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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Two bed house in ideal place, or a bedroom for each child?

465 replies

Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 21:14

I'm a single mum of two DSs, aged 12 & 14. I've recently had my divorce settlement so I'm finally able to move out of our rented house and buy our own home.

I've seen a 2 bedroom house in a very desirable village, Ive always wanted to live there. Think chocolate box houses and a pretty high street. The house is well within my means, and I think I could do it up and make a good profit on it within a few years. It's a bit further away from my work, and the school, but I think house prices are going to rocket there so it's a bit of a bargain.

My ex thinks I should buy a 3 bedroom house so the DSs can each have their own room, but I can't afford one in that village. It would have to be in the nearby town, where they go to school, and closer to where ExH lives, so its' more convenient in some ways but it's nowhere near as pretty.

My DSs say they dont mind sharing a room. AIBU to buy the 2 bed?

OP posts:

lyralalala · 04/10/2020 00:32

Is there actually space for them both to do their homework, properly, in their bedrooms?

You are talking about being there for at least 5 years so both kids going through GCSE's and at least one through A Levels. They'll need space where they can both study at the same time. Does the cottage have the space for that?

If you live 45 minutes away from their school and friends then you have to be prepared to be Mum's Taxi when buses don't turn up, when trains are cancelled, when the weather is a nightmare and means events are scrapped last minute.

lollipopsatdawn · 04/10/2020 00:42

Living in a village is awful

newnameforthis123 · 04/10/2020 00:44

@lyralalala

Is there actually space for them both to do their homework, properly, in their bedrooms?

All of this. You'll regret it when you're a taxi, especially as they're going to have different friends due to their ages so there will be double the pain in the arse trips! Space wise I think it's so important at that age to have your own space and with all the hormones that will be flying around and the important school years I think that separate rooms is important,

combatbarbie · 04/10/2020 00:47

@lyralalala OP has already firmly stated she will not be mum taxi. Kids will be fending for themselves on rural bus and train links.

RevolutionRadio · 04/10/2020 00:48

I can't believe you're even contemplating the smaller house.

There's no consideration of you sons lack of personal space.

Where is the 3rd bedroom you're making? The split of 2 rooms won't class as a bedroom without a window.

blueshoes · 04/10/2020 00:49

You are planning on doing up the house whilst the children approach their most important exams - do you realise how much preparation is required for the GCSE post-Michael Gove?

I cannot believe you would mortgage your children's future and turn their lives upside down to try and earn a non-guaranteed profit on a pokey run down house that needs a lot of work. Why don't you just stick to your day job and work harder from the 3 bed home than turn your hand to amateur property development.

The next 5 years are crucial for your dcs. I suggest you put them first.

TeamLannister · 04/10/2020 00:54

You sound incredibly selfish. You have railroaded your DC into thinking it's a good idea to buy the two bed but it isn't for them. Especially as it sounds like it needs a lot of work and money invested. Whatever you think you'd need to spend, double that and then some. Oh, and the housing market is going to crash and burn so you won't be flipping anything in 5 years with a decent profit.

EL8888 · 04/10/2020 00:57

What’s it got to do with your ex. You’re divorced and your choices are none of his business anymore

IdblowJonSnow · 04/10/2020 00:58

I would base this decision on your boys. When theyve left, which wont be that long, go for it then.

lyralalala · 04/10/2020 01:01

[quote combatbarbie]@lyralalala OP has already firmly stated she will not be mum taxi. Kids will be fending for themselves on rural bus and train links. [/quote]
I know she has, but it will happen. Every parent who has moved into our village has said that... It doesn't work when your kid phones you at 6pm to say that the last bus is cancelled or the trains have gone off.

There simply will be times that she'll have to be Mum's taxi or her children will actually be stranded. Mine are all very independent, but there has still been taxi occasions because of the nature of rural services.

Especially at the moment with Covid. The bus (just a normal passenger bus) that teens in our village get home from school has gone awol due to driver shortages umpteen times in the last couple of weeks. There is not a safe walking route home. Parents had zero choice but to collect (and the ones that couldn't drive had to beg other parents to collect).

Bikingbear · 04/10/2020 01:02

@EL8888

What’s it got to do with your ex. You’re divorced and your choices are none of his business anymore

The boys are still his sons he's pointing out what is / isn't in their interest.

SD1978 · 04/10/2020 01:03

@Mooseflake - if this isn't just a bored windup, which it's sounding more and more like to be honest- you're not turning it into a three bed- you're splitting a room and making a box room with no window. You're not really answering, juts conflating the answers more to it seems, cause more frustration. You've heard what most people think k- you're unreasonable and selfish

Rocket1982 · 04/10/2020 01:10

Definitely get the house in the town. Your life is going to be much easier. The DC will appreciate space and independence and not having to spend hours on public transport. Also the 1.5 hours less round trip to get to their dad's. Save up and move to the village if you want to once they've left school.

Figgyboa · 04/10/2020 01:11

3 bedrooms. Your boys are growing up and need their space. You can buy in your dream village once the kids have left home.

BetsyBigNose · 04/10/2020 02:32

If you're so set on buying the 2 bed village house, have you considered giving your sons the larger bedroom instead of having it yourself? If you were to divide that would there be a window for each of them? I don't think you can give either if them a room without a window, it's just not acceptable.

We were living in the middle of nowhere a few years ago - our driveway opened straight onto a main A road, which had no pavement, so to leave the house, you had to be in a car. You couldn't even get to a bus stop without driving there. It was idyllic, lovely house - although it was only 2 bedrooms, beautiful garden which backed onto woodland and a five minute drive to the beach.

When we began to think about Secondary School for our eldest DD, we started to consider more seriously the downside of not being able to leave the without being in a car and we decided that it was vital for our DDs to be able to build some independence. It was a huge decision, fuelled only by what was best for our children - DH and I would have been happy to live in that house for the rest of our lives, but it just wasn't suited to teenagers or young adults.

We moved to a city, a 10 minute walk from the city centre, a 30 minute walk (or 10 minute bus ride) from school and easy walking distance to DDs various friends' houses. They each have their own bedroom, which has been an absolute dream during lockdown - I really don't think they would have coped particularly well if they had still been sharing! They have both become much more independent, and each have expressed how glad they are that we made the move.

I really do think that while your sons are teenagers, it's vitally important that you consider their needs before your own and go for the 3 bedroom, city property. I'm sure you won't - in fact I'm fairly certain you'll just do exactly what you want, and I agree with all the PPs who have called you selfish. You'd be doing your children a massive disservice. They'll grow to resent you, and you'll deserve it.

mummyoneboy19 · 04/10/2020 06:54

Buy the village house. Plenty of children and teenagers not in Mumsnet-land share a bedroom and it doesn’t harm them at all, especially as your kids have said they don’t mind sharing!

Otherwise you’ll all end up wondering “what if” from the town house none of you were overly excited by.

RepeatSwan · 04/10/2020 06:56

Location location location. Every time.

Hercwasonaroll · 04/10/2020 07:04

You're so so delusional, surely no one is this thick.

They won't have the "growing up in the village" experience if they move there as teens. All they'll have is the "irritated it takes hours to get anywhere" experience.

45 mins each day is a lot. 1.5 hour round trip to school, that's a lot of totally wasted time.

notdaddycool · 04/10/2020 07:08

If you plan to do up and move on have them close to friends/ school until they leave home then move to a village.

Florencex · 04/10/2020 07:08

@Mooseflake

The DS say they dont mind, and they don't really do any after school stuff. Im not keen on driving so I don't want to be ferrying them around everywhere!

The village has been on my wish list for years, I can finally afford to live there now! I don't want to lose that chance, another house might not come up there for ages!

You are being extremely selfish.

You need to get the three bedroom house in the town.

FenellaVelour · 04/10/2020 07:11

If you partition the existing bedroom to separate it into two - one of which has no window - you are not turning it into a three bed house. You’re turning it into a house with a tiny second bedroom plus a cupboard. Not only will this be horrible for your children - particularly the poor sod who gets stuck sleeping in a cupboard - but you will actively be devaluing the property that you seem to think you can make a profit on, leading me to question whether you have the faintest clue what you’re doing.

SarahBellam · 04/10/2020 07:16

This is a no brainer - 3 bedroom in the town near school and friends. I don’t know why you would consider something that is clearly not suitable for you or your children’s needs.

Clymene · 04/10/2020 07:21

This thread title is wrong. The two bedroom house isn't in a pan ideal place at all.

CamillasHardHat · 04/10/2020 07:27

My friend did something similar with the whole I grew up in an area like this and loved it. What she failed to realise is that you cannot recreate a period in time, it isn't the same now as it was then. Your children are not you.

I would always opt for separate bedrooms if possible. I shared and I hated compromising on decor, lights out, having friends over. Of course your children are smart enough to tell you they don't mind, probably because they understand that you haven't got a huge amount of money to splurge on a house.

Don't underestimate how much that cottage is going to cost you in renovation. You are talking about making a profit on it, so are you planning to stay or not?

Think about illness, homework, online learning (a real possibility with Covid) do they have room in their shared bedroom for a massive desk? Think about an A4 school book, plus a revision guide plus a laptop/computer space requirement.

Dividing a room and making it a 3 bedroom house where one room has no window will not work in terms of making a profit.

EmbarrassedUser · 04/10/2020 07:29

Get a three bed. It’s not long until they will want to bring girl friends home and even now I’m sure they bring friends. Privacy is key.

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