To be annoyed at new boss' pregnancy?

[Biscoffscoff]

Ok so I know I probably am. But I need to vent (and preferably not at a pregnant woman) And maybe get some advice about boundaries.

I work in child protection, and it's a stressful job. I'm not going to complain about that part - you have to accept that when you choose the role. But having a good manager makes a massive difference to being able to do the job without burning out, especially as good supervision helps deal with the emotional side of the work. The nature of the job means it's very difficult for people to cover if a manager isn't available - not just because the other managers are too busy with their teams but even if they were free, the manager needs to know the families and the dynamics to be able to help.

The woman who got the managers job used to do (my level) job years ago, so she knows what it's like to be in it. She left to move away from front line work as she wanted more a break/more predictable hours. I was surprised to hear that she'd gone for the job.

A month into post and she's announced her pregnancy. She's already had to take quite a lot of time off sick, or working from home - the team aren't WFH and not having the manager in the building is difficult.

I can't help but be a little bit peed off that she went for this job. She got married earlier in the year and from what I've heard from colleagues in her old team, she was very open about hopes of starting a family once she was married. I know noone knows when/if it's going to happen when TTC but her old job was secure and far less stress, so I just feel a bit peeved that she chose this time to go for this job. I can't imagine that she would/could return to the post after mat leave - the job really isn't accommodating for childcare. I know thats not very feminist but it's the reality - its mainly a female workforce and people usually move out of this part to have kids and move back when they're older.

New boss is already asking me to cover for tasks when she's not in, or in late/leaving early, eg supporting less experienced colleagues. I'm also struggling with the idea that I've got no real support for the next six months - doesn't feel like there's any point getting her up to speed when she'll be off soon.

How do I put in boundaries about the extra work that's being expected of me when new boss isn't around? And how do I get past being annoyed that new boss is going to be just passing through, and not really there for support ?

I think as valid as your concerns are, your anger should not be aimed at this poor woman! She has done nothing wrong, in fact from your post I gathered that she knows enough about the job to know what is involved. She has every right to ttc, she can't predict when it will happen, she won't know if she is going to suffer from morning sickness, or fatigue in early / later pregnancy.

I bet she feels shit for not being there for her team!
I bet she doesn't know that you are struggling. So in the first instance talk to her about how you feel about the extra tasks!

Also I haven't had a choice on the extra responsibilities - when a new member of staff turns up at the office and the manager isn't there and you are, you can't exactly ignore them!

I can understand that there may be exceptions when people can do the job through pregnancy. The fact that she didn't stay long when in this area first time round (she moved away from frontline quite quickly) makes me think she's not one of those exceptions.

Why are you trying to police her womb?

YABU. Everyone is entitled to have a baby on their own schedule, regardless of their job. It’s not up to her, or any woman, to plan her pregnancy around what would be most convenient for other people.

If you can’t do the workload with the time she needs off for appointments etc then you should discuss it with your line manager. Don’t complain about her pregnancy because it’s discriminatory. Just explain what you’re struggling with and what help you need. It’s for your workplace to sort proper cover.

It’s not her fault that there isn’t more support as a whole though. It could have taken her 2 years to conceive. I get it’s frustrating for you as a consequence but the higher level management should have things in place to help you all out

YADBU.
I was once asked in a job interview how long I'd taken off for maternity leave, caught me by surprise! I replied I've never been pregnant! 'do you plan to anytime soon?' was the reply!
Unless the job is a particular safeguarding one, such as working with hazardous chemicals/equipment or whatever, then piss off.
I was interviewed by a woman. Really lost my faith in equality completely as I knew a man wouldn't be asked those questions.

This is quite stupid, and yes anti-feminist, anti women and anti motherhood in general.
It is misogynist to ask from a woman not to apply for a job because she is TTC.
for you and whoever thinks women cannot aspire to better themselves because they want to become mothers.

I think you're being a bit unfair given she didn't know how long it will take to conceive and if she's likely to need days off for sickness when pregnant- I didn't in my role. It's like saying she shouldn't go skiing incase she breaks a limb.

Surprised at PPs. I can absolutely see your point. And I say that as quite the feminist. And I don't think stress , cancer etc is comparable at all.

YABVU.
I also think your description of your team sounds utterly ridiculous.

I work in a Child Protection team and have done for 5yrs. I'm pregnant, due in January and also have a 2year old. When I had my first there were 4 of the team pregnant at the same time. There are 2 of us this time. We're all successfully also wfh and still managing busy caseloads and duty.
10 CP teams in our local authority and a wide mix of ages - many many of which are having a family, it sounds like your particular team/area is very badly managed if it can't accommodate women having children.

I'm not trying to police her womb. I'm trying to protect my own mental health.

I'm not sure why people can't read the OP correctly. It's not about the support when she goes on maternity. Its about the fact that from the start of the job she's away more than she's here. I know things are tight in this sector but I've never worked anywhere that offers extra staff/pay because someone who is taking a lot of time off sick or working short days. And the WFH feels a bit of a pisstake as the job can't really be done effectively from home, some parts can but supporting the team can't.

She knows we're struggling. She knows the hours we're working, and when she tells me to rearrange something to make space to do a task for her, she knows that I've got noone to delegate my task to so she's doubling up by work.

Do you always tend to make everything about you, OP?

I started a job in June and got pregnant a month later...and I’ve been off sick with hyperemesis gravidarum. I’m sure people at work don’t exactly love me! Oh well! I’m just happy to be pregnant.

Will there not be proper maternity cover ? Could you discuss proper pay and acknowledgment of the extra duties you will take on

LOL. Most employers just dump all the work on other employees with no extra pay or acknowledgement.

A colleague of mine has been at work for less than 3 years out of the last 7 due to 3 lots of maternity leave plus extensive sick leave because guess what, juggling 3 kids, a professional job and a useless husband is stressful so everyone else has to pick up the pieces.

@Biscoffscoff

I'm not trying to police her womb. I'm trying to protect my own mental health.

I'm not sure why people can't read the OP correctly. It's not about the support when she goes on maternity. Its about the fact that from the start of the job she's away more than she's here. I know things are tight in this sector but I've never worked anywhere that offers extra staff/pay because someone who is taking a lot of time off sick or working short days. And the WFH feels a bit of a pisstake as the job can't really be done effectively from home, some parts can but supporting the team can't.

She knows we're struggling. She knows the hours we're working, and when she tells me to rearrange something to make space to do a task for her, she knows that I've got noone to delegate my task to so she's doubling up by work.

Sick days related to pregnancy are not counted as sick days. Would you get annoyed as well if she was ill because she has an illness ?

YABSoFuckingU. The problem is the shit management structure at your place of work, if they whole thing goes to shit because one manager needs time off then it’s a shit show.

@Biscoffscoff

For those saying I'm in the dark ages, the job isn't necessarily a promotion. The other role she was in was a more strategic role, so the pay and opportunities are good and the working conditions easier. The sector is mainly female, most people do this specific part of the job either before kids or once the kids are grown up. There are other frontline roles where the work is more planned/predictable if she really wanted front line. It's public sector so there's no additional pay attached to this team despite the extra workload, so I honestly can't see that not doing this job would impact a career in any way.

We will have support once she goes on mat leave as they can get agency in then. But it means at least another two short term managers which is depressing when a relationship with the manager is important to do the job, and it's exhausting getting people up to speed and opening up to them for the emotional support when you know they'll only be around a couple of months.

Agree with you.

This isn't exactly a job where someone can just ''step in''.
Of course you can't open up as well with a newcomer knowing they won't be around for long.

YABVVU
I went for a prestigious job while pregnant with my second DC! It involved also moving a few thousand miles. Your views are in the dark ages. I not only got the job and moved right after childbirth, but attended my first staff meeting with an 8 week old infant sleeping in my arms. I didn’t ask for permission. I just showed up with baby in tow. At 12weeks, baby was in full time nursery like my other DCs have all been. How dare you assume a woman won’t want a demanding job once she has a child?

Also why are people telling me to go to my line manager? She IS my line manager, that's why it's difficult! There's only one of her which is why it's so difficult if she's not available and not sticking around. If it were a peer we could absorb that in the team much more easily, and have done before.

I can understand your feelings but yes you're being unreasonable. Worker's do what's right for them. Be that, going part time, getting pregnant, leaving, going for promotion etc.

I'm a child protection social worker (and pregnant!). Is there not another manager who is covering whilst your manager is off/coming in late etc. If she is notifying your team of being unavailable, who is she telling you to contact in case of an emergency? Do you not have a senior sw in the team?

You need to raise these issues in supervision and if you're not able to access supervision and it's impacting your wellbeing/workload, could you speak with another manager/hr/occupational health? We are taught at uni, in training and in supervision that we need to be very clear in terms of our own capacity (I'm shit at this and take on much more than I should..) but maybe you can bring this up in your supervision and let your supervisor know that you can't take on any more work.

I know you said that you'll be expecting other managers once she's on leave etc but the reality is that it's a job with a high turn over. Whilst I'm really lucky to have a good manager, the turn over of staff in my team is huge. It sounds to be as though you're struggling with the extra pressures but on you and, understandably, it makes sense for you to "blame" your manager. I think you need to be clear in terms of what you need to do to protect yourself.

Also I haven't had a choice on the extra responsibilities

Really? When you said no, did they beat you?

when a new member of staff turns up at the office and the manager isn't there and you are, you can't exactly ignore them!

Of course you can. You have a choice. You point them to a phone and give them the number of your boss' boss. If you are asked to train them you ask which cases they'd like you to lose to make time.

Stop blaming your manager, it has nothing to do with her. She has clearly learnt to achieve a work/life balance, you need to do the same.

If you can help the newbies, great; but do not give more than you can- it's bad news in the long term (now I just need to learn to take my own advice).

People feel this way about me I think. I am currently on mat leave. Was about to give up ttc. Must have got pregnant just before the interview. Found out after I accepted the role. I was deeply unhappy in previous job/dept and am so optimistic about where my career will go from this new job.

Just got to put up with people's comments unfortunately.

I'm not sure why people can't read the OP correctly.

We can read. It's just there are no solutions other than saying no. Even if we all agreed your manager is terrible it wouldn't help you one bit.

YABU

It could have taken her 1 month or 10 years to conceive.
It's absolutely NONE of your business.
Clearly you have no boundaries if you are moaning on a public forum about the audacity of your boss going on maternity leave and not being their to support YOU. You hugely need to grow up

YABU I went for a promotion when I was ttc. Was I not meant to? As if I did conceive I would come back from maternity leave part time! 3.5 years AFTER I got the promotion I went on Maternity leave.
What would have happened if she never conceived? Or had been like me and took a number of years? Are women not allowed promotions incase they produce a child? 😳🙄