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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH lying about flight home

148 replies

Whyareyoulying · 01/10/2020 17:51

DH has found out today that there's a last minute work trip to another country next week (Monday to Thursday).
The reason it is there is because they want the whole of the European team together and can't do this in the uk.
He's been told he doesn't have to go but feels like he should although not everyone is going.
I've said I'm unhappy about him going as it isn't mandatory and I'm worried about him catching Covid and bringing it home to our toddler DC.
He's then told me the flight isn't till 10pm on Thursday to get home so instead of coming home he's hiring a car to see a friend two hours away.
I've now found out the flight home is at 6pm and his friend is almost 4 hours and 250miles away.
He doesn't understand why I'm upset and is annoyed at me for being upset!
He said he hasn't been away with work for a while now and the last time he went away for this long was when DC was a couple of months old (I was having a hard time with bad PND and terrible anxiety at the time!)
Aibu to be furious at him?

OP posts:
Original poster
Whyareyoulying · 01/10/2020 20:28

He is not cheating so you can put down the pitchforks.
He did not stumble over his words, he lied and he lied very well.
The trip is real.
I believe he lied because he is being selfish and wants a break. That's fine, but he shouldn't have lied.
He won't go if there is a travel ban
I am concerned about Him contracting Covid on the flight rather than in Germany and passing it to our child and making them ill.

OP posts:
MadameMeursault · 01/10/2020 20:29

I don’t really think it’s a lie, more of him trying to justify it to himself and making some approximations of the details in the direction he wanted them to go to do this. I also don’t think there’s much of a risk of him bringing Covid home, Germany is much safer than the UK.

To all of you trying to find an OW when there’s absolutely no hint of one - you’re a load of ridiculous drama-seekers and OP doesn’t really need this.

RubixMania · 01/10/2020 20:29

People are not even getting on a train from Birmingham to London to go to a meeting, let alone a flight to meet the whole European team. Everything happens online. From ordinary team meetings, doctor appointments to 5 billion dollar international arbitration cases

This.

Companies big enough to have a ‘European team’ would be concerned about the reputational risk of such actions, if not about the Covid itself.

I think this is highly unlikely tbh.

MayLeaveADentInYourSofa · 01/10/2020 20:45

So, he's going on a work trip he doesn't have to. And adding on an extra night/seeing a friend and told a lie in order to do so.

My guess is that he wants a break but doesn't know how to tell you that.

Telling lies is not constructive in a marriage. I would not be happy.

eatsleepread · 01/10/2020 20:51

FFS, he fancies visiting a pal after his work trip. He makes out his flight is later than it actually is - thus buying himself a few extra hours for said visit - as he knows his wife will nag (no offence).
It's hardly grounds for divorce! I'd have lied about a visit to the dentist when mine were wee, in order to escape the tedium for a while! Grin

mellicauli · 01/10/2020 20:52

This is bull. There’s no trip. No one is travelling for business. He might have booked flights. But that doesn’t mean there’s a trip.

FippertyGibbett · 01/10/2020 20:54

I understand why you are upset. I despise lies.
A few years ago I discovered that my DH was lying about really silly little things but now I don’t trust him at all on anything. We are just bumbling along now like two people living together, there’s no marriage .

cansu · 01/10/2020 21:06

He obviously lied because he knew you wouldn't approve of him going or of him taking some time to go and visit the friend.

billy1966 · 01/10/2020 21:09

The lies are the huge problem.
Someone who lies fluidly would not be someone I would trust.
I would be very cross to be lied to.

I would love to know what company is assembling a team for a meet up to go on the piss.
Not any reputable company surely.

KyraMartini · 01/10/2020 21:13

I'm sorry. I think it all sounds BS. Who are the flights booked through? What size of company does he work for (or better still, which company 😼?). Did an agency book the flights? No one is doing business travel right now. No one. It's on hold because we're in a pandemic. Are you sure he's not booked a trip away with the "friend?". If you haven't seen work emails regarding this trip, he is doing a great job at fabricating this whole thing. He's proved he's good at that already - now dig deeper.

Savemyusername · 01/10/2020 21:15

Is the whole trip to see the friend?

cakeandchampagne · 01/10/2020 21:15

He lied to you.
It’s probably not his very first lie.
It may not be his biggest lie.
It won’t be his last lie.

Myalternate · 01/10/2020 21:26

For fucks sake! I can't believe how many are convinced suggesting he's lying and there's no business trip! Don't judge the OP by the sort of relationships you have....Hmm

RubixMania · 01/10/2020 21:29

For fucks sake! I can't believe how many are convinced suggesting he's lying and there's no business trip! Don't judge the OP by the sort of relationships you have

Don’t be so ridiculous.

The op has already caught him out in one lie - it’s hardly a stretch to suggest maybe he’s lying about other things.

WiserOwl · 01/10/2020 21:35

@WhereYouLeftIt

His whole story stinks, not just the flight times part.

His company wants "the whole of the European team together" - in the middle of a global pandemic? Who does he work for - an airline?

And I very much doubt that the UK is the only country that would see this as problematic.

Agree with this. I'm in Ireland and ALL the usual meetings in London that were considered essential are just NOT happening. Zooooooooooooooooooooom. Microsoft meetings. It's the new norm.
rossclare · 01/10/2020 22:07

Jeez, give the guy a break!! Did you consider that he just didn't really realise where the friend lived in Germany and assumed it was 2 hours and actually it's 4. It's not really a lie is it? Everyone needs to chill the hell out.

mellicauli · 01/10/2020 22:26

It’s not the relationship I have that’s causing me to doubt this trip. It’s the experience of me and all my friends who previously travelled since February.

Is there anyone here who has travelled for business meeting since lockdown?

Scbchl · 01/10/2020 22:28

Holy moly she has already said he is definitely going on the work trip and seeing his friend..it is ridiculous the amount of women on here who are so suspicious and automatically think cheating.

OP, I'd be annoyed he lied, however is he maybe just doing it because he thought you wouldnt be happy when hes already been over there on a knees up whilst you are at home with the toddler. He knows he is ripping the piss adding on another piss up to end it off so tried to say it was the flights then minimised the extent of the effort he is going to for it. I'd be annoyed at his lying and deceiving you..

LadyHooHa · 01/10/2020 22:29

@Whyareyoulying

I have to disagree that iabu about being concerned my DH may bring Covid home to a toddler. Surely any sane person would be concerned about that?!
I am sane, and this wouldn't bother me for a second.

Also, OP, you're bothered because your DH is doing something that's "illegal" here, but not illegal in Germany. If your DH would like to contact me, I'll join him and his workmates, if it means I can get away from these stupid "laws" that are in fact invented on the hoof and for no demonstrably good reason.

As for you saying that you would be telling him to socially distance and wear a mask: I'd want to spend a whole week in Germany if my OH were treating me like a recalcitrant teenager, which is what you would be doing.

I'm 100% with your husband here.

tara66 · 01/10/2020 22:32

Regarding the difference between him saying the flight is at 10 pm and you finding out it is at 6 pm - you do know that airlines like easyJet and British Airways are combining many of their flights at present time? I had a flight booked that was actually changed to another time but my online booking still showed the previous time. So he should check his actual flight time. (a lot about this on FB Group called '' Complain to easyJet - not so easy''.) Also he must be careful his flights are not cancelled and he can't get back. (but Germany probably OK).

starfishmummy · 01/10/2020 22:32

No pitchforks, but this is mumsnet and 99.99% of these posts suddenly reveal a huge back story and prove that the dp is cheating.

So just in case....LTB

WhereamI88 · 01/10/2020 22:54

The Germany trip is bullshit, no way a company is doing this. He lied about one thing, he can lie about another too.

SoulofanAggron · 01/10/2020 22:59

It sounds like bollox, the travelling that far to see a friend for a few hours.

It's also clear you're understandably resentful that he went off when you were struggling and had PND, and this is bringing up those feelings again, which are exacerbating the already not-on-ness of what he's doing. Flowers

GabsAlot · 01/10/2020 23:04

prob safer in germany re covid but the lying isnt good why lie at all

surely theres a limit in returants etc in germany theyve been so strict

Aquamarine1029 · 01/10/2020 23:31

Is there anyone here who has travelled for business meeting since lockdown?

My husband works for one of the top 10 corporations in the world, and in normal times, there were constant business trips, obviously. Since covid hit, there has been a complete company ban on any travel, anywhere in the world. My husband has a very large circle of friends, all work in corporate for different companies, and none of them have travelled anywhere.