Friend of mine just refused to meet for coffee today as I am a teacher working with Covid infected children all day!

[Quarks69]

After 5 Exhausting weeks of working a 12 hour day every day at a secondary school, I woke up this morning looking forward to a coffee and catch up with A local friend. am now totally stunned and feeling pretty betrayed by her response. This is someone I have known since our kids were born and she is healthy and works from home. is this what most people think?

I would not meet anyone at a coffee shop. Period.

Her fears are understandable.

@nosswith

Why decline now this morning? Presumably the arrangement was originally made at least a few days ago, and the increase in Covid 19 infections has been for the past few weeks. So the reasonable concern about meeting in a coffee shop does not seem to me a reason for cancelling last minute.

You have NO idea what the changes in their local infection rate is. Plus maybe when she agreed the weather was nice & expected to sit outside, given flood warnings, that might not be possible now. Things change. It's COFFEE, not a life saving operation. She's allowed to decide the risk to HER is just not worth it. They can talk on the phone/FaceTime etc.

@Aridane

YABU for such an over the top reaction with his drama talk of ‘betrayal’ and the like

Exactly.

So tired of everyone clamoring for "support." We all have our own lives to deal with.

@Piwlyfbicsly

It's her choice to make, BUT I would reduce my contact with her to a minimum from now on. Covid "situation" will eventually change and this friend would need to find another coffee mate for her. First teachers were "lazy" and overly cautious, now they are too dangerous to have contact with, even with distancing and precautions.

Anyone who's held both of those positions is a bit of a twat, frankly.

I never thought teachers were being over cautious, I think they were just trying to exercise their right to a safe workplace and fully supported that position.

And I still do, tbh. I'm fucking glad I'm not a teacher, because I wouldn't want to mix in an enclosed space with loads of children.

Honestly, teachers have been treated very badly indeed, along with other key workers, so that I understand that you are disappointed in having a treat cancelled.

However, some of us are doing our best not to catch anything and thus increase the load on the NHS. I'm WFH, in order to leave more space in the office for those who cannot WFH.

Would meeting for a socially distanced walk, which turns out to brilliant way to chat and get some fresh air, work for you both? That is about the only kind of socialising I've been doing in real life.

Alternately, how about a coffee or glass of wine via teleconf like FaceTime or zoom etc ?

The worst thing to do is to take her reaction as a personal betrayal.

You are being too dramatic Op. Everyone has their own decisions to make; your friend is trying to protect herself and her family. Clearly if she meets anyone who works outside the home she's increasing her risk.

Go for a walk together and stop being so easily offended.

Chance would be a fine thing for me! We can’t do this under these restrictions

I don’t blame her either!

Why is it ridiculous? We have the flu vaccine but still get flu. Why on earth will cv be any different? I'm sure we'll have breakouts for years to come.

Occasional breakouts, as with the flu, are one thing. Yes, we have flu; and, having lost elderly family members to complications of the flu, I don't minimize it. But most of the time it's under control. There is a lot in between eradicating a disease (only successfully done for smallpox and we may be on the the verge of it for polio) and not being able to control it at all without major restrictions. We have flu. but we're not in the situation of the 1918-19 pandemic. I am sure that we will get Covid under control, which is not necesssarily the same as eradicating it completely.

@FlatScreenTV01

Don't blame her

Me neither. Don't take it personally, she'll say the same to everyone.

One of my friends has said the same

Yes, we'll have occasional breakouts for ever probably. It's really not fatal for the vast majority, which is worth keeping in mind.

@PerveenMistry

I would not meet anyone at a coffee shop. Period.

Her fears are understandable.

I agree. I’m not shielding or anything, but I am minimising contact. It is simply a risk assessment OP. I can understand that an emotion level it may feel like rejection though!

@Quarks69 I have read your replies but there were too many other posts to see if this was mentioned - is it possible she's in the early stages of pregnancy and has just found out? Therefore wanting to limit exposure. I know I've been more cautious due to this and, whilst I understand your frustration, how would you feel if a child at your school did test positive and you passed this on to a pregnant friend just because she didn't want to upset you? Unfortunately, the risks to certain groups and wholly understood yet, and it's just possible this is the reason why.

There could have also been another medical diagnosis that she's not comfortable sharing just yet, but puts her in the vulnerable groups?

My comment was based on my misinterpretation, I thought she cancelled plans that were agreed.

I know I'm being extra cautious like some PPs, maybe she feels the same.

Why should she meet with you if she is concerned? I am not interacting with anyone if I have concerns and, I’m sorry OP, but I would not be meeting with you either

It’s very disappointing. It’s also baffling that people who are aware the government and media regularly lie, exaggerate, distort facts and every other form of being dishonest yet they suddenly think they are being told the gospel truth about this virus and that it’s the most dangerous thing on earth.

I’m sorry you are upset. I don’t blame your friend though. Some teachers have quite rightly been raising issues about the lack of SD, no right to PPE and risks to staff in schools. In that context some people will decide that it is not a risk they want to take.
Would she do a zoom or SD walk?

I think she phrased it harshly, but she's in her rights. However, if it were me I'd offer to meet remotely or go for a walk (although the weather here is flipping awful here!) if possible due to local restrictions.

I'd be hurt if my friend just refused to meet full stop.

I'm afraid at the moment it really should be up to each individual to decide whether they want to mix with other people who are at an increased risk of catching covid, which you are.

Are they helping elderly relatives or anything? Unfortunately you ARE an increased risk to many people, primarily because you aren't allowed to wear PPE at work.

Can't you go for a walk and a chat instead?

I can see her point and I say that as a teacher.

When I go back to work I think I'm going to have to limit contact with my sister who runs her own public facing small business. I would feel terrible if she had to self isolate because of contact with me.

I teach in an infant school. I'm clinically vulnerable and I teach across every class and year group - so almost 300 children and staff, no SDing, no real protection.

18y DD is a first year at university in private halls, missing with tens of other students she only met a week ago.

DH is working FT, seeing clients and colleagues, albeit in a 'Covid secure' office.

I can totally understand why some people might want to avoid getting too close to us all.

For myself and student DD I am assuming it's probably a case of when, not if, I catch it. Just hoping it's a mild case for us both.

The very fact that many schools are reporting that a heavy cold is going round demonstrates that the safety measures in schools are far from infallible. Why expose oneself and all one’s potential contacts to infection for something as ephemeral as a coffee break?
We need at this time to be empathetic to other’s perceptions of risk.
BTW the latest victims are younger people in their 20’s and teens, the very groups which are continuing to socialise.

Unfortunately schools are one of the only workplaces that aren’t Covid secure at all so I can understand your friend’s hesitation. Surely a coffee and Zoom would be a pretty good alternative?

A couple of weeks later I left a gift for her daughter’s birthday on her doorstep and then texted her to say I’d done it, and she replied “is it soaked in Covid”?

Wow, she's a thoroughly unpleasant individual isn't she?