To think this I should complain - possible sexism in year 4?

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

DD is in year 4, a new girl started at the beginning of term. I've been chatting to her mum in the playground and she said she's painfully shy and a bit worried about fitting in. DD(8) has said that she's tried playing with her in the playground but she doesn't say much and is so shy she often slumps off if there's a group situation.

Anyway, DD told me that all the girls in her class got a house point each yesterday. She said it's because they all, on instruction from the teacher, played with the new girl. I asked was it just the girls and not the boys getting house points? And she said the teacher only asked the girls to play with her because (in the words of the teacher apparently) "the boys aren't sensible enough to play nicely with her".

Now, as a teacher myself (though I teach older teens) I am well aware we have to take what's said at home by children with a huge pinch of salt. But, DD doesn't tend to make things up or embellish, she's very mature for her age. So, let's say we are taking what she says as true - AIBU to think it's sexist that only the girls have to do the care giving and welcoming to other pupils and all of the boys are written of as hopeless? There are quite a number of boisterous boys in the class but also some very friendly, sweet and sensitive boys too.

I have virtual parents evening next week and thinking of raising it. WWYD?

Totally over thinking it. If a new boy had joined no doubt the boys would have been encouraged to play with him

Your overreacting, and no I wouldn't mention it

I agree with you OP. ITs at this age that the gendered foundations are laid. 20 years on, and the girls will be buying Xmas presents for their MIL while their DHs sit in the sofa with their hands down their tracksuit bottoms.

Seroiusly?
As a teacher yourself who surely knows how difficult the job has become when parent's feel entitled to complain about the slightest thing, you plan to bring this up??

I imagine if the new child had been a boy, the teacher would have encouraged the boys to play with them. While I understand the general point you are making, in this situation I really wouldn't say anything. You will come across as slightly bonkers.

"the boys aren't sensible enough to play nicely with her"
Girls are biddable and boys will be boys.
Stereotyping.

I agree with you. Why assume a girl would rather play with girls for a start or that boys cant be trusted to be nice to girls.

I hate people pushing stereotypes on kids.

I would assume that a boy being encouraged to play with a girl would have some 'red flags' type replies or 'there are control issues' or some other over dramatic 'you have to tear down to the school and report it NOW!'

I do find girls are saints on here, but I do think all children being nice to a new student is a nice thing to encourage

I wouldn't raise it. Sorry, but I agree with pp that you're over reacting. I have a year 4 DD, and generally at that age, the girls play with the girls and the boys play with the boys. So it's not surprising that the teacher asked the girls. The comment about the boys not being sensible enough seems a bit odd though..

Totally over thinking it. If a new boy had joined no doubt the boys would have been encouraged to play with him

That doesn't justify it, it just presents the other aspect of the same problem.

Yes, I'd say something, OP. You don't have to show up in a tank, but a quiet word should be had.

I had sons and now a GS. I've also taught boys. IME, at around that age many of them are irrepressibly loud ; revel in terrible jokes, idiotic wrestling, horsing about and farting. It's possible their well-meaning attentions and inclusion might draw a shy withdrawn new girl out of her shell, but I wouldn't count on it.

I don't think you're overreacting but back in my day girls and boys didn't really play with each other anyway and it would have been uncomfortable to be coerced to do so. Times are different now though so I think you have a point!

I’d mention it while you’re having the parents evening. Casual sexism in the classroom drives me mad. Like when a teacher asks for “two strong boys” to come and help them move a table.

It’s obviously not the biggest issue ever, but it’s little stuff like this from which bigger things grow.

My friend’s son won’t drink out of a cup or bottle if it’s the wrong colour. Asked why we were playing girl’s music at DS’s party (Disney songs from Frozen and Tangled), obsessed with play fighting etc.

I think it’s ridiculous but I’d probably just use the opportunity to drill into my child that boys and girls are capable of the same things and that the teacher was wrong.

Don’t be that parent, leave it

I agree with you OP. My sons best friend since year 1 was a girl. They are teens and still in the same class and still mates. Why would she exclude half the class then give the only half she included a treat. Boys were excluded and then excluded even more by getting punished for her not allowing them to join in.

Personally, I wouldn't award points for including a new kid to anyone- it's an expectation I'd have of the whole class. I do tend to assign a buddy of the same sex though- easier logistically with things like toilets.

You could point out why what she did was problematic in theory, but in practice a painfully shy 8 year old girl probably wouldn't want the boys seeking her out to play with her anyway. For all you know, the kid's parents were involved in the decision to extend the invite exclusively to the girls. If it were me, I'd likely let it lie but keep my ears out for any other subtle sexism.

I do think that although not 100% accurate girls are more likely to befriend a shy girl than boys. Whether through nature or socialisation boys tend to play more physical games that might not appeal to a nervous girl. Obviously this isn't always the case but more of a general rule.

I don't think it's fair to say that the boys aren't sensible enough to play with her though.

You are overthinking this, the teacher did what she thought would be a good first move for the shy girl, and thought that a girls only would be best at first. It will be most likely that the shy girl will mix with everyone sooner or later. Complaining parents must be a right pain to schools and teachers.

YABU and overreacting. You’re seeing a problem where there isn’t one.

I agree with you.

You’re being totally totally reasonable. Of my 4 kids one of the boys would have been much more comfortable playing with the girls, and my daughter often gravitates towards the boys...and would be OUTRAGED at the sexism of this teacher! 😂 (but only at home with me)

And if we repeatedly tell boys they’re not “sensible enough” then they’ll live up to our expectations...

Of course you should point it out! I might even make a separate appointment to have a conversation about it.
What with teaching a class of children who haven't been in school since march, coping with all the new routines around covid, and living in the middle of a pandemic, it's not as if the teacher has anything else on her mind is it???

🤨