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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

School forcing 8am start for my SEN girl?

628 replies

emmapemma91 · 30/09/2020 13:04

So I’m having quite a lot of bother with my little girls school. She’s not settling in very well and becoming very distressed when going into school and can become aggressive.
She’s waiting on assessment for possible Autism. She’s 6 and in year 2.

She’s on a reduced timetable at the minute but the school are forcibly telling me they want her in at 8am to give her time to settle before her class come in at 8.45. I’ve told them each time my sons school taxi comes sometime between 8.15 - 8.25 and I can’t get her there, chase her around while she tries to run away, then carry her into school then be back in time for my sons taxi. Yet every day they say the same thing, she hasn’t settled and needs to be in 8am. If I miss his taxi I can’t get him to school as I don’t drive and it’s quite far away.

Is there any solution? I’m sick of fighting with the school to support my daughter.

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 30/09/2020 13:06

But they are trying to support her aren’t they? What would you like them to do instead OP?

Lockdownseperation · 30/09/2020 13:08

Can your son be picked up from your daughter’s school?

What do you think is a different solution to this situation?

MatildaTheCat · 30/09/2020 13:08

Unless you have another adult who can stay with your son then there isn’t another solution. Have you asked them for ideas on how you can achieve this given your schedule which is beyond your control?

Presumably this would be a fairly short term arrangement and it does sound as if they are trying to help so maybe have a meeting to discuss other alternatives?

BrieAndChilli · 30/09/2020 13:09

Can’t your sons taxi pick him yo from the school?

Curioushorse · 30/09/2020 13:09

Can the taxi come earlier? I think, if the school staff are offering to be there to support her before they officially need to be in, then I'd listen to them. She will be getting 45 minutes of personal attention from staff who may well also be coming in early just for her- to help settle her and make her day easier, as well as calm her behaviour so she doesn't disrupt the other students.

Pringlemonster · 30/09/2020 13:10

School could have her in at the normal time and sit in a quiet corner / empty room ,playing Lego with her,reading a story to her,,colouring with her ,then when she’s ready she heads through to her classroom.
A better alternative would be for her to arrive later ,after all the hustle and bustle,and the school settled down in classes.less noise and stress for her that way

Original poster

emmapemma91 · 30/09/2020 13:11

I would rather they use their resources to support her when she comes in at a normal time, as I’m very unsure what they would like me to do when I can’t be in two places at once.

School transport can only pick up from our home address. My partner works early shifts so isn’t home in the mornings.

OP posts:

Persephoned · 30/09/2020 13:13

Have you arranged a meeting with them to discuss OP? It sounds as if they are trying to find a solution - so a sit down proper conversation at a meeting might help find one that suits everyone.

Jellycatspyjamas · 30/09/2020 13:13

That’s a very early start for her - do you know what’s distressing her about school? Without knowing what’s causing the distress there’s every chance that she might settle only to become distressed again when the rest of the class arrives.

Tbh unless they could explain why the early start might reduce her distress I wouldn’t agree to it in any event, 45 minutes is a long time for a small child to be in school alone - what would they be doing with her during that time? What does her reduced time table look like just now?

Original poster

emmapemma91 · 30/09/2020 13:13

@Curioushorse, I’d love to get her there at that time but unfortunately I can’t be in two places at one time. The taxi can’t come at a different time as they follow a certain route that’s been really pre-planned to council budget.

OP posts:

wizzywig · 30/09/2020 13:13

Can the council fund a taxi for yr daughter?

Wolfiefan · 30/09/2020 13:14

Unfortunately it isn’t their responsibility to get your other child to school? (Pay for different time?)
If they have tried supporting her coming in at the normal time then this is their solution to that not working.

lanthanum · 30/09/2020 13:14

Lockdown's idea seems like the best idea, if it's physically possible to take son with you.
Does you son's taxi pick up more than one child? If so, could they pick up in a different order to change the timings? Or if just him, could his school be flexible about his arrival time to help out.

IndecentFeminist · 30/09/2020 13:15

Could some be picked up from school? It genuinely sounds like they have the best option here, if you want her settled for 0845 and you say yourself that it involves a fair amount of chasing you need to allow time for that.

How far from home is her school?

MatildaTheCat · 30/09/2020 13:15

@emmapemma91

I would rather they use their resources to support her when she comes in at a normal time, as I’m very unsure what they would like me to do when I can’t be in two places at once.

School transport can only pick up from our home address. My partner works early shifts so isn’t home in the mornings.

How about your DP taking some leave or requesting a variance of hours to try this for a week or so to see if it helps?

Original poster

emmapemma91 · 30/09/2020 13:15

@Jellycatspyjamas she’s always had difficulties with school, even nursery, and it’s just became worse with age. Also six months off hasn’t helped.
On the days my partners not at work I have had her in early and it does seem to have worked, but these aren’t regular days so I couldn’t do it every day. She has her own chair and table with sensory toys to play with and some books to look at.

OP posts:

Original poster

emmapemma91 · 30/09/2020 13:16

@MatildaTheCat there has been days my partner has been off and it has helped, but it’s not something I can do regularly.

OP posts:

IndecentFeminist · 30/09/2020 13:17

Does she have an ehcp?

Redlocks28 · 30/09/2020 13:17

I would rather they use their resources to support her when she comes in at a normal time

Coming in at the same time as everyone else is a huge trigger for many children with ASD traits and it is hard being the staff on the other end of the aggression. I am still showing bruises as evidence of this from an incident last week.

Coming in early, giving the child time and space to settle in their familiar surroundings when it’s quiet and calm, is one of the best and simplest solutions to this. I would liaise with the taxi and see what other arrangements can be made. Can you husband change his shifts?

Bupkis · 30/09/2020 13:17

Yes, I'd want to know what the benefit for her would be of starting at 8 am

who would be with her
what would they be doing

Does your dd2 have any access to any 1-1 support?
Have any professionals come into school to see her? (I realise this will have been hard in lockdown, but maybe previously)

What does her morning look like now, when she starts at 8.45?
Is anyone with her after you have dropped her off?
What is it specifically that is causing her distress?

ChaChaCha2012 · 30/09/2020 13:17

I would rather they use their resources to support her when she comes in at a normal time

Can you elaborate on what you mean by this please? Have you given them workable ideas, taking into account their limited resources?

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 30/09/2020 13:18

How long does it take for you to come back to yours from DD’s school? Is it impossiboe to be back for 8.15?

How old is your son? Can he wait on his own for the taxi?

Original poster

emmapemma91 · 30/09/2020 13:18

I understand it’s not the schools responsibility to get her there but it’s my responsibility to get her there on time which is 8.45. I Can’t actually Be in two places.

OP posts:

SonjaMorgan · 30/09/2020 13:19

An earlier start sounds like it is worth a shot. How far are you from the school?

Zoecarter · 30/09/2020 13:19

How old is your son?

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