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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this I should complain - possible sexism in year 4?

152 replies

GlummyMcGlummerson · 03/10/2020 13:27

DD is in year 4, a new girl started at the beginning of term. I've been chatting to her mum in the playground and she said she's painfully shy and a bit worried about fitting in. DD(8) has said that she's tried playing with her in the playground but she doesn't say much and is so shy she often slumps off if there's a group situation.

Anyway, DD told me that all the girls in her class got a house point each yesterday. She said it's because they all, on instruction from the teacher, played with the new girl. I asked was it just the girls and not the boys getting house points? And she said the teacher only asked the girls to play with her because (in the words of the teacher apparently) "the boys aren't sensible enough to play nicely with her".

Now, as a teacher myself (though I teach older teens) I am well aware we have to take what's said at home by children with a huge pinch of salt. But, DD doesn't tend to make things up or embellish, she's very mature for her age. So, let's say we are taking what she says as true - AIBU to think it's sexist that only the girls have to do the care giving and welcoming to other pupils and all of the boys are written of as hopeless? There are quite a number of boisterous boys in the class but also some very friendly, sweet and sensitive boys too.

I have virtual parents evening next week and thinking of raising it. WWYD?

OP posts:

eaglejulesk · 04/10/2020 06:01

You are overreacting. If the little girl is so shy she might not even want to play with the boys until she gets to know them better. Rightly or not, boys can seem threatening to little girls and I'm sure the teacher was doing what she thought best.

RepeatSwan · 04/10/2020 06:42

@eaglejulesk

Or maybe the girl isnt really shy but is sick of playing with all the girls who are really boring or bitchy or pretty or well behaved and just talk about friendship bracelets and cartwheels all the time.

No one has any idea about the individual child.

Tumbleweed101 · 04/10/2020 06:46

The teacher has been observing the children. She’ll have had a good idea of the class dynamics and how the new child fits into this. She likely knew what play the new child is enjoying and likely isn’t boisterous group play that the boys in the class are doing. For all our attempts as adults to make things equal boys and girls do have very different play patterns, this is clear even from 3/4yos.

RepeatSwan · 04/10/2020 06:47

@Tumbleweed101

This is a sexist stereotyping post.

How do you know what the boys in the class are like?

Scaraffito · 04/10/2020 06:53

but denying the new kid a chance to see if she might gel better with one/some of the boys in the class.

The teacher didn't, the new girl can play with whoever she likes, the teacher wasnt dictating that. They just asked some of the girls to make an effort to include her and play, and given the mountain of other shit they have to deal with, especially at the moment, it probably wasn't something they thought about for long or thought deeply about. The teacher knows the class in question, and perhaps just identified a group she thought would be good for this, who happened to be girls. A lot of boys that age do tend to engage in more boisterous play, it might be that when she is a bit more settled the new girl would like to play like that too, but she can make that choice.

RepeatSwan · 04/10/2020 06:54

A lot of boys that age do tend to engage in more boisterous play, it might be that when she is a bit more settled the new girl would like to play like that too, but she can make that choice. Sexist stereotyping.

notdaddycool · 04/10/2020 07:04

The poor teacher is doing their best in the midst of a pandemic. Let it go, don’t be that parent.

Scaraffito · 04/10/2020 07:06

Sexist stereotyping.

Aka the truth. Have you worked with young children? Is not sterotyping because it's often true. The sexist part will be the influence by society etc until that point rather than the actions themselves, because those happen and can be easily observed.

RepeatSwan · 04/10/2020 07:12

@Scaraffito

Sexist stereotyping.

All stereotypes are rooted in things people say are true, sometimes they are ('boys tend to be rough') sometimes they are invented (racial stereotypes for example) but it stops people treating people as individuals.

The comments were sexist stereotypes.

The most frequent sexist stereotyping comment on this thread is that the girl in question would be happier playing with the other girls. Even if that were the case in 99% of cases, it is still stereotyping to assume it of this girl.

derxa · 04/10/2020 07:21

Anyway, DD told me that all the girls in her class got a house point each yesterday. She said it's because they all, on instruction from the teacher, played with the new girl. How humiliating for the new girl. These strategies never work out

Scaraffito · 04/10/2020 07:24

You don't know if they were merely applying sexist stereotypes because you don't know the class. Commenting on society as a whole then yes, because you can't possibly know if all boys are more boisterous, and we know that they aren't therefore it is a stereotype. For a teacher who knows their class, aka this scenario it could be the case that the boys might not be seen as overly suitable by observed behaviours etc and through getting to know the new girl.

EmJay19 · 04/10/2020 07:32

Yes agree it’s stereotyping and agree with other posters that it doesn’t create a positive self image of boys. I wouldn’t want my son to be labelled like this. But, teacher almost certainly meant no harm and could be super liberal usually so I wouldn’t give her a hard time about it - if you could find a sensitive way of mentioning it it could help the teacher to avoid comments like this in the future.

RepeatSwan · 04/10/2020 07:35

I was referring to the comments on the thread, there are repeated sexist stereotyping remarks on here.

Scaraffito · 04/10/2020 07:37

Well yes but you evidently didn't read the rest of my post that you quoted.

lovepickledlimes · 04/10/2020 07:56

@RepeatSwan so should we make 99% of the girls feel even more intimated and uncomfortable when already painfully shy just so the 1% can feel comfortable?

RepeatSwan · 04/10/2020 07:57

[quote lovepickledlimes]@RepeatSwan so should we make 99% of the girls feel even more intimated and uncomfortable when already painfully shy just so the 1% can feel comfortable?[/quote]
No, I think you've misunderstood.

RepeatSwan · 04/10/2020 07:57

@Scaraffito

Well yes but you evidently didn't read the rest of my post that you quoted.

I did read it, I was just pointing out the sexist stereotyping which was in it.

lovepickledlimes · 04/10/2020 08:04

@RepeatSwan so you do agree that the way the teacher tried to get the girl to feel more included is perfectly fine?

RepeatSwan · 04/10/2020 08:12

[quote lovepickledlimes]@RepeatSwan so you do agree that the way the teacher tried to get the girl to feel more included is perfectly fine?[/quote]
I think putting it onto all girls and only girls is more likely to be because it was easy than a careful strategy.

I am sceptical that there are only horrid boisterous boys amongst the fifteen in the class. I am equally sceptical that the class has all nice sweet girls.

I don't think it is a great approach.

But I don't actually know the teacher or any of the children. What I do know is this thread is full.of sexist stereotyping.

Queenest · 04/10/2020 08:12

Initially I thought the OP was creating a non issue. But this thread and the link to the experiment has definitely made me think.

derxa · 04/10/2020 08:14

Well, that doesn't speak for the entire population. In DD's class the boys and girls play with each other, they do in DS's reception class too. I think it's a shame (and eating right into gender segregation and stereotyping) that this is just accepted You've no idea what goes on. You're not there

lovepickledlimes · 04/10/2020 08:15

@RepeatSwan if she is a shy quiet girl she will be observing the class and figure out on her own who the other children are that she wants to get to know better. As she is new the teacher is just trying to make her feel included.

RepeatSwan · 04/10/2020 08:17

[quote lovepickledlimes]@RepeatSwan if she is a shy quiet girl she will be observing the class and figure out on her own who the other children are that she wants to get to know better. As she is new the teacher is just trying to make her feel included.[/quote]
None be of which means she wouldn't potentially be better supported by also being helped to make friends with boys.

Nothing you say is wrong, but isn't a girl/boy issue.

MoonJelly · 04/10/2020 08:19

Perhaps the teacher simply gauged that this child would find it easier to get on with girls at this early stage?

RepeatSwan · 04/10/2020 08:22

@MoonJelly

Perhaps the teacher simply gauged that this child would find it easier to get on with girls at this early stage?

How would someone decide child X would get on with 'girls' better than 'boys' without that being sexist at root?

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