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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Two bed house in ideal place, or a bedroom for each child?

465 replies

Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 21:14

I'm a single mum of two DSs, aged 12 & 14. I've recently had my divorce settlement so I'm finally able to move out of our rented house and buy our own home.

I've seen a 2 bedroom house in a very desirable village, Ive always wanted to live there. Think chocolate box houses and a pretty high street. The house is well within my means, and I think I could do it up and make a good profit on it within a few years. It's a bit further away from my work, and the school, but I think house prices are going to rocket there so it's a bit of a bargain.

My ex thinks I should buy a 3 bedroom house so the DSs can each have their own room, but I can't afford one in that village. It would have to be in the nearby town, where they go to school, and closer to where ExH lives, so its' more convenient in some ways but it's nowhere near as pretty.

My DSs say they dont mind sharing a room. AIBU to buy the 2 bed?

OP posts:
IsoBordem · 04/10/2020 12:41

I can’t believe how selfish and delusional OP is being. I really feel for her ds being put in a room with no windows

Dobbyismyfavourite · 04/10/2020 12:42

OP you are coming across at incredibly selfish. I understand your desire to live in a pretty village location, however, this house is just not practical for two teenage boys. In a few short years they will need quiet space to study for GCSE's and A levels where are you going to conjure up that space? You say there is only a small garden so no room to have a office/study space then? In my experience if you live in a village with teenagers you will have to get used to being a taxi service yet you have categorically stated that you won't be ferrying them around. Surely as a parent your children's needs come first so buy something that is practically now and have your dream house once they are adults.

AmIACowBag · 04/10/2020 12:45

3 bed OP they getting to old to share they will be men soon.

AmIACowBag · 04/10/2020 12:46

Don't stick one of your kids in a room with no windows he is not Harry Potter that sounds awful.

MyOtherProfile · 04/10/2020 12:47

@LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood

Very, very soon they will mind sharing. If there is no option then of course that’s fine. But you have a choice. Forego the pretty house and give the boys a room each. You will absolutely be thankful for this before you know it.
This.
AmIACowBag · 04/10/2020 12:50

OP could the boys not live with their dad if you are unable to suitably house them?

FippertyGibbett · 04/10/2020 12:51

@AmIACowBag

OP could the boys not live with their dad if you are unable to suitably house them?
Or unwilling.
MyOtherProfile · 04/10/2020 12:52

@Mooseflake

I work from the kitchen table, and plan to do the same in the new house.

Sorry, I can't share, its too outing. But it's a terraced house, decent sized living room, small kitchen diner, two decent sized bedrooms and bathroom.

To be honest it sounds awful. Not many teens want to live in a village unless it's close to a town. They will be far away from school and friends, sharing a room, having to both do their homework up there, further from dad, small house that needs loads of work doing and you've already declared you won't be driving them anywhere.

But hey, you get your chocolate box village.

blueshoes · 04/10/2020 12:52

Op clearly isn't thinking this through. I wonder if her single track mindedness is what lead to divorce in the first place.

This has crossed my mind more than once.

At best, her decision-making is disordered. At worst, she must be a pain to live with. Poor sons.

vanillandhoney · 04/10/2020 12:57

If your child is sleeping in a room without a window and there's a fire on the landing, how do they get to safety?

RevolutionRadio · 04/10/2020 13:01

I'd assume if you move to the smaller house in the village and offer no help with transport then as soon as the boys start going out later on a night they will just stay at friends and not be home often.

When they get a girlfriend they'll stay away even more as they have nowhere to go with in their own house for space. 3's a crowd!

There's also the possibility they'd go live with their dad if he as more suitable accommodation.

I wasn't particularly academic and did a degree I would enjoy, the sole reason being it was the quickest way out of a village. I had my own room and parents who would give me lifts but the village had nothing going for it.

RevolutionRadio · 04/10/2020 13:02

My post did have paragraphs. Not sure what's happened to them.

Lemoncordial · 04/10/2020 13:05

For those saying they can't understand why I'd move within 5 years, that's not what I meant. I definitely want to stay in that village, but I'm hoping the cottage will give me a first foot in the door and I can move up the ladder in the same village in a few years time.

But what makes you think you'l be able to move to a bigger place in the future, unless you get a better paid job or a new (rich) partner? Due to covid and Brexit, it unlikely that the property market is going to keep going up and up. Even if it does, the next place up for you is going to be more expensive! I doubt that renovating a small cottage is going to give you much, if any, profit. We're looking at extending our house. We've spoken to a few estate agents who said we should expect to break even if/when we sell, we won't make a profit.

newnameforthis123 · 04/10/2020 13:10

For me the area you and children live is much more important.

Yes. So the 3 bed in town is the best fit as it allows them to be conveniently close to school, friends, their father and opportunities to be independent by using reliable public transport instead of relying on taxi of mum.

newnameforthis123 · 04/10/2020 13:13

It also gets you away from your ex and helps you make a new start.

He's also their father.

mamaoffourdc · 04/10/2020 13:21

I don't think the op is listening! Where is your oldest boy going to study for gcses? In the kitchen with you or in the same room as his brother??
You need to put a pin in your plan for a number of years and get the kids schooling out of the way, then you can buy into the village life

VinylDetective · 04/10/2020 13:23

@Mooseflake

This will be the first house I've owned by myself, post-divorce.

For those saying they can't understand why I'd move within 5 years, that's not what I meant. I definitely want to stay in that village, but I'm hoping the cottage will give me a first foot in the door and I can move up the ladder in the same village in a few years time.

Perhaps a temporary partition in the boys room would be better than building a wall, if people really think it would reduce the value? But I've promised the boys their own room, one DS is excited to have his own desk instead of a window, he is ok with it.

Then give them a bedroom each and sleep on a sofa bed downstairs yourself. That’s the only way you can keep your promise.
AdoptAdaptImprove · 04/10/2020 13:34

@OliviaBenson

by the way, the previous PP is wrong about listed properties needing permission to change inside - my parents and neighbours houses are both listed but their isn't listed for interiors at all - they have gutted the place to make it liveable - and the previous owners could freely remove an ancient feature!)

This is completely wrong, all of a building internal and external is listed and permission needed to make internal alterations.

Olivia Benson is right.

I’ve been listing buildings for 20 years, and working with the consent system all that time. I think I know what I’m talking about by now. All work requires consent unless like for like repair.

They are open to enforcement action, a fine (previously £20k, now unlimited) and imprisonment.

That includes for work done prior to their ownership.

Please don’t offer advice if you don’t know your facts.

Silentplikebath · 04/10/2020 13:35

Did your ex ever tell you that you are stubborn and don’t listen to sensible advice? Smile

The three bedroomed house is obviously the right choice for your children, but don’t let that stop you moving to your dream house. Does the cottage have a thatched roof? They are expensive!

AdoptAdaptImprove · 04/10/2020 13:36

OP clearly doesn’t want our facts, views or advice. I’m leaving this thread now, it’s so frustrating. She’ll have to make her own expensive mistake.

Snog · 04/10/2020 13:44

I grew up in a village in a lovely house and it was isolating, boring and frustrating.

Teens will value

  • their own room and privacy
  • shorter commutes to school, activities, friends houses and their dads house
  • Independence of not needing lifts from you and crappy village public transport

These things are huge. Surely you can buy for your own preferences in a few years time when a smaller place will be fine for just yourself.

If your kids aren't happy, my guess is that you won't be either. My dd old felt v sorry for kids in her sixth form who lived in the villages. Villages can be good for younger kids but it's rare to find a teen who would choose to live in one.

Ineedflour · 04/10/2020 13:46

I've just moved from a hamlet (smaller than a village!) to a small town. The kids have grown so much in confidence and maturity being able to get to places themselves, walk to friends' houses, meet up in a park etc.

Could you live in the town now and move to the village when the kids have left home?

lyralalala · 04/10/2020 13:47

@Mooseflake

This will be the first house I've owned by myself, post-divorce.

For those saying they can't understand why I'd move within 5 years, that's not what I meant. I definitely want to stay in that village, but I'm hoping the cottage will give me a first foot in the door and I can move up the ladder in the same village in a few years time.

Perhaps a temporary partition in the boys room would be better than building a wall, if people really think it would reduce the value? But I've promised the boys their own room, one DS is excited to have his own desk instead of a window, he is ok with it.

Why are you buying a 2 bed house if you've promised them their own rooms?

You won't be able to sell it as a 3 bed house if one of the "bedrooms" is a windowless corner of a bigger bedroom.

Is there space in this house for you and both of your sons to be working at the same time?

Is there space for both of them to be teenagers?

Are you prepared to sleep in a sofa bed in the lounge to give them their promised own rooms?

Are you prepared to be Mum's taxi when the rural transport does work for their activities?

If the answer to any of those questions is "No" then this is not a house you should be buying for you and your family.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 04/10/2020 13:50

But what makes you think you'l be able to move to a bigger place in the future, unless you get a better paid job or a new (rich) partner?

And is it even necessary? Even if the OP does manage to do it all within the five years she thinks she can, her youngest child will be 17 by then. He could be off to university within the year. House purchases and reservations rarely take less time than you think; it could easily take six or seven years for the OP to be in a position when she’s a) done all the work, b) is happy with what she can get for it and c) can find something better within her budget. All just in time for the boys to be adults and spending less and less time at home.

Lolwhat · 04/10/2020 13:51

3 bed. They’ll be doing their GCSEs and A-levels soon they need their own space to study, plus most young people return after uni, I still have my 21 year old and 20 year old living with me

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