To be annoyed at new boss' pregnancy?

[Biscoffscoff]

Ok so I know I probably am. But I need to vent (and preferably not at a pregnant woman) And maybe get some advice about boundaries.

I work in child protection, and it's a stressful job. I'm not going to complain about that part - you have to accept that when you choose the role. But having a good manager makes a massive difference to being able to do the job without burning out, especially as good supervision helps deal with the emotional side of the work. The nature of the job means it's very difficult for people to cover if a manager isn't available - not just because the other managers are too busy with their teams but even if they were free, the manager needs to know the families and the dynamics to be able to help.

The woman who got the managers job used to do (my level) job years ago, so she knows what it's like to be in it. She left to move away from front line work as she wanted more a break/more predictable hours. I was surprised to hear that she'd gone for the job.

A month into post and she's announced her pregnancy. She's already had to take quite a lot of time off sick, or working from home - the team aren't WFH and not having the manager in the building is difficult.

I can't help but be a little bit peed off that she went for this job. She got married earlier in the year and from what I've heard from colleagues in her old team, she was very open about hopes of starting a family once she was married. I know noone knows when/if it's going to happen when TTC but her old job was secure and far less stress, so I just feel a bit peeved that she chose this time to go for this job. I can't imagine that she would/could return to the post after mat leave - the job really isn't accommodating for childcare. I know thats not very feminist but it's the reality - its mainly a female workforce and people usually move out of this part to have kids and move back when they're older.

New boss is already asking me to cover for tasks when she's not in, or in late/leaving early, eg supporting less experienced colleagues. I'm also struggling with the idea that I've got no real support for the next six months - doesn't feel like there's any point getting her up to speed when she'll be off soon.

How do I put in boundaries about the extra work that's being expected of me when new boss isn't around? And how do I get past being annoyed that new boss is going to be just passing through, and not really there for support ?

So OP, what do you suggest she does? Abort?

For all the superwomen who have been CEOs with a newborn -

This women LEFT THE AREA BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T LIKE THE HOURS/PRESSURE FIRST TIME ROUND when she was young free and single. Id love to be proved wrong and find she's suddenly a grafter, but given how she's taken to the role this far im not seeing that's likely.

Just got to put up with people's comments unfortunately.

As you can see from this thread, the vast bulk of people will be saying nothing but good wishes@ChikiTIKI. I really doubt you have anything to worry about.

OP is just having a shot time and can't see the wood for the trees.

Congratulations, BTW. I'd say lucky you but I have kids already, so I won't fib :-)

@Biscoffscoff

I'm not trying to police her womb. I'm trying to protect my own mental health.

I'm not sure why people can't read the OP correctly. It's not about the support when she goes on maternity. Its about the fact that from the start of the job she's away more than she's here. I know things are tight in this sector but I've never worked anywhere that offers extra staff/pay because someone who is taking a lot of time off sick or working short days. And the WFH feels a bit of a pisstake as the job can't really be done effectively from home, some parts can but supporting the team can't.

She knows we're struggling. She knows the hours we're working, and when she tells me to rearrange something to make space to do a task for her, she knows that I've got noone to delegate my task to so she's doubling up by work.

But she didn’t know she would get pregnant straight away and she didn’t know she would be sick and require time off. Unless she’s got a crystal ball If she actually planned to be away more than she was there at the beginning of a new job, that’s a character flaw with her rather than the fact that she’s pregnant and she’s be using any excuse to be away more than she was there. From your OP, she’s moved to a role with more predictable hours, which is a common move when women are thinking about starting a family. It’s not her fault that the management structure at your place is shit.

Oh gosh OP honestly take these ridiculous replies with an avalanche of salt. There is a very big difference between ‘feminism’ and ‘I’ll do what I like because I’ve got a vagina and therefore cannot be wrong’.

Realistically this woman had just got married, just started TTC and still went for a job in a team dependant on her which she knew wouldn’t be ideal. She’s now also asking you to cover her!

An abundance of unrealistic feminists will rock up making ever every excuse under the sun and calling you names and claiming things like ‘you have no idea when it’ll happen’ yeah but you give it a couple of months when you first start trying, that’s common sense surely?!?! You don’t assume in advance that you’re going to struggle.

It’s not about being ‘held back in the dark ages’ or ‘discriminated against’ it’s about an adult making a decision to TTC knowing full well this may happen quickly and will result in them being absent for an extended period, and then making a career decision which actively puts other people in a bad situation. Just because the law allows you to do it doesn’t stop you being a bit of an a** hole if you do!

So should she have an abortion to please you and anonymous women on Mumsnet?

The issue is the set up of the team, not a woman daring to go for a job they want despite having the absolute nerve to get pregnant. You are not being unreasonable to not want the extra tasks or to be concerned about the next few months, but please don't take it out on your boss.

OP, you are honestly being so dramatic. You have a manager. She can still do her job from home, lots of CP managers and SWs are working from home perfectly effectively during the pandemic. If she's sick, she's sick. There are deputies and service managers around in these circumstances. When she goes on mat leave an agency manager will cover. What's the problem? That she's not physically right in front of you every hour of the day?

Ooft you are totally out of order. She went for the job because she wanted it and got it because she was the best candidate and she should have even if she was heavily pregnant at interview. End of. No matter how long it can take to conceive etc it’s got fuck all to do with it.

If you are being asked to do too many Things above your pay grade raise it in terms of your own work.

Did you apply for her job and get rejected so now you’re bitter?

She was entitled to go for the job. You're within your rights not to cover her tasks, simply say you're fully committed, don't have the capacity. Its a management issue not your issue.

@VodselForDinner are you for real?

Re the timings, she started the job knowing she was already pregnant. I find it odd that someone would go for this role whilst TTC but as I said above you don't know how long it'll take. But I don't know why you'd take this job while pregnant when you're a) in an equivalent pay post that is flexible/better conditions b) it's an internal job so you can retract at any point c) these jobs are not rare d) you didn't like the work/responsibility before you were pregnant.

If anything, her other job being a more strategic one is the better career path as its more relevant for the senior management jobs so I'm not sure why everyone seems to be assuming I expect her to compromise her career.

But she didn’t know she would get pregnant straight away and she didn’t know she would be sick and require time off. Unless she’s got a crystal ball

...she didn’t know she wouldn’t. Unfortunately some women struggle but you don’t go into TTC assuming you will. She had pretty equal chances.

Also, isn’t it pretty common knowledge that most women get sick? I feel like it is. I certainly was braced for sickness when I got pregnant at 26. I knew a couple of unicorns who had perfect pregnancies but the VAST majority were not that lucky.

Feels like a lot of excuses for the ‘plan for the best and ignore the worst’ kinda mentality

It may be that she had issues and wasn't sure whether she could concieve. A friend of mine started TTCing nearly 10 years ago. Whenever she's applied for a job or got a promotion, there has been a risk of this exact situation happening. I understand it's frustrating for you, but it sounds like you have issues with your role in general.

@Biscoffscoff

I'm not trying to police her womb. I'm trying to protect my own mental health.

I'm not sure why people can't read the OP correctly. It's not about the support when she goes on maternity. Its about the fact that from the start of the job she's away more than she's here. I know things are tight in this sector but I've never worked anywhere that offers extra staff/pay because someone who is taking a lot of time off sick or working short days. And the WFH feels a bit of a pisstake as the job can't really be done effectively from home, some parts can but supporting the team can't.

She knows we're struggling. She knows the hours we're working, and when she tells me to rearrange something to make space to do a task for her, she knows that I've got noone to delegate my task to so she's doubling up by work.

I think you need to be more assertive OP. I’m sure this is a skill you have, given the job, so you need to put it into practice with management as well as with families.

@Pumpertrumper thanks for seeing some sense!

We don't have assistant managers so no deputies. Service managers are tied up with covid planning. We have a high number of newly qualified staff who need a lot of support. The manager can do some of the job from home, but not be on hand to deal with the crises in the office. If she'd been around longer then she'd be in a better position to do so, but without knowing any of the families it's very difficult for her to get up to speed. We're a court team so there's lengthy case histories. If it was duty it'd be more manageable.

I would be pissed off too. She's taken someone else's opportunity and now she will burden everyone else in the process. I think it's very selfish and cheeky, you should speak up about it because it's not fair. I was in a position once when I had 3 maternity covers for the manager role and in the end, I just left as they kept relying on me for additional support and training the new manager (each manager got pregnant and didn't return) it's ridiculous. I lost weight from work stress and wasn't coping just because of this. I'm a woman and a new mother btw.

YABU blaming this woman for getting pregnant when it is your WORK PLACES RESPONSIBILITY to provide adequate cover when she isn’t available. Blaming women for the inadequate provision of companies to cover employee absence and have a contingency plan for absences is how they get away with it.

It’s the COMPANIES fault and not the fault of the individual who gets pregnant. People get pregnant- that’s life, it will continue to happen but it isn’t the fault of the individual to “not get pregnant” due to the sheer incompetency of the work place to provide adequate cover.

You are blaming entirely the wrong person....

I can understand your position OP, having worked in what sounds a similar role to your own. The fact is, the general public just doesn’t have a clue regarding the pressure under which you work, the way that your Agency (private or LA) relies on its workers to commit to longer hours etc than contracted. There is never enough “fat” on the system for times when colleagues are sick or leave and the fact that you care for your clients means you don’t have any choice but to cover the extra work. Unlike other situations one also needs the line manager to authorise finance, sign off work etc. And what about supervision? Good supervision is vital to prevent burn out but too often it is merely casework management and you will be deprived of even that.
I couldn’t morally justify going for a frontline position unless I could commit to the hours required especially if I already had an equally good and less demanding desk job.
Those who know the type of work will appreciate your frustration. The rest ( some of whom apparently haven’t fully comprehended your posts) just won’t get it and will confuse the situation with equality issues.

There are 3 parts to your dilemma. 1) the new role/promotion of your colleague 2) the increased workload on you due to staff absence 3) your dislike of this person going on leave and then the impact on you/your job.

I think it is unfair that you have packaged this into one and you have made it sound like you're inflexible with the inability to understand that people have lives beyond the workplace.

You cannot predict when you will/can fall pregnant and therefore why should life be put on hold in the meantime? Under normal circumstances they can do the job or not, if pregnancy related illness takes them away then this needs to be dealt with by management. She is your line manager but probably not the top of the chain and therefore there is someone else you can go to.

Your colleague is entitled to maternity leave, it is unfortunate that you are not liking the short term cover whilst she is away but that is what happens when maternity leave commences. As you have already commented on the alternative is that you do the work.

your emotions, IMO, are misplaced

be annoyed at the company/branch/executive management that doesn't (1) adequately staff the job such that people can work reasonable hours (2) provide sufficient resources to adequately support the employees and the demands placed upon then (3) provide adequate maternity coverage such that women (or men) can take the appropriate leave to care for a child

Fucking hell these replies.

Which kids lives should be destroyed because those on the frontline of child protective services are having to handle an abdudance of additional work because of this Managers child planning decision, because that is what we're talking about.

did she have the right to go for the job, absolutely and maybe shes having a much more difficult pregnancy than she thought would happen but this isn't about her being pregnant it's about her performance whilst pregnant.

I had HG and I showed up and I managed my department in first and second pregnancy and entire hotel in the third - if you want to have the family and the career you have to work to your full potential and if you cant do that then she shouldn't have gone for the job and my role is so far removed from the importance of hers.

YABVU

You wouldn't go for a job as a junior doctor or police officer and assume you can a) work flexi

Do you honestly think that no junior doctors get pregnant or work flexibly? Sigh.

You're being short sighted and misogynistic. You have no idea what her plans are. Maybe her partner will be doing child care. People's preferences change. I used to dream of working 9-5 when I did shifts. Now I do mainly 9-5 I actually miss night shifts. Have you actually spoken to her about why she has moved back into this area?

Your issue with supervision is one for senior management. Of course you should be adequately supported but your organisation should have processes for interim cover.

So unreasonable, why should a woman put her life on hold to have a child?
By all means feel annoyed at your organisation for not appointing appropriate cover if this is the case but dont take your frustrations out on someone living their life as they have a right to do. Some women want (and are entitled to have) a career and a baby!