To be annoyed at new boss' pregnancy?

[Biscoffscoff]

Ok so I know I probably am. But I need to vent (and preferably not at a pregnant woman) And maybe get some advice about boundaries.

I work in child protection, and it's a stressful job. I'm not going to complain about that part - you have to accept that when you choose the role. But having a good manager makes a massive difference to being able to do the job without burning out, especially as good supervision helps deal with the emotional side of the work. The nature of the job means it's very difficult for people to cover if a manager isn't available - not just because the other managers are too busy with their teams but even if they were free, the manager needs to know the families and the dynamics to be able to help.

The woman who got the managers job used to do (my level) job years ago, so she knows what it's like to be in it. She left to move away from front line work as she wanted more a break/more predictable hours. I was surprised to hear that she'd gone for the job.

A month into post and she's announced her pregnancy. She's already had to take quite a lot of time off sick, or working from home - the team aren't WFH and not having the manager in the building is difficult.

I can't help but be a little bit peed off that she went for this job. She got married earlier in the year and from what I've heard from colleagues in her old team, she was very open about hopes of starting a family once she was married. I know noone knows when/if it's going to happen when TTC but her old job was secure and far less stress, so I just feel a bit peeved that she chose this time to go for this job. I can't imagine that she would/could return to the post after mat leave - the job really isn't accommodating for childcare. I know thats not very feminist but it's the reality - its mainly a female workforce and people usually move out of this part to have kids and move back when they're older.

New boss is already asking me to cover for tasks when she's not in, or in late/leaving early, eg supporting less experienced colleagues. I'm also struggling with the idea that I've got no real support for the next six months - doesn't feel like there's any point getting her up to speed when she'll be off soon.

How do I put in boundaries about the extra work that's being expected of me when new boss isn't around? And how do I get past being annoyed that new boss is going to be just passing through, and not really there for support ?

She's entitled to go for the job, she's entitled to have a baby. Your employer isn't entitled to expect you to pick up the extra. People go into these sort of roles to make a positive change in others lives unfortunately this also means that employers will play on your dedication to do the extra an while you do there's no need for them to make changes.

@liveitwell how many times do I have to say it's not a promotion and has no impact on her career progression, and her previous post was better placed for ladder climbing to the senior management roles?

Christ people have piled on on this thread yet noone is checking their own stereotypes/prejudices about assuming women are in inferior roles to start with!

@bsam88 it wouldn't affect the team the same if she'd been in post then became pregnant. Or had been in this team, gone for the job as a promotion and got pregnant. The latter is a situation we've had before and is fine. Both of those would mean she would have the knowledge of the cases/workers/families to do the job more effectively from home, so that would still be difficult with the wfh but easier to manage. Coming into the team brand new and needing to do the job from home straight away it's impossible for her (for anyone) to get those relationships and knowledge of the team and the work.

The timing unfortunately means up to 6 months of a not very available manager, then during her mat leave agency managers, until the point that she makes a decision about future work (ie if she decides to come back to this role FT/PT or request something different)
It's being faced with multiple management changes over the next 12 months which is a bit disheartening, and not really having the emotional energy to build a relationship with this new manager knowing that she'll be leaving soon. The latter point might sound clingy if you're not in this line of work but in SW as we deal with some very emotionally challenging stuff, your manager - who is one step removed as they don't go out to the families - provides a degree of emotional containment and is meant to encourage you to let some of that out in reflective supervision.

I said from the start of the thread that I knew I was being unreasonable but wanted advice about how to get over it and how to try and put in some boundaries so I can protect my own wellbeing, which I've had some helpful advice on.

Save your rage for the system that leaves an essential service so under-resourced that there isn't enough slack to cover for a manager who's off for any reason.

To expect pregnancy-related absence to be different is unfair.

Thats fair enough. You are being unreasonable to feel that its her fault or responsibility but your not being unreasonable to feel disheartened or worried how things will work.

Could you consider a job change yourself? Could you speak to the higher up managers? I dont know where you live but could you suggest meeting with your manager somewhere near her for catch-ups and handovers?

I think the bottom line is that you're in a tricky situation but if you decide to stick with it you need to accept it or challenge the fact that you are not being provided cover. Either way being angry with someone who isn't at fault will only make you feel worse.

@lolasmiles she absolutely is responsible for my workload. She allocates my cases to me (standard) and puts things in my diary that she needs me to cover, or tells people that I am to cover as she's unable to due to WFH then they ring me and say 'boss has told me you're covering so I need you at this time ...' That's what managers do in this area.
Then her managers need to have a better handle on how she's delegating.
Or, you need to agree with her what workload she's removing from you to account for increased new duties.

I've also been very clear it's not just about illness which noone can predict, it's about long term commitment. If I knew I was making plans to say, move across the country to be with a new partner in six months, then I wouldn't seek a new job with long term work, or to pick one that's had problems with short term managers. I'd maybe look at another team where shorter term work is more viable (and there's plenty of those) I don't see that as putting my life on hold, that just seems sensible. I wouldn't have thought that was being overly cautious but maybe I'm wrong.

Moving away in 6 months time is not the same as having a baby!
Why should a woman not go for a job that interests her long term because some of her colleagues might be pissed off that her pregnancy is an inconvenience and they're not committed enough?

What if she delayed having a baby until it was more "convenient" and then wasnt able to have one?

Yabvvvu. Women should not have to put their lives, careers and families on hold just because IF they become pregnant it could cause problems for their colleagues. You have no idea how long they've been trying or what possible fertility problems are in the family, or even if they actively were ttc. That's just gossip. You cannot say to someone "you can't fall pregnant within the first x weeks of a job."

It's inconvenient timing for you but also for her, and I suspect as much as she's happy for baby that she's also well aware of that and feels guilty. I'm sorry you feel you have no support. I'm sorry you're having to hold things together. Those things obviously need a discussion about how to change them so you don't feel like you're being taken advantage of.

Focus on how to change things for the better and save your anger for the lack of funding.

Ah so you want her to check with you first when a good time would be for her to conceive so it's not too stressful for you. Gotcha.

Given that half the replies on here are from people who have no intention of reading my posts and just want to project their own assumptions about evil women keeping innocent women down, I'm going to stop replying in here. I'm bored of repeating myself for those who are too lazy to read.

For those who have read my OP and the updating posts, appreciate the responses and advice. It has been useful!

I know OP is not reading but I’m curious if she went into SW later in life/after having children based on a few comments. I have seen a few workers who seem to have beef with younger people in the work force especially if there are pregnancy or childcare issues. It’s a temporary time in a persons career. Kids aren’t little forever. If an employer - and the team - accept that sometimes people plan babies then hopefully they’ll all be rewarded with a loyal, hard working long term employee. My team were so kind and supportive after I returned from long term sick and that was a few years ago. I am motivated to work hard to show I am grateful and want to give something back.

The issue here is not the pregnant employee. It's the organisation for not having sufficient plans in place. Given that SW is a female dominated profession they really need to do better.

‘Women should not have to put their lives, careers and families on hold just because IF they become pregnant it could cause problems for their colleagues’

And neither should it have to be the OPs problem if someone decides to take on a role with responsibilities that they now can’t seem to fulfil as a direct result of their pregnancy.

@Weirdwonders

‘Women should not have to put their lives, careers and families on hold just because IF they become pregnant it could cause problems for their colleagues’

And neither should it have to be the OPs problem if someone decides to take on a role with responsibilities that they now can’t seem to fulfil as a direct result of their pregnancy.

Which is why it is an organisational issue. It's not the pregnant employees fault.

Are they going to reduce your caseload if you take on the extras? I'd be asking for it capping & no complex cases.

Bloody hell. As if its not hard enough dealing with sexist men in the workplace who make it clear they believe that women having a family are a burden...
We stand no chance of employment equality with women like OP too.

*And it’s not remotely comparable to an illness. Pregnancy is not an illness, and women need to stop behaving as if it is, because this is part of the problem.

People don’t plan to fall ill and have cancer etc, but people do plan to fall pregnant*

But no-one knows how being pregnant will make them feel. No-one plans to get hyperemesis gravidarum, gestational diabetes or SPD. The illnesses that sometimes come with pregnancy are no different from any other illness.

Some people feel right as rain up until their waters break and others feel shit from a couple of weeks in. Pregnancy-related sick leave and wfh are no different from any other sick leave or wfh for medical reasons.

If someone broke a leg skiing or riding a motorbike, no-one would suggest that they shouldn't have taken a particular job because they might need time off/wfh following a skiing/motorcycle accident.

The OP's difficulties are because she works in an area that is under-resourced and where staff turnover is high because of the pressures, not because her manager is having a tricky pregnancy.

Discrimination against an employee who happens to be pregnant is illegal. If you are being asked to take on too much work then this is a separate issue and you should outline the issues with this clearly and calmly with her, as she's the one who is delegating them. If she's your line manager then she is your first point of contact: if you are not able to resolve that issue with her then and only then should you go to the next manager up.

Do not make this about her pregnancy. It won't end well for you.

The responses gere are typical of the mumsnet feminist gestapo ech chamber. Women on mumsnet will tie themselves in knots to justify their selfish, inconvenient choices and brand anyone who doesn't agree a 'misogynist'. Most of you dont even know the meaning of the word.

OP, yes this woman is taking the piss. The thing is, women rarely just want one kid so she will probably have another maternity leave shortly and no doubt will swing the lead and be off sick because of morning sickness/a bad back/ feeling tired.

Its always women with kids that try to finish early, take the piss with maternity leave, always on the sick, always wanting flexibility. Most of these women simply dont want to work.

I really hope that new rules are brought in around maternity leave- 12 months is far too generous. 2-3 months would be fair, unless circumstances exceptional(very ill after birth).

YABU
You are essentially saying that women should not have important, managerial jobs when they are considering having a family. This is patently ridiculous.

username108 - you can wish for new rules for maternity leave to be only be 3 months but it’s not going to happen. Bless! 😂

@username108

The responses gere are typical of the mumsnet feminist gestapo ech chamber. Women on mumsnet will tie themselves in knots to justify their selfish, inconvenient choices and brand anyone who doesn't agree a 'misogynist'. Most of you dont even know the meaning of the word.

OP, yes this woman is taking the piss. The thing is, women rarely just want one kid so she will probably have another maternity leave shortly and no doubt will swing the lead and be off sick because of morning sickness/a bad back/ feeling tired.

Its always women with kids that try to finish early, take the piss with maternity leave, always on the sick, always wanting flexibility. Most of these women simply dont want to work.

I really hope that new rules are brought in around maternity leave- 12 months is far too generous. 2-3 months would be fair, unless circumstances exceptional(very ill after birth).

So many sweeping generalisations in the post I really don't know where to start. Care to back any of this up with actual evidence?

username108
Gosh, what a lot of goady misogynistic nonsense.

I hate the way the term handmaiden can be used on here, but this is straying rather close to justifying it to me.

2-3 months LOL

Going back to the original question, how to put in boundaries.

Go home at a reasonable time. If you're not officially on call then switch the phone off. Spend time with family and friends or doing something you enjoy and try to put work out of your mind. If you're given additional load ask for priorities, people you're dealing deserve your best not just what you can spare. If you're overloaded flag it up don't try to cope, you're not there to take on the world. 'If you want me to take these on you need to take a couple of others off me'. If you struggle and take on more and more then they'll keep on giving you more until you break.

It's up to you. Management know you think about the clients and rely on you putting them first, sometimes you need to say enough. It does the client no good to be reliant on overstretched services.

username108 has apparently never had a job looking at her previous posts so I don’t think a manager being pregnant will have any bearing on her life...