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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Two bed house in ideal place, or a bedroom for each child?

465 replies

Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 21:14

I'm a single mum of two DSs, aged 12 & 14. I've recently had my divorce settlement so I'm finally able to move out of our rented house and buy our own home.

I've seen a 2 bedroom house in a very desirable village, Ive always wanted to live there. Think chocolate box houses and a pretty high street. The house is well within my means, and I think I could do it up and make a good profit on it within a few years. It's a bit further away from my work, and the school, but I think house prices are going to rocket there so it's a bit of a bargain.

My ex thinks I should buy a 3 bedroom house so the DSs can each have their own room, but I can't afford one in that village. It would have to be in the nearby town, where they go to school, and closer to where ExH lives, so its' more convenient in some ways but it's nowhere near as pretty.

My DSs say they dont mind sharing a room. AIBU to buy the 2 bed?

OP posts:
VinylDetective · 03/10/2020 23:21

If you want the house so much @Mooseflake, give them a bedroom each and buy a sofa bed for you.

Freshfaced · 03/10/2020 23:23

It's not just the room (although I'm fascinated that putting one of them into what is essentially a cupboard with no natural light seems like a sensible option for you.)
They will not see their friends. Their friends will not come to your house. You live too far away. It's a hassle for them to get to see their friends. When the older teens want to go to a party will they be leaving at 10 for the 90 min bus ride?
You are being very short sighted and selfish. Your kids can't see into the future but literally everyone who has older teens in this thread has said that if you have a choice then the village is absolutely the wrong one.

DustyLoafer · 03/10/2020 23:24

@VinylDetective

If you want the house so much *@Mooseflake*, give them a bedroom each and buy a sofa bed for you.
Good idea.
DustyLoafer · 03/10/2020 23:25

They'll have room then for friends to stay over.

Freshfaced · 03/10/2020 23:26

Both my DC (older teens) do after school sports. These finish at 6-7.00. Then your lads would have a long bus journey, dinner, homework. It's a lot. They probably won't stick at after school stuff and you will have further limited their opportunities and social life.

ohflipit · 03/10/2020 23:26

@VinylDetective

If you want the house so much *@Mooseflake*, give them a bedroom each and buy a sofa bed for you.
We did this once. Had a three bed but had to move to a two bed for a while. Kids come first in our house and we barely used our bedroom anyway.
lakeswimmer · 03/10/2020 23:28

I have teens sharing a house in a rural location. It's fine. Three year age gap. DH shared a bedroom with his brother with a much larger age gap and they enjoyed chatting before they went to sleep.

Our DSs room is divided by wardrobes down the middle so they both have their own side which each of them is responsible for tidying.

PickAChew · 03/10/2020 23:30

It's a bit naive to assume you would make any profit on the house.

Why not buy in the town while the boys are with you then move to the village once they've moved on?

bananachocolate · 03/10/2020 23:31

An anecdote I doubt you'll listen to - a friend of mine lived probably about a 45 minute bus ride away from me and my friends when I was a teenager. She had a huge house with a cinema room etc etc and we still rarely went there because it was miles away and it was much more convenient for all of us if she came to us. She regularly had to leave early to catch the bus, pay for taxis and that was with parents who were occasionally willing to pick her up. Her dad bought a house in the area and she all but moved in with him. This will impact your kids, regardless of your dismissal based on your experience

HappyStar56 · 03/10/2020 23:32

I think location is so important but I shared a room and really hated it. I never had any privacy and couldn’t get homework done in peace etc. I think it’s v important for children to have their own room and their current age and as they get older. Good luck with your move whichever you decide though

Original poster
Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 23:35

I'm a homebody, so I'll be spending most of my time at home. Plus of course at the moment, I'm working from home full time for the forseeable future. I don't think I'll ever go back full time to the office, I prefer to be at home.

My DSs aren't really sporty, and dont really do any after school activities so I'm not too worried about that.

OP posts:
Velvian · 03/10/2020 23:36

They're not going to have the village childhood you had, that ship has sailed. They are at an age where socialising and independence will become more important. In a few short years they will not be at school and you could sell your townhouse to buy in the country then.

It really is better for them to have a bedroom each and be close to school. You asked and it's an obvious answer.

Original poster
Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 23:37

@ohflipit

Can't the boys live with their Dad full time? At least he seems be aware of their needs and concerned about their welfare
No - he works unusual hours and lives in a different part of the country. So it's not an option.
OP posts:
Bikingbear · 03/10/2020 23:38

I think the boys will end up living with Dad too. And once they are a bit bigger you'll be lucky to see them at all.

combatbarbie · 03/10/2020 23:47

This reply has been deleted

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AdoptAdaptImprove · 03/10/2020 23:47

@Mooseflake

I'm a homebody, so I'll be spending most of my time at home. Plus of course at the moment, I'm working from home full time for the forseeable future. I don't think I'll ever go back full time to the office, I prefer to be at home.

My DSs aren't really sporty, and dont really do any after school activities so I'm not too worried about that.

So you’d be working at the table you’re also expecting them to do their homework at, since both of them using the bedroom isn’t going to be practical?

Why are you intentionally making their lives harder by planning this cramped and semi-detached family life?

Original poster
Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 23:57

@combatbarbie

So if your WFH, where are you working from?

I'm still astounded your answering like all these posts don't exist. You are delusional!!

I'm working from my current home, and when we move, I'll work from my new home.

Which posts am I not answering?

OP posts:
TheCraicDealer · 04/10/2020 00:15

So you're wanting to skip the three bed in town for a cottage with one less bedroom than you need, a tiny garden, one small reception room, and no scope for an attic conversion.

Has it occurred to you that this house might be the only one in your price range for a reason? How are you so confident that in the current climate (covid, brexit) you'll be able to turn a profit on this place when it sounds like all you can really do is redecorate? You could very easily find yourself stuck in this cottage for much, much longer than the five years you're talking about.

I feel sorry for your boys, I really do. I had a tiny box room when I was a teen, but at least it was mine. And it had a window!

Original poster
Mooseflake · 04/10/2020 00:20

It's run down, so it needs modernising, new kitchen, redecoration, tidy up the garden etc. Plus I'll be turning it from a 2 bed into a 3 bed. So I think I can improve it, and the house prices are likely to increase as more and more people want to move to rural places in the current climate.

Houses have always sold quickly in the area, it's a very sought after place.

OP posts:
SciFiScream · 04/10/2020 00:21

I'm really sorry to say this - but I hope you don't get the house in the village. I hope someone else buys it.

Then maybe you'll be forced to reevaluate and pick a more considerate house in a more considerate location.

If you DO get the village house I think that you should
a) let them have a room each and get a sofa bed
b) willingly drive them both anywhere at least twice a week
c) pay for travel passes
d) teach them to drive as soon as they can
e) let them stay over with friends as often as they are invited
f) make sure they have all the tech, WiFi and data they will need to stay connected with friends
g) make sure you invite their friends to stay the night as often as you can
h) put them first in other ways - you got the house and location. What do they need?

combatbarbie · 04/10/2020 00:23

From your bedroom, the living room, the dining room? It sounds rather pokey so I'm guessing not much room for a decent sized desk.

Maybe we are all being too hard on you.... Let us see the listing??

Original poster
Mooseflake · 04/10/2020 00:28

I work from the kitchen table, and plan to do the same in the new house.

Sorry, I can't share, its too outing. But it's a terraced house, decent sized living room, small kitchen diner, two decent sized bedrooms and bathroom.

OP posts:
Bikingbear · 04/10/2020 00:29

Plus I'll be turning it from a 2 bed into a 3 bed

To qualify as a bedroom the room needs to fit a bed and have a window. Otherwise it's a cupboard

combatbarbie · 04/10/2020 00:29

I'm confused, where is 3rd bedroom coming from?

CaledoniaCatalan · 04/10/2020 00:31

We're are you getting the room for the 3rd bedroom? You said earlier there was no scope for this