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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH lying about flight home

148 replies

Whyareyoulying · 01/10/2020 17:51

DH has found out today that there's a last minute work trip to another country next week (Monday to Thursday).
The reason it is there is because they want the whole of the European team together and can't do this in the uk.
He's been told he doesn't have to go but feels like he should although not everyone is going.
I've said I'm unhappy about him going as it isn't mandatory and I'm worried about him catching Covid and bringing it home to our toddler DC.
He's then told me the flight isn't till 10pm on Thursday to get home so instead of coming home he's hiring a car to see a friend two hours away.
I've now found out the flight home is at 6pm and his friend is almost 4 hours and 250miles away.
He doesn't understand why I'm upset and is annoyed at me for being upset!
He said he hasn't been away with work for a while now and the last time he went away for this long was when DC was a couple of months old (I was having a hard time with bad PND and terrible anxiety at the time!)
Aibu to be furious at him?

OP posts:
UntamedWisteria · 01/10/2020 18:24

Germany is just about the safest European country you can go to at the moment. They are meticulous with their anti-covid measures.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 01/10/2020 18:25

DH and I both work away fairly often (pre-covid) and whilst the visit/trip wouldn't ever be a problem, a bare-faced lie would be. I can't tolerate lies and I'd think differently about DH if he was so shitty for no reason.

ChaChaCha2012 · 01/10/2020 18:25

and these things are not done last minute normally.

They are at the moment, it's the only way things can be done!

People are still travelling for work. It's fine to travel to Germany, they've got things far more under control than here.

Original poster
Whyareyoulying · 01/10/2020 18:25

@june2007

Lying is not good but perhaps he felt if he told the truth you wouldn,t have liked that either?
I wouldn't have been bothered if he'd told me the truth! I would have just told him to make sure he wears a mask and socially distanced!
OP posts:
Savemyusername · 01/10/2020 18:26

And presumably you’re not one of the 17 million people in local lockdown at the moment. That trip would not be allowed because of restrictions in my area.

Original poster
Whyareyoulying · 01/10/2020 18:26

@Savemyusername

And presumably you’re not one of the 17 million people in local lockdown at the moment. That trip would not be allowed because of restrictions in my area.
We are
OP posts:
Regularsizedrudy · 01/10/2020 18:28

When do YOU get to go on a trip and see a friend? I’d be fuming

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/10/2020 18:30

Germany? They take Covid19 seriously. Do they really permit large gatherings to fly in from all over Europe to go out on the lash? Really?

His whole story stinks.

MeridianB · 01/10/2020 18:30

Dodgy. Covid is enough of a reason not to go. The rest is just weird and would make me very uncomfortable.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 01/10/2020 18:32

This stinks. Something is not right here. Are you happy together? I think hes wanting a break or hes cheating. I find it highly suspicious that this trip is necessary. Big red flags

ChrisPrattsFace · 01/10/2020 18:33

He sounds hella suspish

Anordinarymum · 01/10/2020 18:35

I think he's being a cheat. Sorry but I do.

Original poster
Whyareyoulying · 01/10/2020 18:37

He's definitely not cheating
I just don't know why he's lied and why he feels the need to lie I am not controlling and always tell him to make his own decision.
Maybe he genuinely didn't think?
What I do think is that he is being selfish.

OP posts:
OneFiveFour · 01/10/2020 18:37

Hmm. I work for a German company and the covid guidance from them has been the most relaxed, tbh. The UK senior team seem more strict. The German mgt has been saying everyone could/should get back into the office for the last couple of months (in all locations).

Two weeks ago a large group of the German LT flew over from Germany and spent about two weeks visiting various UK offices. Including gathering people together for talks and dinners out.

Purely anecdotal, I realise...

Honeyandapple · 01/10/2020 18:42

The whole thing sounds strange

Are they really going abroad on a work trip at the moment. That's odd in its self. And this thing with the friend. Are you sure there's no OW (sorry to suggest) and he's covering his tracks. I know that's a massive leap and 100% jumping to conclusions.

bouncydog · 01/10/2020 18:42

Has he taken into account where he will self isolate if rules change whilst he is gone and he has to do this on his return or if he travels back via France?

Original poster
Whyareyoulying · 01/10/2020 18:43

@Honeyandapple

The whole thing sounds strange

Are they really going abroad on a work trip at the moment. That's odd in its self. And this thing with the friend. Are you sure there's no OW (sorry to suggest) and he's covering his tracks. I know that's a massive leap and 100% jumping to conclusions.

He's definitely seeing his friend
OP posts:
Greenvalleysightseeker · 01/10/2020 18:44

Is it possible he's just going to see his friend for the week, and has lied about the whole work do thing? Even if isnt cheating and he does just feel like he needs a break its a shitty thing to do.
Can you ask to see emails relating to the work trip? Don't let him make you feel bad for asking, he's lied once and your trust is broken. If he wants to help rebuild it he should show you whatever proof you need to see. If he's telling the truth it shouldnt be a problem at all.

Devlesko · 01/10/2020 18:45

I wouldn't put up with this, he wants a holiday without you.
Could there be ow it's a long way to drive to see a mate.
I couldn't trust a liar again, tbh.

Original poster
Whyareyoulying · 01/10/2020 18:45

@bouncydog

Has he taken into account where he will self isolate if rules change whilst he is gone and he has to do this on his return or if he travels back via France?
He said if the rules change he will not be going The flight home is direct so isolation won't be required.
OP posts:
WendyE · 01/10/2020 18:51

@Katrinawaves

The lie would be a big problem for me. It would make me query the veracity of the whole story. Are you sure this is a genuine work trip and not a story he’s concocted to spend some time with someone he doesn’t want you to know about?
Exactly my thoughts. My ex husband had lots of 'business trips' until I found him out. Hence why he's 'ex'😬
nosswith · 01/10/2020 19:15

I've been on holiday to Germany and to be honest felt safer than here. Not that I would go anywhere on a work trip if it could be avoided.

The lie is the issue here I feel.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 01/10/2020 19:21

Do you have unequivocal proof that this work trip exists? Sounds extremely suss.

baxterstockman · 01/10/2020 19:22

YANBU about him lying to you. Completely unnecessary, but also makes me wonder if he feels he has to lie because you give him a hard time.
YABU to worry about him bringing Covid home to a toddler. A two year old has to be one of the least at risk demographics out there.

Jenstar123 · 01/10/2020 19:28

Because he lied about part of it I would personally want to see the emails arranging the trip, if the rest is true then put it down to him being a bit selfish. Also he’s probs acting angry/defensive because he knows he is in the wrong and shouldn’t have lied to you. I would be angry and hurt too!

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