Friend of mine just refused to meet for coffee today as I am a teacher working with Covid infected children all day!

[Quarks69]

After 5 Exhausting weeks of working a 12 hour day every day at a secondary school, I woke up this morning looking forward to a coffee and catch up with A local friend. am now totally stunned and feeling pretty betrayed by her response. This is someone I have known since our kids were born and she is healthy and works from home. is this what most people think?

I am only meeting one friend, at a 2m distance for walks outside. She is being very careful and so I feel reasonably safe seeing her. I would not see a teacher friend, or any friends who mix with large numbers of other people.
It isn’t any reflection on you or your friendship, it is because she doesn’t want to catch Covid, surely that is reasonable ? I know several people who are not old, were working and fit, who have been left with permanent and serious damage from the virus, one of them has something similar to dementia now and will never work again. (I also know a twenty year old who is still struggling with fatigue and post viral symptoms months later). I don’t think it is worth the risk just to meet up for coffee. I have a slightly increased risk , so that is a factor for me, but even if I didn’t I don’t think this is something to take lightly.

@Quarks69

Actually betrayed is my reaction, because society and parents (she is one) expect teachers (and nhs staff) to put themselves at risk looking after their children, but aren’t prepared to risk anything themselves to support us, and we are talking the smallest risk here. How many teachers have had Covid in the last month compared to other groups? Look at the stats instead of the DM headlines.

I am limiting my contact with other people to HELP PROTECT teachers etc.

I am also being very conscious about friends who work in schools and friends who have children at different schools because I know multiple people who do. The very LAST thing anyone wants is to spread something between school because of the sheer number of people who are affected by that.

Indeed I know that at least one council nearby are actively advising parents to be conscious of their children having contact with children from other schools.

Its not about betraying you. Thats you taking it extra personally and not seeing the bigger picture.

YABU.

@Quarks69

For the record, I am in a very low risk part of the uk and my school of 800 students hasn’t has a single case. I am not completely ignorant to the risk I pose to others....But I do think they are ignorant to the risk I pose to them.

I wfh. Am on the paused shielding list. My lo HAS to go to school or I will be fined. I don't like this additional risk. For me it's an additional risk of at least 100. Plus obviously their families and siblings contacts. That's a huge risk compared to what was until September a zero risk. Your friend presumably has a similar level of risk as I currently do and you wish to add in your 800 plus contacts level of risk and deem her unreasonable for saying no thanks?

Yes, i should have said I live in a particularly unaffected part of the UK.

I agree with Redtoothbrush above.
Keeping community spread as low as possible, and making sacrifices to do that, is the only way to support teachers and schools.

Ah, so you didn't say that you are working with Covid-infected children all day, your friend did. Ok, that changes the tenor a bit then. Still though, she is frightened, and that is fair enough, although she should be corrected and told your school has not had one single case.

YABU, and ironically, actually quite judgy

I completely understand your friend. I work in a school and won't meet up with anyone indoors. Limiting your social contacts is one of the most effective ways of reducing the spread. When I'm in contact with 100+ children a day and with little social distancing I want to protect friends and family. I was hoping to see my parents in their garden today but it's torrential rain so just won't be able to.

I don't blame her to be honest BUT surely she could have rearranged it so you went on a walk or something instead?

I'd be fuming, OP! I am a Nanny, 6 kids two different families all interacting at school and therefore I guess I am a risk too but my friend whose been working from home since March is travelling 2 hours to meet me today! I'd honestly understand if he cancelled due to the travel tbh but would feel betrayed too if it was for that reason.

Also, surely this was arranged recently and you've been back in school for a while now so why is she saying this now?

I'd be disappointed by this too, but think you have to grit your teeth and allow people to do/not do what they're comfortable with. At least she felt able to be honest with you. Just say you understand but hope you can catch up soon.

I think even in areas with zero to single figure infections some people who haven’t gone out and are of the mindset that everyone is a potential murderer because they breathed near them just won’t go out of the door anyway.

Even if they do go out then they have to over come the danger of going to a restaurant/cafe/pub etc. That in itself is another danger and you working with children is probably a “danger” too far.

I think when this is all over I foresee that their will be a rise in

Dp had to isolate for weeks as he is one of the shielded.
He normally would work in the City, going out each day. When he was allowed out he had built it up in his mind as being such a huge deal it took him a few times of just driving out to somewhere and sitting in his car for a while then driving back to work himself up to going into a shop to buy a newspaper

I’ve never heard of anybody treating teachers any differently and I have a few in the family. It’s maybe the difference between people who have went out to work throughout and people who have worked from home instead.

Those out there working with children and the public realise it’s not as bad as painted. Hence my surprise and yes, disappointment.

Ha! That’s what all us school workers thought in Liverpool a few weeks back and look where that got us!

Your friend is wise. She realises that eventually the rest of the country will be like us, not able to meet AT ALL, unless they learn from our mistakes, and minimise their socialising.

Actually wolfie betrayed is my reaction, although it might not be yours, because society and parents (she is one) expect teachers (and nhs staff) to put themselves at risk looking after their children, but aren’t prepared to risk anything themselves to support us

Let me see if I’ve got this straight...
So you think people don’t have to go out, they should support people who do have to go out, by.... going out?
You think that We should all be prepared to risk ourselves because you have to.

I’m not a particularly anxious person myself, I’ve been using public transport etc, but Fucking hell, talk about ‘if I’m going down, I’m dragging you all down with me’

Might as well throw some COVID parties to show solidarity while we’re at it, eh? Mental...

A socially distanced coffee won't hurt her. especially if you can find a sheltered outdoor table.
Sorry OP. You sound like you really deserve that catch up.

I think when this is all over I foresee that their will be a rise in Agoraphobia

Don’t know where agoraphobia got to I swear it was there when i previewed it

I’d be gutted.
But I’d be gutted because of the reasons she is giving. That you are working with Covid infected children all day.

I think she is been ignorant there. 10% of the U.K. population max has had Covid (hence why we are so far from herd immunity).
It’s putting all the fault into children/teenagers again.
But somehow her own dcs must be excluded because if ALL children are infected with Covid, then surely hers are too? And therefore she is also very likely to be too because she is living in close contact with a child infected with Covid??

Some PP mentioned that they had the same reactions when their DH was working in a Covid ward in April.
In some ways this is different. Because people then we’re all isolating so the chance of seeing someone with the disease was low.
In the case of the OP, she is basically told that she is a danger when the friend is just as much as risk because she has a child/ren herself and, according to her, they are all infected.
The one rule for one group (teachers) but another rules for another group (parents) would annoy the hell out of me.

I’d be irritated/annoyed by it. But it is her choice to make.

It’s a difficult time for everyone and people are trying to navigate it as best they can. Would she do a socially distanced walk or something?

I'm a teacher and frankly, given the lack of ppe and care over covid in schools, she's probably correct. I feel like a potential Typhoid Mary myself. All teachers are in stupidly high risk positions. It sucks

You're damn right it sucks.

I think teachers have rather been thrown under a bus, tbh. They are having to work in a way that would be completely unacceptable in most workplaces. Look at the PPE and distancing hairdressers and beauticians are using, and they only see a few clients a day, not a class of 30-odd. And we know that children are often asymptomatic, which increases the risk of teachers catching Covid.

I really feel for all school staff who are having to work in an environment that can't be made Covid secure, but I'm afraid I wouldn't meet a teacher friend for coffee, either.

@LouiseBelchersBunnyEars

Actually wolfie betrayed is my reaction, although it might not be yours, because society and parents (she is one) expect teachers (and nhs staff) to put themselves at risk looking after their children, but aren’t prepared to risk anything themselves to support us

Let me see if I’ve got this straight...
So you think people don’t have to go out, they should support people who do have to go out, by.... going out?
You think that We should all be prepared to risk ourselves because you have to.

I’m not a particularly anxious person myself, I’ve been using public transport etc, but Fucking hell, talk about ‘if I’m going down, I’m dragging you all down with me’

Might as well throw some COVID parties to show solidarity while we’re at it, eh? Mental...

But as a parent, even if she doesn’t go out, she is clearly putting herself at risk no? Because ‘all the children have Covid’ according to her.

I mean, if a teacher is so much at risk then surely the children are too. And the risk for the children to catch it will be higher than the teachers just because when they are together, thye dont SD??
At the same time, I’m sure she is still looking after her own dcs, is cuddling them etc... How is that less dangerous than seeing a friend for a coffee?

I think that a lot of people are forgetting to think for themselves.

In the case of the OP, she is basically told that she is a danger when the friend is just as much as risk because she has a child/ren herself and, according to her, they are all infected

Er, you do understand what hyperbole is, don’t you? Not to mention what MINIMISING risk (as opposed to removing all possible risk) means?

I have had this. And it is a load of bollocks!

We get all the stuff about teachers need to be in school, kids don’t spread viruses, schools are COVID secure, if you are scared then don’t teach for months and months. Now we get sorry can’t meet up as teachers are exposed to the virus and so more risk.

I’m not sure why you feel betrayed. Surely as her friend if she’s avoiding situations that make her uncomfortable or feel too risky you would respect that and suggest something she is comfortable doing.

Many don’t actually want their children in school but have no choice or be fined.

@LakieLady, if you have children yourself then it doesn’t make sense because they are just as much at risk of having caught Covid in class than the teacher is.
Actually I would day more at risk because (young) children don’t SD....