they go to school, and closer to where ExH lives, so its' more convenient in some ways but it's nowhere near as pretty.

My DSs say they dont mind sharing a room. AIBU to buy the 2 bed?

OP posts:
Eviebeans · 04/10/2020 07:39

I would say not to buy a house now with the idea that you can "fix it up and sell it on". Life may take over and not allow the time or funds for that to happen - also with the way things are at the moment I don't think it's possible to predict housing market in a few years time... So I say buy 3 bed. The boys may be living with you for longer than you think...

luckylavender · 04/10/2020 07:40

Not fair on the children at their age. You say you won't be there long, but 5 years is a long time at their age. They need their own space & friends. You'll have to move there when they've left home.

KatherineJaneway · 04/10/2020 07:42

The more you post, the more selfish you sound. It's all 'me, me, me'. Just because you liked growing up in a village, doesn't mean they will.

I'm finally able to get on the housing ladder on my own, why shouldn't I have a place in the village I've always dreamed of...?

Because it isn't just you. You sound like you are buying a shoebox place that is nowhere near big enough for the needs of your family. Also there are no guarantees about turning a profit on a house.

They can bring friends over. I'm sure they will.

Where would they hang out? There's nowhere private as you are 'always home' and their room is shared. They will likely spend more and more time at friends / with their dad than with you. But I suspect that might be your plan.

Piwlyfbicsly · 04/10/2020 07:49

I vote for the 2 bedroom.
There are some solutions of how to create a little personal space for each child.
I grew up sharing a room with my sister and it wasn’t THAT much of an issue for us.
For me the area you and children live is much more important.

MoonJelly · 04/10/2020 07:50

The DS say they dont mind, and they don't really do any after school stuff. Im not keen on driving so I don't want to be ferrying them around everywhere!

They may say they don't mind now, they will mind very soon, especially when they're working for GCSEs and A levels.

The fact that they don't do after school stuff now doesn't mean they won't want to the moment someone starts an after school stuff in something that interests them, or a friend or girlfriend joins and they decide to follow suit.

The fact that you don't want to ferry them around is why the town house is so much more sensible - more bus routes available to them.

Treaclespongeandcustard · 04/10/2020 07:56

I think you should buy the 3 bed semi. It’s really difficult to ‘flip’ a house ... money and time will get in the way and 5 years will have passed before you know it. The kids will need their own space and it would be nice for them to be closer to school/friends. Why don’t you wait a few years and then move to the village?

Notonthestairs · 04/10/2020 08:02

So the house is a bit too small for your family, needs renovating and is a fair distance from your kids school and you aren't prepared to do any additional driving. It's not the right house!

Do you have any experience of living in an unfinished house? Do you have any experience of renovations? I do and it's miserable.

Also selling on a 3 bed semi in a town will be easier then a more rural smaller property.

We also moved to a village where I didn't have any friends - I don't know why you'd wish that on your kids. That said my parents were brilliant at ferrying us around, birthday/Christmas gifts of driving lessons and when I passed lent me a car - they understood how their lifestyle choices impacted my life. I'm not sure you are quite so flexible.

Keep looking.

UselessASD · 04/10/2020 08:02

So a teenager doing exams with -
Sharing a bedroom with little other space for studying
45 mins from school or after school activities and a parent keen on driving you around
No room to have friends home
In a home with giving up going home

So that you can
make a profit on a chocolate box cottage in a village you love but only plan to live for 5 years

MoonJelly · 04/10/2020 08:03

I'm finally able to get on the housing ladder on my own, why shouldn't I have a place in the village I've always dreamed of...?

Because you decided to have children, and sometimes their needs come before yours?

I don't see why they can't do their homework in their bedroom, surely? THat's where I did all mine as a kid.

Did you have to share the bedroom with a sibling at the time? Or have them on the other side of a flimsy partition?

They think they want to be near the park etc, but that means they'll just be hanging around there after school which isn't ideal either!

So they'e not as keen on village life as you suggest? And why is it inevitable or indeed undesirable that they will be hanging around in the park? Is it so awful that they socialise with their friends, may play football or other games, etc? Why does being in a village guarantee that they won't be hanging around somewhere after school rather than going back to their cramped house which is constantly being done up?

UselessASD · 04/10/2020 08:03

Long typo
In a home with giving up going home
In a home with renovation

hibbledibble · 04/10/2020 08:04

Two bedroom cottage is only best for you. Three bedroom works for your whole family. It depends what's more important. It sounds like you are fixated on the two bed.

Orangesandlemons82 · 04/10/2020 08:06

A room with no window is a cupboard. An estate agent wouldn't class it as a third bedroom when you go to sell. Also, how are you going to work from home with all these renovations going on? It needs a new kitchen, but you work in the kitchen??

Meredusoleil · 04/10/2020 08:07

Seriously, this thread is starting to sound more and more about money. The OP just has her eye on making some money from the 2 bed and getting her foot into the village for later on. She wants to buy into a lifestyle she had when she was young. It's like some deluded, nostalgic, idealistic trip down memory lane.

None of this is focussed on her 2 boys and its all incredibly short sighted. Maybe you should do neither OP and stay where you re for now? Maybe buy somewhere in the village, do it up straight away and rent it out instead. That way you can make some money out of it before the market crashes?

ravensoaponarope · 04/10/2020 08:07

The only part I don't get about this is that if it's where you have always wanted to live, why not stay there? why do you plan only to stay a few years?
It's fine for your boys to share a bedroom. You deserve to live where you want and they don;t mind- there's no problem

MoonJelly · 04/10/2020 08:08

It's run down, so it needs modernising, new kitchen, redecoration, tidy up the garden etc. Plus I'll be turning it from a 2 bed into a 3 bed.

I don't think anyone looking to buy the house is going to be conned into thinking the partition makes it a three bed house if one room doesn't have a window.

MoonJelly · 04/10/2020 08:10

If you're buying now, you will certainly make a profit on a three bed house in town in a few years' time. Why not look to move to the village in around five years when maybe you will be able to buy something bigger anyway?

User43210 · 04/10/2020 08:11

I started reading this thinking you exh has no say and do what you want. I love the idea of a village house but this is terraced, 2 bed and sounds like it will be awful and cramped.

You say you'll make it into a three bed but you won't really as it's not three liveable rooms.

I hate when people say this usually but I have no idea why you posted. You're looking for yes men and I'm sorry but you are being unreasonable. Your poor sons.

Nottherealslimshady · 04/10/2020 08:11

3 bed house close to their school and dad, where they can comfortably have friends round or go out with friends and have their independence as they get older.

Sounds like you want to buy your ideal post-kids house while you still have kids at home, sorry. They may seem excited about doing it up but it'll wear thin and it seems like they're making a lot of sacrifices for your dream cottage. No window if you split the bedrooms? That's really not good for mental health tbh. And you're not willing to drive them anywhere because you've moved them away from school and their friends?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 04/10/2020 08:14

I think you have idealised living in this particular village. I live in such a village and honestly we love it but are planning to move to the nearest town when DC are older as we see neighbours having to ferry teens everywhere.

FlatandFabulous · 04/10/2020 08:15

I don't think you are being unreasonable for wanting the cottage - it's where you want to live - but I do think that if you do that you are being very unreasonable taking the "I'm not giving lifts" stance. You really only seem to care about yourself which may well be as a result of your relationship breakdown but it doesn't come across as very nice.

hammeringinmyhead · 04/10/2020 08:17

Well, this wins Selfish Thread of the Week!

I got to "opinion is divided" and started to laugh.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 04/10/2020 08:17

How can you say it's your dream house if you plan on flipping it and selling in 5 years?

Teens generally don't want to live in villages.

It won't be long and they'll be moving out and you can buy for you.

WiggleSquiggle · 04/10/2020 08:19

I believe it’s ok to be a bit selfish when it comes to these things, even when you have children, but not whilst they’re reliant on you!

Buy the 3 bed in the town where they can see their friends and have their own space, then you can save for somewhere of your own in your dream area when they’re older, in that time you may have met someone else too so can pool together to get a bigger mortgage in the village.
I shared a bedroom with my sibling for 9 years until it became unviable, then I was stuck in a cupboard of a room. I left home at 16, and a main reason was because it was just not enough room for me to ever feel comfortable.

Branleuse · 04/10/2020 08:20

Could you get the two bed and you sleep in the lounge or dining room for a few years, or get a heated cabin in the garden

WiggleSquiggle · 04/10/2020 08:22

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

How can you say it's your dream house if you plan on flipping it and selling in 5 years?

Teens generally don't want to live in villages.

It won't be long and they'll be moving out and you can buy for you.

Ah but not everyone moves out as a teenager these days, my brother is at 30 years and going strong. Grin