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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend of mine just refused to meet for coffee today as I am a teacher working with Covid infected children all day!

597 replies

Quarks69 · 03/10/2020 09:07

After 5 Exhausting weeks of working a 12 hour day every day at a secondary school, I woke up this morning looking forward to a coffee and catch up with A local friend. am now totally stunned and feeling pretty betrayed by her response. This is someone I have known since our kids were born and she is healthy and works from home. is this what most people think?

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 03/10/2020 10:53

Honestly, if I thought a friend working in a stressful and scary situation wanted to meet me for a coffee I'd jump at the chance.

This makes absolutely no sense. If anyone really DID think they were working in a scary and stressful situation why would they be going Out to a coffee shop and putting their friend and others at risk?

All the people at my secondary school who know we are at risk are hunkering down at home at the weekends, keeping contact with the outside at minimum. Same with relatives in hospitals. There are a few who are blase and think “ah, we’re all going to get it anyway, and it’s not that dangerous, what the hell”, they’re the ones going out at the weekends. Or they were. We are now in lockdown and can’t meet anyone anyway. I wonder which of the groups have been the ones that have got us to this situation? Hmm

Janevaljane · 03/10/2020 10:54

This makes absolutely no sense

It does if you think teachers should be allowed to do things that everyone else is allowed to do.

SengaMac · 03/10/2020 10:55

Washimal
People on MN are not a mass all sharing the same brain cell.
There are different opinions among them.
It's not a case of everyone saying one thing weeks ago and now saying the opposite.

Emmylou292 · 03/10/2020 10:55

Everyone feels differently for different reasons.
Don't take it personally.
I'm currently not meeting with anyone (and yes my mental health is suffering) but I have my own personal (health related) reasons for doing this.
My children, however are going to school and mixing with others, so the chances are I will get the virus at some point. I'm just limiting my contact as much as I can at the moment.
I'm just like everyone else, longing for the day when things are back to normal.

Janevaljane · 03/10/2020 10:56

It's not a case of everyone saying one thing weeks ago and now saying the opposite

Hmm, yeah it kind of is though!

ulanbatorismynextstop · 03/10/2020 10:57

Two separate households can't meet! Where are you in the country?

Please be aware that it is a pandemic and every individual views risk differently.

You really are taking offence where none is intended.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 03/10/2020 10:57

I think she's being ridiculous. I'm with you OP and teachers are doing a great job. I have a DS at school mixing with kids all day, no difference really.

WhatifIfeellikeacat · 03/10/2020 10:58

Feeling betrayed is a bit of overreaction. What if she is really worried? There are people who don't believe in Covid19, there are those who don't care, those who believe but take chances, and those who are seriously scared of the virus. It's a very difficult time now and we constantly being manipulated by the media. We should be more understanding and united.

SengaMac · 03/10/2020 10:58

Janevaljane
Everyone on this thread said, weeks ago, that schools should get to it and teachers were making a fuss about nothing??
I certainly didn't say that or think it.

Ideasplease322 · 03/10/2020 10:59

I think you are being a bit unkind. We are in the middle of a global pandemic and everyone is responding In Their own way to the risks. I am not worried about getting it myself but am worried about passing it on to my elderly parents.

You are being very harsh to say she is ignorant to the risk you pose. You are more exposed than she is. Be kind, have a chat over the phone with her. But don’t scoff at get.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 03/10/2020 11:00

@Friendsoftheearth I'm not in a lockdown area and everyone I know is still socialising. May as well while we still can.

CountreeGurl · 03/10/2020 11:00

I don't think it's offensive, she is trying to protect herself and family against unnecessary risk. I am staying away from people with school age children because I have a vulnerable family member, just seems sensible

ChalkDinosaur · 03/10/2020 11:00

I can understand why you're upset, but ultimately yabu. Your friend has the right to choose what level of risk/perceived risk she's comfortable with. Maybe you don't know the full detail of her situation? I'm generally healthy but currently have good reason for limiting my socialising, it's just not a reason that I'm very willing to share with people at the moment.

I can appreciate that you want and need support at the moment, is your friend fully aware of that? Or did she just think you're meeting for a casual chat? Have you suggested any alternatives to her - walk etc?

Friendsoftheearth · 03/10/2020 11:01

Two separate households can't meet! Where are you in the country?

You do know what much of the country is not locked down, and are continuing to meet up as normal.

Janevaljane · 03/10/2020 11:02

I think she's being ridiculous. I'm with you OP and teachers are doing a great job. I have a DS at school mixing with kids all day, no difference really

And this is why I wish mumsnet had a 'LIKE' button.

Happytobeme123 · 03/10/2020 11:02

Can't say I blame your friend. Im a teacher too. We've had children off school, but without adequate testing, we have no idea what we've been exposed too.
Ita not like she rejected you for a better offer.
In the nicest way, now is the time to try and respect other peoples view point that they might feel scared.

Hobnobsandbroomstick · 03/10/2020 11:02

@ulanbatorismynextstop

Two households are allowed to meet in the majority of the UK (the grey areas on the map).

Friend of mine just refused to meet for coffee today as I am a teacher working with Covid infected children all day!
BillyCongo · 03/10/2020 11:02

🍰☕ I think I'd be upset too. Cancelling last minute is rude and she seems to have been particularly blunt about it. She could have softened the blow, suggested something else. Having anxiety doesn't mean you can't be kind when you let someone down.
I would find other people to socialize with for the time being and give her space. She's entitled to her anxiety but you don't necessarily have to be available to jump to her tune when this is all over.

Original poster
Quarks69 · 03/10/2020 11:02

working with COVID infected children all day was my friends response which is part of my issue. AS I said we have had no cases in My school in the last month. It is, as many are saying here, the perception of risk by those wfh is too extreme. Those out there working with children and the public realise it’s not as bad as painted. Hence my surprise and yes, disappointment.

OP posts:
Poppingnostopping · 03/10/2020 11:03

There is a certain irony that had the OP posted and said as a teacher she was a bit scared of going into school where there were covid cases and that young people were crap at social distancing, she would have been told the risk is low and teachers are work shy and to suck it up, but if you say you are scared of having a coffee with a teacher, it's endless sympathy!

Being a teacher is a job so the OP has to go, the friend does not. But only a month ago, we were told that it was more or less a moral and economic obligation to get our butts out there and eat out in restaurants/pubs and work from the office otherwise the economy would collapse. So, choices not to go out do impact on someone, it's just we've all decided the risk of the virus is too high and we are ok with collapsing the economy again.

My friends fall into two camps- extremely cautious, not met anyone for months or only outside even if freezing, and really quite cavalier- out to the pub or restaurant a couple of times a week, shopping in person most days, went on holiday in Greece in the summer.

I guess we are all just making it up as we go along.

Friendsoftheearth · 03/10/2020 11:04

wax we are too, I have been seeing lots of friends, everyone I know is carrying on as normal, apart from the odd one or two. On here there seems to be much more caution and fear than what I see in every day life. We are careful, but are still living life as normal as far as possible.

Sirzy · 03/10/2020 11:05

Just because you have a different perception of risk doesn’t mean either of you are right or wrong you are both doing what is needed.

I know plenty of teachers and HCPs who are minimising their social contact with people because they know the risk that comes with spreading the virus and they want to reduce that risk.

If your happy to go out and socialise (within the rules) then great go and have fun but don’t slag off those who feel that for them it’s a risk they don’t want to take, especially with the rapidly changing position we are in at the moment

AldiAisleofCrap · 03/10/2020 11:05

AS I said we have had no cases in My school in the last month. no you had no confirmed cases hardly the same thing when most children show no symptoms. Your friend is being very sensible. @Quarks69

Kalula · 03/10/2020 11:05

Wait... you work with.....Covid infected children all day and you really can't see why she'd rather not meet with you until this has all blown over? Really? Is this a wind-up thread? Do you not understand what Covid-19 is??? YABU for expecting her to meet with you. And selfish.

I can't believe you even asked this. I can't even..... Hmm

Janevaljane · 03/10/2020 11:06

Yes, life is pretty normal here and all my friends are trying to keep it that way without being stupid about it.

The only fear and hysteria I see is on here.

If in RL a friend told me what the OP had told us, we'd all think the friend was bonkers, unless she had a severe health condition.

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