Friend of mine just refused to meet for coffee today as I am a teacher working with Covid infected children all day!

[Quarks69]

After 5 Exhausting weeks of working a 12 hour day every day at a secondary school, I woke up this morning looking forward to a coffee and catch up with A local friend. am now totally stunned and feeling pretty betrayed by her response. This is someone I have known since our kids were born and she is healthy and works from home. is this what most people think?

@raspberryk

No I don't think so, you can probably blame the media and government for making people believe it's more dangerous than it is.

The media and the government have more been saying that schools are safe.

More likely is that she reads too much mumsnet with all the threads going on about how it’s spreading like wildfire through schools.

@022828MAN I don't have to suggest anything; people can do what they like. It was an observation.

Massive overreaction. Its coffee ffs. Yeah, I think she's being overcautious amd id be pissed off at being let down last minite when presumably it was already arranged and she knew the circumstances but your reaction is extreme. Just give her space and meet someone else.

One of my closest friends has virtually self isolated since lockdown and doesn't leave the house except to go to shops and the like. She's in the minority but it makes her feel safe and I want my friend to feel safe so i dont push it and just meet others. It's really not a big deal. Stop making the actual, minor incident into a friendship changing drama because shes going against your principals.

I don’t work from home

I worked through the pandemic and think yes people should get on with life

But also understand some people are very very anxious, have reasons to feel that way too and yes they do tend to be people who haven’t had to go into work but their anxiety is still real and it’s awful to live with

@Quarks69 my niece was born 5 months ago now. I’m her godmother and I haven’t held her or set foot in my sisters house in those 5 months (and before re lockdown). Myself and my DH work from home and have no DC. We are low risk. Pre covid we would be in and out of each other’s houses several time’s a week as we live in the same village. We have met them for a few walks outside etc. I would never dream of whining as you are that they’re my family and won’t meet up with me never mind throwing around words like betrayed. I know not to take it personally and that they are doing what they feel is best for their family and risk preferences. Like I said I WFH too so am zero risk to them but I still wouldn’t carry on like you are. You sound very immature.

I’m probably like your friend, I have teacher friends, I have nursing friends but I wfh.

My children are back at school and we are taking as much care as they can without scaring them to death.

I’d prefer that you weren’t having to expose yourself and some form of blended response was being implemented in schools.

But in short, I’d rather not add another possible point of cross infection to my household when I’ve already got 3 huge bubbles going with almost no social distancing possible.

I’d have gone for a walk with you

But all of us who work in schools can't just say we are terrified by the reports and stay at home to minimise our risk; we are expected to accept being at higher risk.

I think there actually needs to be more pressure on government and school authorities to give teachers and others working in schools better protection. In particular, I think teachers and pupils (with the exception of very young children or those with hearing impairments or communication disabilities or other medical reasons) should be encouraged to wear face coverings. Many schools have all sorts of dress codes and uniform regulations that may be uncomfortable for some; I don't see that for most, face coverings are very different -except that they do impede rapid recognition. But better than spreading Covid, or than frequent school closures.

I don't think that teachers or children should just stay at home forever; but things could in some cases be organized more safely.

actually feel mentally better than when I was frightened at home and perhaps overestimating every risk. I don't want to get corona particularly but I'm not scared if I do in quite the same dreaded way as before

This is how I feel too.

I do feel sorry for those that are still so frightened, unless they have good medical reasons to be, because it is a horrible way to live.

Op, she probably deserves your compassion, sympathy even, and the last minute aspect simply shows how much she has been wrestling with it. I imagine she really wanted to meet you, but her anxiety and fear got the better of her in the end. I would message her to reassure her that you have not taken offence. As I am sure she is worried it has cost her your friendship.

Don’t take it personally! I work as a secondary school and fully expect to not go seeing my less exposed friends who otherwise have low exposure unless they feel comfortable with it. Why would your exposure level automatically become everyone’s baseline?

I had to sit in a towel and bin bag and wasn't allowed to touch anything.

@Toddlerteaplease I’m sorry it’s really not funny but I can just picture someone sat there with a complete look of confusion and the parents standing at the other end of the garden shouting through a megaphone for conversation.

Bewareoftheblob
YANBU OP. Typical attitude of the smug WFH lot, happy that they're at home safe and cosy with regular Sainsbury's deliveries but make sure you lot get back to work and provide the expected service please.

022828MAN
So what's your suggestion? That no one dare (rationally or irrationally) make their own decisions for risk of offending those that have to work?

@022828MAN
My suggestion in this case is that OPs friend could have suggested an alternative plan, like meeting up outside, or on zoom, instead of cancelling all together at the last minute, with an excuse that seems a bit odd unless she has literally just discovered that OP is a teacher.

@Bewareoftheblob
Spot on. I don't blame them though, it's just a completely different experience/perspective and I get why people might think very differently about perceived risks if they haven't ventured out much in the last 6 months.

is she vulnerable?
does she work?

you need to show more concern for her anxiety than your own needs imo op.

@BringBiscuits

It is smug though, fucking pious bullshit: oh I'm doing my bit by reducing social contact but you lot crack on with the dirty work and I'll avoid you like the plague.

Cancelling at the last minute is rude, but otherwise I am with her.

We all have a responsibility to minimise our contacts to slow the spread of the virus. Necessary contacts (grocery shopping, school) etc is well, necessary. But WFH people can do their part by staying in a tiny tiny low risk bubble. This prevents the spread of the virus, and makes it safer for the necessary workers who need to be moving around in the world to do so.

You are doing an important (often thankless job) during an unprecedented shitty time. You have every right to be hurt, frustrated and feeling betrayed. I just think it's a bit misplaced directing it all at your friend.

@Bewareoftheblob

YANBU OP. Typical attitude of the smug WFH lot, happy that they're at home safe and cosy with regular Sainsbury's deliveries but make sure you lot get back to work and provide the expected service please.

What a pathetic comment.

There are a lot of us having to WFH that want to be in the office or back on client sites, but the "powers that be" in the organisations won't allow it.

I'd be back on client sites and staying in hotels tomorrow, if I was allowed to.

@megletthesecond I agree. There isn’t much to do out of the house apart from eat and exercise anyway! To be honest, my life is pretty much the same as before except I’m not wasting years of my life commuting.

@CountessFrog

That’s so disappointing.

My DH is a hospital consultant, he worked in ITU when the shit hit the fan. People avoided us like the proverbial plague. He had full PPE.

Eye opening isn’t it? When it’s your friends

You can't blame people being cautious.

@Bewareoftheblob it is a literal plague though?! Of course we should avoid it.

The virus doesn't give a damn who you are or what you do, we're all just hosts. By canceling this coffee she's denied the virus another opportunity to spread. Making the world safer for everyone, including OP

@Quarks69

After 5 Exhausting weeks of working a 12 hour day every day at a secondary school, I woke up this morning looking forward to a coffee and catch up with A local friend. am now totally stunned and feeling pretty betrayed by her response. This is someone I have known since our kids were born and she is healthy and works from home. is this what most people think?

I only meet people outdoors, since the pandemic started. Maybe you could have a coffee outdoors.

@CupOfTeaAlonePlease

It's really not though, is it?

I understand how you feel but as others have said I really don't think it's personal.

I live alone and would be dependent on other people for a few things if I had to self isolate which means I am intentionally limiting my risk exposure to essential things because I don't want to risk exhausting people's good will through several episodes of precautionary self isolation and find its run out if I do become ill.

I'm not particularly anxious about it, just being practical and trying to be responsible.

I am meeting with people, socially distanced and outdoors.

Do those wfh and send children to school think they're being careful? Once kids are in school they're just going to bring germs home. However it suits those wfh to have their children in school.

If I were a teacher, I would want children to be limiting their contacts as much as possible outside school. This includes parents wfh where possible.

Wfh protects everyone not just the people not going to the office. And the more people wfh where possible and limit social contacts, the longer those who can't do their jobs from home or who provide healthcare or education can carry on.

I'm finding the same. Friends are v risk averse and seem to think that meeting upisv dangerous. For me the mental health benefits of catching up with friends outweigh any risks.

I think people are reacting differently to this virus and situation we are in and everyone seems to have different boundaries. One of my friends is refusing to allow her in laws to see her children because they go to the pub every week. I would try not to take it personally and perhaps suggest getting takeaway and going for a walk or meeting in your garden?