To be annoyed at new boss' pregnancy?

[Biscoffscoff]

Ok so I know I probably am. But I need to vent (and preferably not at a pregnant woman) And maybe get some advice about boundaries.

I work in child protection, and it's a stressful job. I'm not going to complain about that part - you have to accept that when you choose the role. But having a good manager makes a massive difference to being able to do the job without burning out, especially as good supervision helps deal with the emotional side of the work. The nature of the job means it's very difficult for people to cover if a manager isn't available - not just because the other managers are too busy with their teams but even if they were free, the manager needs to know the families and the dynamics to be able to help.

The woman who got the managers job used to do (my level) job years ago, so she knows what it's like to be in it. She left to move away from front line work as she wanted more a break/more predictable hours. I was surprised to hear that she'd gone for the job.

A month into post and she's announced her pregnancy. She's already had to take quite a lot of time off sick, or working from home - the team aren't WFH and not having the manager in the building is difficult.

I can't help but be a little bit peed off that she went for this job. She got married earlier in the year and from what I've heard from colleagues in her old team, she was very open about hopes of starting a family once she was married. I know noone knows when/if it's going to happen when TTC but her old job was secure and far less stress, so I just feel a bit peeved that she chose this time to go for this job. I can't imagine that she would/could return to the post after mat leave - the job really isn't accommodating for childcare. I know thats not very feminist but it's the reality - its mainly a female workforce and people usually move out of this part to have kids and move back when they're older.

New boss is already asking me to cover for tasks when she's not in, or in late/leaving early, eg supporting less experienced colleagues. I'm also struggling with the idea that I've got no real support for the next six months - doesn't feel like there's any point getting her up to speed when she'll be off soon.

How do I put in boundaries about the extra work that's being expected of me when new boss isn't around? And how do I get past being annoyed that new boss is going to be just passing through, and not really there for support ?

Is there any way you could move teams? Sounds like a tough place to be when you are craving some support and stability. Would you be able to look at secondment to a different more stable team, try to take an opportunity? If you are permanent, I'd expect your LA to do whatever it takes to keep you, especially when your support has been so insecure.

[quote Biscoffscoff]@022828MAN because I am trying to work out how I can stay in my job without having support and supporting others with an already unmanageable workload, and your response to that is to call me bitchy and misogynistic. If you're sober and think that's an acceptable way to talk to someone then that's appalling. Drunk was your get out card but you're just naturally unpleasant it seems.[/quote]
But you are being both bitchy, and misogynistic. You finding that offensive is fucking bizarre.
And you could have worded your title and OP very differently if you'd wanted to ask for advice on how to seek out support re your workload or how to stay in your job under the pressures.
But no, you decided to make it all about your boss and her pregnant. Which is why you've got the responses you have.

@Biscoffscoff the permanent manager role might have been advertised after raising the issue with the organisation but the issues were still in place before your manager started. Part of why you are pissed off is because of the history of the position, which has nothing to do with your manager. Or her pregnancy. Yes, it sucks for you but it’s not her fault. Have a pity party for yourself and the shit times at work ahead, that is completely justifiable but it’s unfair to expect her to not TTC as a result. She came into a position and has been getting on with her life, which she’s entitled to do.

OP it is crap. Theres never enough cover for maternity leave in public sector. Iv had similar situation where we were all really excited when they finally managed to fill a couple of positions in out team that manager had been trying to get funding for as we were on out knees. Both newbies announced pregnancies so we were left in exactly the same position we had been in for over a year as no cover is ever provided. Its hard not to feel bitter

@Biscoffscoff unless you're in this role, I think it's hard to understand how essential this support is.

I would be expecting your managers, line manager to spread the team between the other districts for supervision. Unless your structure has place for supervising sws, in which case, you follow my drift.

Email your boss in the first instance. Your on a full caseload, getting decisions is now also time consuming (be diplomatic, but firm. It's an issue I'm sure), I'm addition to this, supervising NQSWs etc is not a task you feel you can safely add at this time.

Your role is child protection social worker? not manager! She's coasting and she knows it. HR would not like it, keep a paper trail and set your boundaries. If something happens on your caseload, no one will care what additional duties you've been undertaking. I'm 3 grades above your manager if it helps solidify anything for you. Good luck.

@Biscoffscoff You wouldn't go for a job as a junior doctor or police officer and assume you can a) work flexi

Yup you can! A hell of a lot of frontline public sector workers (both male and female) can apply for flexible working. You have to consider how it would benefit/affect the team etc. Flexible working= better work life balances. There a protocol to follow and it has to be mutually agreed. Most people in my line of work have flexible working in place including myself and it is a frontline public sector role

New boss is already asking me to cover for tasks when she's not in, or in late/leaving early, eg supporting less experienced colleagues.

So tell her no. She's now the manager, it's her job to, you know, manage? She's going to be off for a long time soon, she's going to have to find her replacement. She's going to have to start working her actual hours, training her own staff and doing her own jobs. Tell her no, you're too busy.

@Biscoffscoff

For those saying I'm in the dark ages, the job isn't necessarily a promotion. The other role she was in was a more strategic role, so the pay and opportunities are good and the working conditions easier. The sector is mainly female, most people do this specific part of the job either before kids or once the kids are grown up. There are other frontline roles where the work is more planned/predictable if she really wanted front line. It's public sector so there's no additional pay attached to this team despite the extra workload, so I honestly can't see that not doing this job would impact a career in any way.

We will have support once she goes on mat leave as they can get agency in then. But it means at least another two short term managers which is depressing when a relationship with the manager is important to do the job, and it's exhausting getting people up to speed and opening up to them for the emotional support when you know they'll only be around a couple of months.

@Biscoffscoff well you can actually “ pick up “ a junior dr job like this and if you are pg occy health will help you. Fgs most junior doctors are of childbearing age and there are more junior docs than consultants!

It’s annoying, but it’s life!

YANBU but unfortunately she can apply for whatever job she likes. I completely understand how annoying it would be though for the team.

because I am trying to work out how I can stay in my job without having support and supporting others with an already unmanageable workload

No you aren't. You've had lots of constructive suggestions but all you do is keep going on about how terrible this woman is.

She's pregnant. You don't like it. Most people don't agree. No amount of moaning will change any of that.

Many of us do understand your position. What do you want from this thread?

Wow, a woman who thinks like this

YABU and selfish.
Could you let her know next time she has to run it by you when she is even planning on TTC?. How dare she live her life.

@Biscoffscoff I’m TTC now, I’ve no idea how long it will take. I’ve been in my role for 5 years. However, the organisation is struggling to see the value in what I do. We’ve had our budget cut several times. We’ve had to justify our existence several times. I’m the go to person for a number of different projects and there’s no way I could hand over to maternity cover before going on Mat leave should I get pregnant. Our team is already stretched in terms of what we need to deliver and what we can actually fit in. Adding in a maternity cover isn’t going to help that. It’s also going to add to our already overstretched and challenged budget. There are many organisational problems in my role that are increased by me getting pregnant. Me getting pregnant will cause problems for my team - should I not get pregnant? Why should I be punished for the failings of my organisation?

For all of you outraged at @Biscoffscoff for being miffed at this scenario. In my experience, she's right. When her boss took the job, she absolutely knew the pressure of child protection, how essential her role would be. Her absence means additional working hours, stress and a huge lack of moral for the team. Who no doubt are already working evenings and weekends to keep up. In a busy sw front line team a missing manager is a big issue.

Don't flame me, just saying!

I’m not saying she’s going to be a unicorn who doesn’t get sick. Yes it is common that women experience morning sickness. I wouldn’t say it’s common that women get such severe sickness that they off with it early in the pregnancy. None of my colleagues have taken time off for being sick with their pregnancy. Some have had antenatal appointments and requested work to be more flexible around those, some have asked for considerations on how much travel they should do in one day. None have had to take time off for it. Now as I said, this could be a personality trait of the new manager but if that’s the SSE, she’s find something else to be off for

I get that. I was unfortunate enough to get HG and had to be off for my entire pregnancy. Whilst I did feel sorry for myself I did know it was a possibility. Any woman starting a pregnancy on the assumption they will be able to continue to work exactly as they did before is being a bit silly Tbh. Yes many do, but equally many have complications or unpleasant side effects.

I go back to my earlier comment it’s ‘plan for the best and ignore the potential worst’ kinda mentality and I don’t have much time for it!

Had she been TTC longer without success fair enough. Had she accidentally fallen pregnant, fair enough but going for a promotion with lots of dependency on you in a non family friendly roll whilst just having started TTC, it just smacks of being inconsiderate.

Doesn’t really matter what anyone says on here though, we all know what her colleagues will think

@Biscoffscoff

For all the superwomen who have been CEOs with a newborn -

This women LEFT THE AREA BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T LIKE THE HOURS/PRESSURE FIRST TIME ROUND when she was young free and single. Id love to be proved wrong and find she's suddenly a grafter, but given how she's taken to the role this far im not seeing that's likely.

You sound jealous tbh. How dare you ty to decide for her which jobs are suitable for her.. If you are saying these things at work I would would consider this misconduct and discrimination.

@StormzyInaDCup

For all of you outraged at *@Biscoffscoff* for being miffed at this scenario. In my experience, she's right. When her boss took the job, she absolutely knew the pressure of child protection, how essential her role would be. Her absence means additional working hours, stress and a huge lack of moral for the team. Who no doubt are already working evenings and weekends to keep up. In a busy sw front line team a missing manager is a big issue.

Don't flame me, just saying!

And if she's been trying for a year, 2 years, 3 years, if she's had previous miscarriages etc like so many PPs have talked about with their own experiences... Should she have just not bothered to progress her career until she's past the age of child bearing?

@Biscoffscoff op sorry you're getting such a hard time on here, YADNBU.
You have not suggested that she shouldn't be working and should crawl back to her 1967 cave to continue her pregnancy. You said she was in a better position in her previous role. Neither did you suggest she has an abortion.
I'm sure social services have a bottomless pit of money to provide qualified temporary managers who will instantly be on board with what must be very complicated and difficult cases.
Your workload sounds hard, and you should be mentally fit to make life changing/life saving decisions.
I hope things work out for you

Companies need to ensure their infrastructure is managed well. Individuals do not need to sacrifice their careers to support an employers lack of effective infrastructure.

@022828MAN that scenario is completely different and my opinion wouldn't be the same. I'm only going by what the op is describing.

@StormzyInaDCup

For all of you outraged at *@Biscoffscoff* for being miffed at this scenario. In my experience, she's right. When her boss took the job, she absolutely knew the pressure of child protection, how essential her role would be. Her absence means additional working hours, stress and a huge lack of moral for the team. Who no doubt are already working evenings and weekends to keep up. In a busy sw front line team a missing manager is a big issue.

Don't flame me, just saying!

Maybe lack of management is an issue but OP has no right to slag someone off for being pregnant.

Just make sure you get the support you need in your role. If you can. You can't control when people get pregnant and you need to get over it so it's not personal. It'll help you get over it to realize that people leave jobs or take leave for a number of reasons so try not to allow this to get to you.

Good luck.

[quote StormzyInaDCup]@022828MAN that scenario is completely different and my opinion wouldn't be the same. I'm only going by what the op is describing.[/quote]
The point is the lack of support in work is not the sole responsibility of the manager who is getting on with her personal life whilst moving on with her career.
Would anyone begrudge a man for taking a new job whilst trying for children?!

@Biscoffscoff are you annoyed because of her being off sick so much. Does she have HG or do you feel she is swinging the lead?

Is she ever in the office or is she now WFH ?

@StormyZinaDcup thanks for your post. I can tell many don't understand the role as its not one where you can just 'say no' and leave work on your managers desk. And if a child is a risk or an asye is looking panic stricken or someone comes back after an awful visit I'm not going to just point them to a phone and say it's not my problem. I would of course love it if working conditions were better for women in this part of the sector, and I'll be optimistic things might improve but it's going to be baby steps. My (geographic) area hasn't done well with over the last ten years (unemployment, associated crime and drug use of deprivation, cuts to services etc) and that means our dept probably isn't in a good place compared to some others posting in the thread. We're certainly not unique but maybe not representative (or I hope it isn't)

I've been pushing for supervision so I can raise some of these issues but haven't had a response as yet. I will continue to do so. I don't think the need for support is yet recognised by others, partly because new manager will (, understandably) be wanting to give the impression she's managing, partly because noone will want there to be issues and partly because she's officially still working most her hours, but as iv said earlier when we're in the office and she's WFH the support isn't as effective.