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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH lying about flight home

148 replies

Whyareyoulying · 01/10/2020 17:51

DH has found out today that there's a last minute work trip to another country next week (Monday to Thursday).
The reason it is there is because they want the whole of the European team together and can't do this in the uk.
He's been told he doesn't have to go but feels like he should although not everyone is going.
I've said I'm unhappy about him going as it isn't mandatory and I'm worried about him catching Covid and bringing it home to our toddler DC.
He's then told me the flight isn't till 10pm on Thursday to get home so instead of coming home he's hiring a car to see a friend two hours away.
I've now found out the flight home is at 6pm and his friend is almost 4 hours and 250miles away.
He doesn't understand why I'm upset and is annoyed at me for being upset!
He said he hasn't been away with work for a while now and the last time he went away for this long was when DC was a couple of months old (I was having a hard time with bad PND and terrible anxiety at the time!)
Aibu to be furious at him?

OP posts:

BrieAndChilli · 01/10/2020 23:35

@Whyareyoulying

I have to disagree that iabu about being concerned my DH may bring Covid home to a toddler. Surely any sane person would be concerned about that?!

It’s not about being concerned, he’s just as likely to catch it here in the U.K.

Notcontent · 01/10/2020 23:44

I do not believe there is a work trip happening. He is either lying about the trip, or, (less likely) his workplace is run by a bunch of idiots.

There are no trips at my work. My exH usually travels at least twice a month to see clients - but he has not been anywhere in the last 6 months and will not be for the foreseeable future.

allofthetings · 01/10/2020 23:58

His work trip sounds more like a boys holiday.
When do you get your holiday away from him and dc?
I'd be well fucked off with him, I can't stand liars.

sleepylittlebunnies · 01/10/2020 23:59

If you are in a UK lockdown area is he legally allowed to travel to Germany?

Shxx · 02/10/2020 00:43

Can understand your anger. He seems desperate to go so let him.

ginnybag · 02/10/2020 01:25

I'm another one eyebrow raising at the trip. We normally fly people internationally a couple of hundred times a year.

No-one's been on a plane for work since March. Likely, no-one will till spring at the earliest.

It's too much risk, on a number of levels. Straight up starting with the gamble on getting staff home if flights go wonky, potential rules changes whilst they're out affecting quarantine/travel/insurance.

As an example: he travels for work to Germany, and the rules change whilst he is there, so he has to isolate for 2 weeks on return. Is he being paid in full for those 2 weeks? What about the work he had booked in? What about the plans you had? If you'd something booked yourself that was then missed, company is arguably liable as you missed it through their actions...

This is the light end of the issues, but they go on and on. So, its not happening.

1forAll74 · 02/10/2020 01:59

Why are you telling him not to go, surely he can make his own decisions without any hassle from you.

Zoflorabore · 02/10/2020 04:29

Im not suggesting your DH is cheating op but have been here far too long to think this is innocent. So many other women were sure their husbands weren’t cheating either and were sadly proven wrong.

Don’t be so quick to accept what he says as the truth when he has clearly already lied about some of the details.

I would ask for proof. If you don’t think he’s cheating then you’ve got nothing to lose.

Elsewyre · 02/10/2020 04:32

Germany has a lower rate than the UK by a long way.

He'll be safer there than here

BonnieMcflurry · 02/10/2020 04:35

Get over it let him go have fun simple

Suzi888 · 02/10/2020 04:52

From what other posters have said I think he’s going on a lads trip and doesn’t want you to know.

MadCatLady71 · 02/10/2020 05:20

People on this site are so suspicious! He’ll be in Germany, he has the chance to see his mate with a minimum of added disruption. So he says without much thought ‘it’s a late flight and he’s only a couple of hours from the airport, so it makes sense to swing by and see him’. He’s been a bit disingenuous, and tweaked the facts to make the visit to his friend seem like a total no-brainer, but I don’t see any reason to suspect anything more underhand than that.

There are currently no travel restrictions between England and Germany, so his company is entirely within its rights to organise a trip.

Exaggerating the convenience of tacking on the trip to see his friend was stupid - but I’m sure he’s regretting it now.

Monty27 · 02/10/2020 05:29

OP I'd be telling him to stay there. Simply because of the lie.

nachthexe · 02/10/2020 05:33

Hah. Oktoberfeeeeeeeeeeest!!!!! It’s a total boy’s get shitfaced and dare each other to get it on in the RLD 😂😂😂
And he’s going to his mates to sober up and get himself back together after pouring himself onto the flight - or to extend the party.
What an absolute pile of shite is this a work trip. 😂 I mean, technically it’s a load of blokes from work on the wazzzzz but it ain’t no meeting.

user1471565182 · 02/10/2020 05:43

Who the fuck is organising work trips like this at the moment? corporations live in bloody dreamland.

user1471565182 · 02/10/2020 05:45

Im sure the Germans will be delighted to hear that, Elsewyre.

gruntley123 · 02/10/2020 05:47

Does he know that he'll be tested on arrival in Germany and expected to quarantine for 14 days, unless he receives a negative result? It could be a long trip.

MyOtherProfile · 02/10/2020 05:57

Bit surprised people are saying there are no work trips abroad happening now. I know for a fact some companies are once again sending people on work trips abroad.

Interesting to see so many people declare the opposite to what I know is true. Kind of makes you wonder about all the other "facts" declared on MN

ohnothisagain · 02/10/2020 06:03

To be fair, he’s probably safer in a german pub than in a british office! Germany has things quite well under control. thr chance of him catching covid in Germany is lower than in the uk.

mathanxiety · 02/10/2020 06:13

I would want to see his ticket, his accommodation arrangements, and all the emails in which this 'work trip' was discussed and arranged.

I agree it's no coincidence that it's Oktoberfest time.

Friendsoftheearth · 02/10/2020 06:31

I don't know a single company organising work trips anywhere. Our company have banned them entirely until April next year, all conferences are now held virtually.

I don't believe he is on a work trip, not for one minute. He has shown you the ease in which he can roll out lies to you.

I suggest you take him up on his offer to immediately look the email traffic confirming his travel, hotel and work arrangements from his company. I would also look into where he is staying, and the outline of events planned by his company, and check it with the hotel.

A 200 mile round trip to see a friend after a long and tiring work trip is highly suspicious. He must think you are utterly stupid to believe this BS.

ohnothisagain · 02/10/2020 06:40

Btw, octoberfest is in september. Last day is this weekend...

Florencex · 02/10/2020 06:47

@Whyareyoulying

I have to disagree that iabu about being concerned my DH may bring Covid home to a toddler. Surely any sane person would be concerned about that?!

No that is where you are most BU. There is no more risk bringing it back from Germany than from the supermarket and toddlers are highly unlikely to be affected anyway.

notimagain · 02/10/2020 06:48

Bit surprised people are saying there are no work trips abroad happening now. I know for a fact some companies are once again sending people on work trips abroad.

Seconded..generally not in large amounts/large numbers but some companies are sanctioning business travel.

Florencex · 02/10/2020 06:49

I think the comments about this not being a work trip are a bit silly. If he was up to no good he would surely come up with something better than that, which could be proved or disproved so easily.

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