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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming with this teacher.

177 replies

Thedarksideofthemoon30 · 02/10/2020 08:59

Yesterday it was my ds 11th birthday. He went to school so happy.

When he came out he looked so sad. He said the teacher had told him to shut up.

I asked him why she said that and apparently he asked her a maths question during the maths lesson.

We talked and he was still uspet but wouldn’t tel
Me why.

I had 4 mums message me last night asking if he was ok, it turns out another mum had put a post on the class Facebook group saying the teacher screamed at the class that they are all stupid, told ds to shut up and called him dumb.

I asked ds today and he cried saying he felt embarrassed. Apparently this teacher is a support teacher and when the main teacher is in the class she’s normal but as soon as he leaves she’s nasty and mean.

I’m going to ring the school this morning and so are the other mums.

I’m so upset for ds.

OP posts:
myapplegreenjumper · 02/10/2020 09:36

The teachers at my dcs school have been told they are not allowed to shout because shouting spreads Corona - so there's that too!

EvilPea · 02/10/2020 09:38

Oh god. Your poor boy.

I’d email the school for phonecall speed but Written trail. I’d also have been tempted to not send him in today

MolyHolyGuacamole · 02/10/2020 09:38

@Alexkate2468

Agree with pps about asking the school for clarification and for them to investigate here. I’ve never known any teacher or TA during my time working in education behave like this. I’ve seen them snap and shout and perhaps go a bit too far, but never to the extent of name calling and telling children to shut up. It sounds like something else is going on here. That doesn’t make it okay that she did it. It needs to be dealt with but how it’s dealt with could be really important.
Sadly, I have. I worked in an SEN school which made it worse in my eyes as I saw a teacher repeatedly bully students who couldn't speak. Yes, she was reported several times, but it took ages to get rid of her. They had to go down the 'competency route' because, surprise surprise, she was also a shit teacher.

Also had 2 TAs in the same school who bullied and I witnessed one who told a child she couldn't borrow a book from the library because she couldn't read. Spiteful, hateful women, all of them. Thankfully one retired, but the library one stayed for years before eventually being pushed out. It's really difficult to get rid of horrible staff in schools.

Wakemeupwhenthisisover · 02/10/2020 09:41

That’s awful and unacceptable. Yes call the school.

MustBeDueSomeBetterFeet · 02/10/2020 09:41

I agree to put it in writing. Ensure you get a suitable response. That's so horrible that the class is having to put up with that.

slashlover · 02/10/2020 09:41

I've heard that someone screamed at someone numerous times, never heard anyone actually screaming.

blubberball · 02/10/2020 09:42

God some people are just in the wrong job. There are some fantastic teachers and school staff out there, but so many shite ones.

Witchend · 02/10/2020 09:42

Hmm.

You need to ask what happened.
I've a ds who is quite capable of asking a maths question in maths in a way that comes across as rude. What I call his "clever-clogs" questions. He's then say in deliberate innocence "Oh but I only asked a maths question in maths."

It's Chinese whispers at this point.
He says he was told to "shut up". That may have happened, but equally well I've heard a child accuse someone of that, when what was actually said was: "Be quiet and get on with your work." That's totally different.

Another parent has said their child said the teacher screamed at them, and called your ds dumb... but that's not the same as what your ds said.

Yes, go in and ask, but equally well be open to the fact it may not be as you have had reported.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 02/10/2020 09:43

We asked for a meeting with the head of year to discuss a few things, and complained to Dd1's (secondary) school as she was called a retard by a maths teacher. The HoY nearly fell off his chair when we brought this up. The guidance teacher tried to play it down by saying "no, no that's just hearsay" & HoY was obviously surprised GT even knew about it. We pointed out it was said directly to her & heard by those around her & was clearly witnessed by the 2 pupils sat next to her (who went home & told their parents who we knew). So definitely not hearsay. This meeting had minutes being taken by a school admin as was usual with parental meetings in this school. When speaking to some friends who had a child in the year above, their child confirmed this teacher had done this to pupils in his class as well. It was obviously not just a "one off" on a bad day.
The maths teacher "left" at the end of the term.

earthyfire · 02/10/2020 09:44

I'd definitely email the school to discuss, doesn't sound right that the support teacher is doing this especially when the class teacher isn't around. My Daughter's TA last year used to say things such as the class is lazy/dumb, it never used to sit well with me.

IrishMamaMia · 02/10/2020 09:46

I would ask senior leadership to investigate. I've worked with a range of TA's in my time most perfectly professional and capable but there is the occasional one who could do with specialist training. I wonder if she shouldn't be left alone with the class and can't cope with behaviour.

myapplegreenjumper · 02/10/2020 09:49

Yes, go in and ask, but equally well be open to the fact it may not be as you have had reported. I went in to ask about a nasty comment the TA had made to my ds - teacher automatically defended TA said she'd never say such a thing - he must have misunderstood, you know what kids are like they don't mean to lie, they get muddled up...what I hadn't mentioned up to that point was that it was me who was making the complaint - I had heard it myself.
I don't trust a teacher over my dcs - they aren't immune from trying to save their own skin!

WouldBeGood · 02/10/2020 09:51

I don’t think people in charge if children should need “specialist training” not to shout at them.

popcornlover · 02/10/2020 09:52

@JunkCrumpet that’s awful, did you report it? The poor girl being told that she was ugly.

IrishMamaMia · 02/10/2020 09:53

Managing behaviour is quite a specialist skill @WouldBeGood and teaching assistants are just that,an assistant usually without much training. Obviously it's not right and if it is the case that she been abusively shouting at the children she should not be in the post.

Scweltish · 02/10/2020 09:54

Have you spoken to the school?

Rosebel · 02/10/2020 09:55

If you ring follow it up with an email and ask the other mums to do the same. In a situation like this you want a paper trail. Phone calls can be swept under the carpet and letters lost but with an email there's proof incase there's another incident.
If the school do know about it that's worse. Why is the teacher leaving her in charge if he knows what she's like and why hasn't the head done something about it?
I hope your son managed to enjoy the rest of his birthday.

JunkCrumpet · 02/10/2020 09:59

[quote popcornlover]@JunkCrumpet that’s awful, did you report it? The poor girl being told that she was ugly.[/quote]
Yes. I opened the door of the classroom and gave the TA my "teacher face" (slightly raised eyebrow that says "should you be doing what you're doing right now"). I asked the student to come with me and went immediately to find the Head. Sat her down and said to the student "could you please tell Mrs X what's just happened?", she burst into tears and said "I'm so sorry, I didn't know I wasn't supposed to etc etc". I reassured her, and asked her to talk through what happened when she walked into the classroom. At the end, Head looked up at me and I said "I heard it". She said "good". And the TA was disposed of.
If a student had told me and I hadn't heard it, I don't think I'd have believed them (at least not fully). You just assume that adults don't randomly yell at and insult children for no reason - but they do. Because they think they can get away with it, no one believes children. I'm far more cautious since and really stress test any accusation. I also spent a lot more time loitering outside classrooms and listening in Blush

LolaSmiles · 02/10/2020 10:00

I don’t think people in charge if children should need “specialist training” not to shout at them
Behaviour management is a skill that requires training and refining.

Staff who have excellent behaviour management can make it look effortless but it's usually a range of strategies used at the right time. A firm tone of voice and varying volume are also effective strategies when used appropriately.

I've had to deal with complaints from parents where they assure me that the teacher was screaming and shouting, but I was teaching the other side of a thin divide next door and heard nothing of the sort.
Equally, I've also been involved in coaching staff who need to develop their behaviour management strategies because they've had to frequently resort to shouting (rather than a raised voice). It's very easy for people looking in to decide things are black and white but it frequently isn't.

Sarah24680 · 02/10/2020 10:07

Why is the teacher leaving? Is it a management problem?

ApolloandDaphne · 02/10/2020 10:12

You definitely need to take it up with the school. It sounds awful for all the children in the class.

FatCatThinCat · 02/10/2020 10:12

YANBU to ask what's gone on but I'd save the fuming until the school have responded. Sometimes even the best people have really, really bad days and fuck up. What matters is that they acknowledge it and fix it.

popcornlover · 02/10/2020 10:15

@JunkCrumpet thank goodness you overheard it! The girl I am sure is very grateful to you. What an awful thing to say to a school pupil. I am glad to hear the TA was swiftly gone. Well done! :)

GameofChess · 02/10/2020 10:18

@JunkCrumpet

Honestly, this is more common than you'd think. When I was a teacher, I was stood in a corridor outside a my classroom fixing a display and a TA was inside the classroom. A year 7 (who was in form) went into the classroom (they're allowed into their form rooms to get lunches or PE kits etc but not to stay during lunch/break - unless it's bad weather). Next thing I knew, the TA who I'd never seen be anything other than lovely closed the door and started yelling at her. At one point, even said the boys in the class think she's ugly. She obviously had no idea I was there and could hear her. Report report report report report. Some people are just nasty.
Jesus Christ. I have a horrible feeling in my chest reading this. That poor kid - at that age! Really bad age to be made feel even more self conscious.

Don’t want to de-rail but what happened? Please tell she was sacked with no reference?

Willow2017 · 02/10/2020 10:21

As a teacher I can think of several possible situations, and none of them involve deciding that a whole class must have been yelled at because a member of staff must not know the answer to a maths question asked by one student.

With all due respect you aren't in every situation. One of the teachers at my ds's school.has form for this. They get a problem wrong when putting it up on the board it's "funny" but if a student does they are mocked. They have a particular beef if a student is struggling with something and need to ask questions. All the students are then told they are stupid and shouldn't be in thier class.
They shouldn't be a teacher at all but as a long standing senior staff member nothing is done.