Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at new boss' pregnancy?

293 replies

Biscoffscoff · 03/10/2020 21:04

Ok so I know I probably am. But I need to vent (and preferably not at a pregnant woman) And maybe get some advice about boundaries.

I work in child protection, and it's a stressful job. I'm not going to complain about that part - you have to accept that when you choose the role. But having a good manager makes a massive difference to being able to do the job without burning out, especially as good supervision helps deal with the emotional side of the work. The nature of the job means it's very difficult for people to cover if a manager isn't available - not just because the other managers are too busy with their teams but even if they were free, the manager needs to know the families and the dynamics to be able to help.

The woman who got the managers job used to do (my level) job years ago, so she knows what it's like to be in it. She left to move away from front line work as she wanted more a break/more predictable hours. I was surprised to hear that she'd gone for the job.

A month into post and she's announced her pregnancy. She's already had to take quite a lot of time off sick, or working from home - the team aren't WFH and not having the manager in the building is difficult.

I can't help but be a little bit peed off that she went for this job. She got married earlier in the year and from what I've heard from colleagues in her old team, she was very open about hopes of starting a family once she was married. I know noone knows when/if it's going to happen when TTC but her old job was secure and far less stress, so I just feel a bit peeved that she chose this time to go for this job. I can't imagine that she would/could return to the post after mat leave - the job really isn't accommodating for childcare. I know thats not very feminist but it's the reality - its mainly a female workforce and people usually move out of this part to have kids and move back when they're older.

New boss is already asking me to cover for tasks when she's not in, or in late/leaving early, eg supporting less experienced colleagues. I'm also struggling with the idea that I've got no real support for the next six months - doesn't feel like there's any point getting her up to speed when she'll be off soon.

How do I put in boundaries about the extra work that's being expected of me when new boss isn't around? And how do I get past being annoyed that new boss is going to be just passing through, and not really there for support ?

OP posts:
DueNumberTwo · 03/10/2020 22:19

Which kids lives should be destroyed because those on the frontline of child protective services are having to handle an abdudance of additional work because of this Managers child planning decision, because that is what we're talking about.

Lack of funding and bad management are to blame. Not a woman getting pregnant.

Original poster
Biscoffscoff · 03/10/2020 22:20

The issues about my role were having two agency managers before this one and holding out for some proper support - it's been a tough time. And now she'll be off in 6 months so minimal support and then agency cover for her mat leave, and not knowing if she'll come back to this role or not. So no likelihood of consistent management again for a while.

OP posts:
sunshinerobots · 03/10/2020 22:20

It seems that the systemic problems of local authority children's services are where the fault truly lies not with any individual manager. I am a manager in frontline child protection and have 4 you g children. I do understand how hard it is and it is a job like no other but try to zoom out a bit and see this for the systemic issue it is. Could you ask to receive personal supervision from someone more stable, an advanced practitioner perhaps, and case supervision from which ever manager takes over?

Original poster
Biscoffscoff · 03/10/2020 22:23

We'd all love for safeguarding to change re the resourcing, austerity etc but we'd need a complete societal shift and I'm going to be realistic and not wait for that to happen....

In other organisations, do people REALLY get extra management/staff because someone is taking time off due to illness in pregnancy? Is that a thing?

OP posts:
022828MAN · 03/10/2020 22:23

It took me nearly 3 years to conceive. Should I have not gone for any jobs in that time just incase it inconvenienced the team if I was lucky enough to get pregnant?
How ignorant and rude of you.

Tistheseason17 · 03/10/2020 22:23

Oh. My. Days.
Your boss's pregnancy is none of your business and her TTC also none of your business.

And this is why woman struggle to succeed - woman are doing a great job at pulling each other down and making it easier for men.

If you need support- ask for it, if you can't ask your manager - ask their manager. Stop focusing on her and her pregnancy - focus on yourself and what can help you instead of tearing someone else down. You sound bitter that she is now your boss.

RaspberryToupee · 03/10/2020 22:24

...she didn’t know she wouldn’t. Unfortunately some women struggle but you don’t go into TTC assuming you will. She had pretty equal chances.

Also, isn’t it pretty common knowledge that most women get sick? I feel like it is. I certainly was braced for sickness when I got pregnant at 26. I knew a couple of unicorns who had perfect pregnancies but the VAST majority were not that lucky.

I’m not saying she’s going to be a unicorn who doesn’t get sick. Yes it is common that women experience morning sickness. I wouldn’t say it’s common that women get such severe sickness that they off with it early in the pregnancy. None of my colleagues have taken time off for being sick with their pregnancy. Some have had antenatal appointments and requested work to be more flexible around those, some have asked for considerations on how much travel they should do in one day. None have had to take time off for it. Now as I said, this could be a personality trait of the new manager but if that’s the SSE, she’s find something else to be off for.

StatementKnickers · 03/10/2020 22:25

YANBU, this would piss me right off - it's the sort of behaviour that makes it harder for all women of child-bearing age to get ahead in the workplace. Steal her job when she goes on maternity leave!

Russellbrandshair · 03/10/2020 22:25

Which kids lives should be destroyed because those on the frontline of child protective services are having to handle an abdudance of additional work because of this Managers child planning decision, because that is what we're talking about

NO. Frontline services and kids being put at risk are not the sole responsibility of one pregnant employee. That’s a naive, ignorant and disgusting thing to say. Blame inadequate government funding and a total lack of organisation within this sector but to blame child deaths on one pregnant employee is absolutely despicable

Scaraffito · 03/10/2020 22:25

Which kids lives should be destroyed because those on the frontline of child protective services are having to handle an abdudance of additional work because of this Managers child planning decision, because that is what we're talking about.

Ah yes, that is OPs managers fault you know. How dare you imply that her becoming pregnant is endangering children like it's her fault. The fault is the underfunding, neglect, and lack of support for a sector that's bursting at the seams. S

022828MAN · 03/10/2020 22:28

@StatementKnickers

YANBU, this would piss me right off - it's the sort of behaviour that makes it harder for all women of child-bearing age to get ahead in the workplace. Steal her job when she goes on maternity leave!
God the ignorance is rife tonight... How do you know how long she had been trying for? Are women meant to put their lives on hold if TTC?

You know what OP, I sincerely hope your manager is on here and sees this and realises what a selfish, bitchy, misogynistic piece of work you are.
God help us if this is how our social workers are.

Russellbrandshair · 03/10/2020 22:28

@Scaraffito

Which kids lives should be destroyed because those on the frontline of child protective services are having to handle an abdudance of additional work because of this Managers child planning decision, because that is what we're talking about.

Ah yes, that is OPs managers fault you know. How dare you imply that her becoming pregnant is endangering children like it's her fault. The fault is the underfunding, neglect, and lack of support for a sector that's bursting at the seams. S

Exactly. And people wonder why very few people want to work in this sector eh?! With attitudes like that I wouldn’t either
Leobynature · 03/10/2020 22:28

I think you are being very misogynistic!

This woman has a right to go for any job she chooses, she also has a right to start a family and be a working mum. It’s the employers responsibility to support her during the pregnancy and on mat leave. According to you childbearing women have no place as a safeguarding manager and should take a nice easy job in another sector. You are stuck in the dark ages! If you don’t want to take on extra responsibilities then don’t And let this be your focus but you have no right to be annoyed about her pregnancy.
How She balances child care with the role is non of your business.

I took a management job then became pregnant, I was very anxious and ashamed. I really did have to give my head a wobble. Women can have both a career and a family.

Original poster
Biscoffscoff · 03/10/2020 22:30

@sunshinerobots we don't have APs unfortunately, and an agency manager will be employed in approx six months (assuming that's when she'd be due on mat leave)

I'm honestly not as wound up about my boss as in probably coming across on here. I'm disappointed because we'd been holding out for a perm manager after a rough time. I'm steeling myself for just getting on with it without management support again. It's shitty that I'm anxious about what next week is going to bring and IRL I don't want new boss to pick up on how I'm feeling yet on here I have people suggesting I'm wishing she has an abortion or that I've put women's rights back 50yrs.

OP posts:
RaspberryToupee · 03/10/2020 22:31

@Biscoffscoff

The issues about my role were having two agency managers before this one and holding out for some proper support - it's been a tough time. And now she'll be off in 6 months so minimal support and then agency cover for her mat leave, and not knowing if she'll come back to this role or not. So no likelihood of consistent management again for a while.
Again, not your manager’s fault but the organisation’s. Your previous issues with line managers is not the problem of your line manager, regardless whether she’s pregnant or not. If you don’t feel like you have had support for a year and are worried about future support with an agency, this is a matter for you to raise with your organisation.
Original poster
Biscoffscoff · 03/10/2020 22:32

@022828MAN I hope you're drunk, as you're not coming across too well yourself.

OP posts:
Shizzlestix · 03/10/2020 22:32

I see both povs, she is entitled to ttc, probably thought it would take a while, but yes, it’s going to impact the team. A girl at work literally worked the 2 required years for our county, then had a baby, came back pregnant-twice-which impacted her team and the students but you cannot expect people to hold off getting pregnant and having a family! It’s just tricky for their teams in most jobs, I imagine. I know in my DH’s sector, people on maternity are still counted so they can’t replace them and it’s an emergency service and dangerous to be under staffed.

Original poster
Biscoffscoff · 03/10/2020 22:34

@RaspberryToupee we raised the issue about management changes- that's why they really pushed to get a permanent manager in place as it was hoped it would bring some stability.

OP posts:
Jouleigh · 03/10/2020 22:34

I work in a similar environment to you and it feels like it happens all the time.

All it does is make the workload more unmanageable that it already was

022828MAN · 03/10/2020 22:34

[quote Biscoffscoff]@022828MAN I hope you're drunk, as you're not coming across too well yourself.[/quote]
How so, exactly? And no, not drunk. Is that what you think about everyone that disagrees with you? That being intoxicated is the ONLY explanation... Again, poor outlook from a social worker.

Didiusfalco · 03/10/2020 22:35

I think you need to be less accommodating, push back against the extra work. You can't control what she does, but you can control what you do. It's awful, but if you paper over the cracks, re. supporting new colleagues for example then this just makes people think you are managing and the problem doesn't get exposed. You're going to have to be one of those people who stick to their pay grade to the annoyance of others for the sake of your own mental health.

Slightlybrwnbanana · 03/10/2020 22:37

What a nasty post (OP)

Milkshake54 · 03/10/2020 22:38

From another perspective, I also work in the same sector, I was in my job at probably a similar role to you and I unfortunately lost a baby, I didn’t know how long it would take for me to fall pregnant again, whether the pregnancy would be successful or whether we would suffer another loss. A job came up, which was progression into a managers position, although slightly different role. Knowing how the loss effected me, I knew I didn’t want to and couldn’t put my life on hold, waiting for something that may not have happened or sacrificed a job I could be really happy in, for a pregnancy that may not have happened / been successful.

I interviewed for the job, got offered it and then found out I was pregnant. Then went 12 weeks of holding my breath to see whether the pregnancy would progress...

I understand how tricky it is for social workers when they don’t have the support they need to do the job, but ultimately, your service needs to make sure that they’ve got the resources in place to support the team. People get pregnant, women get pregnant! And in a very female dominated role, it happens...

But I am sorry that you aren’t getting the support you need

LouHotel · 03/10/2020 22:38

I'm talking in response to the numerous replies to the OP of she should say no to additional work or work on her own work life balance when that is simply not a possibility in her role because when she says 'tasks' she means children.

Also everyone seems to have decided to miss off the second part of my reply. It isn't about her pregnancy is about her performance whilst pregnant. She choose to become the manager of that particular team so until she takes maternity she has the moral and physical responsibility of that role, it doesn't stop once you announce a pregnancy so yes she does bare a responsibility to any repercussions.

Original poster
Biscoffscoff · 03/10/2020 22:39

@022828MAN because I am trying to work out how I can stay in my job without having support and supporting others with an already unmanageable workload, and your response to that is to call me bitchy and misogynistic. If you're sober and think that's an acceptable way to talk to someone then that's appalling. Drunk was your get out card but you're just naturally unpleasant it seems.

OP posts: