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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School forcing 8am start for my SEN girl?

628 replies

emmapemma91 · 30/09/2020 13:04

So I’m having quite a lot of bother with my little girls school. She’s not settling in very well and becoming very distressed when going into school and can become aggressive.
She’s waiting on assessment for possible Autism. She’s 6 and in year 2.

She’s on a reduced timetable at the minute but the school are forcibly telling me they want her in at 8am to give her time to settle before her class come in at 8.45. I’ve told them each time my sons school taxi comes sometime between 8.15 - 8.25 and I can’t get her there, chase her around while she tries to run away, then carry her into school then be back in time for my sons taxi. Yet every day they say the same thing, she hasn’t settled and needs to be in 8am. If I miss his taxi I can’t get him to school as I don’t drive and it’s quite far away.

Is there any solution? I’m sick of fighting with the school to support my daughter.

OP posts:
bonjonbovi · 30/09/2020 13:19

So when she goes in at 8am she is better at school?

Wolfiefan · 30/09/2020 13:20

If you can’t be in two places at once then you need to look for solutions to your problem. Not expect the school to solve it for you.

StarCat2020 · 30/09/2020 13:21

It sounds like a hard situation but keep repeating that you can't be in two places at once isn't helping.

Sirzy · 30/09/2020 13:22

[quote emmapemma91]@Jellycatspyjamas she’s always had difficulties with school, even nursery, and it’s just became worse with age. Also six months off hasn’t helped.
On the days my partners not at work I have had her in early and it does seem to have worked, but these aren’t regular days so I couldn’t do it every day. She has her own chair and table with sensory toys to play with and some books to look at.[/quote]
This is the problem, you and school both have evidence that this method is helping her even when it’s only done on an ad hoc basis.

Can your partner talk to work about avoiding early shifts?

Can you contact the LA to arrange a later pick up?

Would your daughter accept being picked up by someone from school if that was allowed?

If the time to adjust is working for her then I think you need to work with the school(s) to find a way around it. Or you need to come up with a plan that will work equally as well

Mamagiraffe · 30/09/2020 13:22

As your daughter has sen needs can you approach the authority to perhaps get her a private taxi from home also?

TinySleepThief · 30/09/2020 13:23

How old is your son, is there a neighbour he could wait with for his taxi?

I think if they have offered this support and you've admitted it works on the days you have been able to get her there at this time I would be doing everything possible to find a solution.

HullabalooToo · 30/09/2020 13:23

The OP has written on here before. School expect her to settle child in school from 8am.
Could you drop your son with family of another child on his school transport route?

Original poster
emmapemma91 · 30/09/2020 13:23

My son is 10 and also has SEN. I’m a 20 minute walk away, so if I got her there at 8am the transport came at 8.15 I’d miss it and have to take him myself, and the school is out of the area so I couldn’t afford it

OP posts:
unmarkedbythat · 30/09/2020 13:24

Maybe get this moved to the SEN board, OP.

DiscoNapper · 30/09/2020 13:25

Could you ask for a later start after the rest of the kids are in?

seayork2020 · 30/09/2020 13:25

Why can't you drop your daughter off at 8 then take your son afterwards?

Lizadork · 30/09/2020 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Johnny1963 · 30/09/2020 13:25

Your poor DD it must be very stressful for her. As a PP mentioned, this is a common issue for children with asd (we've gone through this too) and should be something school has dealt with before. We did a later drop off for a while but securing an EHCP so there was 1:1 support around transitions was key to this.

You can't be in 2 places at once so any solution needs to be workable.

Does your DD have an EHCP? If not, you need to get one sorted. If your child is on a reduced timetable then she clearly meets the legal grounds for assessment. You can apply yourself and appeal if you get a blanket refusal from your LA.

GrumpyHoonMain · 30/09/2020 13:25

[quote emmapemma91]@Jellycatspyjamas she’s always had difficulties with school, even nursery, and it’s just became worse with age. Also six months off hasn’t helped.
On the days my partners not at work I have had her in early and it does seem to have worked, but these aren’t regular days so I couldn’t do it every day. She has her own chair and table with sensory toys to play with and some books to look at.[/quote]
I think the best solution here for your family is for you to learn how to drive. Or if you can’t drive for medical reasons then your DH needs to find different shifts / work.

Original poster
emmapemma91 · 30/09/2020 13:26

My partner has already swapped shifts around to make sure he’s here in the afternoon for my son coming in while I pick my other little girl up (she’s in the year below).

OP posts:
Original poster
emmapemma91 · 30/09/2020 13:27

@Johnny1963 I’ve actually applied for a EHCP myself as the school don’t support my decision and think it’s too early on.

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 30/09/2020 13:28

On the days my partners not at work I have had her in early and it does seem to have worked, but these aren’t regular days so I couldn’t do it every day. She has her own chair and table with sensory toys to play with and some books to look at. So the 8am start has been shown to be of benefit to your DD and the school are willing to faciliate it (that's a big deal in itself!).

So, you have a solutuon for her. You need something to happen to make it viable.

Have you asked about the taxi, specifically to help with this issue?
Is there anyone else who can wait with your son?
How long does it take to get back home from dropping her off?

Bupkis · 30/09/2020 13:28

...so there was 1:1 support around transitions was key to this.

Yes, we had similar for ds, I would meet them in a different area to where the other children were dropped off. The 1-1 and ds would go for a walk or to a little room to settle before starting the day.

Legoandloldolls · 30/09/2020 13:29

The fact here ( as a parent who has done and won SEN appeals) that the school can not meet your daughters needs.

This is not a reasonable adjustment. There are laws to protect SEN children and it's better to just focus on the LA and schools legal responsibilities.

You need to apply to your LA to her your dd assessed for a EHCP. The LA might refuse but the legal bar for appeal is extremely low.

Dont listen to anyone who thinks your dd needs to bend to what works best for the school. That is not how it works in law. Thank God.

If you need any help please PM me. There is so much misinformation and BS about meeting needs floating about.

It will never be a good time for school to put your dd needs first. There will always be another funding, staffing etc issue after this pandemic

lunar1 · 30/09/2020 13:29

Would starting later work, after the teachers have got everyone else in and settled doing activities? A 9.30 start could help.

Lindtballsrock · 30/09/2020 13:30

Pay for a child minder to wait with your son?

FourPlasticRings · 30/09/2020 13:30

See if they can take her from 7:50 instead so you can be back for 8:15?

Notonthestairs · 30/09/2020 13:30

Ask MN to move this to the SEN board Op.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 30/09/2020 13:30

I’ve actually applied for a EHCP myself as the school don’t support my decision and think it’s too early on. Sounds like you an the school don't agree on much. That can't be helping you or them. Have they said why? What specifically do you think it would add to her experience now? Would it help with this issue?

Lockdownseperation · 30/09/2020 13:31

Have you asked the council if they can change the pick up from your daughter’s school or just assumed. If your daughter school is only 15 min walking at small child speed it won’t be a long drive and if the council is recounting they maybe more inclined if the senco at your daughter’s school also spoke to them.