DH lying about flight home

[Whyareyoulying]

DH has found out today that there's a last minute work trip to another country next week (Monday to Thursday).
The reason it is there is because they want the whole of the European team together and can't do this in the uk.
He's been told he doesn't have to go but feels like he should although not everyone is going.
I've said I'm unhappy about him going as it isn't mandatory and I'm worried about him catching Covid and bringing it home to our toddler DC.
He's then told me the flight isn't till 10pm on Thursday to get home so instead of coming home he's hiring a car to see a friend two hours away.
I've now found out the flight home is at 6pm and his friend is almost 4 hours and 250miles away.
He doesn't understand why I'm upset and is annoyed at me for being upset!
He said he hasn't been away with work for a while now and the last time he went away for this long was when DC was a couple of months old (I was having a hard time with bad PND and terrible anxiety at the time!)
Aibu to be furious at him?

So he lands at 6pm and then intends to drive 250miles to see this friend?

Ican understand why your angry...

Which country is he going to, I thought most EU countries now require isolation on return to the UK?.
Is he coming home on Friday after visiting his friend?
I wouldnt begrudge DH tagging an extra night on but would want to understand why he couldnt just be honest about it.

I wouldn’t be impressed that he’d lied. At all! Why did he?
He has no right to be annoyed at you!

The lie would be a big problem for me. It would make me query the veracity of the whole story. Are you sure this is a genuine work trip and not a story he’s concocted to spend some time with someone he doesn’t want you to know about?

He doesn't understand why I'm annoyed because he says he plucked numbers from the air and eyeballed the map?! Apparently there was no intention to deceive me.
They're going to Germany for a workshop and to 'get to know' the new boss aka go out on the piss. That's why they can't do it here.
I'm absolutely furious that he's lied and they are leaving the country because what they want to do here would be illegal.

@Katrinawaves

The lie would be a big problem for me. It would make me query the veracity of the whole story. Are you sure this is a genuine work trip and not a story he’s concocted to spend some time with someone he doesn’t want you to know about?

He has offered to show me the booking and I have no reason not to believe him (well I thought I did) The lie is a massive problem for me because he's done it with such ease.

Well obviously HIBU for lying but you are equally at fault for telling him he can't go on a work trip.

I’m another one questioning the whole trip to be honest

@THisbackwithavengeance

Well obviously HIBU for lying but you are equally at fault for telling him he can't go on a work trip.

I didn't tell him he can't go on a work trip. He was told the trip was optional and asked what I thought of it. I said I felt uncomfortable with it but it would be his decision.

The lie would bother me too, but why would he lie to you? Are things okay between you? Is he just looking to get away with a mate and have a night off from parenting? Not all lies are because someone is e.g. wanting to cheat - sometimes they're just being a bit selfish or feeling like they need a bit of space.

I feel like it's because he's being a bit selfish because he wants a break not cheating

Okay, well if that's the case, does he need to lie because you'd just say no if he asked you? Everyone needs a break sometimes - from their spouse, from parenting, whatever. I suggest that if that's the case you sometimes say yes when he asks to go and visit a mate or have a night out. Similarly, he should give YOU a break from parenting, if you want a night out. It's not a crime, but lying is just going to cause strife, so it's better to be able to communicate honestly.

He wants a break. And has taken the chance to kill several birds with the one stone!
Meh. I'd probably do the same, in all honesty.

It all sounds off to me. Most companies are not getting staff together in large groups never mind flying them to another country because of covid.

I would not be annoyed about the work trip, these things can be good for team morale. I also think that bringing Covid back and giving it to the toddler is a bit OTT, unless you are generally staying indoors at the moment. I don’t understand why you are furious about the trip because it would be illegal here, you don’t have to follow U.K. laws in Germany.

The lying about the flight and extending the trip to see a friend is what would annoy me, although if DH said he wanted to add a personal day onto the work trip I would be perfectly happy with that.

I don’t understand the trip to see a friend. Is that in Germany, or when he gets home? Is he getting a later flight because of the visit to a friend?

and these things are not done last minute normally.

Do you know the friend?

How long is he staying with the friend?

It’s a long way to drive to see a friend just to get out of parent duties for one night, if that’s all it is.

Agree with graffiti Organisations are not encouraging travel at the moment unless absolutely necessary. Sounds suspect

@zafferana

Okay, well if that's the case, does he need to lie because you'd just say no if he asked you? Everyone needs a break sometimes - from their spouse, from parenting, whatever. I suggest that if that's the case you sometimes say yes when he asks to go and visit a mate or have a night out. Similarly, he should give YOU a break from parenting, if you want a night out. It's not a crime, but lying is just going to cause strife, so it's better to be able to communicate honestly.

He never has to ask to go out and nor do i. I feel uncomfortable about the trip because they're going to Germany to go out on the piss because you can't have more than a group Of 6 in the uk and then he's lied about the flight home and how far his friend is in Germany. He ASKED for my opinion on him going as he said he didn't want to go and I said I felt uncomfortable about the situation but ultimately it is his decision. I also don't begrudge him seeing a friend at any time. What I am annoyed about is the lies.

Ask to see the work emails arranging it all.

His whole story stinks, not just the flight times part.

His company wants "the whole of the European team together" - in the middle of a global pandemic? Who does he work for - an airline?

And I very much doubt that the UK is the only country that would see this as problematic.

That trip wouldn’t be allowed in my organisation at the moment.

@Savemyusername

Do you know the friend?

How long is he staying with the friend?

It’s a long way to drive to see a friend just to get out of parent duties for one night, if that’s all it is.

Yes I know the friend, he's only going for the night. I'm not bothered about him seeing his friend.

Lying is not good but perhaps he felt if he told the truth you wouldn,t have liked that either?