To think this I should complain - possible sexism in year 4?

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

DD is in year 4, a new girl started at the beginning of term. I've been chatting to her mum in the playground and she said she's painfully shy and a bit worried about fitting in. DD(8) has said that she's tried playing with her in the playground but she doesn't say much and is so shy she often slumps off if there's a group situation.

Anyway, DD told me that all the girls in her class got a house point each yesterday. She said it's because they all, on instruction from the teacher, played with the new girl. I asked was it just the girls and not the boys getting house points? And she said the teacher only asked the girls to play with her because (in the words of the teacher apparently) "the boys aren't sensible enough to play nicely with her".

Now, as a teacher myself (though I teach older teens) I am well aware we have to take what's said at home by children with a huge pinch of salt. But, DD doesn't tend to make things up or embellish, she's very mature for her age. So, let's say we are taking what she says as true - AIBU to think it's sexist that only the girls have to do the care giving and welcoming to other pupils and all of the boys are written of as hopeless? There are quite a number of boisterous boys in the class but also some very friendly, sweet and sensitive boys too.

I have virtual parents evening next week and thinking of raising it. WWYD?

Trust your daughter’s teacher to know her own pupils and figure out what makes sense for each situation. She didn’t say the teacher said “all boys” she said “the boys” as in these in particular. She may also be privy to information you don’t have about this little girl and her needs.

As a teacher I think you probably don’t want or need every parent second-guessing and questioning every decision you make.

Another example of every day sexism. Sad how many people don't see anything wrong with it.

The problem isn't asking the girls to play with her. The problem is stereotyping the boys by saying they are too silly without giving them the chance.

FGS this whole low expectations and boys will be boys attitude is exactly why some boys are allowed to grow up as lazy selfish people.

(I wonder how some of the mums of girls would feel if the teacher had said to the class the girls can't carry the chairs because they are too weak or the girls can't do the school play because they are too quiet. )

Ugh so much casual sexism in classrooms and on this thread. It's gross.

I'm with you OP

Well, you’re right, of course. It’s a gendered expectation, and that stuff is insidious.

I probably wouldn’t raise it with the teacher - I doubt it would go down well. I would empower my DD to think through if the teacher should have handled it better/differently and discuss it that way. But my DC are well used to me going off about everyday sexism.

(As an aside, if I was going to raise it with the teacher it would be on the basis of bribing them with house points for performing ‘kindness’ rather than recognising when DC were already trying to be kind of their own accord. It sounds like a bit of a lame teacher strategy to me, frankly.)

I do see your point. I don’t like the wording at all, but I wouldn’t mind about it being girls who were asked - Y4 was peak, “girls do not play with boys” year, in life experience.

I’m not surprised you didn’t enable voting on this!
What a total non issue!

the teacher has a conditioned way of thinking, instead of thinking which of the class were gentle and would be suitable playmates - she catagorised due to sex instead. Its not a great example to impressionable children

The kids themselves will ascribe social stigma to boys who like to play with girls. Some of the boys afraid of that stigma would not approach the task in good faith and undermine the objective (to give the girl social confidence).

I can't fathom making this incident into an issue.

The teacher is setting a low bar for behaviour in the class, that's surely their own problem? I don't think pointing out their lack of skill in a meeting is going to be well received.

Yrs go ahead and raise it OP. The teachers need cheering up at the moment.

I am well aware we have to take what's said at home by children with a huge pinch of salt. But, DD doesn't tend to make things up or embellish, she's very mature for her age

Every child of a MNetter iels the same. None lie or embellish things ar all 😄

Personally I'd be embarrassed raising such a non issue.

YABU. If a girl is shy and quiet, common sense says she will feel more comfortable with other girls. That is not 'sexism', it's just common sense!!

To be honest, if this happened at my daughter's school, I'd be PRAISING THEM, not complaining about it! An effort to include the shy girl should be applauded. Your thinking on this (imo) is totally flawed. It sounds like your daughter goes to a wonderful school that cares about it's children. You should be proud!

Maybe the new girl or her parent asked the teacher about help making friends with the girls.

Nope

@PinkiOcelot

I’m not surprised you didn’t enable voting on this! What a total non issue!

I thought the same thing about the OP not enabling voting.

I am constantly asking myself if I'm sexist in my teaching because I always seem to be waiting for boys to calm down, asking boys not to focus on fights/rolling around on the floor (I teach Performing Arts, not a seated subject!) and telling boys off about 5 times more often than girls. There are no boys over 6 in my dance classes and girls outnumber boys in my extra drama activities by about 3:1. But is just seems to be the way it is, I'm not intentionally treating them differently, I don't think. A group of boys in a classroom do not seem to behave the same way as a group of girls. And whether that's my fault or just because they are different, I really don't know.

In the example in your OP, I don't disagree with the teachers actions but he shouldn't have given the reason he did. Year 4 girls are far more likely to play with each other than with the boys. That's enough of a reason to ask the other girls to look out for the new girl. The teacher didn't need to mention anyone's behaviour.

I mostly teach Years 3-8. The Year 3s and the Year 8s play/hang out together, regardless of sex. The Year 4-7s are much more rigid in who they choose to play with (usually single sex groups unless they are playing football).

Seriously? You’d be laughed at. The teacher is trying to help and you’ve got no idea who else she’s has encouraged to play this little girl and what else she is doing to help her.

A group of boys in a classroom do not seem to behave the same way as a group of girls.

I have had enough parties and playdates for my kids to know that, whatever the reason behind it, a group of boys and a group of girls DO NOT behave in the same way in any shape or form. It's NEVER the same dynamic even in the same house, with the same resources - the same hosts really as I have boys and girls here!

And so what? Nothing wrong with that.

Totally agree with you op - inappropriate in what it is saying to both genders

Everyday casual (depressing) sexism

@occa

Ugh so much casual sexism in classrooms and on this thread. It's gross.

I'm with you OP

Me too. I'd potentially raise it.

What is so depressing is the way it maps straight to the workplace

I agree with you OP. It was sexist.
I also am uncomfortable with the teacher “bribing” classmates to play with the new girl.
I was a very shy girl....around other girls. Growing up my best friends were usually boys.
The teacher should have found out a bit about the new girl and then matched her with a boy or girl buddy with similar hobbies/interests.

My DD started a new school in year 4, the boys in her class were welcoming and friendly, the girls bullied her. I don't know if she just clicked more with the boys as she has 3 brothers but there was an unusally small number of girls in the class, I think there was something like 9 or 10 girls and 20 boys and I was told they had always been a challenging group of girls.