To be angry my husband booked my flu shot?

[Bankingswitch]

Been at my desk since 7am. I go to the toilet for 10 minutes this afternoon to find Dh has booked my flu shot for a time I didn't want 

Phone rang, he picked up and it was surgery on behalf of NHS to book this year's flu shot for me.

He had the choice of 2 appointments 9am and 10.30am. He picked the second one. I always make medical appointments for first thing if I have a choice - he knows this!

If there was no choice in appointment I could accept that but there was!

Also annoyed because I am a high-risk patient (hence the flu shot) and now another 20 people will have been through the room I have to use before I even get there!!

He says it will be fine. He's so laidback all the time. He thought we could go for a walk afterwards if we went later... I am more interested in not catching COVID right now.

I am happy to hide out from COVID and flu but don't like having to go into situations like this.

Am I being unreasonable?

lcl I disagree. I think people are falling over themselves to tell her what a great guy he is. If this were a forum mostly populated by men do you think they would be falling themselves to say to another man that a woman doing something like answering the phone on behalf of someone else and not checking the facts was a great thing!

I think not.

@Bankingswitch please ignore those who aren’t clinically vulnerable and don’t understand.
You are not over reacting/hard work as they are saying for not wanting the first appointment of the day. Of course you want to not walk through a room that others have breathed in. Your DH thinks he was helping not disturbing you, but j understand why you’d want the earlier one.

Yabu you Dh sound thoughtful and caring.
Stop over thinking this.

I think you're annoyed as he should of known, but I'm sure he didn't do it to wind you up? lol or perhaps you have that type of relationship? just wear a mask and chill.

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Good Lord, chill a little. You know the whole pick your battles thing.... this really isn't one of them. Be grateful you have an appointment, and I expect the 20 disease ridden souls who will go before you feel equally grateful and don't intend to put you at any more risk than you would them if you were first. I understand your frustration at your husband but I cannot fathom how it can be this much of an issue. Your reaction is out of proportion to the issue.

I'm a cancer patient, can't get an appointment for a flu jab regardless. I totally understand the fear and the additional pressure that current circumstances put on people with ongoing illness who are vulnerable.

Have your jab, ask hubby to either not make them in future or always take the earliest slot. He was trying to help and be nice though so be a bit kind.

OP you sound like a nice person and I can't believe how many people are posting on here being horrible when they haven't even read the thread or the updates.

Yes it's a bit frustrating when your other half doesn't appear to know what you like. Hope your appointment goes well.

Somewhat amused that the fact he's answered a ringing phone in his own home and spoken a few words is some kind of amazing act of kindness according to some posters! Actually it's quite sad really.

YABU. It’s gold dust for a flu vaccination in Scotland have you not realised?

Also I would be wary about nhs getting in touch - they haven’t told us but we have to use a drive through this week. I only found out by accident

@namechangedasscared

Funny because I was posted off at my husband for the exact opposite! We are both eligible for the flu jab (he has been for a long time due to being asthmatic, I have been for about 3 years due to a kidney condition). He was always rubbish at remembering to book himself in historically, so the last few years as soon as they could be booked, I would phone and book for both of us (and would do him an early morning a lot because he likes to get up and get it done, and me a later slot so I could have a lie in, and so we don’t need to take the kids with us).

A couple of weeks ago he came through to tell me he had booked his flu jab and told me when. I said “great, did you book mine too” (it’s extremely hard to get through to the surgery on the phone at the best of time’s) to which he replied “oh no I didn’t, I didn’t know you had it”. It really annoyed me because he’s been telling everyone that it’s really important he takes extra precautions when he went back into work etc, not because of his own health condition but because of.... then tilts his head at me. (After the third or fourth time I admit I lost it with him and asked why he kept making out it was my fault, I was at more risk etc, when he has 3 risk factors compared to it 1 (all similar levels of risk on their own)). Anyway, he was well aware of that, therefore he should have known that I would be getting the flu jab! And how could he not know that I have it anyway when we’ve discussed having had it previous years and the fact I always made sure I booked it for him or else he missed the clinic and ended up getting told off and having to have a normal appointment. In fact, thinking back, I even went and booked it for him before I was eligible (after the year he got told off).

So yes, YABU - at least he tried! The only thing slightly in your favour is he could have asked them to hang on whilst he called you to the phone, then let you know who was calling. That way you could have booked it yourself - you were on the loo, it wasn’t like you’d gone out!

I only read the first page, so apologies if there has been a big update that says this husband is massively controlling etc. I really just wanted a moan about my husband without starting a thread!

Great post! I am not at surprised you are annoyed with your husband. You are more than welcome to moan about him on this thread if you wanted your own thread though you'd probably get a consensus of YANBUs...

I often wonder if my husband has blanked out entire conversations we've had more than once. Perhaps I talk so much he's just blanking me out now? Who knows!

My husband didn't actually go to any trouble to book me in though. He just answered the phone and said "the second one will do". Communication (or the lack of it) in our marriage has almost done us in over the years, but we've weathered it somehow. He's the "absent-minded professor" type and I have to learn not to take it personally.

It's all good now though - we've had a fantastic day. I worked all morning until I hit a wall and felt like sleeping but instead we took the dogs for a massive walk.

I hope you get your flu shot organised okay. It's a very worrying time

[quote CCC1]Direct link to flu vaccination video [/quote]
Thank you for this.

@pam290358

Wow. What a judgemental lot you are !! Given that this lady is obviously suffering from a condition which compromises her immune system, she has good reason to be worried. I have a serious condition and have been shielding since Covid began, and it does significantly affect your anxiety levels when you’re told you are at high risk of contracting this horrible virus. I agree that GP surgeries are probably safer than most places but the risk isn’t entirely eradicated and I can see why she would still have anxiety. The pandemic is seriously affecting mental health, and worsening the situation for those who already have issues in this area - thus heightening and maybe blowing out of proportion things that would normally be minor irritations. I’m sure we’ve all had similar experiences - I know I have. The almost universal condemnation here, worries me. BTW, I made enquiries earlier this year re-the flu jab and was advised that all those who normally fall into the high risk category will continue to be prioritised for flu jabs, ahead of the new over 50 age group, and will be contacted as normal by GP surgeries. Mine has already done so. I wouldn’t have thought surgeries would be refusing anyone considered medically at risk.

Thank you so much for your insight and understanding 😍

Yes it's been a rollercoaster of a year for everyone. We've all been affected in some way.

I have had to accept my vulnerabilities health wise. It's been a tough adjustment. I've never worried about health, tough as old boots, worked alongside people choked with colds and flu and not worried a bit about catching it. So carefree!

Now I see a consultant every 3 months for my progressive disease. Except since COVID I haven't been seen and goodness knows when that will be possible again.

That's the way life goes. I am usually pretty philosophical. I do my best with my diet and don't drink or smoke. I walk as much as I can. It's the only exercise I can do really.

I haven't had a wobble since all this started. I had to shield for 12 weeks and I was fine. I think the other day I just went a bit haywire

My DH has already forgotten about it. As he always tells me "he lives in the now". I try to learn from him.

Thanks again and I hope you stay safe 🌸🌺

@lcl

People are still commenting because even though OP has backtracked , the very fact she was angry enough with her husband is enough to make people want her to wise up and maybe appreciate the poor guy. If this was gender reversed people would say it’s a form of emotional abuse getting angry just because something that was meant in a kind way wasn’t quite done to their liking. She needs to wise up to her perceptions of what is poor behaviour in a relationship.

Yes that's true. "If we could only see ourselves as others see us" as the poet Burns said AIBU is just right for that.

My Dh and I know how to forgive and forget. I've forgiven him some very big stuff

We had a fantastic day together today and enjoy each other's company enormously 99% of the time. He is always telling me I'm his best friend 😍

So I must be getting something right. That's not to say there isn't room for improvement and I am definitely interested in becoming a better person.

@tigerlilly22

You are being very unreasonable and dare I say a Nag lol. Either cancel and rebook or attend appointment and stop moaning.

Yes good advice - all taken on board

@TPS2009

YABU. It’s gold dust for a flu vaccination in Scotland have you not realised?

Also I would be wary about nhs getting in touch - they haven’t told us but we have to use a drive through this week. I only found out by accident

I honestly didn't realise until I started this thread! It's shocking. I had no idea how badly people are being let down by the system.

In fact, realising this on this thread has led me to another worry (for another thread).

I usually have 100 or so things I worry about round and round. I need to get a grip

@BessMarvin

OP you sound like a nice person and I can't believe how many people are posting on here being horrible when they haven't even read the thread or the updates.

Yes it's a bit frustrating when your other half doesn't appear to know what you like. Hope your appointment goes well.

Somewhat amused that the fact he's answered a ringing phone in his own home and spoken a few words is some kind of amazing act of kindness according to some posters! Actually it's quite sad really.

Thank you

Yes, I know what you mean about him just lifting up the phone!

As of now, I can guarantee that I am working harder to find his favourite brand of toilet paper in the shops right now (he's very fussy - I'd use anything). I have to do that on a weekly basis - it's a bloody nightmare

@Minxmumma

Good Lord, chill a little. You know the whole pick your battles thing.... this really isn't one of them. Be grateful you have an appointment, and I expect the 20 disease ridden souls who will go before you feel equally grateful and don't intend to put you at any more risk than you would them if you were first. I understand your frustration at your husband but I cannot fathom how it can be this much of an issue. Your reaction is out of proportion to the issue.

I'm a cancer patient, can't get an appointment for a flu jab regardless. I totally understand the fear and the additional pressure that current circumstances put on people with ongoing illness who are vulnerable.

Have your jab, ask hubby to either not make them in future or always take the earliest slot. He was trying to help and be nice though so be a bit kind.

I know it makes sense. I am going to learn to chill more. I have turned into a terrible worrier! My Dh is a patient soul but even so I don't want to overdo it. I have no family at all in this country and no friends nearby. Perhaps I depend too much on Dh and have got into the terrible habit of offloading onto him every time I'm stressed. I need other outlets for this. I used to be very social. Dh is a real introvert and says he doesn't need anyone but me.

@Minxmumma

Good Lord, chill a little. You know the whole pick your battles thing.... this really isn't one of them. Be grateful you have an appointment, and I expect the 20 disease ridden souls who will go before you feel equally grateful and don't intend to put you at any more risk than you would them if you were first. I understand your frustration at your husband but I cannot fathom how it can be this much of an issue. Your reaction is out of proportion to the issue.

I'm a cancer patient, can't get an appointment for a flu jab regardless. I totally understand the fear and the additional pressure that current circumstances put on people with ongoing illness who are vulnerable.

Have your jab, ask hubby to either not make them in future or always take the earliest slot. He was trying to help and be nice though so be a bit kind.

Meant to say sorry to hear you can't get a flu jab in spite of your diagnosis. The whole thing seems to have been so badly managed. You must be so worried. I hope you stay safe 🌺💐💕

@expatinspain

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I have tried squinting at these with my crappy eyes but I can't work out what they are supposed to be?!

@nikki23861

I think you're annoyed as he should of known, but I'm sure he didn't do it to wind you up? lol or perhaps you have that type of relationship? just wear a mask and chill.

😷😷😷 + 😎😎😎😎

"Mask and chill" this could catch on!

[quote AutumnSuns]@Bankingswitch please ignore those who aren’t clinically vulnerable and don’t understand.
You are not over reacting/hard work as they are saying for not wanting the first appointment of the day. Of course you want to not walk through a room that others have breathed in. Your DH thinks he was helping not disturbing you, but j understand why you’d want the earlier one.[/quote]
glad you understand where I was coming from. I had read about the airborne/aerosol stuff and how wearing a mask doesn't protect the wearer it's the other person's mask that protects you (meaning it doesn't matter how well I wear my mask if someone else doesn't) it's that feeling of being so out of control and vulnerable. I found shielding easier tbh. My dh doesn't believe in airborne COVID which doesn't help!

@hunneebunnee -it’s the face palm emoji 🤦🏻‍♀️. And I burst out laughing when I saw @expatinspain post as that was exactly what I had thought of posting 🤣

Glad you’ve had a good walk with the dogs today. It’s not easy adjusting your mindset with long-term health problems and a bit of a wobble every now and then is to be expected, none of us are superhuman!

Have to say again, am so refreshed with how you’ve handled all the responses - plenty of insight, acceptance and humour - I like the cut of your jib!

Have a great weekend.

🤫

I had read about the airborne/aerosol stuff and how wearing a mask doesn't protect the wearer it's the other person's mask that protects you (meaning it doesn't matter how well I wear my mask if someone else doesn't) it's that feeling of being so out of control and vulnerable.

If your GPs surgery is anything like mine they won't even have opened the doors to the other patients before they had checked they were wearing masks and disinfected their hands.

YABU because its very hard to get flu jab appointments everyone wants one and you were very extremely lucky, thank your husband and dont give him grief over it

@Ethicalbluey45 - thank you so much for your incredibly insightful verdict after 15 pages of updates.

As an aside, why on earth do a number of people say “be grateful“? All he did was answer a flipping ringing phone!