Two bed house in ideal place, or a bedroom for each child?

[Mooseflake]

I'm a single mum of two DSs, aged 12 & 14. I've recently had my divorce settlement so I'm finally able to move out of our rented house and buy our own home.

I've seen a 2 bedroom house in a very desirable village, Ive always wanted to live there. Think chocolate box houses and a pretty high street. The house is well within my means, and I think I could do it up and make a good profit on it within a few years. It's a bit further away from my work, and the school, but I think house prices are going to rocket there so it's a bit of a bargain.

My ex thinks I should buy a 3 bedroom house so the DSs can each have their own room, but I can't afford one in that village. It would have to be in the nearby town, where they go to school, and closer to where ExH lives, so its' more convenient in some ways but it's nowhere near as pretty.

My DSs say they dont mind sharing a room. AIBU to buy the 2 bed?

@Branleuse

Could you get the two bed and you sleep in the lounge or dining room for a few years, or get a heated cabin in the garden

Nah, don't quite think that fits into the OP's mental image where she is the envy of her friends, due to buying a cottage where the only plus point is "it's pretty".

I think you need to put the needs of your children first. We live in a village 5mins drive away from where their school is and it's a right pain having to ferry them everywhere. You can't expect them to get public transport everywhere especially at night when I'm sure it won't be that regular.
My DS is 16 and has a girlfriend, he would hate to be sharing a room now.
Think you need to think longer term and how things will change for them over the next few years - studying for exams etc. You can move to your ideal village location once they have flown the nest!

This isnt what you want to hear, but you are making this choice based on what you want, not what your kids will need.
At 12 and 14, they will change a lot in the next 5 years. And they will want their own rooms. One will be doing alevels while the other does gcses, they need independent space to study.
I dont see a problem with choosing the village, but the small house is the issue.

The cottage is your dream but it’d be selfish to drag your kids there. Can you afford to buy the cottage outright with your divorce money? If so, buy it and either do it up and sell it on, or rent it out now, and rent in town till your D.C. are off at university.

Will you be able to fit two desks into the boys bedroom. I do think you’re being selfish. I understand why you want the village but a 45 minute journey each way to school, and an additional 45 minutes on an already long journey to their dads is a lot.

@UselessASD

So a teenager doing exams with - Sharing a bedroom with little other space for studying 45 mins from school or after school activities and a parent keen on driving you around No room to have friends home In a home with giving up going home

So that you can
make a profit on a chocolate box cottage in a village you love but only plan to live for 5 years

It's not a chocolate-box cottage at all, people have missed the OP's drip-feed that it's a terraced house. Oh so idyllic. So quaint and rural.

This must be a wind up, it just has to be.

Buy your house. I don't get how it is wrong to prioritise yourself here. Are people so entitled that they think room sharing is a sort of abuse. It was the norm until recently, historically speaking. I shared and the house didn't even have a table. Still managed to get to the top uni in the country. Nor did my parents have a car but you know, bicycles and buses exist.
It is not wrong to buy the house you want. It's no big deal sharing a room or getting a bus
They have another parent in town for occasions they want to stay there.

The sharing a bedroom for me isn’t an issue it’s the 45 mins from school and the fact you don’t want to be a taxi service!

All your decisions seem to be about you and not about your children, if this 2 bed was to be your forever home then I’d say go for it but it isn’t!

Your sons will end up talking with their feet and moving in with another relative/friend closer to school, I know a few of my teens friends have done this eg moved in with the other parent, moved into grandparents house or 1 has even moved in with a friends family.

I'm not quite sure whether the OP is for real - all the 'chocolate box' stuff doesn't ring quite true (describing somewhere as chocolate box makes it sound twee) but just in case:

I have two boys who have just gone through their teenage years and it really helps to live somewhere that's close to their school, their friends, girlfriends, where they can get part time jobs, go out in the evenings etc.

We live in a village but it's a large non-twee village with shops, cafes and pubs and only a 15 minute bus from a large city. Even so I spent my weekends ferrying them around to parties, friends and girlfriends' houses.

They weren't sporty either but both got involved in drama clubs and both got part-time jobs so there was that too. It's just what you do as a parent and I wanted them to have full lives.

They have both left home now and can both drive - one moved into a house share in London and the other with his girlfriend - I can live where I like which is great but giving them what I was able throughout those teenage years was great. (and fleeting btw)

Either buy the three bed or step up and agree to support their interests, social lives and friendships through these crucial years.

Still not quite sure I believe you though.

It’s a weird one OP. I suspect you have a tiny little voice somewhere telling you you’re being unreasonable. You’ve obviously spoken about it with your sons and say that they’re fine with being 45 mins away from the town they want to be in, fine with sharing a room and fine with not being driven about by you. So why post?
As I said. Either a tiny voice telling you you’re being unreasonable - and on the off chance this is the case. LISTEN TO IT.
Or
You don’t give a shiny shit and you’re posting for another reason.

So you're completely unconcerned that your sons will have no private study space?

This is a really selfish post

I think if they were a lot younger, toddlers or primary age then the village house could work. But teenagers? No. Especially as you say there’s not much living space downstairs. FWIW two of mine share (age 7 and 9) but we have 3 reception rooms so they have enough room to spread out from each other and their other siblings. We’re planning on converting our attic in the next 5 years to give them a room each.

I get why you want to live in the pretty village cottage but honestly, I think this needs to be the plan once you can either afford a bigger house there or when the boys leave home. I think you also have to bear in mind that so many young adults will have to live at home for longer due to housing costs and God only knows what the economy will be like post covid and Brexit so can you imagine them still sharing in ten years of you can’t afford to move?

Good luck with your decision

I'd buy a 3 bed house.

Will be much better for your sons to have their own rooms and be closer to their school and their dad.

You can buy a cottage in years to come when they move out.

How about if you divide your bedroom rather than theirs, and you have the room with no window?

The other problem with living in a village is how they are going to get home after going to pubs and clubs when they are older.
Money for taxis adds up and there’s always the worry that they will lose the taxi money and have to walk home.
Friends parents soon get fed up of having them to stay after every session.
You need to see that you could end up with three adults living in this two bedroom cottage.
As a person with kids still at home in their 20’s, with no hope of moving out, I say listen to what the vast majority are saying - go for the 3 bedroom.

The cottage sounds completely unsuitable for your children's needs. 5 years is a long time squashed in a small cottage.

I also think they are 12 and 14 - but it won't be long until they are 18 and 20. You think they will have moved out by then - but what if they haven't (lots of reasons they might not, my eldest is only just moving out at 24). You think you will sell it in a few years - but what if the market collapses? You think this area will only go up in value - but this year should show you how quickly things can flip - look at central London rents, especially of small flats.

I would definitely look for a house that is big enough for long term living.

Well, it's one way to drive your sons into deciding they want to stay with their dad permanently. Is that what you're aiming at?

Your kids will have to travel 45 mins to school then?

Sorry, that's really unfair on them.

You need to do what's best for them and buy the 3 bed in town.

Out of interest posters who see village life as an abuse of human rights of teenagers.

Are you aware that hundreds of thousands of teenagers live in villages. Part time work is available, often abundant on farms for example. Getting a taxi once a week on a Saturday night does not cause permanent damage.

Putting teenagers first could result in entitled adults who expect others to adapt to them. Me and ALL my friends spent teenage years in villages. Perfectly happy. Lots of posters have said sharing a room is fine, ops sons themselves said it's fine.

If this were your dream house and were never moving again I would think it would be the right thing to do for you. Children move on amazingly quickly and before you know it they’ll be gone. Then you’d be left in a 3 bed in a location you hate and regret ever buying it.
However as you are planning to sell in five years it probably makes more sense to buy the 3 bed and try to move to your desired location in five years when at least one will have fled the nest and the other may have some form of self mobility. My only worry would be getting stuck in the 3 bed in a location I resented.

There will be another house in the village in 10 years time or so when you are ready for the chocolate box forever house.

Just because life was ok for you sharing, life has changed. You need to give your children the best start in life. A tiny cottage with a shared bedroom is not that when you can afford a 3 bed in a more central location.

The part of you talking right now sounds very young and you are catastrophising. Get the 3 bed. Get the central location. Your children will be able to go to the local park with the local kids, take buses around with them.

If you lived near the school at 12 and 14 they would be doing it already. Going and hanging out is so important for teens. Your kids will soon begrudge this move. My dd is 12. She take the bus. So when she goes, I have to collect her.

I'd go for the town house.
Older teens come with a ton of stuff, you will be stifled in a little cottage.
Also it's not like it's your forever home, I'd not sacrifice everyones convenience for the chance to turn a bit of a profit.

Are you hoping that their friend's parents will have them to stay over? I think a lot of parents would rather have a friend to stay rather than spend 3 hours driving to bring friends to you and back. I wouldn't want my young teens travelling on their own on public transport into the evenings.

Having to leave friends to catch the last bus/train when a get together is in full swing is miserable and likely to either result in pleas for lifts/not coming home/fewer invitations

If their friends can be persuaded to visit where are you going to put them all? Do you have to retreat to your bedroom for the duration? Will both sets of friends mix well? What happens if one son's friends want to hang out, the other son needs to do homework and you are trying to renovate/do housework/wfh?

I suspect that moving in with their dad will become increasingly attractive. His unusual hours don't have much of a bearing at their ages (they are old enough to be in a house on their own) and would probably be seen as a bonus. Plus you would have Exh & DM telling you that you obviously made the wrong choice.

You can't create a 3 bed out of the property so if that is how you envisaged making this large profit then you need to rethink that.

You should be prepared to get a sofa bed to give your sons adequate space for studying and socialising. There is another point that hasn't been brought up so far I think - what happens if you start dating again and want to bring someone back?

I woulndt want to live in a 2 bed terrace with two teenage boys while dealing with the stress of doing it up. But you know your kids. It also seems a bit mean to move 45 min away from their school and social lives, then tell them your not driving them they'll have to get the bus.

But that aside, you seem very sure you'll make a profit on this house.

Have you flipped a house before?
How old is it, do you have a limitless budget?
Are you aware that terrace houses do have a pricing ceiling.
The housing market may destabilise with Brexit and covid.
Do you know tradesman that will help you?

You're plan seems to be to buy a run down old cottage that will probably be at the detriment to your sons quality of life. Do it up and then sell it at a profit so you can by a bigger house (which by that point you won't need) in the same village.

But you've no guarantee you'll actually make that profit. There could be countless pitfalls. If the house was a clear money maker - a developer would snap it up in seconds.