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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fuming with this teacher.

177 replies

Thedarksideofthemoon30 · 02/10/2020 08:59

Yesterday it was my ds 11th birthday. He went to school so happy.

When he came out he looked so sad. He said the teacher had told him to shut up.

I asked him why she said that and apparently he asked her a maths question during the maths lesson.

We talked and he was still uspet but wouldn’t tel
Me why.

I had 4 mums message me last night asking if he was ok, it turns out another mum had put a post on the class Facebook group saying the teacher screamed at the class that they are all stupid, told ds to shut up and called him dumb.

I asked ds today and he cried saying he felt embarrassed. Apparently this teacher is a support teacher and when the main teacher is in the class she’s normal but as soon as he leaves she’s nasty and mean.

I’m going to ring the school this morning and so are the other mums.

I’m so upset for ds.

OP posts:

Happymonster · 03/10/2020 18:00

Your poor son - how horrible for him. Sadly teachers/TAs do loose it sometimes, but your school should take this type of incident very seriously - it is unprofessional and bad for the school. My son in secondary school was shouted at and called a moron by a teacher when he stuttered nervously after being asked the name another pupil who had done a minor misdemeanour in frustrated at a question in class. My son was so upset by the incident and went straight to the headteacher. The first thing I knew about it was a phonecall home from the head. There was subsequently an investigation and the teacher was disciplined.

Solange1973 · 03/10/2020 18:09

I had the same issue with one of the TAs at my son’s school. She repeatedly humiliated him with her comments. Most children had issues with her but my son being the head boy was getting it the worst. I ended up demanding a meeting with her and the Head and literally lashed out as so many parents had complained before me but no action had ever been taken. The school subsequently decided to take it further and called in a safeguarding officer. I had a long meeting with her, which resulted in the TA being suspended for six months and put on a final warning. I am a teacher myself and can assure you that most teaching staff do a fantastic job. However, as in any other sector, there are some bad apples in our schools. There are few and far between but when confronted to one, don’t hesitate to take action.

Happyher · 03/10/2020 18:17

That’s a poor response from the teacher. I would speak to the head if you’re not satisfied . Also let them know that other mothers can confirm what happened from their own children’s accounts

MyWitzEnd · 03/10/2020 18:24

If its true! But then were the class completely chimping out and pushed the supply over the edge? Teachers have limits too and you dont know what theyve had go on in their lives. Id speak to the teacher personally and ask what happened.

Passtherioja · 03/10/2020 18:43

This shouldn't have been discussed with the class teacher-school complaints go to the head, unless they've got a very strange complaints policy. The website has to have a copy of the complaints policy, if you don't follow that to the letter then any more formal action won't be possible if you're not happy with the outcome.

FelicisNox · 03/10/2020 18:45

YANBU.

Get on the phone but also write an email complaint. It's not on and this behaviour is on the rise so it needs nipping in the bud.

Happymum12345 · 03/10/2020 19:10

That’s awful. Definitely let the head know. I have no idea why people go into a job like this if they can’t be kind & supportive. It sounds like the TA can’t do the job.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 03/10/2020 19:17

I would ask to see the behaviour policy. I hardly think it will include shouting, sarcasm and telling children to shut up. The class teacher and the TA are out of order. In my years as a teacher and a teacher trainer I've found those who are struggling with behaviour management resort to the tactics above. They both need additional training and direction from SLT.

morethanmeetstheeye · 03/10/2020 20:46

School leadership person here.

The response you've had from the teacher is not acceptable and I would now take this further.

Follow up your email and make it clear that you are lodging a formal complaint that you expect to be investigated in line with the school staff behaviour policy.

Make sure you CC in the Chair of Governors.

This behaviour from any member of staff is never acceptable and it may not be the first time it has happened, so it must be looked into properly. Make sure you state within your email that you expect to be kept informed as to the outcomes of their investigation and the next steps.

morethanmeetstheeye · 03/10/2020 20:47

This also comes under whistleblowing in some school policies (but that usually is just staff informing on other staff). All school policies should be readily accessible on the school website for you to look at.

morethanmeetstheeye · 03/10/2020 20:48

@Thedarksideofthemoon30

BlossomingTulip · 03/10/2020 22:09

YANBU .The email from the teacher was absolutely not acceptable. Call the school and ask to have a meeting with the vice principle. It is much better to have a meeting face to face. I had a similar experience to a point that my son (year 3) wouldn't want to go to school because of a despicable teacher. It was resolved with a meeting with the vice principle. The was sacked because other parents also complained about her unacceptable behaviour towards the children.

randomer · 03/10/2020 22:23

@morethanmeetstheeye, hello school leadership person, tell me how in the great scheme of things in the middle of a pandemic, a Teaching Assistant being unlawfully left in charge of a whole class and offending a couple of parents warrants this sort of reaction?

Understandingnotignorance · 03/10/2020 22:59

That's so awful, my heart hurts for your little boy who must have been so happy on his birthday. Definitely follow up this complaint and see it all the way through, stress or not no person in education should ever speak to a child in such a derogatory manner. I hope your boy is Okay.

amispeakingenglish · 03/10/2020 23:20

They are not allowed to say things like that, this person should be fired immediately and never allowed into a classroom again. This is a terrible thing to say to a child. I hope he recovers his confidence and I am sure you will help him, you must complain properly though. This is abusive behaviour.

HateIsNotGood · 03/10/2020 23:33

YABU - no way would I seek out FB Parents opinions on this and build some support for a witch hunt on this Teacher.

What do you hope to achieve? Even if this Teacher is very bad - most of us remember bad Teachers with a perverse fondness - it could be they were just having a Bad Day. We all do after all don't we?

Teachers don't get a Free Pass with me on many levels - but when they're in the Classroom, doing their Job, Teaching, I usually give them the benefit of any doubt.

morethanmeetstheeye · 04/10/2020 00:17

[quote randomer]@morethanmeetstheeye, hello school leadership person, tell me how in the great scheme of things in the middle of a pandemic, a Teaching Assistant being unlawfully left in charge of a whole class and offending a couple of parents warrants this sort of reaction?[/quote]
Teaching assistants can he left in charge of classes. Within a PPA situation, this is often the case as the work is set and marked by the teacher and is quite common.

The response is in relation to what could have been a completely inappropriate moment by a TA and one that needs to be looked at as it is not acceptable to talk to children in that manner within a classroom. It could transpire that this did not occur to the reported level and has been over exaggerated by an upset child but it warrants being investigated.

Being in the middle of a pandemic has very little to do with maintaining professionalism.

kittymamma · 04/10/2020 09:38

It is worth remembering that the teacher is not the line manager of the TA. Given he wasn't in, there is little he could add to the situation. I think his response was the best he could do in the situation.

In saying that, this interpretation seems a stretch to me. It is more plausible that the TA lost it, however, you can't expect a teacher to say this to you, they cannot throw their colleague under the bus in this way. I suspect the students weren't behaving as well as they could and the TA reacted poorly to this. If the teacher wasn't there and the TA was in charge of the class for the full day, this is an issue for the head to deal with. The TA should not have been left in a situation they were unable to deal with.

kittymamma · 04/10/2020 10:02

morethanmeetstheeye:

Being in the middle of a pandemic has very little to do with maintaining professionalism.

All these people are only human too. Such blanket statements ignore the mental health of staff. The second week into term a year 10 boy criticised me for being late to a lesson, he made me so angry (I was already angry and flustered after rushing across the school), I told him to wait outside as I felt myself about to lose it with him. He did, I calmed down. I went out and explained to him the difficulties around the logistics of the new setup, how I was struggling to cope with this and how his joke had upset me. I explained that his criticism that "us teachers" tell him off when he is that late was unjustified as I had never taught him before and it isn't something that I do, and I didn't appreciate being blamed for the actions of other teachers. I then apologised for any upset I may have caused by raising my voice at him and hoped he didn't hold it against me. He nodded and said he understood. My shouting at him to "get out now", and I did shout, was unprofessional, but I fixed it by acknowledging my error.

The issue here is not the lack of professionalism, it is upsetting the child. You can have a lapse of professionalism without upsetting anyone, or when you do, as I did, acknowledge the error. The same way we teach children that it is ok to feel anger, but it isn't ok to hit someone because you are angry.

bemusedmoose · 04/10/2020 10:46

Sadly not uncommon! I stopped helping with class time because I got so upset with things going on and not just one school. I complained but nothing was ever done. If it had been my kids class I would have removed them from school one teacher was so awful - yelling and public humiliation was her go to for reception kids. The staff room was no better - bunch of bullies in there too.

I would put it in writing but don't hold your breath about them doing a thing about it.

myapplegreenjumper · 04/10/2020 11:43

@bemusedmoose

I would put it in writing but don't hold your breath about them doing a thing about it.

I had a similar experience - teachers and TAs were very unpleasant to the kids - I took my kids out of the school - the culture amongst the staff was toxic.

Bl3ss3dm0m · 04/10/2020 18:59

morethanmeetstheeye, you are the only person on here that has said what the OP really does need to do, which makes me believe that you are completely genuine, you have pointed out that a copy of the letter to the head needs to be copied to the Chair of the School Governers. The school Governers should always be included in complaints, they tend to make sure that any issues are addressed properly.

Maryjane3227 · 04/10/2020 19:11

I'm a teacher. I always dread reading the threads where parents are fuming but... This is different. The T. A needs to be formally warned, this is totally unprofessional. She has undermined your child and abused her peer. It's not OK. Report to the Senco who will be the T. As line manager, and The Head.

Maryjane3227 · 04/10/2020 19:12

Power, not peer

I'm angry for you. Your son deserves to be defended here at the highest level

randomer · 04/10/2020 20:52

Maybe the teacher should have modifed his/her espectations and aims for the day they were not present.
That way the TA would not have been overwhelmed and everybody would be happy.

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